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There Are Smokers And Then There Are People Who, I Don’t Know, Must Be Wearing Eau de Cigarette!

Updated on January 28, 2008

I am not one of those people who cringe and shriek like a little girl when someone lights a cigarette. Nor am I one of those people who when near someone smoking think that they're being subtle as they fan their hand in front of their nose in an exaggerated manner, cough a little and then not so subtly turn their back to the smoker. I've never been that delicate nor do I ever aspire to be...ever. I live with a smoker however, our home does not smell of smoke (and please don't tell me that my sense of smell has gotten so bad that I don't know it smells like smoke) nor do I think myself or my cats are going to be getting cancer anytime soon from the second hand smoke. You see, my guy does not smoke continuously (like some people) and most people are shocked to learn that he smokes at all as they never smell it on him, me or the cats. That said; there are some people who seem to walk about in a cloud of smoke. So my conclusion is that there are smokers and then there are people who, I don't know, must be wearing eau de cigarette! - Don't Get Me Started!

You know the people I'm talking about, they're the ones who you can smell before they even come close to reaching you. It would seem as though Charles M. Shultz used these people for inspiration for his "Pig Pen" character in the Peanuts comic strip because honestly, you can almost see the cloud that follows these people. I don't get it, I just don't get it.

First, I can't even imagine how much you must have to smoke to have a continuous ring of cigarette smoke around you like you're the freakin' planet Saturn or something. Second of all, it would seem that there must be a confined area these people live and drive in that is so permeated with cigarette smoke that it's like one of those cash booths where the money goes blowing all around you and you try to catch as much as your arms can hold. But do you really want to catch cigarette smoke like cash, really? (Honestly, I can't even begin to imagine getting in one of these people's cars - I imagine a Yugo or AMC Pacer filled with smoke like some bad Cheech and Chong movie.) Finally, do they really not smell it and if they are aware of it then we're back to the eau de cigarette idea that they like smelling like that...ew.

I'm not judging (much) but now I will. When you reek of cigarette smoke; here's what the cover of your book that I'm definitely judging you by is saying. 1) You're low rent - translation: you know someone who has been on or got rejected from being on the Jerry Springer show, 2) You have a hygiene problem, 3) You're clueless to the world around you and apparently to even your own stench, 4) You have no friends (because believe me, if you had my friends they would let you know...immediately), 5) You're gross. There I've said it.

Lest anyone thinks I'm going off about smokers, know that I'm only going after that certain smelly breed of them. You see, I'm smart enough to not lump all smokers, gays, straights or Christians in the same category. I myself in fact would smoke on a purely social basis (back in the day). I loved having a cigarette in the same hand as my martini and gesturing to beat the band. "Look at him over there <pointing with the cigarette/martini hand>, dear God he looks like everyone you ever dated in 1986" <martini switched to other hand, sip taken while flicking the ashes of the cigarette with the other hand. Cigarette to mouth, long inhale, head back to exhale cigarette smoke then head down with piercing glance - one eyebrow raised - at target of catty line, getting back to the conversation>

I guess more than anything, I just don't understand how these people can walk around smelling this way. I'm not a big one on having your perfume or cologne arrive minutes before you enter the room but I take pride in smelling nice in a subtle enough way so that when someone comes in for a hug they get a nice scent to remember me by as the embrace ends. It's a constant battle for me to not take an air freshener (you know the kind that hangs from a car rear-view window in the shape of a pine tree) and slip it deftly into their back pocket (like when I played "The Artful Dodger" in a production of Oliver and showed my mad skills as a pick pocket). I mean someone has to do something, right? But we all know that isn't the answer either. I just have to send this out into the universe and hope that if you know one of these people you'll forward it to them in a discreet or not so discreet way. We non-smellies have to unite and educate the smellies...'cause apparently they don't know just how smelly they are. There are smokers and then there are people who, I don't know must be wearing eau de cigarette! - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • profile image

      Kim 9 years ago

      I think I just quit reading this.

    • Guru-C profile image

      Cory Zacharia 9 years ago

      My sisters were visiting and we were sitting around the table reminiscing about how all our older aunts' homes (extremely dear departed) used to smell like coffee, cigarettes and toast. It's Proustian. As for my aunties themselves, they wafted Dentyne or Juicyfruit Gum. Ahhhh. Fortunately, my sisters have given up smoking. Thank God.

    • Misha profile image

      Misha 9 years ago from DC Area

      LOL If you want an insider view - when one smokes seriously, he/she does not feel this smell. Just plain does not smell it - hence has no idea what you are talking about here ;)