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The Boy Scouts Are On My Nerves Again

Updated on July 6, 2009

I Don't Even Know What The Boy Scouts Were Selling But I'm Not Buying - Don't Get Me Started!

So I managed to make it through Girl Scout cookie season without letting the little bitches in front of the market tempt me into actually making a purchase. This is very difficult as I do feel as though the Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie is perhaps the most perfect cookie in the world, what with its thinness, chocolate and minty goodness all in one cookie I go crazy for it. Don't get me wrong, I did manage to eat an entire "sleeve" of these cookies at my parent's house (as my mother knows that I love them and had them at her house - yet another reason everyone should have a Jewish mother). If they were in my house I'd eat so many that my shit would end up looking like the chocolate cookie itself (yes, I speak from experience having practically OD'ed on the cookies before, I know it's not pretty and I have no idea why I'm sharing this but if you eat enough of them in one sitting...well, let's just say it isn't very pretty). But today when I went to the market the Boy Scouts were out in front. I don't even know what the Boy Scouts were selling but I'm not buying - Don't Get Me Started!

So just for a moment, let's take out of the equation the fact that the Boy Scouts have thrown the gays out on their ass, that I myself was thrown out of Scouts for an unhomosexual reason when I was a boy (read the vintage Don't Get Me Started by clicking here - Scout-O-Rama!) and the fact that have you ever seen when they show the boys who have made it all the way to Eagle Scout in the paper - they're either gayer than gay or have a future of never have sex with anyone that they didn't pay to have it with (some overachieving Eagles land in both those categories at once, God love them). But all that aside, I do feel the boys deserve equal time selling and before you all start sending me hate-mails, I'm sure that somewhere Scouting has done some boys a lot of good somewhere (even though it certainly wasn't the case in my case - again, read the vintage Scout blog).

Here's the deal, the boys had what we used to call a "card table" (you know those rickety portable square tables that will go down in a minute with all the deviled eggs on them if you don't extend the legs all the way) with like four sheets of paper that had printing on them. Whatever they were selling (and honestly, I don't know if it's the uniforms or what but I did a quick sprint right past them saying, "no thank you" before the runny nosed blue shirt wearing, son of a den mother could tell me what they were selling) I got the impression that it was more about something you had to order and then pick up weeks later.

Now if the Scouts ever needed homos in the organization, it is now. At least to let them know that they have it all wrong when it comes to sales. As I've said before, if you want great guest service you gotta get a gay. We're absolutely the best when it comes to sales. From clothes to windshield replacement (as I found out recently) we gays are pretty tough to beat in the selling and servicing department (just ask all the boys on Santa Monica Blvd in LA who sell themselves daily and nightly). The whole whatever it was they were selling was all wrong from minute one.

Here are my five quick suggestions for the Scouts on the selling of the products. 1) Get a better table and for God sakes get even a plastic table cloth to make it look a little nicer 2) Sell something that you can take home right then, an impulse buy if you will 3) Go ahead and learn from the Girl Scouts, we're a country of obese, fast food, crap eating citizens, sell something that will practically sell itself, especially in front of a grocery store - think food items 4) Whatever you're selling, have an example of it right there so even if you're going to stick with ordering stuff off of a paper and pissing people off that they have to come back to get it at least they can see what the hell it is you're selling and it's not just on some printed eight and a half by eleven paper with a picture on it 5) Put the gays in front. Although we're not allowed to be Scout Masters, you know that much like the military there are plenty gays (or as we say in the homo code language, future salespeople for Nordstrom) among you. Gays just sell and give better service so play to those strengths and let the "boys" do the selling.

I don't know what the future of Scouting holds but I hope they weren't hanging their future on the sales (or lack there of) that I saw at the grocery store. I mean, as last week showed us, they can't even teach them how to find their way out of the woods (which excuse me, isn't that one of the big things that the Scouting hangs its hat on, teaching hiking, camping and reading a compass?) at this point if they can't even do that how do they expect to run a good sales effort? I don't even know what the Boy Scouts were selling but I'm not buying - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • wsp2469 profile image

      wsp2469 8 years ago from Alta Loma, Ca

      MY middle name is Scott. I made Eagle Scout and I get all the action I can handle. I like your style but the kids who wear blue shirts are CUB Scouts not BOY Scouts. I look forward to reading your other post about scouting. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Anyway, my name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.

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      thamemaw 9 years ago

      I just saw what you said about the little bitches what a thing to say about little girls. Very sad