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The Devil Is In The Dimples, Mike Huckabee’s To Be Exact!

Updated on January 7, 2008

I'll be the first to admit that I know very little about theology and even less about politics but I know a great deal about hate and I recognize when the cards are being stacked against me. It would seem that last week's Iowa caucus was a shining example of all of the above at work. I don't even know how the whole caucus process works but when I heard Huckabee came out the winner, only one thought came to mind, the devil is in the dimples, Mike Huckabee's to be exact! - Don't Get Me Started!

Of course when I heard Huckabee had won I was shocked and immediately began looking around at what belongings I would need should he become president and I have to make a speedy exit out of the country. Yes, that's how it felt. Like a punch to the gut, like a pogrom to get rid of the Jews in the musical Fiddler On The Roof was on its way or something. As I said, I had no idea what went on or how the "winners" were chosen. Thank God for the Today show and their next day coverage that helped calm me a bit. To learn that about 60% of those involved in the caucus process identified themselves as evangelicals and that out of that 60%, 40% voted for Huckabee, the clouds began to part a bit and I could finally see my feet firmly planted on the ground once more. And I was angry.

I remember feeling this anger when George W. got elected over Al Gore and we learned about the electoral college and how really our votes matter little due to the fact (and it should surprise no one) that we're using an antiquated system for voting due to the fact we're still worry about the South succeeding in keeping their slaves or something. In a day of such modern technology, one would think that the voting process would be made easier and simpler. They used to say, "If they can put a man on the moon..." but today it's more like, "If I can download my entire CD collection on an Ipod..." You would think we could come up with a system where everyone's vote indeed does count, right? After all, they seem to be able to do it for American Idol and Dancing With The Stars, don't they? Except we also all know that "they" (yes, the grand "they" that run things and like people like me staying as dumb as I am about certain things) don't want to change things because they've figured a way to manipulate the system and make it profitable for them. And while I don't think that the South will rise again (as they sing about in the musical, Mame) I do think we still have some "good ol' boys" running this country and they like the idea of God being in everything when it comes to the government. Mostly because saying they're one of God's constituents allow them to feel as high and mighty as possible.

Let me say that I don't really think that Mike Huckabee is the devil. (Although I do think there are some writings somewhere about the devil being pretty likable to get to a level of power needed to carry through his dastardly deeds when he returns to earth, right?) I just think it's really scary to have someone even being considered to run this country (that was based on freedom and equality - even if it it's in writing only) when they hate millions in its population and more importantly have thoughts of isolating them or making a big wall and throwing them over the other side. (It's sort of like when you were a kid and your ball went into the neighbor everyone hated's backyard. You dared each other to go knock at the door to get it but in the end you decided to just let the ball stay where it was so that you didn't have to deal with the neighbor.) I have a true fear that as we talk about building walls to supposedly "protect our borders" and with the many gay haters poised to come to prominence and power that I may be sitting with Pedro and Inez on the other side of that wall like the many balls I lost and no one is going to come and get us. I know the wall was a G.W. idea but we need someone getting into the White House who is going to break down walls and not someone who's going to stand beside it and tell us that Jesus came to him last night and said to throw over the non-Christians too and to add some electricity to the wall too so that they can't get back over.

So as I step off my soap box, allow me to handicap this horse race for you as I would imagine you would think someone with my limited knowledge would. My mother used to say that once they started putting the president on television it was the guy with the best hair that would get in. So, if it was simply a hair race, Mitt Romney would surely win as he could land in a helicopter with the blades causing gale force winds in the middle of the Katrina disaster and yet not one hair would be out of place. Hillary unfortunately has always had bad hair. It's the kind of hair that you always think, "Gosh, with all her money she can't find someone to do something better with it than that? Screw the campaign song, they should have allowed hairdressers to send in ideas of what they would do with that hair, pick a winner like a Bravo reality series and that way they would get ratings and new hair for her." Obama's hair could save the government a fortune because frankly he wears it so short that it looks as though he does it himself in the bathroom once a week in a very no nonsense kind of way. John McCain is so close to having a comb over it's ridiculous and everyone knows you can't trust anyone with a comb over. Mainly because if they think they're fooling someone with that hair style it makes you wonder if anything they're saying is true or they're just doing a bad job of covering their scalp (or ass in this case). Guiliani and Thompson are basically bald so they're going a whole lot of no where in the race. So finally we come to Huckabee who has what we can a "careful hairdo" - it's one of those hair styles that take hours to create so that it provides maximum coverage while still looking like hair. God only knows what you'd see if you ever looked at the back of his head. But it's not Huckabee's hair that bothers me, it's his (call me crazy) politics and as we all know, the devil is in the dimples, Mike Huckabee's to be exact! - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • sir slave profile image

      sir slave 6 years ago from Trinity county CA.

      I dug you detailed story of hucka bees moral tendancies.

      i agree with you about Romney being the likely nominee(as the north won the civil war) his hair should stand up well under the bright light of the main debates!!

      we should all get to know him better, as he will at least be with us for 11' and 12'.

      read my hub "quick profile of mitt romney"

    • profile image

      Ryan Skopec 7 years ago

      I support Mike Huckabee.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      I actually hope Huckabee wins the nomination. He is so far right-wing and loony, that he will give the Dems (especially someone like Obama who isn't nearly as polarizing) an almost unbeatable chance at the White House.

      But if he were to win, I'd be like you - looking furiously for my passport and applying for asylum all over the place.

    • profile image

      Winghunter 9 years ago

      You have not studied the candidates records and past; you attempt to perpetuate ludicrous claims of past election results and offer special rights, over and above the 99% majority is somehow "protection in creating the thought police and you sit and fret like a school girl.

      Thank you so much for the contribution.

    • gamergirl profile image

      Kiz 9 years ago from Antioch, TN

      Scott, dear, as always I love your perspective and points. Great hub, and keep it up.

    • Ralph Deeds profile image

      Ralph Deeds 9 years ago from Birmingham, Michigan

      Thanks. I'm not a politician, but politics is a topic which interests me a lot. Two years ago I campaigned for Andy Levin a Dem candidate for the Michigan legislature. He is Sander Levin's son and Carl Levin's nephew. Unfortunately he was beaten in Oakland County by an idiot GOP ideolog.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      Thanks Ralph - and although I don't know you at all, I trust you more than any of the politicians...of course, unless you are one in disguise posting comments, in which case...oh you get the idea!

    • Ralph Deeds profile image

      Ralph Deeds 9 years ago from Birmingham, Michigan

      Your concern about Huckabee is understandable but premature. McCain is more likely to get the nomination. He barely tolerates evangelicals. I think he referred to the as the "Taliban" of the GOP.