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Screw You Trick Or Treaters!

Updated on October 31, 2008
Corey Hart - I Wear My Sunglasses At Night - This is the exact 45 cover I walked around with that Halloween!
Corey Hart - I Wear My Sunglasses At Night - This is the exact 45 cover I walked around with that Halloween!

Even though I was thrown out of the Boy Scouts I've always tried to be prepared. I'm the organizer who makes a list and executes to perfection but every year I get stumped when it comes to Halloween. Two years ago we had, I don't know maybe ten or twelve Trick or Treaters and then last year I bought all the candy in the world and had no one. So this year I've thought and thought about it and do you know what? Screw you trick or treaters! - Don't Get Me Started!

As I've said before, I'm in danger of being thrown out of the homosexual society but I don't dress up for Halloween. In fact, I can't really remember the last time that I dressed up on Halloween. Maybe it was that year in high school when I dressed up like Corey Hart. To be honest, all I really did was wear my parachute pants, a ripped t-shirt, my sunglasses at night and I carried around the 45 of "I Wear My Sunglasses At Night" that had his picture on the front of it so that people would get what I was doing. Funny isn't it? I mean back in the 80's there was a whole song about wearing sunglasses at night because it was so unusual and now thanks to rappers and celebrities who don't want you to see their tweaked out eyes, everyone's wearing sunglasses everywhere at any time of day or night to try to look "hot." Come on, do they really need their sunglasses on at award shows? I think not.

I don't really have an opinion one way or the other about people dressing up. I know that people love it, it gives them a chance to live out their fantasies for a night but maybe because I spent so many years of my life wearing costumes doing theatre I think I've had enough Halloweens doing eight shows a week for years so basically I'm covered until my life ends as far as dressing up.

This morning as I went into Starbucks I noticed a mom with her six year old in front of me. I knew instantly what he was dressed up as, it was unmistakable and yet the woman behind the counter looked down at him and said, "Are you a ninja?" Looking more than a little over her, he said, "I'm Sta Was, hear my ligh saver" He looked over to me and I smiled and said, "You're Anakin Skywalker." Well, that was it, he told me about Billy who was going as Boba Fett and someone else was going as something else and couldn't leave without pointing out his braid in the back of his hair that was black even though his hair color was red and Anakin's in the movie was sort of a dishwater blonde/brown. First I was a little embarrassed that I knew so much about Star Wars but he seemed delighted that I got it and his mother only seemed a little afraid that I was speaking to her son. (And isn't that weird that we can't even talk to a child we don't know in front of their parents without them thinking there's danger afoot. I know I run the risk of sounding like the oldest man in the world but we grew up in much simpler times and I liked it better...much better.)

Through the years I've gone the route of buying the candy that I don't like so that I won't eat it before the "treaters" get to my door. It never worked. I would just eat it and either discover that I in fact DID like that candy or I'd eat it with complete self-loathing thinking to myself, "Why in God's name am I eating this candy that I can't stand?" And although I've never run out of candy on the famous All Hallows Eve the possibility always makes me feel uneasy. So this year I decided to buy one very large bag of full sized Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. A classic and a true treat as it's not one of those "fun sized" or "bite sized" candy treats that are gone almost before you can taste them. Now in years past I didn't open the bag until the actual night of Halloween well this year, not so much. The bag got opened on Monday and I've been consuming them at a rate of about two to four a night. So needless to say, I'm in trouble if the "treaters" come my way. Well, maybe I'd better stop writing this and go out and get some more candy just in case. Damn you and your outstretched arms with plastic pumpkins craving candy! Screw you trick or treaters! - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • Amber Korn profile image

      Amber Korn 9 years ago from Los Angeles County

      You my dear,........ cute as a fricken button! You know what have fun at being whoever you choose to be. Don't let the low amount of trick or treaters dictate your night....... Just do your thing! Make it fun. I every year am a Vampire and I do that quite well. Oh, except for one year that me and a friend dressed in White garbage bags and tights and told everyone at the party we were "White Trash" It was deliciously funny. Woooo Hoooo. Have fun baby! You only live once as you know it.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      Let's face it, we're all in for a lot of candy eating. Let's all embrace it!

      Mighty Mom, I was able to find the exact record jacket of Corey Hart...and guess what? I did look EXACTLY like this...just more Jewish.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 9 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      LOL. I had to go look up Cory Hart because I thought you were referring to one of the Two Coreys (who turn out to be Haim and Feldman -- the Feldman I knew but didn't know the last name of the other one). Parachute pants -- OMG. How lovely!

      You so nailed the essential problem with Halloween candy. Do we buy stuff we personally don't like so we're not tempted to eat it? Or do we buy stuff we do like, in case it's a light year for trick or treaters? The other problem is -- how many pieces to give each TOT? Do you let them grab a big handful? Or anally dole out 2-3 pieces per kid? I mean, running out of candy is as embarrassing as running out of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving!

      Thanks for the Halloween chuckle.

    • Chef Jeff profile image

      Chef Jeff 9 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

      Well, you are and always seem to have been an Independent Gay man!  I never thought there were rules that everyone had to follow, right?  I used to dress up and take my kids out but they're grown up now, and to tell the truth, being poor means I cant afford candy for me and my wife, so how can I afford it for kids who come to the door?

      Plus, as Dineane says, better to find treats that have no sugar rus involved!

      So, to all a happy hallowe'en, but I'll be watching TV or working on the computer this frightening night!


      Chef Jeff

    • dineane profile image

      dineane 9 years ago from North Carolina

      LOL - I have a similar problem in my neighborhood, never knowing how many kids will show up and not knowing how much candy to buy. I'm sure I'll be consuming way too much sugar this weekend!