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Fun Facts About Debt Relief

Updated on April 29, 2011

Fun Facts About Debt Relief

Let's talk about debt relief

OK. What would you like to know?

Start from the beginning. What is debt?

Debt implies that you owe someone something. In this case the 'something' refers to money. The relief part implies that you don't want to owe it any more.

That sounds good. How do I get relief from my debt?

Here in the United States we no longer enforce debtor's prison. You have the freedom to walk away from your debts.

All of them?

Well, not exactly. Debt relief from overdue taxes is a little more tricky. The government needs your contributions.

But I can walk away from private debt?

Pretty much. Somewhere in a computer your name will be forever associated with a very low credit score, you will be forever hounded by collection agencies, your debt will continue to accrue, you won't be able to borrow any more money, your job prospects will be severely limited, you won't get a credit card, you won't be able to rent a car or an apartment, and small animals will gnaw at your ankles, but otherwise your life will continue normally.

OK. I will have to live in my parent's basement and pay cash for everything. No problem.

Many folks live happy and prosperous lives 'off the grid' without a need for credit.

I wanna be one of those people. I want debt relief.

Unfortunately for you, those people build a life for themselves without the need for credit, which means they will never need debt relief. And they probably won't welcome you and your debt cloud.

OK. OK. I can't simply walk away from my debt. I get it now. What else can I do to relieve my soul-crushing and ever-increasing personal debt?

You can talk to a debt counseling service or a high-powered attorney. Short of that, you could lobby Congress to pay off your debts like they did for AIG, General Motors, Chrysler (twice), Wells Fargo, CitiGroup, Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, and The Freeport State Bank in Harper, Kansas. Among Others.

I don't know any congresspeople.

That's probably good: something about laying down with dogs and getting up with fleas...

Anyway, who can help me with debt relief?

Huge volumes of circling attorneys stand ready to help you file bankruptcy, renegotiate your debt structures, and generally end up paying less than you actually owe.

Are these attorneys difficult to find?

Oh, yes. They hide in tiny back-alley offices and carefully avoid advertising their services. They prefer to play golf and eat quiche.

A joke. I get it.

Duh. Recent studies indicate that every 3rd web site offers a debt relief service or publishes an advertisement for such. If you can't find a debt relief service, you are probably browsing the wrong Internet.

Do these high-powered attorneys cost a lot of money?

Hmm... who do you think pays for their tiny offices and their lack of advertising?

I see. How can I pay attorney fees for debt relief services when I already have a massively ponderous amount of debt that is ruining my life, through no fault of my own?

The attorneys will help you find funding sources.

Really?

They only want the best for you.

Ah. Another joke.

Do I have any other options besides engaging expensive attorneys?

Sure. Many private companies offer credit counseling and financial guidance. For example, Dave Ramsey teaches a series of courses called "Financial Peace University" and also sells books, tapes, books on tape, podcasts, smoke signals, temporary tattoos, DVDs, and interpretive dance. Mr. Ramsey emphasizes a responsible approach to debt repayment.

Very cool. Anyone else?

An organization called Freedom Debt Relief offers counseling and referral services along with debt settlement programs. They also provide an affiliate program; you can start your own debt relief organization using their resources.

Wow! Thanks!

You're welcome. Now stop putting chewing gum on your credit card.

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    • Zakmoonbeam profile image

      Michael Murchie 7 years ago from Parts Unknown

      Really enjoyed reading this! Thank you for bringing a smile to this otherwise dull Thursday :)

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      mmmmmm...... bacon.....

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      I suppose so, if your ankles are covered with bacon fat! :)

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: Well, it could happen! :)

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      "small animals will gnaw at your ankles"? You're too much, nicomp.

    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 7 years ago from Moundsville, WV

      nicomp,

      Are you trying to ruin the American way of life by telling people how to get out of debt?

      How can we avoid unemployment in China and India if Amercan consumers don't borrow more money?