ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

What is the most important thing to remember when maintaining a long term relationship.

Updated on January 20, 2009

Making it Work

People are going to tell you a long list of what you need to have a successful relationship, and most of it is going to be great advice. Great things to have, but almost impossible to actually accomplish, at least 100% of the time.

The way I always tell people to look at it is your happiness, are you happy more then you are upset with the relationship? If its less then a 50/50 split, your in a bad place. Heck, if its a 50/50 split you might be in trouble.

Every relationship has its pitfalls and struggles, they aren't going to be sunny skies all the way though .There's going to be a lot of rainy days, and part of a relationship is making it through those rainy days. Making it out the other end holding the person you're withe's hand.

Commitment is a big word that people throw around, talking about the drive that you have to be with the person, how much you're willing to put into the relationship. Its a double edged sword though, and be careful with it. You might see a ton of "commitment" in the relationship, a lot of go to make this work, but there's boundaries, lines. If a part of the relationship is more committed then the other, its all going to collapse, sooner or later.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are points where life gets so crazy that the last thing on a persons's mind is "I have to give this relationship everything" and where they start just relying on it being there. Relying on the other person not to leave them while they get through.The dedication factor of a relationship. Which is the next point.

You need to have your goals set together on life if you're talking a long term relationship. The same goals, ideas, in making a future. Even if the talk isn't in the air on if your partner is going to be there at that point in time. You need to discuss who you plan to be ten years down the road. Make sure that the person your with is someone that can support you as you grow and move fully into your life.

You'll find one other big word out there, this huge word that everyone uses for long term relationships, and it can be the end of them very quickly. That's trust. You need trust in a relationship to make it work!

Bur, when things get tough, the fight or flight switch goes off in your head. You want to run away from the relationship or fight for it, and unfortunately when people have that flight switch go on, they obsess about things. They make themselves cut up a relationship and ask themselves, can i trust them? Are they cheating on me? How much haven't they told me? Don't fall victim to this! Every relationship has the little things that are lied about, be it your Beau not confessing he was looking at porn last night after you went to sleep, or a girl not mentioning the cute guy at the bar that bought her a drink. None of these things are reasons to end a relationship, but all of them would add stress in many relationships by the knowledge of.

To be honest you need to trust yourself more then you do the person your with. You need to trust yourself and your judgements not to betray the person your with, or unnessisarily damage their ego by telling them about silly little things, that in the end add up to nothing.

Monogamy is a big thing that a lot of people question. Are they ready to be with only this one person for the rest of their lives? To not seek out another friendly touch? And guess what? For a lot of people it's easy, for a lot of others its not. Not to scare anyone, but most couples do encounter one of the members having an affair of some kind. It might never have been followed through with, or it may have been followed through with a lot!

Affairs, cheating, they're all caused by one of a few things. Fear of the relationship being their last, and acting out on it. Not getting all of what they want from the relationship at home. Or having doubts in the relationship they have at home. Yes, sometimes its a revenge thing, a spited spouse acting out against maybe the partners choice of adultery.

Most people that have an affair actually have a better relationship after the fact with the person they were with originally because of the affair in the first place. They realize what was wrong and they strive to fix it.

The easiest way to avoid this violation of trust and hardship, is to communicate. Tell your partner whats wrong, don't let it pass you by and make your heart sick. Work through it, and make yourselves stronger for it. That's what a long term relationship is about. Living life together, and well, life isn't always an easy road to be on. There's a lot of rocky paths.

Just take each day on its own, learn from each other each day, and don't take your spouse or partner for granted. They are there for you, and sometimes life gets crazy and its easy to forget to tell them how grateful you are for them, but you need to. Or else things will start to break before your eyes. It's work, to make it all work. But it's worth it in the end, to have that other half of you when you go to sleep and you wake up.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      Rainbow Brite 

      10 years ago

      Excellent points all the way around. Another thing to mention is that monogamy is not for everyone. Way back when, in caveman days, and even in more current times in some parts of the world it was considered acceptable and even encouraged to have multiple partners. Usually there is a Primary - this is the person that you cohabitate with - the main partner in your life. Then there are secondaries - others that you have some type of intimate relationship with. This type of lifestyle is called being polyamorous (or polygamous, but that word has gotten a lot of negative press in recent years, so I prefer the former). It's in our genetic code to reproduce with the person that we see as possessing the best qualities for the continuation of the species. If you have always felt....slightly out of place in a monogamous relationship, maybe this part of you is stronger than it is in some others. The most important thing to remember in this and any case is communication. Be honest with yourself and your partner!

      Excellent hub over all, very informative and fabulous advice!

    • Mud Dog profile imageAUTHOR

      Mud Dog 

      10 years ago from West Chicago IL

      oddly enough, it's usually true. the thing is, the other person in the relationship can never find out. The partner who wanders and returns ends up caring more about what they have with their partner then what they did before. The future of the relationship changes, all the sudden that person is more committed. It's actually a very strange thing. I believe there's quite a few articles on affairs and the relationships after. Google it, yahoo it, check it out. Not quite a relationship advice but more of a hope in case you slipped up.

    • LORI-ANN profile image


      10 years ago from SAN ANTONIO, TX



    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)