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What’s With The Whole “Normal” Argument When It Comes To Gays Anyway?

Updated on January 27, 2009

I recently posted a video blog asking how much of a big deal we gays should be making over the gays who are being included in the inauguration and new President’s cabinet, etc. ( My point was that I was thinking that it would be nice if at some point soon we got to the point where we gays didn’t need to bang our drum every time a gay got included in something. I know that we’re not there yet but isn’t it something we would should be looking for in the near future? Well a gentleman posted a comment on that blog that stated “nothing about homosexuality is normal” and it got me to thinking, what’s with the whole “normal” argument when it comes to gays anyway? – Don’t Get Me Started!

It’s easy to pity people like this man at his narrow view of life but what strikes me more and more as I live my life as an openly gay man with a partner of over twenty years is that “normal” doesn’t exist for anyone. What exactly is normal? Oh I know that some are going to say whatever is in the bible is normal but let’s not lose sight of the fact that they had some burning bushes and a host of other things that seem anything but normal. I guess it’s suddenly normal if Jesus did it? Is that the rule? So water into wine is okay if it’s Jesus?

Let’s face it, even the most seemingly normal of people have proven themselves to be anything but normal time and time again. It’s not just when they’re mired in scandal and it’s not always negative. (Even though that’s what we tend to focus on the most.) And I think that’s where the problem comes in (maybe) people feel comforted in some way by seeing people who look like themselves, sound like themselves and can reason in their head that they actually are the same and “normal” because there are enough people who look and think like them. Let’s face it, that’s why we arrogant Americans can go to other countries and get all kinds of pissed off that no one speaks English, even though we’re in France where English isn’t the language, right?

Truth be told, when someone tells me that I’m not normal it doesn’t really bother me that much. It’s when they use their definition of “normal” to cut me out of my rights as an American or human being that it makes me absolutely crazy. And the whole “normal” argument just simply doesn’t hold up, anyway. There is no such thing as normal really but if some straight people make the argument that only heterosexuality is normal then I’m afraid they’ll have to take their straightness genital warts, teenage pregnancy and all. And just why is the heterosexual definition of normal more normal than a homosexual’s definition of normal?  

Ever since I was a small child I knew I was gay, it felt completely normal to me. I grew up with the same neurosis as any other kid and thanks to Facebook, I have now had my feelings of inadequacy and desperately trying to be liked actually confirmed by many more whom I went to high school with in the 1980’s. That’s right, my teenage angst actually was quite normal in comparison to both my straight and gay counterparts from what I’m finding out years later. So okay, if I was “normal” as a kid and “normal” as a teenager, when did the “un-normal” begin? Quite simply it didn’t.

What I’ve discovered is that I reject the “normal” label as much as the people who don’t want me to have it feel I don’t deserve to have it. Do you know why? Because I’m anything but normal, I’m extraordinary. That’s right. I don’t want to be normal, I want to be the same loving, caring individual my straight parents raised me to be all the while loving the same man I’ve been with for the past twenty years and always allowing myself to be open to people and cultures different than my own. To not judge those different from me lest they judge me (ouch, is that bible talk out of the non-normal gay)? So go ahead and wear that “normal” label like a Boy Scout badge (that won’t let the gays in) but what those of you who fail and are afraid to understand is that like the Boy Scouts (who still have plenty of gays in their ranks – I mean come on, look at any of the Eagle Scout notices in the paper and as I’ve said before you can play, “Nerd, Nerd, Gay” just like you would “Duck, Duck, Goose”) it’s like my grandmother said, “The gays, they’re everywhere.” And indeed we are everywhere and thanks to legislation (in some cases) the more we gain our rights the more normal we’re going to become but make no mistake about it someday soon we’re going to talk about this all in the past and ask what’s with the whole “normal” argument when it came to gays anyway? – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      SLIS, I always enjoy your hubs and this one is no exception! Your "what the heck is normal anyway?" theme reminds me of that scene in Young Frankenstein when Gene Wilder asks Marty Feldman what the label on the brain he put in the monster said. And Marty Feldman says something like, "I dunno, Abby someone" and the label actually reads "Abnormal." I love that scene and that movie!

      And really, who in their right mind would want to be "normal" anyway? Good point about there being quite a few rather "outside the norm" happenings in the Bible. LOL!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas

      Kristi, You're a brave woman (for being in the school system) I was an "artist in residence" for over eleven years. I would assist a full time teacher in teaching six classes a day, choreographing and staging the annual dance concert with over 100 students. I could never be a full time teacher as the red tape was so enormous that I honestly don't know how teachers have time to teach. Thank you for being someone who truly changes lives. You're also a brave woman for sticking by your man. For all of my friends who had similar situations that did not turn out as well, you give us all hope that love can truly conquer all.

      I'm thrilled that you took the time to comment as sometimes it feels as though you're writing and no one is reading. I feel very honored by your kind words and that you give me some of your time each day. If you found my blog on hubpages, I do hope you'll visit my actual website at Again, thank you.

    • profile image

      Kristi 8 years ago

      Scott, Part of why I love your blog is that you remind me of someone I love. We were a couple for over three years before he admitted to himself and me that he was gay soon after we both graduated college. We are still soul mates in a lot of ways, though we both have had significant others for over fifteen years now. Some people STILL cannot understand why I will always love him (as if real love is a choice!) after what they consider his betrayal of me. What I know is that we are both who we are because of the three years we spent together, and if anyone loves me, then they'd better love him or at the very least never let me know that they don't! The other main reason I love your blog is that you are very witty and smart -the best combination of sarcasm and humor! I'm a school administrator now, but fifteen years of teaching English to 8th graders makes me appreciate people who share my beliefs about what really matters in life AND can express themselves well. (Sorry so long - I NEVER COMMENT!)

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas

      Kristi, thank you for being a true role model for your students and all of us. Scott

    • profile image

      Kristi 8 years ago

      Living in Alabama, so well-known as "conservative" and "Christian", I can relate so well to your observations of people's need to judge and label. I am a 40ish educator who tries to influence not through spouting off my religious and political beliefs, but instead by living a life that hopefully is "Christ-like" in that I do not judge other people but instead choose to love people. Not one of us is perfect, but we are all human. Why, why, is it so easy to find fault in others? Thanks for your posting!

    • solacemoon profile image

      solacemoon 8 years ago from Illinois

      No matter how different we are which if we were all the same the world would be a boring place to be.I think every human deserves rights and respect.Hoepfully one day this won't be an issue anymore like you said.

    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 8 years ago from Seattle

      Extraordinary. It's something we should all think of ourselves as.