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Stop The Holidays I Want To Get Off

Updated on November 19, 2007

It's official this week begins the holiday season and I for one am just not ready, physically, emotionally or any other way. I need the holidays just not to happen this year. Any chance of that happening? Who do I call to turn in that request, huh? You see, it's for no other reason than I'm all ready fat and tired, which is what the holidays are all about, right? Stop the holidays I want to get off - Don't Get Me Started!

The stores started months ago. Before the cobwebs were out for Halloween there were all ready Christmas trimmings sneaking their way into the stores. I mean, they started so early this year that I had to wonder whether or not it wasn't just last year's stuff left out on one of the shelves or something. With the way retailers are pitching this stuff earlier and earlier to us they may as well just leave it out. (Of course, not the Hanukkah stuff. That they really do put away each year and then drag out for the pathetic display for the end cap of an aisle which ends up being one dradle, three bags of chocolate gelt so stale you could chip a tooth and one electric menorah that was on sale the end of last season because unlike the magical oil so long ago that lasted eight nights, this had a bulb out so you got a discount but you only got seven nights out of it. It is now full price again but don't worry, the Jew who buys it this year will save the receipt and you can bet they'll be returning it on the eighth night of Hanukkah before the return policy and the holiday is up.) My point is that I'm immune to that holiday feeling now that it comes in September. There's no nip in the air in September (and Al Gore will tell you why, global warming of course) so call me old fashioned but I'd like a temperature below 75 degrees with my holiday season if you please.

Even the networks can't wait to get the holidays here and over. They're showing the Peanuts Thanksgiving cartoon on Monday of this week. Come on people, couldn't you at least wait until, oh I don't know Thursday so the whole family can be passed out from the traditional meal half asleep while the kids watch the Peanuts for Chrissakes? Or is the family even having the meal this year? Apparently some of the stores that wait and wait for "Black Friday" to come can't wait either. That's right, some stores are going to even be open Thanksgiving night so that you can get a jump on all the craziness with the crazies who wait for "Black Friday" but have no idea that Thursday is apparently goingt to be the new black.

I get it. We're in desperate times where there are more homes for sale on the block due to foreclosure than there are people who put those ridiculous farkakte "holiday flags" out with the turkey on it nowadays. So isn't that more reason to focus on the family (okay, I can't believe I just wrote that - that's the name of one of those right-wing asshole groups...oy, see how upset I am)? Shouldn't we instead of buying that snow globe that trills "Oh Holy Night" in a tinny rendition almost unrecognizable for a hundred dollars be paying our rent or something?

I know, to the holiday lovers out there you're livid and I will no doubt be hearing from you big time. Look, I like the holidays too, I love the sidewalks busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style as much as the next guy but this year I've been working around the clock like crazy so much so that my cats don't even recognize me and the greatest gift of all for me would be a couple of days without shlepping or having to please someone other than myself. I don't need a bow on it, I don't need it to require batteries like something from Sharper Image, sure I want peace on earth but more importantly, in my own mind.

I'm not The Grinch. In fact after writing all this I think I've decided that (much like Johnny Mathis once sang) "it's not for me to say" who has the holidays and who doesn't. In fact, I say, go ahead and have your holiday, I don't begrudge you or want to take it away from you it's just that much like PE class in grade school, I don't want to participate. Do they make a card that says, "Hope you have a wonderful holiday but please leave me out of it this year?" Can some of us practice holiday abstinence without being ostracized? I know that the answer is no but a Jew can dream, can't he? Stop the holidays I want to get off - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 10 years ago from Las Vegas

      Huntley, Perfectly said (as always) no wonder I love you so much (in a never met you kind of way, of course). Tell Annette to get that fire going for me too!! :)

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      Huntley 10 years ago

      Well said Scott. You need not feel alone in your opinion and emotion around "the holidays." I'm right there with you. As the years have passed, I've let go of the unrealistic pressure to complete holiday tasks along a holiday timeline. Instead, I take a deep breath and focus on letting go of the percieved need to to be in a rush, or feel guilt about not keeping a tradition, etc. I've learned that the holidays become significantly brighter when I'm relaxed and not frustrated with being over-extended (physically, mentally and financially). The best part is watching your friends and loved ones catch on to the mentality of slowing down....that's when everyone calms down and actually talks to and not at one another. Ever watch the remake....Love Affair, with Warren Beatty and Annette Bening? Cut to the scene with Annette at the end with the fire, the tree and a book....we all need a LOT more of that. I make a mental note of that every year and hope for nothing more. Cheers...and dare I say, here is to Happy and Quiet Holidays.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 10 years ago from Las Vegas

      Paulie, Thanks for the affirmation that I am NOT alone on this one. Now as far as childhoods go, please know that no one had a "normal" one that was just something we were sold on TV in between watching roadrunner cartoons. Here's hoping you get that tree up but more importantly, that you enjoy it!

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      Paulie 10 years ago

      Oy, I agree. I love the holidays and this just does not feel like the holidays at all. I can't even imagine putting up the tree this Thanksgiving (after a childhood of putting the tree up Christmas morning because my mother was late for everything including her own funeral and then leaving it up until the neighbors started to talk, I put the tree up on Thanksgiving weekend when I have the free time and then I get to enjoy the tree for a full 30 days when I am thoroughly sick of it and throw it out a week after Christmas with all the rest of the grinches and people who had normal childhoods. Anyway, it just does not feel like the holidays at all and I am glad I am not the only one that feels that way. Actually, a lot of people are saying that. One minute it was summer, then the next it was the HOLIDAYS!!!! Cheers! Oy.