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No Really Clean Out Your Sock Drawer

Updated on May 20, 2007

Trust Me, Clean Out Your Sock Drawer! - Don't Get Me Started!

So I had been putting it off for weeks but finally I changed over my closets from the winter clothes to the summer clothes. You see, here in Vegas we only have those two seasons really. It's all ready close to 100 degrees so it was time to put the cashmere away under the bed until next season. There was at least one huge garbage bag of clothes that went to Goodwill and so I felt as though I was really accomplishing something. Then in my cleaning frenzy it occurred to me that in the eight years of living in Vegas, I don't think I've ever cleaned out my sock drawer. Sure I've bought more socks and I've even thrown some out along the way but a whole take everything out, throw stuff away and put stuff back in, I've never done it. Trust me, clean out your sock drawer - Don't Get Me Started!

For you, it may not be a sock drawer, it may be something else like the top of a closet or under the bed but trust me, we all have these dark secret places where we continually put stuff in but nothing ever comes out. It's a little like the Hotel California that the Eagles sang about.

For me it was my sock drawer. There were some socks in there that I don't even remember buying and I would make a pretty good bet that they never even made it on my feet. Some were from years and years ago when I was obsessed with matching my socks to my suit or pants color (no, I did not say pantsuit!). So there were pairs that only went with certain things. It's like my guy is always saying to me, "You have outfits, not clothes." Is it my fault I was raised on garanimals? (I just looked it up online and I can not even believe they still make these you go... ) For those four people who don't know what garanimals were/are, they were a clothing line designed to help kids pick out their own outfits. All the pants with the monkey on them went with the shirts that had a monkey on them. Oh, how I loved these clothes at an early age. But as we see, it kept me making "outfits" instead of really learning what pieces you can take from several different places and put them all together beautifully no matter how much I watch What Not To Wear on TLC. Let's face it, I'm still looking for the lions to match up.

When I got everything out of the drawer, (unlike a gay bar) the first ones to be thrown out were the singles that had managed to sneak in and just lay around at the bottom of the drawer for far too long. The next ones to go were the ones that I had worn into the ground so they had holes yet still there were times when I would wear them. Then there were the ones that I have no idea how they got there...the thin, silky, over-the-calf socks in green with a pattern up the calf (Had I gone through an Italian phase I don't remember?). And finally when everything was thrown away and the drawer was looking so ready for its close-up, I thought, "Shit, now I have to do the underwear drawer."

You see this whole spring cleaning bullshit is just that, bullshit. They don't tell you when you start with one drawer you're going to be spending the rest of your day looking at every article of clothing you have wondering whether you'll ever get into it again, why you ever bought it, if you can live without it and why you would ever buy let alone wear turquoise and orange elastic underwear unless you had the tights and cape to go with it and were saving humanity.

There were some, let's just say, "Scary" things in the underwear drawer that don't need to be discussed here but I'll just say there was plenty of stuff from my youth that simply had to go so you can just let your filthy minds run rampant. I had no idea half of that stuff was in there and was amazed to find AA batteries that were outdated by at least five years in there. We all know that's where you keep batteries and bow ties, right, in the underwear drawer?

The thing about cleaning is that while it's cathartic to a certain extent, once you start you can never be finished with it. You see, I did two drawers and a closet and yet as I'm typing this, the top of my desk is so filled with crap that I want to kill myself so I feel as if I accomplished nothing. There's a part of me that really just wants to get out garbage bags and throw everything out or maybe put the whole "lot" on EBay like that woman did. Did you hear about her? She decided that she needed to get out from under everything that she had in her house and start fresh so she put her whole house of stuff on EBay. The last time I checked, she had a bid for like $200 and her reserve bid was $1,500.00. No, I couldn't put it on EBay, I'd be afraid I would end up like her, not only did she want to get rid of it but the world was telling her that her shit wasn't worth anything. My self esteem isn't in a good enough place at the moment to handle all of that stress too.

So I'll do my best to make my way through the rest of my crap because when you think about it, we accumulate so much stuff that it's really unbelievable and most of it is shit that we don't need, want or even remember wanting. So while it may be scary, I'm telling you that you need to start somewhere. Trust me, clean out your sock drawer - Don't Get Me Started!

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