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How to Evict an Adult Child From Your Home

Updated on April 21, 2016

Many parents these days are faced with having an adult child living with them who has lost his or her job, gotten into legal or financial trouble, or has become difficult to impossible to live with. Keep in mind, even though they are adults, children still should abide by the rules in your house. That could include anything from simply keeping his or her room clean or helping with chores to more difficult topics like not bringing illegal drugs into your house or not bringing people home for sleepovers (which would have been cute when they were 10, but is awkward now that they are adults).

Eviction May Be the Answer

If your relationship has broken down so much that straight honest talk goes nowhere or your adult child is doing things to endanger you or the rest of your family, it's time to take action. However, in real life, eviction is not as simple as Failure to Launch may make it sound.

For example, did you know that in most states, adult children living in their parents' homes are considered to have squatters' rights even though they are paying no rent? In an ideal world, you could simply ask them to leave or change the locks and put their clothing by the curb while they are away. However, the law protects renters—even those who don't pay their rent! There are even laws against you being able to put their things on the curb. You will have to go through the eviction process and evict your own child. It may seem harsh, but situations can get so extreme that you are left with little or no choice.

Starting the Process

A smart way to cover your bases is to give your expectations for living in your home to your child in writing. Outline exactly which behaviors you will not tolerate and have him or her sign. Get it notarized if possible. Specify the consequences, i.e., eviction, of violating the rules. This sets up a tenant/landlord relationship and gives then guidelines for behavior in black and white. Then, if they violate the "terms of the lease," it will come as no surprise when you begin the eviction process.

Get the Law on Your Side

Research the laws in your state concerning the eviction process. Every state has different guidelines. Call your local magistrate's office, since eviction is a civil matter. What they will ask you to do in most cases is sign an affidavit and fill out paperwork to start the process at your local courthouse. Some counties actually have the form on line, which will speed the process considerably. There is generally a filing fee of anywhere from $30 to $90. Trust me, if your adult child is causing legal or financial problems for you, this is money well spent!

After you file the eviction paperwork, your adult child will be served with an eviction notice. This is where things may get very uncomfortable at your home for a while. The entire process can take anywhere from 10 days to months depending on the state and even the county you live in. Many children become so incensed when they realize they are being evicted, they will leave of their own accord (a good thing). However, I have known of some hard cases who refused to budge. Stick to your guns, parents! The sanity you save may be your own!

Serve Them Notice

After children have been served their eviction notices, they generally have an opportunity for a hearing to plead their case. Yes, shocking, isn't it? But laws are set up to protect renters, even if the process seems bordering on ridiculous when you apply it to your own non-rent paying adult child. If your child has no valid defense, the eviction process will continue. In some cases, renters will be given the opportunity to remedy the situation, but if your child has been giving you grief for several years, 30 days is hardly enough to turn his or her life around!

Tough Love Sometimes Is the Only Course of Action

Paperwork still has to be filed with the sheriff's office, which often has to issue a motion to evict. The law may even give the renter anywhere from 30-90 days to vacate the property. Once the time has passed, if your child still refuses to move, you may legally move his or her things (very nicely packaged) to the curb for trash pick-up. Don't forget to change your locks!

Eviction is an extreme measure to use against your adult child, but there are cases where it is certainly warranted and the only remedy to an impossible situation. Talk first, try to come to an understanding, but if nothing comes from your talking until you're blue in the face, start the process. It's your home and you have the right to say who lives there and what goes on there!

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      Dilip 4 weeks ago

      How to legally evict 35 years old son, girlfriend & dog living free in my house?

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      Janet 4 months ago

      Thank u for this valuable information I Am a disabled 61 widow putting up with a 41 year old abusive alcoholic non paying rent or any bills son n our phones are connected i paid last 5 bills i tend to stay in my bedroom to avoid his cigarette smoke i quit due to my health 5 years ago

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      DIYweddingplanner 5 months ago from South Carolina, USA

      Sounds like it's time for mom to set down some rules and deadlines. This is a full grown adult taking full advantage.

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      Sallyann 5 months ago

      My son is 43.10 years ago he divorced he has 3 children the youngest was 2 at the time.As he had no money and nowhere to be with the children I bought a house and cared for them all for the last 10 years.In all that time he has never worked.He sits day and night on the computer.He never wanted to do anything with the children .He is dirty .untidy and workshy .Now my savings are running out and I'm worried sick.

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      Mother losing sanity 6 months ago

      I have an adult child who is,23 years old with an attitude which is so out of line. She moved out March 2016 to her 1st apartment, in October 2016 moved back home. She was evicted after missing 3 months of rent 2 of those months we actually gave her money to pay but found out the day of eviction that she lied. 1 week later 2 months of reared utility bills also not paid equalling $2300 in rent $598 in utility. She moved in without a job & also dropped out of college. Our agreement was $50/weekly & save money from working to move into another place.

      Found out after 2 months of being lied to about money saved only to find out money was spent on hotels rooms with boyfriend. After that same issue no money being saved after leaving here for 1& 1/2 weeks spent her funds($525) at a friend home.Finally back home again no money saved to move into another place, gave away her money to her friend & purchased food for the friends home. Seriously? Now I am so furious because the constant lying & when I confront her,she wants to get angry with me but she's the one with the issues. Then yesterday I had to pay $160 for her tooth extraction because again no money. Its now 4 months & she still has no money, won't clean herself or our house, sits around all day watching tv or laying in her bed texting or online. What am i suppose to do?

    • DIYweddingplanner profile image
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      DIYweddingplanner 8 months ago from South Carolina, USA

      Many times I don't think parents realize the impact of the turmoil on younger siblings until the older children are finally out of the house. My own son absolutely blossomed. I had no idea how much pain it was causing him watching the constant conflict and never being able to have any attention for himself. I feel like he lost a big piece of his childhood having to witness some of what he had to see. No child should have to go through that.

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      D.M. 8 months ago

      Thank you for this info. I went through this with my oldest and I am quite certain I may have to again. It's good information for parents that have younger children in the house that may be negatively affected by an older sibling's actions. My job is to mother and care for those too young to do so for themselves. I had a 5 year old when I had to evict my eldest. It was very difficult. She was 18 and very verbally abusive to the little ones, so she had to go.

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      jo 10 months ago

      good info on process. Doesnt look like we have the rights they have.

      Filing will cause much stress for us.

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      frustrated in bama 11 months ago

      Thank You. I am going through the same thing.. It's good and bad to know that I am not alone. This generation of entitled brats needs to be stopped. I moved to Alabama to stay with my daughter and family 8 months ago They are 34 and 35. I am raising my two youngest grandkids and I am 58. When I came here it was all fine. For the first month.They wanted to help with the kids and all. They have two teenagers. I came here to start new. to get the kids away from the drama of the parents. BTW their mom my daughter has finally gotten her life in order and is trying and has come to live here to. I lived in their home for 5 months. During that time, I paid for their bankruptcy, dental bills, bought all the groceries and I did not pay any of their bills. Bought Christmas for everyone. Did what I thought was right. I had money in savings and a small retirement check. Since being here I have found a good job and I love it. I purchased a large house so we could all live in it. The agreement was they pay 1/2 the bills. When they got their finances in order I would sell them the house for what is owed on it. They have decided not to pay their part and refuse to leave. I am not allowed to speak to my older grandkids and if I do they lie and say I said things I didnt. They do no chores around the house unless they feel like it. THe 14 yr old grandson stays in his room on xbox ALL the time. He doesnt mow doesnt clean. Nothing.. The 15 year old granddaughter does nothing either. My daughter works.Her husband lost his job in July and hasnt tried to find another one. He stays gone all night doing Lord knows what. and she stays on the phone with him half the night crying.. I have voiced my opinion about it, but was told it was none of my business. I am not allowed to speak or state an opinion or I am a smartass, probalby because I said if the kids can work a cell phone and an xbox they can work a washer and mower. None of my business. I filed a police report last week because of the activity going on in the garage. Not sure if there was stolen merchandise or what being stored in my garage. I filed a report just to cover my but in case it was. I had a stove stored in the garage and it is missing. but they have improptu yard sales at will. I am sure they sold it, when I asked they said they hadnt seen it. I took the room above the garage to stay so there family could stay in the main house. I am not allowed to walk through their room which is off the garage to go to the bathroom, so i have to go outside and then back through the fromt. To date me and my grandkids they are 5 and 6 and there mother are staying in the room above the garage. I have a cooler of ice to keep drinks and milk cold and have taken my microwave out of the kitchen we can use it to cook. Its a sad situation, and they think they do no wrong. I placed the eviction notice on the door this morning for them. I am done. I pay all the bills, mortgage and all. they turn the air down to 65 in the house and when I go to the bathroom I turn it back up to 72. They are planning on leaving according to what he told the police on his terms. He called the police after he got mad this morning I turned the air up and the breaker blew. He accused me of doing it and called the police. I am too old and tired to live under this kind of stress. My daughter doesnt speak to me other than to cuss me. She stays in her room with the doors locked. Its really sad for her because she chooses to stay with someone who treats her badly. They have made no effort to move forward with life, ie get there finances fixed , get a job(him), pay their way. I cant speak to them without them yelling at me. Its a bad situation and I want my grandkids that I am raising to be safe in their own home. There has been no phyiscal abuse, as of yet. I'm tired of the drama. and just want a quiet peaceful rest of my life. So the process has started and I hope it ends soon.. I had my bank account and credit cards compromised last week twice so had to order new cards, and am having them sent to my bank to pick up, he is home all day and Im not sure he didnt have something to do with the theft. I'm just praying this ends soon.

