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Who Are All These People In The Handicapped Parking Spaces

Updated on July 2, 2007

Who Are All These Handicapped (Handicapable?) People And Why Do They Get Rock Star Parking? - Don't Get Me Started!

I don't know if it's the world in general or just Las Vegas (where I live) but it would seem to me that there are so many more handicapped parking spaces than I have ever seen before and they are in every parking lot. If you have good use of your legs (or just weren't able to score a wheelchair icon dangler for your rear view mirror) plan to walk at least seventeen miles to get into any store or establishment. There are complete rows of handicapped spaces now and I frankly don't get it. Are there really this many more disabled (or whatever the politically correct term is this week) or are there just more people with printers at home that can make the damn dangler? Who are all these handicapped (handicapable?) people and why do they get rock star parking? - Don't Get Me Started!

Before all of you get yourselves in an uproar about me being mean to the disabled, I respectfully say, "shut it." If you are truly disabled, I get it and I get that you should be able to park closer to the front. What I don't get are all the people who are seemingly fine and have the sticker, license plate and rear view mirror dangler handicapped collection from the Franklin Mint who park right up front. What did they do, buy the set on easy pay on QVC? Where are they getting them and more importantly why are they getting them. If they're giving them out for mental illness than sign me up. If they're giving them out because half of the free world still thinks that being a homosexual is a deviant psychological disorder, then give me a dangler for my mirror, dammit. However, if you're 7,000 pounds from laying in your bed eating nachos for the past seventeen years and are close to having Dr. Phil come and cut you out of your house for an episode, you do not qualify, in fact for your health, you deserve to walk a few feet to the store to buy your Slim Jims because it's the only exercise you'll probably get. You also don't qualify if you have a scooter. If you have a scooter, there's no need for you to park close because it's not as if you're going to be walking into the store on your own anyway. You have a scooter for Chrissakes so park in a regular spot and then by all means, scoot your way into the store and become as annoying as humanly possible to the rest of us. (Read that blog here... (Scroll down to see October 10, 2006 - The Scooter People Are Taking Over The World)

For years I have been the one chastising my friends and family about never ever even thinking let alone parking in a handicapped space due to my concern for those less fortunate who needed to be closer and have it more convenient for them to access stores. But the more I see these normal seeming people park in these spaces the more I have to wonder what all that fighting I did for years was about. The only way to solve this is that I want to start seeing doctor's notes. Say what you will about it being an invasion of privacy or what have you. As the parking public, I think that we have a right when we see some normal walking big burly tattooed guy with his family of seven parking in a handicapped space to ask to see what the doctor has to say that got them their handicapped parking golden ticket.

Recently my mother had a heart procedure done and therefore she was awarded the rear view mirror dangler. Now being a self-respecting (or loathing, how ever you want to put it) Jewish mother she parked in the handicapped spaces but with great guilt. Well, last night we were talking about all the handicapped spaces and the people who managed to park in them who don't seem to need them at all and she said, "I don't even limp anymore!" I ask you, if even my mother has lost the will to at least fake a limp so that people will see a physical impairment to give validity for her to be able to be parking in these spaces, all is truly lost! I don't care that your impairment is internal I want to see some good old fashioned limping. And not just your run of the mill limping, I'm talking Tiny Tim without the crutches limping - throwing one leg as if it was a shot put!

For those of you mock offended right now, stop it immediately. I'm doing this for the people who truly need these spaces. And for those that don't, they should at least be able to give us a good show. The point is that like everything else there seems to be a great abuse of what was once (and I'm not denying for some today) a needed and useful system.

And please don't even get me started on the pregnant woman or "mommy" spaces that some people are putting in parking lots. The last place I want you opening the double doors on your blue mini van is in the front of the store blocking pedestrians and car traffic alike as you try to get your seventeen kids out of the car who don't want to because they're watching "Happy Feet" on the installed DVD player and spilling Cheerios all over God's creation. In my opinion, you need to park the furthest away from the store because the whole getting the kids out of the car is normally a complete embarrassment (not that people get embarrassed about anything anymore - another blog for another day) that the kids are ruling their parents and you need some time to get your brood in order before you enter the store. And no, I'm not anti-family, I'm just anti people who have no concern for teaching their children how to behave in public or care about anyone but themselves. You know the kind that has the sixteen stick figures on their back window to represent their family, cats and dogs.

Am I frustrated? You bet. But the larger question is why aren't all of you too? If the reason we have more of these spaces is because we've eaten ourselves into oblivion and can no longer breathe and walk at the same time then I think we need to actually make these spaces further away so that these people can get some exercise. I'm not saying these spaces should go away, I'm just saying that we need to make sure that the people using them are the people that really need them. What was once an exclusive club for those that really needed in the club seems to have been opened up to all the "wrong" people and if they aren't going to at least limp for us, then I say we see doctor's notes and check the danglers like we do to make sure that the $20 bill we're accepting for a latte isn't fake. Because I think a lot of the people parking in these spaces are a lot more "handicapable" than we're led to believe. Who are all these handicapped (handicapable?) people and why do they get rock star parking? - Don't Get Me Started!

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