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Tell Me Again Why Britney Spears Is Famous

Updated on February 18, 2007

Tell me again why we should care about Britney Spears

I suppose it was only a matter of time before it happened but it is upon us people. The latest crazy stunt by Britney Spears is to shave her head. Now normally I wouldn't care just who shaves their head and who doesn't but it would seem to me that she has now crossed that invisible line into celebrity instead of singer. Oh I know that some of you will say that she has been a celebrity for a long time but for me, it is now official. You see, a celebrity (my definition) is someone who is famous for the sake of being famous but has done nothing of importance to be famous. I think there was a time when Britney was more than a non-panty wearing, white trash, trainwreck but now I just don't recall. Britney has finally done it; I have no idea why she is famous anymore - Don't Get Me Started!

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I vaguely remember some over studio sweetened singing and some dancing but all those images have left my mind (even the one of her in the school girl costume - okay, well maybe not that one). The new image in the image file in my head is a bald, ugly and no talent somebody who just happens to get on websites, television programs tracking celebrity activity and newspapers like The Star. Britney where have you gone and why don't we care if you come back?

You see, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie led the way (dropping diuretics, not bread crumbs all the way because like as we all know, bread crumbs are carbs) for the likes of the new Britney. Apparently you can still be famous, followed around by paparazzi and not have to produce a thing. I have to admit that even to an outsider like me it would seem way easier to just act a little crazy to get your picture taken instead of having to rehearse, sing in a studio and go on tour. Why go on tour? When you're a crazy person the parade comes to you and so it is in the case of Britney Steers (Is that not her name? Who can remember or care?)

Plus with Anna Nicole gone there's a crazy quota that will need to be filled and apparently Britney is all over it. All she has to do is slur her words, get back in shape physically and go right for the methadone that no doubt the celebrity doctors are waiting to prescribe for her. Or, what if she makes Howard K. Stern her new confidant? God knows he's not doing anything but sweating a DNA test and since he does have the baby and Britney seems to not even notice when she has one herself it seems perfect. You know how white trash are...what's one more bowl of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? The more the merrier. Britney may never even notice there's another baby around unless she's driving her car with all three babies on her lap. (Better to let the babies drive than any of her pals Lohan or Richie, the babies no doubt make better drivers).

So on this day, let's all take a moment to remember Britney when we were dazzled by her moves and sunny recordings because I doubt very much we'll see this side of her ever again. No, she's destined to join her celeb pals who are famous though we have no idea why and leave an actual career behind. The good news about all of this is that we can all revel as I'm sure he is, in the fact that our once dumped Justin, Mr. JT, who brought the sexy back, does have a career and Britney is just a blemish that can be easily removed by using ProActive (according to Jessica Simpson and who doesn't trust her?). The other good news is for our gal, Christina Aguilera, once the dirty step sister of Britney (we always knew Christina had a better voice but when you watched Britney you didn't have the urge to scrub her like Meryl Streep in Silkwood as you did with Christina back in the day) who is getting so classy we almost forget that she used to always looked like a prostitute that hadn't bathed in weeks. It's time for Britney to accept that she isn't a performer anymore other than to balance a ball of crazy on her nose for photographers like a seal at Sea World. Britney has finally done it; I have no idea why she is famous anymore - Don't Get Me Started!

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