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      Proberts 13 months ago

      I have a different situation. When my father died 12 years ago he suggested that i move in with my mother so i could be there when she got to the point of needing help. After a year my mom saidvit was ok and i have lived there now for 11 years. I just turned 65 and my mother is 92. She has always been a complainer but i lived with that. I have always been respectful. I paid half the utilities up until about 3 years ago. I was on disability for a job injury. When that ended i had no income. I got on food stamps and general relief until this year when i started receiving social security. I pay her what ever i have left each month and buy my own food but some months i don't heave anything to give her. A year ago she invited my daughter and two grandkids to move in here from texas, we are in California. My daughter had lost her job and was loosing her apartment. I had nothing to do with my daughter comming here. In the beginning it was fine but then my mom started saying we were trying to take over her house. Which is not true. My brother wants us out of here and has convinced mom to evict us. I know he is hoping that she will take me out of her will which leaves more for him. My daughter was never asked tonpay anything but to just get back on her feet. We have been staying in our bedrooms all the time, out only to make meals. At first she would eat with us ad a family but then stopped and eats by herslf. My rs ex husband died april 2 and she is waiting to see what income she will get for the kids in social security. She has a part time job two days a week.

      A month ago mom gave us a 60 day notice to vacate. I am living on 88 a month and don't have anything left to rent even a room. Mom told me i can go to a shelter. My daughter won't have anything untin ss is figured out. I don't know what to do. We don't bother mom, in fact i am in my room all the time. I can't work because i had back surgery 9 months ago and have lots of pain.

      We are not bad abusive children. Mom is making it terrible to stay especially for my grandkids cuz she is constantly bad mouthing them and lying to my brother about how bad we all are. Like i said i don't know what to do. I guess i could go to a shelter but i can't see my grandkids living like that. They are good kids who go to school and just started football. It a mess.

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      Kenneth 14 months ago

      I have a terrible situation. My youngest sister is the 'Adult' child who is living with my parents. She is 42 years old. She can't keep a job. She's an alchoholic and drug addict. About 8 years ago her personal addictions caught up with her and she went to prison for 2 years. She had a boy and a girl, roughly 6 and 8 years old. She had recently got a divorce so she and her 2 kids lived with my parents. Well, fast forward 8 years, and 4 rehabs, a DUI and 3 car accidents, she is still living with my parents at age 42. About 5 years ago, my parents obtained legal custody of the kids where they were raised by my parents while my sister was in and out of prison and rehab. Today the kids are 16 and 18 years old. The oldest graduated highschool. My parents are both 75 years old and still putting up with daily emotional fatigue because of my sister and her addictions and abusive behavior. My parents have missed out on their 'good years' in life and have been forced to raise their grandchildren while putting up with my sister on a daily basis. I need to take desperate action in order to salvage whats left of my parents remaining years. Since we know there is no hope for a cure, we know that my sister will continue her indulging of drugs and alcohol until it finally kills her. My biggest fear is one or both of my parents will not live to see this day. What can my parents do legally to remove my sister from their house? Is it formerly getting her evicted and then filing a restraining order ? Yes, I fear for my parents especially when she drinks, she does get violent with them. The unfortunate thing is I live in NC and my parents live in CT. I'm trying to see what my next steps would be. Eviction seems like the way to go. Keep it within the law and then issue the restraining order after that? If i can salvage a few years for my precious parents while they still have the strength to take care of themselves, this will be so worth it. -KP

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      DIYweddingplanner 14 months ago from South Carolina, USA

      Michele,

      My heart breaks for you and believe me, I understand. Sometimes hard choices have to be made and they may not be easy, but for everyone involved, they are the right ones. Keeping you in my thoughts. Good luck.

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      Michele 14 months ago

      I have just started the eviction process with my 23 year old son. It has been a nightmare for years. My son has been in rehab 4 times. I had just moved back into my house after living with my boyfriend for 3 years. I had renters in the top two levels of my house and a basement studio. I created this situation to help my son. The renters ended up begging to get out of the lease because of the constant partying my son was doing. People there 24/7. In addition; only paid rent twice in 13 months. I move back in to my house in March. I was woken up every night, 2, 3 or 4 am constantly. Loud partying. Drunk loud "friends". I can't even list all the sacrifices I had made for him. It's clear I became his enabler out of love for my child, but he is not a child anymore. My heart breaks at the thoughts of what my son's future will be but I have a 16 year old son that has chosen the same path of his older brother and I have to protect my younger son from the older son's abusive, destructive, drug and alcoholic lifestyle.

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      Debbie 15 months ago

      I have been searching for help for quite awhile and my precious girlfriend who knows what my husband and I have been going through, sent me your link. I cannot thank you enough for the guidance you put together here for people who are obviously so broken hearted, desperate and have no idea where to turn. In our particular case both of our adult children who are living in our home, no longer respect any rules or us as their parents. They think they can talk to us any way they want. They are up all hours of the night...no regard for their parents who are sleeping and who are the only 2 bringing in any money to pay the bills. They have people over all night long, stereo going, life's just a party for them. They don't contribute financially or by doing any chores. They are actually slowly destroying our home. Carpet, walls, dishes etc. etc.. Also we've had to battle over things that shouldn't be in our house too! Which is where the real deal breaker comes in for us as parents. We can't imagine we're doing them any favors by 'approving' this behavior any longer....not to mention losing our sanity in the meantime. We love them (their still our kids) but they have to go!

      Thank you again...

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      Jenn 16 months ago

      Yes, I am a parent in this predicament. It's a very tough and heart wrenching situation to be in. You hit a breaking point after your kid has completed 12 years of therapy, 14 months of inpatient therapy, 1 year of in home wrap around services through compass health which was a joke, multiple at risk youth petitions, several court cases invloving domestic violence because your son keeps hitting you, theft, lying, getting to know every officer in the county bc you need the police at your house 1-3 X almost daily during some months, family therapy, yearly school IEP's, to hundereds of meetings with school officials over the years. My spouse and I too have under went couples therapy, personal therapy, family therapy then onto teaching new parents coping skills newly going into this process. We have run the entire gamut of things to do. We've also worked with multiple local runaway shelters as well as taken several classes on dealing with difficult children. I for one cannot wait until our son is 18, I am and will evict him immediately. I'm done, I'm so done. He know has a very serious charge pending which I will not state here. I have been emotionally tormented for too many years and now is time to take care of me. I love my son, I know in my heart there is nothing more I could have done, I have done more than most parents, I have no regrets, I have taught him well, and taught me well in the process, I hope he makes good decisions but I am done, done, done put a fork in me I'm done. All those domestic violence charges he has because he hit me, yes I sat in court with him. He yelled at me in court one time, why in the hell are you here! I said because I'm your mom, I support you, and I love you. We will get through this together. I have faith one day, I can be happy again. It's time to take care of me. He has 4 months to go until his 18th birthday. I'm currently helping him setup a plan to vacate.

