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Buy some political nonsense

Updated on February 21, 2012

Join the political fray

Everyone wants to pay less taxes, get more free stuff from the government, and enjoy their favorite candidates on election day. We can't all be involved in the day-to-day sturm and drang of down-and-dirty political infighting, but we can purchase political stuff online from reputable retailers. Here are just a few optimal buying opportunities for political nonsense. Whip out your credit card before the next election rolls around. Tell everyone what you think.

Obama Toaster

Wake up every morning to the promise of hope and change and buttered toast. It's part of a well-balanced breakfast. Simply plug it into a common kitchen outlet, pop in a slice of your favorite bread, and watch a few minutes of your local morning news on broadcast TV. You don't even need cable TV. In just seconds a delicious toasted treat replete with a presidential face will be ready for you.

It's also a wonderful snack that will go great with your next Beer Summit.

Republican Party political bumper sticker decal

If your gas-guzzling Escalade leaves any doubt of your political affiliation, slap on one or five of these handy stickers. Show everyone waiting behind you in the drive-through at Taco Bell whom you plan to vote for after you finish your bean burritos.

Water resistant and liberal-proof, this sticker is guaranteed to cover up donkey stickers and also bullet holes.

Don't Tread on Me Diaper Bag

Sure, you have a baby, but are you providing diapers in a properly politicized tote bag? Do you want your child to grow up with no external political influences? Order a few of these handy carriers for all the loved ones in your life who have a baby or may at some point have a baby. The government may put us all in detention camps any day now: you will wish that your diapers were handy.

GIRLS FOR OBAMA Pinback Button

Girls can vote, just like everyone else. Proudly share your affinity for a particular political figure by pinning this politically massive button onto your outerwear. No one will doubt where you stand on the major issues of the day.

It's a pretty pink button festooned with progressive political thought rendered in feminine fonts. The voting booth needs a little dolling up: have a few to hand out on election day.

Toiletry Travel Bag Peace Symbol

If you don't festoon your toiletry travel bag with a peace symbol, the other Occupiers might shun you. We can think of no other toiletry travel bag that offers a better political message when passing through airport security. Everyone favors peace. Pack your bag with 3 ounce increments of lotions and creams and makeup, then stroll causally past all the unfortunate travelers who didn't read the fine print.

PEZ Political Party Animal Candy Dispenser

Even left-wing radicals and neo-conservatives can come together to enjoy candy. Dispense tablets of sugary joy at your next Tea Party rally or Dean's office sit-in or midnight online chat session to plan the next school levy campaign. Nothing joins us like Pez.

The same candy fits in either dispenser. If you don't see your favored political party listed here, join one of the parties that are listed here: it's well worth the effort when the expected outcome is tasty Pez.

Desktop Political Globe

There's only one copy of this little blue marble we call home, but politics has conspired to chop it into numerous confused apportions according to political wants and needs. You need a scorecard, else you won't be able to keep up when a political conversation breaks out at the Taco Bell employees meeting. Obtain a few copies of this political globe to secure your social standing amongst the members of your favored political party.

Political Cufflinks

Shirt sleeves tend toward unruly without appropriate cufflinks. Advertise your conservative cogitations or progressive preferences while concurrently containing recalcitrant cuffs. These devices are specially designed to pump up the volume while accepting a nomination or declining to pursue political office.

Feel free to wear the Republican cufflink on the left sleeve and the Democrat cufflink on the right sleeve. When the camera focuses on you, Cable TV political pundits will have something to debate for weeks to come.

Gold Plated Political Donkey Head Pin

Very few symbols represent politics as well as a gold-plated donkey with its' mouth open. Perhaps a platinum encrusted elephant stomping on a migrant worker or a greasy weasel voting to outsource jobs or a grinning hyena shredding The Bill of Rights are also equally appropriate. Anyway, this donkey pin will have to suffice until someone manufactures the other anthropomorphized symbols in a factory paying a fair wage for reasonable work.

Washington Silver Quarter

Washington was a president, therefore such coins remotely relate to the general topic of this thesis. George did not find it necessary to campaign in the colonoscopic style that modern candidates must endure, but he did serve admirably in a war. Commemorate him with a 90% silver coin no longer minted by the US Government. Save them until the price of silver scrap reaches heights sufficient to fund a college education, or buy yourself a bag of chips.

Political Mugs

One thing no collector should overlook is a healthy set of drinking mugs decorated with political aphorisms commemorating great moments in political history. You can plant flowers in them, too.

The selection changes regularly as political hopefuls fall prey to declining poll numbers or precipitous drops in campaign donations from well-meaning lobbyists. Get them while you still can.

Conclusion

It's everywhere. Political nonsense can be ordered online at your convenience. Don't be the only political apparatchik on your block without this cool stuff.

Comments

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    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @breakfastpop : It has a 4 year warranty.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      One day that toaster will be worth a fortune!

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Theeyeballkid: Thank you for your kind words.

      @drbj: That's politics for you!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      I would hate to be caught dead, nicomp, WITHOUT any one of these exceptional political items. On the other hand, I would hate to be caught dead WITH any one of them.

    • Theeyeballkid profile image

      Theeyeballkid 6 years ago

      LOL, very funny hub nicomp!

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