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Why I Shouldn’t Be Left Alone With A Girl Scout…Box Of Cookies

Updated on March 16, 2008

First of all, for those of you with your minds in the gutter when you began reading the title of this blog I say, "Try to elevate yourself...well for the moment anyway." It's no secret that my kryptonite is also green like Superman's - well, green tasting that is...I mean I think that's what we're supposed to associate with the mint color, right? Well I love me some Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies (from the freezer - of course) and like any other good Girl Scout cookie addict, I get the shakes around this time of year knowing that cookie season is at hand. I don't merely like the cookies, I crave them like crack (or what I imagine crack cravings to be like). And this is why I shouldn't be left alone with a Girl of cookies - Don't Get Me Started!

Two weeks ago at my usual Sunday dinner with the folks my mother produced two boxes of Thin Mint cookies for my enjoyment. (That's right, my mother is my dealer - doesn't that sound like a Jerry Springer episode title?) She handed them to me quietly, no fuss. After all, transactions like this happen all the time on the street, don't they, just not so much in a suburban home in Las Vegas. Okay, I take it all back, deals of drugs and cookies most likely happen in many suburban homes across the country every minute of every day. But I digress.

Fade to my home and my sofa where I sat eating sleeve one of the cookies. I don't care what the "suggested serving size" is on the side of the box, anyone who has ever eaten these cookies knows that one sleeve is a serving and two sleeves (emptying the box) is a meal. I don't think the cookies lasted a week in my home before both boxes had been devoured.

The thing about these cookies is that I normally don't buy them for myself. So in my head it's okay to indulge beyond reason because after all, it's a gift and I don't want to be rude so of course I have to eat all of them. However, when I walked out of the grocery store yesterday, there they were...standing there waving their wares, two young girls with a box in each hand, politely asking everyone who left the store if they wanted to buy some cookies. As I showed some interest they moved me right into their den (or card table) of iniquity. Sitting there behind that fold up table with one of each variety on the table for you to peruse sat the drug lords (the mothers). That's right, although for years I had avoided them, I was suddenly face to face with the head of the drug/cookie cartel and I was no match for them.

As if America isn't obese enough, the ploy this year is if you buy six boxes you get one free. Now even me with my unquenchable thirst for these cookies couldn't convince myself to buy six boxes. (I know, you'd think with me addicted and a Jew that I would have gone for the supersized six box deal but somewhere reason sunk in) And so I walked away with two boxes of Thin Mints, a box of the classic shortbread cookies and a box of the "Lemonades" - the classic shortbread cookie with a lemon glaze on it. So far I'm very excited to say that I have managed to avoid the Thin Mints, they're sitting in my freezer waiting for that day when I need them, just like an old friend.

I can't finish this tale without telling you that I'm a little disappointed in my recent experience with the Girl Scouts. Neither of the girls had on their classic green uniform with their sashes of merit. (Much like a Miss America contestant without her sash, it's just unseemly and shouldn't be done) I think if they're going to be selling they should have the costume on, should they not? And as I paid their mothers for the cookies, I couldn't help but see oh too clearly that the real people selling here were the mothers as they tried to strong arm me into the six box deal. The two mothers (most likely both named Ashley) were the ones living through their kids like stage mothers, desperately trying to beat the pants off the other troupes for top sales this year while the two girls, with their mothers distracted pulled out their cell phones and began texting not bothering to illicit sales from any other passer-bys. Like parents who do their kids' homework for them and yet can't figure it out when their kids grow up to be idiots and think the world owes them everything just because they've always been given everything. No, I want to see that these girls have done more than just sold cookies. I want to see their merit badges that let me know that they've worked hard for their cooking, cleaning, changing oil in a car and other Good Samaritan duty badges. I want to see if I'm giving my money to someone who has three badges or a sash full. And for those of you thinking of telling me that everything changes, that can't be denied but is it so wrong to wish for some things to stay as they are when it comes to certain institutions? One thing that will never change is that I just can't be trusted around the Thin Mints. Why I shouldn't be left alone with a Girl of cookies - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • MasonsMom profile image

      MasonsMom 9 years ago from U.S.A.

      I too am guilty of devouring a whole sleeve of thin mints in one sitting and I'm glad to hear that it's a "serving size" for someone other than myself!

      I also agree that they should be wearing thier uniforms while out in the public selling cookies. I mean--where DO they wear them if not then??? (or did they do away with uniforms all together?)

    • relache profile image

      Raye 9 years ago from Seattle, WA

      When I worked at the leather company in SF, one of the production leads brought me the back of the old penut butter cookie box one day and asked me to scan it and send the picture over to the Stop AIDS project office, where her girlfriend worked. The "story" on the back sounded more sordid than that 70s movie "Little Foxes" when you read it aloud. It was a riot!