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      LincolnLights2012 17 months ago

      It seems like life has a way of playing tricks on us. Five years ago I wrote on this blog and continued to write over the last several years off and on. I can see that when I was in this position my son was newly home from the war and was having a lot of difficulty. Now it's five years later and after several stents in rehab he was doing well. Then he showed back up on my door again and has been here for five months. Again lots of calls the police Who tell me to go through the eviction process. Now he's had another law I counter and went to jail until he bailed himself. I refused to let him come back home. So now he is in a hotel and texting me angry messages. It was helpful to look back over my notes from five years ago on this blog and to recognize that nothing has really changed with him. I fear for what his outcome will be, but I cannot let him come back to my house. I wonder at times what it will take for him to really make any change in his life. I am 61 now and I was 57 when I started writing on this blog. I truly pray that he will get the help he needs. I put all of his things into storage so he cannot come back here and I am thinking I may need to get another protection order. It's terrible that as parents we feel we need to have security systems We don't sleep well because we worry and wait for the next shoe to drop. I'm truly getting too old for this.

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      Drained 17 months ago

      Any advice when it's your step children. My husband has 7 children. No all do not live with us, actually they all but one never lived with us. But 2 months ago the mother of 5 who is clinically insane found herself homeless once more and we found ourselves saddled with 3 more of the 5 making 4 of his total living all of a sudden. Ages 23g 22b 19b and 17b. I don't mind the 17 and 19 yr old, but the two adults that do not believe in work or respect have to go. I've talked, I've yelled, I've accepted month after month of promises to vacate, but dad keeps making excuses why they need to stay. I am at my wits end. They do not and will never like me due to the divorce and scorned mother and I am uninterested in caring. I just want them gone. I know it will probably cause my marriage but I willing to suffer that loss. My peace and sanity is far more important. They help with nothing. The 22yr old male aspires to be a rapper. And the 23 yr old female is a nasty bottle collecting fairy who lives in a fairy tale world of being a producer cause she makes videos of herself for fun. Neither of these adults have any in tension of living peacefully with me. I want them gone. My husband is their father and I don't expect him to choose me but I don't expect him to expect me to accept the disrespect of two worthless adults walking in and out of my home with mates and friends with at times a "hey" as a greeting. I'm a pretty solid fighter. I raised a son of my own who is a solider, I myself work for home land security and I take no shorts from folks, but a marriage is causing me to humble myself and not explode on these loaders in my home. Please realize their is alot more to my story but I certainly couldn't explain it all here. I guess what I want is to know an eviction notice is ok. I'm trying to remain calm each and every day. It's getting very very very hard....... someone help.

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      mattie 17 months ago

      I have a 19yr old son my oldest of 4 sons. He just started working in dec 2015 a fairly good job that I filled out the application. So he is overly disrespectful I have asked him to pay $50 a week to contribute to the home . He will agree until pay day which is on Friday but he stays out then he comes back he is broke by Sunday but not without his $150, $200 shoes. All I ask for was $50 a week. On top of not paying he is very disrespectful to me and everyone . I have given him a 5 day notice to pay or quit. He is not taking it seriously so now I'm evicting him.

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      LincolnLights2012 23 months ago

      Girlfrommidwest,

      Adult children are scary to us 60s women. You find that males who have mental health issues especially are scary. We don't sleep well when they are in the house and we become sleep deprived. The best option is that she file a protection order. Cite that he has been abusive. They will mandate that he stays away from her and her home. It will force him to get help. Call the police if he violates it. Mean it!! You can also call the adult abuse hotline. Your mom needs protected.

      The longer she waits the worse it will get. Her quality of life depends on it. I had to file a protection order. It was the only recourse. Then buy a security system.

    • profile image

      girlfrommidwest 23 months ago

      I don't know if this will be read or get a reply but need to try for advice. My brother 30s, lives with mom 60s, he's manpulative and abusive mostly emotional/verbal and some physical, bruised her many times and injured in other ways once or twice. He was taken after a social worker was involved. Social worker guessed he may be schizo or similar. He was evaluated, they say it's mood disorder/ aspergers/autism but Dr wouldn't sign off for him to be put in a place. Now mom wonders what else to do or when to, he's no better than before. Will cops and/or Dr help at all or any more if know history and how acts? Don't know if to contact cops or social worker, she's not involved now so it's hard to reach out. He's pushed her, pinned himself on her, grabbed, stomped, blocked her path. He calls her "stupid" "fat" "jerk", yells at top of his lungs in her face. He's said she "should be beat", has threatened to throw her into the wall. She has actually been knocked on the floor by him. He's defiant at times keeping TV loud and won't turn down. He's belittled me, gotten in my face about to push me and has hit me in the head. Most of his anger directed at Mom though. He doesn't drive, have a job or do chores. If ever does chore very rare and limited, blames or makes excuses if not doing. There are more things he does that shouldn't be allowed but what I've described are main concerns.

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      salsagirl1953 2 years ago

      Hi Everyone. About 3 years ago I was going through the agony of kicking my kids out of the house due to drug addiction and the verbal abuse of me and my husband. I took the very hard step of going to court and having my son evicted. Despite his claims that he had no where to go, he did land on a friend's couch. He has asked me one time to allow him to come back home but I refused. Now he has a good job, an apartment of his own, and has blessed me with a grandson. We are on friendly terms.

      My daughter was using meth and I kicked her out too. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. She wandered the streets and stayed with her "druggie" friends for a few months. Finally, the light bulb went on and she asked me to help her get into a drug rehab program. She has now been clean and sober for three years, has a part-time job and our relationship has never been better.

      Parents, hang in there. Tough love is hard but the rewards are well worth it the heartache.

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      adult child of abusive mother 2 years ago

      My daughter who is now 16 and i have been living with my mother since she sold my home for 450,000 and kept it herself. I was also in a near fatal car accident in 2007 which left me disabled. I do not pay rent however i do all the cooking cleaning etc. She is heavily addicted to several pills and lies around and does nothing except look for ways to argue with me. She had attacked me more than once and verbally and emotionally abuses my daughter and myself. Now she wants to evict me and my daughter because she says we can not get along. Any feedback appreciated.

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      KenSch 2 years ago

      The thing that gets me too is the fact that he's claimed that she feels awkward and that I "intimidate" her (I've never, ever confronted or argued with her). One time he said that *she* thinks the situation is "pretty messed up". I was gobsmacked when he said this. SHE'S the one who's coming into the house without my mother's approval or my acceptance, and she basically ensconces herself in "their" room, and she makes it seem like the problem lies elsewhere????

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      KenSch 2 years ago

      Just an update -- it's still going on. I've been notified that the girlfriend will be "visiting" for another six months starting end of July. As with the last "visit" I'm the one who informed my mom. This time she literally almost rolled out her bed. Unfortunately not only do I have to deal with my mom's issues (granted, she's actually improved psychologically), but apparently now whatever it is that's at work in my brother . Nobody I've talked to isn't perplexed by their concept of relationship -- but nobody will get involved. The one problem I have is believably conveying what the dynamic in the household is. It comes across as exaggeration or fault-finding rather than an accurate assessment o the situation. My brother has always somehow garnered admiration and respect in public and people won't get that's it's different behind closed doors. I'm not up on all the psychology stuff so I don't know what he is exactly. I figure he's a psychopath. I saw a program on I believe "high functioning" psychopath corporate types and what was discussed pretty much described him. I don't get the girlfriend. I think she may be an alcoholic or have her own anxiety or depression issues (like mom). During her visit she'll spend about 98% of the time in "their" room, except when they go on their "vacations". It's almost inconceivable that a woman would put up with this sort of arrangement, but she does for whatever reason. I'll admit I had a feeling it would come to this when she "finished" her studies, but on the other hand I figured that since she lived alone while in Europe she would prefer her independence and couldn't tolerate this. Guess I was wrong...

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      bob 2 years ago

      Hello. I know that this comment may go unnoticed but I care for your input. I am a young adult who just turned twenty, today actually, and am thinking about making my future, but need time. I have been looking for a job, and have been told to find one, repeatedly, and have being never asked even for an interview with clubs, volunteer work, ap courses, and a solid 3.0 rising to about a 3.3 in my first semester of college: I have not been asked for a job interview out of a dozen jobs I have applied to, and this includes taco bell.

      My parents have subscribed to the theory of tough love, as they always have, and within a year I will be out. This subscription has led me to become analyzed with moderate depression, and suicidal tendencies, while at the same time they discouraged me for my entire young life, to this point, to not go to friends homes because I could be raped and killed; as a young boy. As an adult presumably with children of her own, how would one of your children hold your attention just long enough to look towards colleges, give the financial records and responsibilities for college to the kid, and perhaps aid them in their search before offering the boot? Every time I speak to my parents they say do everything on your own but I do not have a budget, social security number, a job, credit card, car, and so on; in the north, in the country, where jobs are a fair distance from home, winter makes walking impossible to travel, and college is a little more expensive then the past generation.

