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Why Are We Still Talking About Gay Marriage?

Updated on February 9, 2009


When you’re a blogger, a gay blogger, you receive a lot of emails from organizations that ask you to promote their current protest or initiative. To be honest with you, it would be too hard to keep up with all of them but one came the other day that got me thinking that I had something to say and therefore, here is the blog! They’re asking gay bloggers to have “7 Conversations in 7 Days” about gay marriage this week. If you read my blog on a regular basis you’ll know that I’ve all ready tackled this topic in more than a few written as well as video blogs. (I’ll post some links at the end of this blog) So you may be asking yourself what I’m asking myself, “Why are we still talking about gay marriage?” – Don’t Get Me Started!

In the weeks before California’s Proposition 8, I think a lot of us were feeling a little cockier than usual (minds out of the gutter, please). We saw the amount of money being spent by the religious right supporting the Proposition but we all thought that we had come a long way since the days of Paul Lynde and Liberace representing the gay populous to the American public. At this point are there still people in the world who don’t know someone (or aren’t related to) someone who is gay? If you subscribe to the above theory then you think there’s no possible way for a Proposition such as 8 to even get close to passing. But then it did pass and to many it was a shock. I don’t know that I was as shocked as disappointed. I mean just when you think things are moving forward toward your equality you’re suddenly in a song of Paula Abdul’s from the 80’s. (“Two steps forward, two steps back, we come together ‘cause opposites attract and you know…”)

I read many of the blogs and articles published about gay marriage on both sides of the issue. (I’ve always held the belief that you can’t really get the story if you only read one side of it) And what amazed me the most was how much the defenders of Proposition 8 talked about the fact that marriage only exists for procreation. And it wasn’t until this 7 conversations in 7 days came along that I wondered what kind of a conversation could be had if what was really discussed was this point that a lot of the Prop 8ers tend to espouse? My question would be if all marriage is designed for procreation only then isn’t it a little limiting and discriminatory even against straight people who don’t want to or can’t biologically procreate? How must that make the woman who can’t have children feel? How must it make the people who get married but choose to not have children feel? And how can anyone say that all that marriage is good for is procreating? Where’s the discussion of companionship? Where’s the discussion about caring for one another? If marriage truly is only about procreation (and no, I don’t think this but I’m throwing it out there for those who do) then I’m not interested. (And not just because my partner and I can’t biologically have children together)

The other thing that crossed my mind was that if procreation is what marriage is all about and it comes directly from the bible that we’re all supposed to live our lives according to, then explain to me why sex is always considered such a nasty or inappropriate thing to discuss? Shouldn’t the religious be doing nothing but having sex so that they can keep their vow of their “procreation marriage?” And why isn’t it written into the marriage ceremony? Forget love, honor, obey and get to the begetting, begetting, begetting, right? (It’s like a Jewish mother who only wants to know how soon the grandchildren are coming after paying for the big wedding!)

Though some may think that these thoughts are taking the thought process put forth by Proposition 8ers to the extreme and just silly, what’s funny to me is that a lot of us gays feel the same way about being denied marriage as it’s defined by the laws of our country and not by the laws of the many organized religions that are allowed to operate under the laws of our country – it’s extreme and silly. Look, if the Mormon Church doesn’t want gays getting married in their temples then that is their right. On the flip side of that, I don’t feel they deserve any federal compensation (like living a tax free lifestyle) which no doubt assisted them in being able to spend millions to fight against causes they don’t approve of, such as gay marriage. (Imagine how much we gays could have spent if we were allowed the tax breaks that married people get?)

It could be that I’m a Cockeyed Optimist (though I’ve never played Nelly Forbush in a production of South Pacific – interesting I would pick that musical as it’s all about prejudices too) but I truly believe in my heart that in my lifetime we’ll see gay marriage for everyone. Maybe it won’t carry that name that seems to get so many enraged but as I’ve said before, I’ve been with the same man in a monogamous relationship for over twenty years, if that’s not marriage what is? And so as so many seem to get bored or annoyed that the conversation continues about this topic, what they need to realize is that for so many of us we have to keep talking about it in order to bring about the change that is needed so that the next time there’s a vote on gay marriage (coming to a state near you) we won’t be shocked or disappointed again. And that my friends, is why we are still talking about gay marriage – Don’t Get Me Started!

Here’s a link to the 7 Conversations in 7 Days website to learn more…

Rather than repeat myself, here are six more “conversations” from me for you to read and watch at your leisure this week or whenever. Enjoy! (The links below are the blogs as they appear on because they’re easier to find for me after three years of blogging but please take a moment to also visit my website at


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    • Kailei0440 profile image

      Kailei0440 6 years ago

      wow it looks like I missed the fun. It looks like ole bernie is confusing "Natural" as a instrument of procreation which it is not. In fact there exist nothing that is not natural because even the man made synthesized products had thier raw beginning in "Nature", having said that there is nothing un-natural about being homosexual, even if one "chooses" homosexuality as a "lifestyle" because nature selected him or her for this. You are aware of "Natural Selection" right? the method by which nature replaced dinosaurs like yourself.

    • profile image

      bernie1936 8 years ago

      I would call them "disoriented", "confused" and lack of common sense.

    • profile image

      Andrew MiliKan 8 years ago

      Hey Bernie, right on, could not be simpler than that. Those guys are perverts!

    • profile image

      bernie1936 8 years ago

      I guess you are not very well educated what the laws of nature really are. Take some courses in some university. Just look around you. The answers are there. My ravens nesting right now in one of my trees know better than you. Male and female and eggs. Just stay in your cave!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas

      Bernie, Natural? In what sense? Yes, it's perfectly natural to me. I have had an attraction for the same sex all my life so indeed it's natural to me. I don't know what your "natural" is or what the laws of nature have to do with it but here's hoping that a natural disaster doesn't happen to you on the epic proportions of your backward thinking. Come on into 2009 won't hurt too much and you can still keep your cave!

    • profile image

      bernie1936 8 years ago




    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas

      Wow TMG,

      Thanks for the education!

      Take that you gay marriage haters!


    • TheMoneyGuy profile image

      TheMoneyGuy 8 years ago from Pyote, TX


      I think the real problem lies in the fact the average bible thumping self proclaimed Christian type doesn't understand the Origins of Marriage or what it really is. You can read the bible cover to cover and never find anything but a few relatively unrelated to the story comments on Marriage.

      History, tells a much different story, Marriage or the contract of Marriage is Older than the Bible and was a Civil contract. The Church didn't get Involved until the Harlot of Rome (I just said that to be offensive) started intertwining herself with Government and took the role of the local Registrar. In this capacity they recorded on behalf of the Government all the Marriages, Births, Deaths, and anything else that might have to be settled by a judge. As time went on and the Government of Rome became Married to the Church of Rome did Marriage become a Religious affair. Ironically the First Holy Roman Emperor had Eight wives. See Polygamy didn't get a bad rap until later.

      Point is Marriage is a Civil contract to ensure the rights of both people involved int the contract can seek relief in a default. Just the same as you would have with your plummer or any other service provider.

      Anyone in this country should be free to enter into any contract legally. Marriage is no exception. The wrong is what on Earth in a Country where Separation of Church and State is the linchpin of the entire Mechanism does anyone have bringing the Church or Morals to the Contract process. What is worse why is anyone given different treatment under the law based on what contract they entered. Imagine the lawsuits if business received the same discrimination as Gay People under the tax code.