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Thanks To My New Iphone I Spend A Lot Longer In The Bathroom

Updated on August 14, 2008

I know it's something anyone of good breeding or character really isn't supposed to discuss but as I have grown older I've noticed that there are more magazines and catalogs in my bathroom and sometimes even a book. That's right, whether it was done willingly or by instinct, I have reached the age where I have become my father when it comes to the time I spend in the bathroom. While some may say that it's because it's a sanctuary away from it all I think that they are just kidding themselves. And not only do I find that that I have more in the bathroom to keep me "entertained" shall we say, but thanks to my new Iphone I spend a lot longer in the bathroom - Don't Get Me Started!

I don't think that I'm unlike a lot of people that as technology has grown I seem to be able to spend less and less time away from my technology and feel whole. First it was the cell phone which when it first came out, without the camera or Internet was easy to put down, turn off or simply leave behind but as the phone started doing more the more I craved to have it in my possession at all times. By the time I got a Blackberry (Crackberry as it's known to anyone who has one) I actually get nervous when I didn't have the thing on me and fully operational at all times. So then it was a "smart phone" and my grip became even tighter but now with the Iphone, forget about it, it's my new best friend and I don't want to go anywhere without it.

If only the thing weren't so fast at searching the Internet. If only I couldn't read all the headline news I crave with simply placing my index finger on the magical screen maybe that would make me need it less. I honestly don't know at this point. All that I DO know is that whither thou does the Iphone and that includes the bathroom.

I'd like to say that the Iphone has made me more efficient but that would just be a lie. Unless of course you can call having "the Magic 8 Ball" at my fingertips a tool that makes me more efficient. True, when I have a difficult life decision, it's good to have it right there to ask it the future but let's face it, I usually just end up shaking it over and over again until it finally reads, "Outlook Good." Or maybe you could say that having a light saber at my disposal makes me more efficient. Nope, just makes me another silly man who remembers how cools Star Wars was when it originally came out in the 1970's. Of course I do get email from my three different email accounts so at least that's a step in the more efficient direction, right? Well, when you consider most of my emails are really just those chain emails and ads for Viagra I guess that doesn't really qualify either. No, no matter how you slice it, no matter how quick it is to tell you the showtimes of movies in your area or show you step by step on how to get somewhere with its GPS, the truth is that this is a toy. A great toy but a toy nonetheless.

Maybe the answer is like most technology, at some point you need to put the damn thing down, turn it off and walk away. But like most everything, although I know I can make it to the bathroom and back without it, dare I do it? What if there's an earthquake and the bathroom caves in and that is the only way for me to communicate that I'm in there to be rescued? Okay, sure it's unlikely but it could happen, right? What if I'm wondering whether or not to wipe or not how can I figure it out without my Magic 8 Ball program I ask you? No, I'm afraid that the Iphone is going in there with me and when we come out is anyone's guess. Ooh, guess I should ask the Magic 8 Ball - "My Sources Say No."

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    • Chef Jeff profile image

      Chef Jeff 9 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

      I have a basket with magazines and other things I used in my "sanctuary". However, I rarely bring my phone into the throne room because I want no interruptions while sorting out my thoughts!