      I'm not trying to sound aggressive, but I don't even know my insurance information, and no I can't presume to know other adult kids, but I know my situation. I know me getting a job and help paying for food for my parents, who one is disabled, and helping around the house is better than me being homeless and having one crying over guilt. Any thoughts?

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      Geri Wendell 2 years ago

      I need some advice I have been living with a family member for over three years.I have my space and it usually work out.But in the last few months if I'm not doing thing their way they threaten to kick me out. I attempted to talk things out but nothing works. Is there anything I can do to protect myself? I pay my share of the bills ontime and pay for things when they break around the house. I'm not a free loader....

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      DIYweddingplanner 2 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Have you read any of the comments above? If you have and think these behaviors are ok, and even worse, blame these people's parents, you, my friend, are part of the problem.

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      JDoe 2 years ago

      "And why aren't we talking about "adult children" who have been mistreated by their parents? If my mother were to add to this blog, she would make me out to be one of the same monsters from some of the parents' posts above. And you would respond to her exactly as you have to every upset parent - with support and prayers for their situation. The trouble here is that you don't know all the details. Who knows? Maybe you have inadvertently made some 20-something-year-old's life a little bit harder, by supporting an abusive parent or parents. Sometimes parents don't even know that their treatment of their child is abusive. Most of the ones who do know that are buried so deeply in denial that they will continue it until the day they die."

      ^THIS. A thousand times THIS. I was considering responding but this man put it perfectly.

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      DIYweddingplanner 2 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Margaux, if you can afford it, get a family court attorney to represent you and go to court for an emergency hearing for you to get emergency custody of your grandson. Document everything she is doing in a diary and share it with your attorney. You should be able to get a hearing quickly. At least you can keep your grandchild safe until she can get control of her life.

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      margeaux 2 years ago

      i have an 18 year old with an 9 month old son,she is not abusive but do to no experience with baby or children ever she tends to be neglectful in his well being.To me she is disrespectful,verbally abusive in front of anyone throughs things,if I lock my bedroom door she bangs on it screams out loud steals from me any mess never cleans flips when i ask ignores me.lazy with baby except when she takes him off the shelf to play if you understand what I mean,leaves him with me to lies about wheres she going.So much more.We left her dad due to abuse and I feel like that mouse trapped again bringing back memorys getting mentally weaker.I want her to leave with or without my grandson Im willing to keep him till she gets help how do I go about it what step first.Pleasehelp

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      ohmo 2 years ago

      TotheSelfishOnes - word of advice, if your mother is unstable and emotionally abusive, then move out. Lots of people at age 19 go to school and work full time. Also, going to school after high school is not to be "rewarded", rather, it is a "privilege" that people earn. If you mother is paying your tuition, then she deserves respect and you should follow her rules. Best Wishes to you...

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      Laura 2 years ago

      Totheselfishones - sounds like your mom is very manipulative. However most of these parents are the ones being manipulated. Drug addition does require tough love. Which has been done in trying to get their children help but you cant make someone want ot better themselves. Usually they have to hit rock bottom when they go that direction ans will take everyone that is willing down that spiraling fall. Unless your an addict yourselve or so co-dependent that you are wanting to go down this road then eviction is sadly the only method. Its really sad that parents become abused and are many times raising the children of these addicts and non-paying/supporting of children. I see too many 65 year olds raising 10 year olds now. When is their turn to take a break and retire. My family has persoanlly witnessed this in which we all have tried to help and offered place to stay in trade of going to school and working part-time. It has failed every single time.Even paying 4k for property so she wouldnt live with my mom. I stupidly let her have property in her name for possible legality repercussioins and she sold property later for 8K and now torments my mom every day. Although my mom has been an enabler to her for years d/t the grandchildren she has raised while sister has collected child support and food stamps keeping for herself 80% of the time its a horriable situation for my mother. I know for a fact I would kick my child out and live with the guilt. If one doesnt the entire family gets pulled in and it becomes an eternal hell for all involved.

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      mikurotoro92 2 years ago

      iam 22 years old & still live at home & i WANT to move out im sick & tired of burdening my parents i want to go to japan & become a game developer but im stuck i live in a small town with no jobs im stuck here bc i have no other choice so not all adult children want to mooch off there parents i want to get out but i can't my life is hell 24/7 & i can't take it anymore what should i do? thanks in advance!

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      Totheselfishones 2 years ago

      I honestly feel bad for some of you parents who just kick your children to the curb. I have a mother who is completely selfish, emotionally unstable, and a pathalogical liar.She wans to evict me because I got home at 12 last night after spending time with my freinds family who I cherish so much. She provoked the argument by locking the top lock forcing me to knock on the door just to open it and yell at me. Im 19 years old, I go to school as a full time student, I dont do drugs or drink. However I do have a life and I cant always be home when she wants me to, I go to school and I think that its okay for me to do whatever I want as a reward. My note to you parents who dont try to understand that the ppl you live with do have lifes of their own and you cant expect them to follow YOUR schedule. Its such a selfish and cowardly thing to do to evict YOUR child based on things they arent doing within your time frame! If your child does drugs SHOW THEM LOVE, DONT EVER SHOW THEM TOUGH LOVE BCS IT MAKES THEM FEEL UNWANTED and encourages their drug use. People who do drugs feel lost at some aspect in their life. I could never imagine evicting my future children bcs of stupid petty shit like that, with no where to go. That is SO SELFISH. Larn how to be better parents and learn to understand your child.

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      Dennis Howard 3 years ago

      i want to thank you for this information. I just went through divorce after 29 years of marriage and my 25 year old son has become destructive and violent. I feel I have no choice but to start an eviction especially in light of the fact that he crossed the line last night attacking me. One point not addressed is how do you protect your property when they become incensed at being evicted and start destroying things. However, that being said I found this information very helpful. Thank you.

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      DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Wish more adult children were like you, healinghands!

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      DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Do they have legal aid where you live , because it sounds like you need an attorney, Helpless.

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      helplessintx 3 years ago

      I am 45 yrs Old I was my Mom 24hr care taker from the time she started getting real bad; sick till the day she died didn't do it because I had to did it cause I loved my mom now my step Dad of only three years has filed eviction on me to get out of my Mom house that she has had the past 29 yrs before he came momma promised me I would alawys have a this house to live in not only for me but so the grandkids would akways have a place to come to what can I do to stop this

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      Phil 3 years ago

      I am a 40 year old male who has temporarily moved back in to the family home after living abroad for 10 years, basically just while I get settled back into the home country and look for my own place. I am paying 'rent' to my mum to cover my stay, I do feel a bit guilty since it's a lot less than what I was paying to landlords previously but she seems happy with the arrangement. Most of my siblings flew the nest years ago, except for two of my sisters. One sister who is 5 years older than me, moved back in after her divorce(over a decade ago!) and has been living here ever since.

      Now, despite the fact that she doesn't work(I think she claims welfare) and doesn't pay any rent or bills, the rest of the family would be content enough with her 'sponging', 'mooching' or whatever you want to call it. However, this is not the worst of it - after our dad passed away a few years ago, she now acts like she owns the place. She and her two teenage daughters have taken over half the rooms in the house, she shows no consideration for anyone else in the house and complains if others do something she doesn't like eg* use the washing machine/dryer on the weekends.

      Yet even that is not the worst of it, she has done one thing that has really roused my ire and that of my siblings: a couple years ago she invited her boyfriend to come live in the family home, and she didn't obtain the express permission of our elderly parents. Now there is a stranger living in our family home with my sister, despite the fact that he works full-time he pays no rent to the home-owner my mum, doesn't help with the bills or even with maintaining the property beyond mowing the grass in summer and has claimed several rooms in the house for himself.

      My mum has tried repeatedly to get them out but my sister either makes empty promises, excuses or threatens my mum with never seeing the grand-kids again. I wonder how a grown man can feel pride and not shame for leeching off someone else's mum, let alone his own. I wonder how my sister cannot feel deep shame for inviting some guy into our home and encouraging him to leech off her parents. The 4 of them are racking up huge utility bills and don't care how much they use, presumably because they've never had to pay out of their own pocket.

      Most of all I worry about what happens when our elderly mum passes away - although the house is currently co-owned by my mum and the other sister who is living in the family home(she is very placid and quiet), I fear the problem sister and her partner will either attempt to squat permanently or maybe even try and claim the house - leading to future legal battles, a torn-apart family and even more enmity.

