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Where The Barista Boys Are

Updated on October 22, 2008

There's an old movie that stars Connie Francis and it's all about some college girls heading down to the beach to find boys to fall in love with - no surprise that they all do just that and then some. However recently I've been wondering more and more, where the barista boys are? - Don't Get Me Started!

When I first started going to Starbucks...gee, I can't really remember my first step into that coffee/opium den with the green awnings but whenever it was let's just say that I've been Starbucks in at least seven or eight states (including the original Starbucks store in Seattle - I mention that a lot with great pride which is either really pathetic or just plain silly) so I've been in my fair share of the Starbucks and I'm pretty good at seeing the cast of characters that work there. While there were always the cute girls (a lot of who are Asian for some reason) there were definitely the Pre-Emo (no, I didn't mean Pre-Elmo) boys. You know the type, dyed black hair, seeming a little too sensitive for anyone's patience and at the same time very friendly, in short The Barista Boys - why there was never a calendar I'm sure that I don't know.

There was a barista boy at the Starbucks by my house who was the perfect Barista Boy version 2.0. He didn't have the dark dyed hair, instead his head was almost shaved but in more of a "I'm young and losing my hair so I've shaved it down" instead of "I'm a skinhead and I shaved my head like the Nazi's shaved your ancestors heads!" way. His name was Jack. Jack was this easy going (at least from what I could see from our five minute interactions) with tattoos that were barely visible from his barista drag and seemed always happy to see you. We laughed when they had the stuffed bears that were supposed to be the Bearista Bear - it was supposed to be a guy bear with his jaunty cap and his messenger bag. He joked about how meterosexual the bear was and while we never discussed it, I think that Jack was a bit of a metrosexual himself. You see, he was one of those guys that could talk to anyone - he flirted with life. I watched him as he made me feel good about myself as well as the mother of three trying to get something into her kids and caffeine in herself as she stopped on the way taking them to school. He was a man among men that women and men alike liked, a lot. He wasn't some big handsome guy but he had something more important, the gift of gab. One day Jack disappeared and what took his place took me aback to say the least.

In Jack's (and in many other stores) what took their place are the soccer moms. I don't know how else to describe them although I have to say that quite a lot of them seem more like the never married, wannabe soccer moms. No more the young college girls and boys working their way through school pushing coffee, suddenly it's the land of middle aged coffee addicts and who wants to see that? If I want to see that I'll look in the mirror. No more do you hear the "kids" talking about being hung over from going out on a Wednesday night or talking about their philosophy class, now you just have middle aged women who make sure everything is clean. Sure clean is important but come on.

In fact at the Starbucks near my office the manager is certainly not the manager of a few years ago. Once upon a time the managers consisted of us "gays" and young women. The manager at the one near my office now is a man who has to be in his forties. He's straight - do you want to know why I know he's straight? Because three times last week his graying black hair was so fucked up in the back and not in a just fucked way but more like when you don't wash and style your hair everyday but you use some product to make the front lay down but meanwhile the back of your hair is waving in the wind as if you just rubbed a balloon on it to stick it to a wall. No self-respecting gay would ever walk around like that, I can tell you that to be a fact.

So as Starbucks closes many of its stores that seem to be every five feet in some places I have a favor to ask...bring back the real Barista Boys!! Where the barista boys are? - Don't Get Me Started!

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