The Glamorous Life Of A MikWright Coaster Star
My MikWright Coaster Debut Is A Bust - Don't Get Me Started!
So by now you've all heard the big news that my Mother and I were immortalized this past spring by the darling duo at MikWright by being turned into greeting cards. In a word, they are "fabulous" and great for any occasion so you should probably always have about a hundred of each on hand so you're covered for your friends' birthdays, anniversaries or colonics. (Click here to see them and get all the ordering info http://www.somelikeitscott.com/somelikefaves.html ) As if being a greeting card wasn't enough, most recently, our cards were turned into coasters! So now you can put your drink on my face (I've had worse on it). As my pals at MikWright sent me the cards before they came out to the public at large, I haven't been to a MikWright retailer to actually see the cards in person but with the coasters, I wanted to do the whole, see myself on a rack thing (I know, a fantasy for some of my enemies but this is a different type of rack and I'm sure you get the idea). So yesterday I went to one of the local stores that carry MikWright products. My MikWright coaster debut is a bust - Don't Get Me Started!
As you can imagine, I was wild with anticipation. And as I parked the car, the thoughts started whizzing through my head faster than celebrities through rehab. Did my hair look as good as my Mother's wig that I'm wearing on the card? Would I be recognized? (Okay, you see the card and know that I would never be recognized and yet the thought still went through my head) Would they ask me to do an impromptu signing of the cards and coasters? Where was a Sharpie when I needed it? Was I dressed appropriately? Would I ever be able to go into another store without bodyguards or sunglasses larger than my head after this Some Like It Scott sighting? My head filled with these thoughts and with my body almost hit by a passing car, I entered the store.
The store was one of your typical "gift" stores that have more chazerei than you could shake a stick at with every inch of everything being covered by something that you'll probably never need in your lifetime yet someone must be buying this crap because they're still in business. You know the type of items, the cheese spreaders that come in a package of six with a painted resin olive at the end of them. Who needs this shit will someone please tell me?
I enter the store and quickly scan to see if the customers are the type that are going to tear me to pieces when they realize that such a big card/coaster star is in their midst. Just as quickly I realize that there are no customers in the store. It is me and one teenage salesgirl behind the counter. The only sound in the thick overly potpourri'd environment is the "tappaccatta, tappaccatta" of the salesgirl's price gun.
Like a drug sniffing dog or psychic that finds missing children with amazing skills I never knew I possessed, almost immediately I found myself in front of the rack of MikWright cards. Posing nonchalantly by the rack, I turned to the salesgirl and spoke...
Me: Do you sell the MikWright coasters too?
Teen Steam Girl: (She looked a little like Alyssa Milano from Who's The Boss when she had that exercise video out called, "Teen Steam" - I know, maybe all of three people just got this reference, maybe) Huh?
Me: These are MikWright cards. (I hold one up with my left hand and do a sweeping, Price Is Right Janice, "All This Can Be Yours" arm with my right) Do you carry their other products?
Teen Steam Girl: I have to ask someone else (she exits to the back room)
(I spin the rack of cards like my eighth grade dance partner when we were dancing to "Boogie Oogie Oogie" by Taste Of Honey back in the day, feverishly looking for my card or my Mother's. I find my Mother's but not mine.)
Teen Steam Girl: (Returning) We don't carry them.
Me: (Holding up my Mother's card) May I ask you something?
Teen Steam Girl: (Unintelligible grunt)
Me: (Undaunted with exuberance normally associated with someone acting in children's theatre) Have you sold a lot of these cards? Because this is my Mother. We're on MikWright cards and coasters!
Teen Steam Girl: (No change in expression) I don't know. It's my first day.
(Replacing the card on the rack, I walk to the door crestfallen and as the tinkle of the bell on the door is heard I walk into the 103 degree parking lot back to the Mini. FADE TO BLACK)
No paparazzi, no crowds like Lindsay Lohan or that God awful Star Jones gets with the gay husband - nothing. But be assured the next time I'm in LA with my LA gays or in Palm Springs I'll be going to one of those stores in one of the big gayborhoods and I'll be getting my recognition, dammit. I don't care if I have to stage and rehearse it beforehand with paid actors it's going to happen alright. And if I didn't have this blog and/or knew how to keep my mouth shut, I could have possibly convinced the friends I took with me to believe it was the first time I had seen the cards and coasters with the friends I took with me. Oh who am I kidding, this is just another chapter in the life of "The Greatest Never Was Been There's Ever Been." My MikWright coaster debut is a bust - Don't Get Me Started!
Read about the card adventure...
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com