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Tight Clothes Are Never The Answer

Updated on July 3, 2008

I can't help it, it's just something I know to be true and I don't care if people think I'm mean. When you have bulges in places that shouldn't have bulges, it's important to dress appropriately and what you must know is that tight clothes are never the answer - Don't Get Me Started!

This morning as I walked out of my Starbucks there was a man and woman seemingly in their late forties who seemed as though they were married. The gentleman was wearing your typical short sleeved polo shirt and some jeans. Although you could see the fabric of the shirt being stretched around his bulding stomach, it wasn't stretched to its limits. His wife on the other hand was a completely different story. She was not enormously overweight but from her choice of clothing, she looked HUGE! She had on stretch denim pants that were so tight that you could see that she had "large curd" cottage cheese in her behind. As if that wasn't bad enough, she had this miniscule white shirt on that was riding up above her Buddha belly, which was spilling over the top of her jean crop/short/ugos. If there's one way to show people you're completely crazy, it's parading around in an outfit like this one. Never mind that it was hardly age appropriate, it was too damn tight!

I myself have not been blessed with a taught stomach but I was taught to cover it up and to at least play to the few attribute strengths I've got when it comes to my physical appearance. I don't think you have to be a fashionista, I think you just have to look at yourself in the mirror. And tell me just when did it become okay to be showing your fleshy stomach or let your ass hang so far out of your shorts so that small children could play connect the dots with your cellulite from your ankle to your ass (which is at the back of your knee) to draw the shape of a brontosaurus or is that a crazy person?

Look, I'm not advocating that everyone go back to the 1930's where to show an ankle would be daring but it just seems to me that along the way somewhere we've lost our internal barometers that tell us what we should and shouldn't be wearing. Or perhaps it's just that Jiminy Cricket is dead. We no longer have anyone on our shoulder telling us to have our conscience be our guide because the collective consciousness is to wear whatever the hell you want - no matter what sticks out because after all, everyone else is doing it at their obese size so people think, "Why the hell not?"

I'll tell you why the hell not...because I don't want to look at your fat ass poured in to clothes that you stole from your daughter you had when you were twelve and she's now eight. It's not cute to see you forty-something women poured into clothes from the "Juniors" department or articles of clothing you still have from when you were in high school, it's just a little sad and a lot ugly.

Forget about all this crap about going "green" if we really want to help the environment we all live in- let's just get people covered up because the eye pollution is about to kill me. And I'm not talking in a burka or "Go Amish" kind of way, I'm just talking clothes that fit properly for the body they are on. Tight clothes are never the answer - Don't Get Me Started!

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