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Paris And Lohan Take The Key And Lock Them Up

Updated on May 29, 2007

Paris and Lohan; Take The Key And Lock Them Up - Don't Get Me Started!

I let the Paris goes to prison storyline pass by as I thought that giving it as much attention as everyone else in the world would just feed into the ridiculousness of it all but with the new allegations against Lindsay Lohan, I can stay silent no longer. (Or for those who know me, it's more like I can't keep my trap shut any longer) Paris and Lohan; take the key and lock them up - Don't Get Me Started!

Here's the deal, both Paris and Lohan are part of not only a new celebrity phenomenon but a new party for pay deal that is just ridiculous. Although Paris would like you to believe that she makes her money on the runways of the world and Lohan would like you to believe that she makes her money riding around in Herbie the Love Bug, they really make the bulk of their money by attending parties. That's right, I don't know how many of you know this but they are actually paid a lot of money just to show up at a party because of the media attention it will give the shindig. What a life, right?

So you take people who have no grasp on reality that are pampered beyond reason, are prone to excess, pay them to party and what do you think you're going to end up with? Perhaps they could just call it work related problems that they've both become sloppy drunks who drive around thinking they are above the laws of humanity. Or perhaps they can get workman's comp for their injuries for yet another Mercedes driven into a tree in Beverly Hills. (You'll all be happy to know that a certain vodka company has pulled out from sponsoring - in other words paying her and for - Lindsay's birthday bash!)

What shocks me is the sympathy that goes out to them. I don't get it. Look at Brandy, who is now being sued by the family of the person that she killed while driving drunk. Instead of feeling sorry for these celebs, when are we going to stop these children (even some that are of legal age, they have the mentality of children). And shouldn't Entertainment Tonight be asking this instead of reporting stories like, "And now, we have photos of Lindsay puking on the sidewalk on Saturday after her Friday tree climbing experiment." One has to wonder why these pampered poodles are driving anyway. I mean, from the reports, apparently Lohan had her chauffer driving them around all night but when she got back to her mansion at 5 am, they all piled into her convertible. (Obviously the destination was a tree because we all know how pretty trees are first thing in the morning in LA, especially when you're looking at them through a cracked windshield.) Then she called her chauffer to come get her and take her to the hospital where the police finally tracked her down. So now I get it, a chauffer is for taking you around to parties and hospitals only, I had no idea.

I just think it's about time we show the world that we're not as stupid and starry eyed as we look when it comes to celebrities taking the lives of others in their hands because they were drunk. I'm suggesting that it's time to make a celebrity jail. It won't be like Promises (the famous Malibu rehab that most stars go to get away from their legal responsibilities when driving under the influence or other legal troubles). No, the celeb prison would be a place where there are only celebrities so they wouldn't have to worry about being with the rest of prison population but they would have to pay to have it built and they would have to pay at least $1,000 a day to stay there. Already we could build a Mel Gibson, Brandy, Paris and Lohan wing (and that's just the drunk tank). Similar to the way they treated the famous drunk, "Otis" in Mayberry on the Andy Griffith show, the celebs would just sit on display and anyone could come and look at them like animals in a zoo. This would create additional revenue and would assist the stars from not going into withdrawals from the press not following them. You could pay $10 to just watch them in their cells detoxing and for an extra $25 you could taunt them with your cell phone as you watch them go ballistic because they haven't been able to text anyone the entire time they've been in jail. This would also serve as a way to show everyone that these celebs are no better than anyone else and in fact they're a little more pathetic than most of us. Big signs would read, "Don't feed the prisoners egos."

I know some people think this is barbaric but isn't it time we take some drastic measures? I mean come on, don't your kids deserve better role models and don't we all deserve something better for all the attention and money we give these celebs? Think about it, they could build the prison at Hollywood and Highland and then you could see the Kodak theater where they do the Oscars and Idol finale, see the famous Grauman's where the celebs put their feet in cement and finish the day at the Hollywood Prison where the only bars celebs deal with are the ones they put their hands through to sign autographs. Ah, Hollywood the land of dreams. Paris and Lohan; take the key and lock them up - Don't Get Me Started!

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      Grayson 10 years ago