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      healinghands1668 3 years ago from Chicago, IL

      I am 28 and living at home. I work two jobs and I pay for car and health insurance. I have offered to pay rent, but my parents declined because I am working and saving and I help out around the house. Plus, I am a massage therapist, which means my mother is a bit more reluctant to let me out on my own. ;) She pays me my professional rate, but I know she likes having me living there so scheduling massages is that much more convenient for her.

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      mari 3 years ago

      I am 32 I live at home with my mom and her idiot boyfriend my stepdad...I left home at 17and a few times after and came back ...no one wants to be a burden on there parents and have daily rules as an adult ...I have depretion anxiety and a bunch other psdt disorders I push aside and still try to work and I cant cuz of my criminal record...now I just contribute my food stamps and try to stay at my new boyfriends rented room but there I have to hear the owners mouth about me cooking and always cleaning her entire stove and bathroom so I find myself bouncing back and forth...I feel like dying sometimes such a disgrace having no independance being able to provide for myself I hold it inn but its hard having to depend on others to take care of you...my mom trys to rush me off with whoever im with just to get rid of me...she even says I hope when you move its farr. And always saying ooh when you leave you can take this table with you out of the blu...or in stores talking to strangers she says I cant wait till she moves shes 33and still at home or under my skirt rill shes fortt....im 32by the way...im bearly at home and when I moved out the last time with a guy she rushed me to he turnd out to be a drunk druggie who would disapear for a day and verbaly abuse me...this guy now bearly calls he always working or tired and sumtimes would disapear for a day drunk said his cell had no charge but if we live together he wouldnt stay out all night...I see the same thing happening ...and the store owner lookt at her and said his older son is married and wants to move back home and that his daughters moved out at 23and he wishes they were home...he lookt at me and said good stay home ...she isnt married...I guess that wasnt the answer my mom wanted to hear...it seems when kids have good parents they are bad kids...but when kids are sweet like me my mom can be a mean and hurtful person...even when I would give her 20or 40bucks she said it easnt inuff to keep it she didnt want itt...or she would say its about time...I stay in my room almost allday I dont bother her and it seems when im around her everything bothers her part of the legal trouble I had in the past was due to her constant...trying for me to move out vBulletin I workt I payd her and still she wasnt happy so I stole to have a place I ended upp in more touble now ..whoever comes along she is dying to move me out with them I havent even nown this guy for 6months he has expired ids passports speaks no english I dont think he loves me even tho he says itt but im not trying for it ro end sour and have ro move in again like the last guy...she lies and says I just want u to be happy she doesn't she wants me outt..or him living here paying her 300a month till he saves toget a place...but she wont stop nagging she just got a carpet for 2thau shoes always have to come off and god help u if u drop something...or the ceiling fan she says I leave it on and her electrick bill will be high...but they leave and keep the tv and ac runing...she has a house alarm but says its for security reasons ...bottom line they make rules but only for me to follow they do what they want I cant even watch tv in the livingroom its there huge screen tv...a month or to ago she was loosing the house she was told she didnt pay the mortgage for ti years I think ...they have a boat in the yard 4cars one isnt working the other they just boght a navigator huge truck used but there house is in jeapordy...so my stepdad said he claimed bankrupt and that all the bills are finally caught up but the gas bill came for 800and the wayer 400 and I havent been here much...and she wants my boyfriend to pay her 200and a bill ...and she says there less than 100and she says im lucky for her to offer him to stay here to save for a place that 300isnt rent that thats nothing....to her nothins ever inuff...bottom line family should do things to help without expecting nothing in return ...if not dont help to complain about it later throwing it in my face that I just contribute food or nothing to her in her eyes isnt helping the help given will not be forgotten or reimbursed eventually in payment or in other form its human nature if your a good person when I win my case if I do for ssi she nows I will give her something but she dont deserv it or a daughter like me ill leav it in gods hands ...there are kids 21iv seen curse out there 52yr old mom and there spoiled rotten im not one of them..my mom like her bf like to show off and have alotta luxury items..acting like there rich...I dont consider a roof over my head much help when its been given in vain or thrown in my face to make me feel infrrior I have a lisence and I walk she never lends mr her car even when she leaves town I watch her house..she came back a week later feom florida yelled at me for her fence being broken...she didnt even apologize ...there was a storm and it broke her fence door ...she said I was suppos tobe watching her house I boght cat food detergeant fed her animals got her mail cleaned took her trash out...I could of stay at my boys house he wasnt alowed over but I had to watch her house and she wants him to move in ...at sum point ...but cuz she wasnt here he isnt alowed over or me to watch her living room tv...id be a fool if I listen with no one home too many rules ...for nothing some people arnt meant to be parents ...she had me by accident so its no wonder im in hell and my sisters 5hrs aways rich happy withand im stuck with court fines moms bitching and selfishness and I was facing jail time a few weeks ago ...and im not a bad person my idiot x was homeless so he rold me to sell my meds I ask one guy turnd out to be an undercover and there goes my future no job will hire me ...it just happend to be a cop and my 1st time asking someone its like im cursed life has and is difficult always for me maybe she should of had one kid only ..my sis of course she praises and her kids I dont have kids I was tild to get out if I did I c ok uldnt live here...but I still cant anyways ...its all about money food she has every month wether im here or not I give her 180in food stamps...its greed its money and theres worser pwople out there worse off life is hard inuff ...without being in the street so I tolerate her bs and try not to be here that much I still get yelled at of course my presence irritates her cuz shes 56old miserable and should of had one kid only the rich one that spoils her now and thenn...peace love and try not to sweat the little things...no wen your kids taking advantage or its nesesity dont push them ro ruin there life...

    • profile image

      mari 3 years ago

      I am 32 I live at home with my mom and her idiot boyfriend my stepdad...I left home at 17and a few times after and came back ...no one wants to be a burden on there parents and have daily rules as an adult ...I have depretion anxiety and a bunch other psdt disorders I push aside and still try to work and I cant cuz of my criminal record...now I just contribute my food stamps and try to stay at my new boyfriends rented room but there I have to hear the owners mouth about me cooking and always cleaning her entire stove and bathroom so I find myself bouncing back and forth...I feel like dying sometimes such a disgrace having no independance being able to provide for myself I hold it inn but its hard having to depend on others to take care of you...my mom trys to rush me off with whoever im with just to get rid of me...she even says I hope when you move its farr. And always saying ooh when you leave you can take this table with you out of the blu...or in stores talking to strangers she says I cant wait till she moves shes 33and still at home or under my skirt rill shes fortt....im 32by the way...im bearly at home and when I moved out the last time with a guy she rushed me to he turnd out to be a drunk druggie who would disapear for a day and verbaly abuse me...this guy now bearly calls he always working or tired and sumtimes would disapear for a day drunk said his cell had no charge but if we live together he wouldnt stay out all night...I see the same thing happening ...and the store owner lookt at her and said his older son is married and wants to move back home and that his daughters moved out at 23and he wishes they were home...he lookt at me and said good stay home ...she isnt married...I guess that wasnt the answer my mom wanted to hear...it seems when kids have good parents they are bad kids...but when kids are sweet like me my mom can be a mean and hurtful person...even when I would give her 20or 40bucks she said it easnt inuff to keep it she didnt want itt...or she would say its about time...I stay in my room almost allday I dont bother her and it seems when im around her everything bothers her part of the legal trouble I had in the past was due to her constant...trying for me to move out vBulletin I workt I payd her and still she wasnt happy so I stole to have a place I ended upp in more touble now ..whoever comes along she is dying to move me out with them I havent even nown this guy for 6months he has expired ids passports speaks no english I dont think he loves me even tho he says itt but im not trying for it ro end sour and have ro move in again like the last guy...she lies and says I just want u to be happy she doesn't she wants me outt..or him living here paying her 300a month till he saves toget a place...but she wont stop nagging she just got a carpet for 2thau shoes always have to come off and god help u if u drop something...or the ceiling fan she says I leave it on and her electrick bill will be high...but they leave and keep the tv and ac runing...she has a house alarm but says its for security reasons ...bottom line they make rules but only for me to follow they do what they want I cant even watch tv in the livingroom its there huge screen tv...a month or to ago she was loosing the house she was told she didnt pay the mortgage for ti years I think ...they have a boat in the yard 4cars one isnt working the other they just boght a navigator huge truck used but there house is in jeapordy...so my stepdad said he claimed bankrupt and that all the bills are finally caught up but the gas bill came for 800and the wayer 400 and I havent been here much...and she wants my boyfriend to pay her 200and a bill ...and she says there less than 100and she says im lucky for her to offer him to stay here to save for a place that 300isnt rent that thats nothing....to her nothins ever inuff...bottom line family should do things to help without expecting nothing in return ...if not dont help to complain about it later throwing it in my face that I just contribute food or nothing to her in her eyes isnt helping the help given will not be forgotten or reimbursed eventually in payment or in other form its human nature if your a good person when I win my case if I do for ssi she nows I will give her something but she dont deserv it or a daughter like me ill leav it in gods hands ...there are kids 21iv seen curse out there 52yr old mom and there spoiled rotten im not one of them..my mom like her bf like to show off and have alotta luxury items..acting like there rich...I dont consider a roof over my head much help when its been given in vain or thrown in my face to make me feel infrrior I have a lisence and I walk she never lends mr her car even when she leaves town I watch her house..she came back a week later feom florida yelled at me for her fence being broken...she didnt even apologize ...there was a storm and it broke her fence door ...she said I was suppos tobe watching her house I boght cat food detergeant fed her animals got her mail cleaned took her trash out...I could of stay at my boys house he wasnt alowed over but I had to watch her house and she wants him to move in ...at sum point ...but cuz she wasnt here he isnt alowed over or me to watch her living room tv...id be a fool if I listen with no one home too many rules ...for nothing some people arnt meant to be parents ...she had me by accident so its no wonder im in hell and my sisters 5hrs aways rich happy withand im stuck with court fines moms bitching and selfishness and I was facing jail time a few weeks ago ...and im not a bad person my idiot x was homeless so he rold me to sell my meds I ask one guy turnd out to be an undercover and there goes my future no job will hire me ...it just happend to be a cop and my 1st time asking someone its like im cursed life has and is difficult always for me maybe she should of had one kid only ..my sis of course she praises and her kids I dont have kids I was tild to get out if I did I c ok uldnt live here...but I still cant anyways ...its all about money food she has every month wether im here or not I give her 180in food stamps...its greed its money and theres worser pwople out there worse off life is hard inuff ...without being in the street so I tolerate her bs and try not to be here that much I still get yelled at of course my presence irritates her cuz shes 56old miserable and should of had one kid only the rich one that spoils her now and thenn...peace love and try not to sweat the little things...no wen your kids taking advantage or its nesesity dont push them ro ruin there life...

