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Make Money Online Strategy - Become a Pirate and Earn 1,000 Pieces of Eight in Just a Week

Updated on March 16, 2008

How pirate marketing makes tons of money

Pirate marketing works because it is totally new and different from every other kind of Internet marketing, but it builds on all the lessons those primitive marketing strategies have taught us. How?

Affiliate marketers use their knowledge of the Internet to cobble together websites and blogs in order to overpromote a product and receive a comission on the potential sale of that product. Pirate marketers use their knowledge of the Internet to locate successful affiliate marketers, beat them up, and then we take their things. This is called plundering and there are several good sites about it online.

Better than pagerank

PageRank is one of the major factors that determines how relevant your site is on Google searches. Another more important factor is whether your webmaster is sleeping in Davy Jones' locker.

It can take months to falsely inflate your Google page rank to a level where you're competitive with useful websites that offer an actual service. If you can wait months before you start getting $.02/click or a few bucks every time somebody buys an ebook through your site, then affiliate marketing is for you.

If you want money now, then you are a pirate marketer. Beat up successful affiliate marketers and steal their loot. Avast! Let's see how well their websites are doing after you've keelhauled their SUV.

Increase PR through SEO

You're going to be increasing your Pirate Rank through Seafaring Echelon Obfuscation.

Pirate Rank is a measure Google employs to determine how dangerous and malodorous you are to affiliate marketers. An exceptionally rank pirate can be smelt from several hundred knots away. This is a distinction we will strive to manipulate for personal profit as we embark on the great Accountant Sea. It can take a lot of time to earn a high PR.

To start making dubloons TODAY, a pirate should find out how to engage in the obfuscation of the seafaring echelon. SEO strategies are designed to make you seem far more malodorous than you actually are. Some of the most notorious pirate marketing campaigns have been on the part of new pirates. You don't have to be a salty seadog to be a great pirate marketer.

To successfully increase how rank people think you are, find other pirates and brag to them about how awesome you are. It is that simple. Every time you brag about yourself on the Internet, Google notices and will think of you as more rank. That is why so many people just go around the Internet bragging. Empty bravado and browbeating strangers online are the two best ways to get respected by other pirates.

Put the pen down

You don't have to write 200+ articles to be a successful pirate marketer. Piratical success can be achieved with just a few strokes of a well-handled rapier. The only limit to how many pieces of eight you're pulling in is the size of your hull and your dedication to pillaging the competition.

How to defend yourself vs. other pirate marketers

The only thing that can beat a well-executed pirate marketing campaign is a better pirate marketing campaign. At first, you will have only smooth sailing, but as you earn more loot and increase your Pirate Rank, people will start to pursue you.

The best defense is a good wood plank and a solid understand of both the pirate code and maritime law.

Don't fear the privateer

Privateer marketers are wusses. Essentially, they are paid by the government to find affiliate marketers and take their things. Pirates do the same thing but with irreverence, swagger and phatittude.

Please Bring the Funny

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    • MakeMoneyOnline09 profile image

      MakeMoneyOnline09 8 years ago from Vancouver, BC

      (Oops, my last comment was all scrambled so I tried editing it but ended up posting again. Sorry bout that!)

      Again, thanks for the very clever and well written article!

    • MakeMoneyOnline09 profile image

      MakeMoneyOnline09 8 years ago from Vancouver, BC

      Haha, I love it! I was looking online for a good strategy to make money online and I'm stoked that I came across this hubpage! Not only is it entertaining and hilarious, but it's actualy given me a lot of value and clarity! Great info on internet marketing here! Thank you!

    • danjutsu profile image

      danjutsu 8 years ago from UK

      Avast ye salty scourge!! See you on the waves!

    • EYEAM4ANARCHY profile image

      Kelly W. Patterson 8 years ago from Las Vegas, NV.

      All ye spam are belong to me matey.

    • mroconnell profile image

      mroconnell 8 years ago from France

      SEO Resources, part of being a pirate is spelling things wrong. Yarrr.

    • SEO Resources profile image

      SEO Resources 8 years ago

      Thanks for the insite... great hub

    • dobsc400 profile image

      dobsc400 9 years ago from Wellington

      Great Hub, I am interested in your views and would like to subscribe to your news letter. In saying that I think that i'll stick to my current fruit bat marketing stratergy. You know what they say, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

    • verlin profile image

      verlin 9 years ago

      Arrrr matey, ye be givin' away all our secrets! That be a well written tale...