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So My Ears Are Going To Continue To Grow? I’m Worried

Updated on August 7, 2008

Okay, I admit it, I'm a gay Jewish man in his forties so all I really know how to do is be persecuted and worry. Sometimes I even worry about being persecuted. But this morning as I put on my baseball cap (the New York Yankees one that I bought purely for the fab "NY" logo on it and some old man starts a conversation with me last week in the grocery store as to what I thought the Yankees' chances were, etc. Thank God I'm good - I was able to turn the whole conversation around by doing the whole, "More importantly what do you think?" This was followed up with me shaking my head in agreement and trying to look as if I was manly enough to be one of those guys that spit on the street.) But I digress (as always) the thing is, as I put my baseball cap on this morning I became acutely aware that it appeared as if my ears were exceptionally large. That's when I vaguely remembered reading somewhere that apparently our noses, ears and teeth continue to grow throughout our lives. So my ears are going to continue to grow? I'm worried - Don't Get Me Started!

There are lots of things to worry about in our world but come on, isn't the fact that our ears are continuing to grow the most important? Well, it is to me - at least for this moment. You see, I am one of those people who when I look at my baby pictures I have to wonder what happened to those facial features? I don't know that anyone could look at those and find me in a crowd today in my present state. My brother and I have certainly had our noses do a lot of growing since our childhood (and I'm not talking Pinocchio growing because if my nose grew from lying, it would be piercing your computer screen as we speak). No, in childhood my brother and I had the cutest noses you ever saw and my guy has more than once asked me where those noses went. The response is that I have no idea.

I remember that when I was a kid I would put my index fingers behind my ears, push them forward and run around the house screaming, "Dumbo" - could I have created my own manifest ear destiny? It's not like I did it all day every day but I do recall doing it quite a bit. So perhaps I brought this all upon myself. I don't know.

As I was in Starbucks this morning I looked at this woman who appeared to be in her fifties or so. She was blonde (by bottle) and had a sort of pixie-like presence in her facial features. As I got closer to her I realized that she had been what I loving call, "pulled" within an inch of her life. She had definitely had some surgery or surgeries done to look the way that she did today. I wondered if it made her feel better about herself but honestly as I looked at her, all I could see was someone who looked as if they had their ears pulled back to meet behind their head and it was causing her eyes to become diagonal slits on her face that made it seem as if she was after the "Dark Crystal" or something. I have been kidding for years with a pal of mine that when we turn 45 we're going to get a surgeon and do our own "Extreme Makeover" but I must tell you, when I see the "pulled people" it makes me think twice.

I don't know what I can do with the present ear situation, in fact I'm quite sure there is absolutely nothing I can do about it but it won't stop me from worrying about it. You see, some people live to see the sunrise each morning, I on the other hand know the day has begun when I awake and find the first thing to worry about - today's mission - accomplished! So my ears are going to continue to grow? I'm worried - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA's what you do...FIRST, you go out and get a Boston Red Sox cap and then you toss that ear enhancing NY Yankees cap into the old trash bin. :)

      I had to snort in laughter at the "pulled people" line...heheheh. Perfect description.