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      DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      You are an exceptional teenager. Either your parents are borderline abusers or they are mentally I'll. (Maybe a little of both!) Do you have a pastor, a friend with understanding parents, a teacher , etc., who can help, give you a place to stay, or advise you?

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      zullu 3 years ago

      Hi, im 19 years old, i go to college and i just got my first job. My parents never really helped me. I had to do things on my own, i wasn't allowed to get a job in highschool. Believe it or not, ive never went to parties, i always stayed home and cleaned, made straight a's, and never had a curfew because i never went out except for the occasional chaperoned slumber party. My father is an abusive alcoholic and my mother is a chimney smoker, i clean the entire house every day. I clean my parent's room the kitchen and syblings included. My mother us so lazy she

      will flick er cigarette ashes all over the computer. It all went down hill when i finally had my first boyfriend, good typical guy, goes to college, does nothing bad except the occasional speeding ticket. I was going to join the military to escape my home life but he convinced me to stay and try college first, so i did. My parents were pissed when i decided to go to college, and told me i was to dumb to make it. I never cried over shoes presents or money really. I appreciate that they pay my 30 dollar phone bill, but my parent's never gave me a curfew. So one night icame home and all the doors were locked. It was 1:30 a.m. and it wad raining, i called my mom and dad a million times, they never picked up their phones, so i had to open my window, im glad that i left it open. But they continue to lock me out all the time, what should i do? Since in an irresponsible, inconsiderate teenager, who cares about no one for but herself. Im just tired im trying to move out and live with it, but they just continue they won't even look at me. When u try to talk to them they will act like im not even there, what should i do?

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      AncientScotIrish 3 years ago

      From the other side - my Dad walked out when I was 14, more than 60 years ago, and I knew I'd need to look after my own life and prospects - did as well as I could in school, got summer jobs from the first summer I was age-eligible, got a scholarship to university, completed ScB and PhD, all while my Mum never got a job, I moved away to another country - no staying at home for me - I did go back to help them occasionally. They had given me a good enough start, and 14 was old enough to know what I should do. I thought I was an ordinary kid, who could explore what was possible if I tried, and was given the chance to try. It can be done, so why not give it a really serious try?

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      ohmo 3 years ago

      Hi Yaries and DIY I'm all for forming a group... I still have to evict a brother after the title on my Mom's home transfers and am dreading it. But he should have moved out about 20 years ago. Let me know if you form a group that would be great and thanks this forum does help.

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      DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Good luck, Yaries. As you can see, you're not alone. Adult children, count your lucky stars if you're allowed to live in your parent's home while actively looking for a job! Be a good tenant by doing dishes, cleaning you room, doing yard work, cooking dinner, and most of all being respectful to your parents!

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      Yaries 3 years ago

      My 21 yr old daughter is verbally abusive; doesn't work or go to school. She has made all kinds of excuses to not finish or even start her GED. Now I am unemployed after 20 years of teaching for the Archdiocese of NY; am semi-disabled after ankle surgery; and am verbally abused almost daily.

      While she has filed applications with various companies, because of her shakey work history, no one is hiring. I cannot take the abuse any more. She has the TV on almost 24 hours per day; eats and cooks whenever she wants and rarely cleans up after herself. Now I am at the point of no return. I will go to court to see what recourse I have to get her out of the house..

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      DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Anyone? We certainly are not alone here. Maybe it's about time we formed a group. Former commentors??

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      Lost 3 years ago

      my daughter has held dishes over my head threatening to "smash my face in" held hammers to my car threatened to "fu.. Your car up" she works but doesn't want to use her money for rent or things she needs. She wants to use it for etoh, drugs, driving around with friends. She calls me horrible names, "crazy bi..." "Fat assss cu.." She says being around me makes her want to kill herself, she tells me to go kill myself. She tells me "all my friends and their parents think you are a horrible mother for charging g me rent and trying to kick me out" I called the cops once and she lied and told them I assult her "all the time" which is not true. The officer suggested that I leave my home. "To give her space" I'm working on eviction but I'm scared what might happen to me and to her when she gets dragged out by the cops, and is on her own. She has already told me the only way she will leave is if the cops drag her off. Are there any chat support groups anyone knows about, is anyone able to provide support via email? I need help

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      Lost 3 years ago

      I have a soon to be 21 year old daughter who is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. I am a single parent and feel I have given my daughter a good life. Now I deal with name calling, threats to call my job, threats to smash my property. I love her so much and I don't know this person she has become. I have simple rules she acts like are not even there. She live like a slob, destroying the room she is in. I lock my room so she can't steal from me. Most of her anger comes from wanting money from me, thinking a horrible parent for charging rent. She has legal and substance issues, I've tried over and over to have adult conversations about her behavior but she will not participate. If I don't give her money she says she will kill herself. My mental health is suffering tremendously. I'm filing eviction papers thurs and feel guilty.

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      JaneDoe 3 years ago

      This information is incredibly helpful. I am trying to help my mom evict my soon to be 18 year old younger sister so as to protect my little brother. I am 28 and have lived on my own since I was 18 voluntarily. Those people who say that these people who evict their children are bad parents obviously do not and have not experienced the situation and are so quick to judge without living in their shoes. It makes me sad that there are so many judgmental people. My mom has gone through every step possible to help my sister and try to talk to her and any other possible way, including going through DSS and other social services, to no avail. And the way that my sister treats my brother with no sense of remorse is disgusting. And the way my sister has nothing but disdain for my mom who has worked so hard to be a good mother and of course in my opinion is a great mother is also disgusting to me.

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      DIYweddingplanner 3 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      You have to be an advocate for your child! You cannot allow this behavior in your home. If your husband won't support you in this, take your younger son and leave!

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      Mom with troubling step kid 3 years ago

      I need help and I don't know where to start I have a step son who is 20 and hitting my 6 year old handicap son not just a pat on the butt but slapping him in the face and holding him down and pushing him around ... His father won't do anything about it ... Do I have him arrested or. What I am confessed but I don't want my son hurt anymore then he is ? Please help

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      ssmith 3 years ago

      I am so happy to see I am not the only gullible parent being used by grown children and grandchild. Reading the other situations makes me feel that I am not alone. I now know I will have to give up my co-op apartment and move. I will not receive my money back because the time it will take to evict them, will cost me anyway. I pray for all the parents in this situation.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      I'm the "asshat" responsible for this article and if you had read ALL of the comments, you might understand what many of these parents are going through. Again, we are not talking about mentally or physically ill adult children. We're not even talking about step-parents. Please READ before commenting! However, with a vocabulary like yours, that may not be an ability you possess.

