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Yes, Lipton Onion Dip With Sour Cream But Low Fat Chips – What?!?

Updated on May 9, 2011
Old Lipton Onion Soup Dip Mix Ad!
Old Lipton Onion Soup Dip Mix Ad!

Contrary to what a lot of people may think, this gay doesn't go to a lot of parties. I hate to break it to you but my life is much more pedestrian than my gay counterparts on television would lead you to believe. And when I do go to a party I've reached an age where they mostly serve Ahi Tuna appetizers instead of the classic Lipton's Onion Soup dip mix or the classic homemade Chex mix (much to my disappointment). So every once in awhile I find myself craving some of that classic party crappy food and this past weekend was one of those times. So yes, Lipton onion dip with sour cream but low fat chips - what?!? - Don't Get Me Started!

First of all, what was I thinking? I was the only one in the house this weekend and with no self control for portion sizes whatsoever this could only go badly. And so it did. I made the dip about 1:30am Friday night (no, this was not a munchies thing based on drug use) and by 2:15am I had consumed at least a third of it even though according to the side of the box you're supposed to let it chill for a period of time. There was no time for chilling when it's 1:30am and you're craving something.

But let's go back a step for a moment. Let's go back to the moment when I was standing in the grocery store at 1:00am with only the people stocking the shelves. These people who stock the shelves late at night seem to be part of a society all on their own. They're really friendly and they are the elves who make the shelves look so lovely for the morning and day shoppers. They're a silent breed that seems like silent giants, rolling large palates of boxes of stuff and filling the shelves. Here's a shout out to all of them and what they do for us. As I've always been worried about what everyone thinks of me I found the need to pick up more than just the makings of the dip and chips. Let's be honest, they don't care but in my mind I didn't want to seem like some junkie trying to fill the "munchies" need. I picked up some chicken breasts and some other stuff but when I came to the chip aisle I was stuck wondering what chip to get. Should I get the rippled chips because they were sturdy and would hold the dip? Should I get something that was all ready seasoned in some way to create even more of a junk fest in my body? And then I saw these chips that were not baked (those hideous cardboard tasting things that have more in common with Styrofoam then chips) but because of the way the chips were fried they were supposedly less fattening and better for you. They didn't use any hydrogenated oils and that seemed to be a good thing. So even though they were more expensive and I didn't really know how exactly much less fat they were these were the chips that I ended up getting.

As I ate my chips and dip I couldn't help but wonder who I was kidding with the whole "less fat" chips? Seriously, I've always been one of those people who mock the people who load up plates at a buffet or get everything "super sized" at a fast food place and then order a Diet Coke. Who are they kidding I think? Who was I kidding now? In both cases, no one is being fooled, not even your body. I desperately want to be one of those people who can "eat anything" or be one of those people who "eat like the French" (small portions and savoring every bite - saw it on Oprah) but neither of these are me and I don't think that they ever will be me.

And because of all the watching of Oprah shows and reading diet sites I know that the reason that I got the "less fat" chips was that I thought that the whole experience could be made "less bad" if I tried to cut down the fat somewhere. It didn't make it any better or worse. My body rejected it like the poison that it was and the weekend became yet another "Lost Weekend" but somewhere in my head and heart I know I'll do it again. I can't help myself. Yes, Lipton onion dip with sour cream but low fat chips - what?!? - Don't Get Me Started!



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