Should we or shouldn't we have children
Do you really need to have children to complete your life?
I was at my cousins wedding listening to my parents talk to one of their cousins. She was telling my parents how one of her children had decided to not have children of her own.
The part I really found interesting was when she said "Back when we got married did you even think that not having children was even an option? I thought you got married and you had kids -- that's just what you did."
This comment really made me think. I think that a lot of people believe that having children is part of the package. I believe that this thought is starting to change. People are focusing more on themselves. They see themselves as being able to be fulfilled with a full life and this life not having to include children.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years now. We don't have children. And to be honest, the thought of if we should or shouldn't have children is something we have struggled with. I love the life we have together. I love being able to pick-up and go where ever we want whenever we want. I have dreams that I want to come true. I want to travel. I want to see and experience everything that I can.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think children destroy your dreams. I have nieces and nephews and I love spending time with all of them. But, that is exactly the point. I love spending time with them. I also love the time I have with my husband by myself. He is my best friend and we love doing everything together.
So, the question remains. Should we or shouldn't we?
Does one really need to have children to fulfill themselves? Isn't this the wrong reason to have a child? I believe that if you are a parent that your life should be about your child. Now, I am not saying you cease to exist and your life is now about only your child. But, every thought and action should take them into account. You decided to have a child. This isn't a short term commitment. This is for the rest of your life. You will always be that child's parent. Even when they leave the nest, you will still be tied to them.
I look at the ages of my husband and of myself. If we were to have children tomorrow, he would 50 and I would be 47 before they left the house. This doesn't even take into account if we have more than one and if the child stays home for longer than 18 years. I see this as a period of time that we can't do all the things we want to. I feel that for those 18 years I would have to put my life and my dreams on hold.
Do I really want to do that? And if I was really meant to be a parent -- would I even think this way?
And that is where the question comes in of should we or shouldn't we?
To me the pros and cons of each side are obvious. If you don't have children you are able to fulfill your own dreams and wishes. You are able to have a deeper more emotional relationship with your spouse because you only have each other to cling to when the world gets crazy. You have extra disposable income to do whatever your heart desires. You can do what you want when you want to and only have to think of yourself and your spouse.
Of course, there are cons too. You miss out on experiencing the miracle of birth. You miss seeing your child smile and laugh for the first time. You miss hearing a little one say: "Mommy I love you". You miss the unconditional love that every child has for its parents. And you run the risk of being alone in the end. If your spouse was to die before you there would be no one else to keep your company and take care of you.
I think that having a child just for the sake of not being alone when you are old is a terrible reason. Children shouldn't have commitments already attached to them before they are even born. If the only reason you want a child, is so that you don't have to be alone later in life, I would really rethink your decision.
I am still undecided on this topic. It hasn't really been an issue for us. We don't have any children and we are not trying to have any. We are enjoying our life for what it is at this moment. But, I look around and I see others faced with the same choice we are faced with. Truthfully there really is no right or wrong decision. What is right for one person isn't always right for another. The decision to have children I believe is a very personal one. I think the old school of thought was that your got married, you had children. With the world changing as it is, with people becoming more and more about themselves, this thought is starting to change. Why does having children make you a family? I believe me and my husband are a family even if there are only two of us.
I wanted to write this to let others know that they are not alone. Lots of people think about if they should or if they shouldn't. In the end, I believe this is a very big decision that you are your spouse need to make together. I believe that it isn't an easy decision to reach. Look at me, after 10 years of marriage I still ponder if we should or shouldn't.