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      Guess what John and Mike, we are NOT talking about children who are mentally ill, handicapped, or otherwise disabled. As far as chemical and alcohol abuse goes, ask any decent AA group or counselor, and they will tell you that it is the unhealthy FAMILY dynamics that many times keep the person addicted (parents are great at enabling). So why on earth would a chemically dependent person want to live with family?

      What we are talking about are those selfish adult children who REFUSE to take responsibility for themselves, and use up parents and siblings resources with no remorse. I have a sister with schizophrenia, and my brother, who had lived with my elderly mother for the past 10 years and put her home into foreclosure, used up all her assets, and then even sold her wedding ring and claimed Mom had "lost" it, claims he "took care" of Mom. Meanwhile, my responsible sister, who takes her meds, works full time, etc. and I had to fight to even visit our Mom in her own home (brother would lock us out).

      If someone is truly disabled, they qualify for SSI, and transitional homes for the mentally ill. I will always support my sister, but she will never, ever live with me. Nor would she want to.

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      John Dere 4 years ago

      Makes me sick to read some of these comments, a lot of these adult children are mentally ill or chemically dependent and parents just toss them out on the street, shameful. They stop loving their kids because they don't, or more likely can't measure up to the world's expectations. Not everyone is going to be able to handle being on their own and in that case, parents need to at least make sure they have support and a place to go before kicking them out.

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      Mike Michaelson 4 years ago

      Of course, there are situations when step parents are involved and the son/daughter is ill and can't take care of themselves. I was in that situation and moving back home for me was heartbreaking, I moved out when I was 18 and never thought about returning home until I was 40, had lost my job due to illness and couldn't take care of myself.

      Without a solid diagnosis though, I knew it was only a matter of time before my heartless stepfather forced me to leave. Ended up homeless and almost died, got so sick I couldn't stand up. Fortunately, I got a diagnosis and treatment and now I am staying with a friend and able to earn a little money.

      Point being, a lot of times when kids come home they are truly in need and don't have any other options. After all, what man in his right mind at 42 would WANT to live at home? Wondering which asshat is responsible for this article, not all adult children living at home are deadbeats.

      As for my stepfather, revenge is sweet. Caught him cheating on my mother, filmed enough to convince my mother and she kicked his fat diabetic ass to the curb! lmao

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      Wow Toughsich-- you better do something now rather than wait. I made the mistake of waiting, and when you talk about "future inheritance inequity issues" guess what, if your brother has already been there for six years and isn't working, he's probably gone through most of what your mother has already! Just do the math; an average adult needs at least $20k per year just to live (food, transporation, gas, access to vehicle, clothing, etc.). So figure $20k times 6 is $120k of her money he has spent. I would check the title to her home, ask her for a copy of her credit report, and see if you can set up someone local (a CPA or attorney) who can review and report any adult financial elder abuse. I believed my mother when she said she had everything under control, and by the time I took action it was way too late. When she passed away her house was in foreclosure (due to unpaid property taxes and an unpaid equity line that my brother had used), all of her IRA funds were gone, and my brother had been helping himself for over two years to her social security by putting her bank accounts on line. Please do something now, before it is too late.

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      ToughSich 4 years ago

      Have a 50yr old brother living with my widowed Mom for 6yrs. Now with his girlfriend. No job and has no interest in looking for any work. He plays the Mom needs me card and is completely supported by her........FREE. Plus cash to play with! She is supporting him......she still drives, walks everyday and is in basically great health. She is afraid of his unstable outbursts and paranoid research online of doom and gloom end of the world crap, but, won't take action because I know she's pychologically become dependent on him being around. Frustrating trying to make her aware of her enabling effect and how it's effecting his future growth, her happiness and the inequity of future inheritance issues. Mom would want fair adjustments later, but need to address without setting off my little brother while he's in the house and I live across the country......any advise

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      Mike & Anita 4 years ago

      My daughter and her husband live with us. She is 33 years old and he is 35. I thought she would move out after she got married two years ago but no she will not. She is afraid to live alone. Her husband is not working, we thought he was in the Army but found out he in in the National Guard and only gone two weeks a year. They never help around the house. Its my fault for not using tuff love.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      I got a good chuckle out of the mid-life crisis comment! How I would've loved to have had the luxury to have had one of those! Instead, I've been spending the last four years paying off credit cards that were stolen and run up on whatever my adult child felt she needed at that particular moment. I threw away $1000's in counseling and drug treatment programs and am now raising children who aren't my own. Andrew, if you have something intelligent to lend to the conversation here, I welcome your comments. Until then, get your head out of the sand and comment when you know what you're talking about!

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      Wow Andrew if you have raised (3) sons then you should know the best life skill you can give a child is the ability to live independently. Protect your children? These "children" are adults now. And as far as drug and alcohol issues go, adult children are just that, adults, and a parent can't force them to get help. This site is not about mid-life adult crisis, it's about adult children who are taking advantage of their parents by trying to make the parents feel guilty. I have a brother that used my mother's guilt to give him housing, and when she wouldn't willingly give him more money, he stole all of her savings and social security income. She is now deceased, and I'm paying the funeral expenses to the tune of $9k. I don't care where he ends up now, but believe me my Mother didn't do him any favors by taking him in.

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      Andrew 4 years ago

      I am a 50 year old man that has raised 3 sons. Get your house in order. All this whining makes me sick. What is wrong with you people? If your children have alcohol or drug issues-you get them help-you don't kick them out. If you and your wife are having issues-like 90% of what I read-don't kick your kid out-kick the spouse out. You guys make me sick. Your mid-life crisis will not be solved by trying to go back to 1975. Protect your children-no matter what.

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      Sscheibner 4 years ago

      To unappreciated, no my sons car is in his name not mine. Do you think we would be in the clear then if something happened? Yes he is 21 so no one could sue the parents even if his residency claims to be here? By the way, the eviction date for him is 8/11. Please keep our household in prayer, he is very crazed & violent. He stays gone for the most part but a couple times a week now he has been here at always 4am breaking things & acting crazed. Cops don't help or even come. They say he has a right to be here & he is not punching us. SERIOUSLY???? A fraction of my heart is grieved but I have to do this to protect my family.

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      Unappreciated 4 years ago

      Sorry to Sscheibner for the bad advice - I didn't see that your son has a suspended license. If it is a car he has the use of that is in your name - either sell it & get it off your property or put one of those "clubs" on the steering wheel - make sure the key to it is not accessible to him while he has no drivers license. IF he is stealing the family car then call it in to the police & make it clear he did not have permission. Take him off your car insurance policy since if he drives with a suspended license or drives while drunk I don't think the insurance would cover an accident or injury anyhow. Good luck to you - to all of us living this nightmare. They don't know how much we love them & how having to get tough causes us more pain than it does them.

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      Unappreciated 4 years ago

      Sscheibner - have you considered signing the car over into your sons name? He is 21, so if the car is in his name I think that would shield you from being sued if he got in a wreck.

      At my Wits end - I was just going to add my son does the same thing. Punish him and he just acts worse - ever since he hit puberty. When I would take away a privilege for swearing at me or anything - he would immediately go on a field day of doing whatever behavior he was not supposed to. Throwing garbage around the kitchen, throwing my favorite dishes on the floor to break them. Calling me a nasty name 300 times.

      And what you said about the boyfriend cleaning the room & she just trashed it again. I spent one whole afternoon picking up a million t-shirts from the floor of his closet & hanging them up. He had a tantrum later that evening and threw every last one back on the floor again.

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      Unappreciated 4 years ago

      At-my-wits-end , your granddaughter sounds like my son. He has Oppositional Defiant Disorder too. He was horrific at age 12, tough in his older teen years then seemed to snap out of it. Now he is 26 and the past 2 months have been a nightmare. He has enrolled in college a few times but skips class after a month or so, does not turn in his work & falls so far behind he always just gives up & then fails. He has been out of work for 2 years now & is not try to find work anymore.

      He sleeps for a day or more, then wakes up & starts talking crazy, asking when I'm going to tell him "what is going on here." He is paranoid and thinks he is followed everywhere, that he is famous & is getting messages from people who are real celebrities. He thinks the motion detector in the house is filming him & tries to block it with furniture / couch cushions. His room is a pig sty and he tells me I better not ever go in his room - he won't clean it or allow anyone else in to do it for him. I point out that "his" room exists in my house and to fix the pigsty. He won't. He pays no rent, and occasionally will do a chore but only because I won't hand him $ otherwise.

