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Are Women Afraid of Rejection From a Man?

Updated on December 8, 2008

Meet Mr. Right Online

Rejection Fears Are Something Everyone Has... ... so why is it so difficult for women to recover from rejection from men they meet online?

Let's start off with a true fact: "We are all afraid of rejection.

As a species, humans, generally speaking, are social creatures that thrive on positive attention, societal approval and individual love".

As a balance to understand the fears of rejection we can first relate the rejection feelings of men and how it affects them.

Men are logical creatures, hunter/gatherer types that find personal value to be an important trait to be appreciated by others. Without societal approval a man cannot function positively towards his own goals and an important future.

Women are emotional creatures, nurturing/comforting types that thrive best on a one-on-one level of appreciation. Understanding is key to their relationship peacefulness and emotional stability.

While men need to "prove", women need to "understand".

It is this need for understanding and acceptance that throws every women out of the lifeboat of serenity and into the emotionally turbulent facets of her life.

Does she "fit in"?

Will she be "appreciated"?

Is her "love" good enough?

All these crowding doubts cause women to create "fantasy windows" through which she can view the love and affection of others, even if that love and those affections have yet to be realized.

This is extremely prevalent when a woman is using an online dating service, meeting men and exchanging many emails with a "great catch" of a man found online.

Women are attracted to certain types of men, and in the narrow focus of an online dating profile, it's easy to place that man and his profile into her fantasy window where she can now find happiness with a man that is close to her ideal man, without the risk of rejection.

There is no rejection until she and her man meet face to face.

It is very important to understand this.

You can exchange all the emails, text messages and winks, smiles and all other types of digital communication without a fear of rejection because you are not completely "exposed" to that possibility.

Women only become exposed to the possibility of rejection when that first meeting is set to take place between her and the man she has found online.

Should this initial meeting in person be delayed, for reasons of convenience or distance, then that fantasy window fills the voids of personal, intimate contact, at which time a real decision needs to be made about the actual suitability of the man as a date/lover/mate.

Rejection is a real-time, in your face, gut reaction that occurs instinctively, a judgment that happens quickly between two people and what they can offer each other.

Now, think about this for a second:

how long does it normally take for you to decide what type a guy is when you first meet him?

Is attraction something that you can force upon yourself?

No, of course not.

Within a split second you have decided the suitability of any man that you have met in person, and related that opinion towards other opinions that you have towards jobs, marital/familial statuses, personalities and attractiveness.

But, and this is a big one, these opinions are not available to be made when you are reading someone's online profile, or when you are reading someone's email you have received.

Your fantasy window works overtime to complete the picture and add details that are not otherwise known to you.

And when you complete the picture of a man in your mind in this way you are opening yourself up to dreadful rejection because what you believe to be certain of is really just a fantasy you have created.

The man you think you've just met online does not exist!

Typically, women respond with emotions, dreams and needs to the emails they receive from men.

The fantasy window supplies the details and she will add her own needs to what she emails back to the man she has met online.

Her emotions run high, her dreams and fantasies add details and excitement to the thought of that next email she will receive from him.

Does he understand her as she believes she does?

Of course not.

But this reality check does not suffice to end the torment of meeting the man in person and having these dreams, ideals and fantasies dashed and smashed by his real person.

Doe she respond to her emails in the way she wants and needs him to reply?

Of course he does, because he could say almost nothing at all and she will read into each word, each smiley face, each hint of excitement, that he is her true man, her ideal, that fantasy man she keeps locked away in her heart and her imagination.

How do women recover from this rejection that happens?

Is this toughness of finding love, these rejections of her ideal man (the actuality of profile to person), and the unwillingness to get help other than consolation from friends a necessary part of life and love?

Of course it isn't.

You have to learn how to deal with the realness of online dating to prepare yourself, and protect yourself, from this fantasy projection of your ideal man onto the profile and person of the men you meet online.

You've read the realities above.

You are now better prepared.

Just understand your needs in a man, in a date, in a friendship and you'll be a better, less emotionally dependent on making your fantasy a reality and better prepared at keeping fantasy for another time in your life.

Happier online dating is coming your way.

For more online dating truths for women, check out


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