      He is defiant and tells me what a rotten mother I am, when I was a single Mom and always put him first. I only had 1 child and he had a very sheltered life, I never remarried because the men I dated did not seem like they would be a good father to him. His own Dad took off and was put in prison, lies constantly & a sociopath. I am afraid my son is taking after him. He would rather lie than tell the truth, twists everything I say & conveniently forgets the threatening things he has said to me. He has stolen cash from my wallet, used my credit cards, to the point I have to hide them or lock them up.

      I have back pain and needed to have prescription pain meds. He stole them, the first day I got a bottle he stole half! Then had the nerve to tell me I didn't really need them. I had to carry them in a little purse I wore at all times, even sleeping - otherwise he would sneak in my room to steal them. I started to lock them in a safe but he managed to pick the lock. After that he got more sly and would only take a pill or two at a time. I finally resorted to buying a high end biometric / fingerprint safe. Thank God for that. Now I don't have to carry my pills around with me all the time. Once I was in the shower he snuck in to grab the little purse of pain pills - he is really that much of a low life. I chased him out with a towel around me and grabbed them back. The little jerk just laughed like it was a funny joke.

      I have called the county MHP to come evaluate him. The problem is even though he is crazy as a loon, he is a smart one and will probably not say anything to get him locked up or any help. He refuses to go to a psychiatrist now, or to a ER to get evaluated for help. I feel terrible about wanting to throw him out, he tells me he will be homeless. He plays me. He also tells me constantly that I'm a terrible mother, calls me every filthy name, tells me I'm a whore, and that no one can stand me / I have no friends. He is hateful, I don't even know who he is anymore. Sometimes I get so depressed & feel like I will never be free of this monster. It is so sad because he was such a loving little boy. I don't even know who he is anymore, but I want him gone. I deserve better than to live like this.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      I agree with Ohmo, other than the part about leaving my own home. But it's so true that more and more parents are having the finger pointed at them when their teenager or adult child has run afoul of the law. If you know he has weapons, they may be illegally obtained, considering his history. Get the police involved and don't wait!

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      Dear Perseverance,

      If your son owns guns and is on medication it is time to contact the police plus whoever his doctor is, to make them aware of the situation. You are probably not the only person in danger. Particularly after Sandy Hook and other recent shootings, you can't let this go on. What if a child is killed? Whatever you do, have an escape plan, and a "safe" place, that he doesn't know about, that you can go to if necessary. Do you have other family or friends that you can stay with? I would get the heck out until he leaves; I had to do that and it was hard but the best choice. If he hurts someone you may be held liable since you knew he had guns and was on meds and didn't alert the authorities. Personally I would get ready to hide, then when he isn't home round up all his weapons, notify the police and get the weapons to a place where he can't access them. Then go to the safe location and file a restraining order. Please be safe I'll have you in my prayers.

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      Perservarence 4 years ago

      My 32 yr old son is back again. I can relate to scaredinbama . I'm afraid to evict him. He is dangerous and owns guns and I truly fear he could kill,me. Eviction? I wish!!! He is drug addicted with many health both physical and mental problems. I don't know how to get my life back he has been back for 5 years and although he started with promises of seeking help,he only goes to doctors to get drugs. My house is all I own so me moving out is impossible My life is so stressful now it has effected my health.

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      He is eligible for Medicaid. That can get processed in a month or so, so wishing you success!

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      petitefeet5 4 years ago

      Hi,

      Yes he lives in the US. I will tell him to contact NAMI Ty

      I totally agree that he should be eligible, but bureaucracy is what it is.

      I will definitely keep you all informed. Thank you for the advice and keep your fingers crossed for him please.....

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      Does he live in the US? If he does then he should reach out to NAMI (national alliance on mental illness), as they can provide help. He should be eligible for Medicaid if he has no income and no assets, and Medicaid will provide medical coverage. Medicaid also provides in-patient psychiatric benefits for those under the age of 21, so it sounds like he needs to get going on getting benefits. Please see if he can reach out to either agency so that he can start getting treatment, let us know how it goes and don't be discouraged by paperwork. It can be tedious but the coverage does get paid for...

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      petitefeet5 4 years ago

      This young mans dr, deemed him incapable of holding down a job when he was 16 at 18 after numerous incidences because of his condition he applied for ssi. Disability and was rejected. Social services claimed that his dr could not have made that assessment if he had never held a job. Now at 20 he is unemployed, he has been fired twice, he is uninsured, not medicated and cannot see a dr for lack of insurance. He does not have the cash for a lawyer to fight ssi. This truly is a mess.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      I agree with, Ohmo. I knew a young man who was able to move out on his own with several other youn men once he had SSI benefits. You could consult legal aid, but I feel sure they would tell you it's not against the law to evict, even though it seems cruel.

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      The large picture is that it is not healthy for a mentally ill person to live in a stressful environment. If this young adult is disabled, then they need to apply for disability benefits, and then also get into a group home (or on the waiting list for a group home), or find help through whoever is diagnosing/prescribing their meds. I went through this with a severely disable sister with schizophrenia. After finding the right doctor and meds she is now living independently with financial assistance from SSI. It is not fair to the parent or the child, and is not a long term solution, to have mentally ill children live long term with a parent. I have lived it; it never ends well. If you know this young person then perhaps you can persuade him to speak to his psychiatrist (he must have a psychiatrist or he would not have a diagnosis or meds) and have the him or her get this person to the correct agencies for a long term solution.

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      Barbara 4 years ago

      I have a question that I cannot seem to find the answer for. I know a young adult (20) that has been diagnosed as being bipolar 1 (the most severe form) his dr has deemed that he will never be able to hold down a job. he lives at home with his father. His father is a control freak. So he is constantly kicking this young man out sending the young man into a state of freaking. If he isn't kicking him out, he's threatening to start eviction proceedings. Can he evict/kick out this kid? Is it illegal to kick out a disabled, unemployed person in the state of SC?

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      Frustrated mom 4 years ago

      Plan:

      Starting the eviction process tomorrow. I have reached my boiling point!

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      lincolnlights2012 4 years ago

      To sscheibner and others,

      It is heart wrenching what occurs and interesting that parents can put teens on the streets and get by with it but we cannot evict our grown children. It was not until my 37 year old son lived wit me a year and physically assaulted me that I could get a protection order and have him removed from my home. He is in jail for assaulting his girlfriend now. We should have laws to protect us. I suggest that if your son has been violent, get a protection order and have him removed.

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      INSTIGATOR2 4 years ago

      After years of the struggle, I filled out the eviction notice today. The last straw was when my not-working, drug-smoking, lazy 20 yo told me to chill the F*** out after I told him to get out of bed. I work all week and on Saturdays everyone else is doing chores, except the "prince" himself. I stopped paying for college last year when I realized he was partying more than studying. Now with younger kids to raise, he is not a good influence. I know it is difficult to get so drastic with your children but I have tried everything else. His brothers wash dishes, cuts the lawn; not him. Enough!

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      At-my-wits-end 4 years ago

      Is it different for someone who is a renter? I rent my property, and my granddaughter is not on the lease. I'm at my wits end. I've been raising a grandchild for the past 15 years. Despite years of trying to teach her to be a good person and setting boundaries and consequences, she just hasn't listened. Over the years, it has only gotten worse. She has a diagnosis of oppositional defiance disorder. Having a diagnosis doesn't make it any easier to live with. I've taken her to psychiatrists, therapists, meds, etc. I took away her cell phone (which I didn't give to her - that is another story) because 2 Fs on her report card and grounded her for 2 weeks for other bad behavior last year. I explained she would get her phone back once she brought her grades up, and if her behavior improved, she wouldn't be grounded anymore. She reacted by sneaking at of the house at night, cutting school, and getting failing grades in all her classes. This is how it has been since she was young. Someone punishes her, she just does something worse. Even at school. They stood her in the corner for talking too much, and she picked the paint off the wall in retribution. She told her friends that she was being locked in her house and I wouldn't let her out, and one of the friend's parent called the police. After the police talked to us, they realized that she was full of it, and just started shaking their heads. They told her to go home and listen to her grandparent. Now she is a few months short of 18, and she is telling me that she can go and come when she pleases now, do whatever she wants, and there is nothing I can do about it, and she refuses to clean her room or do anything to help. She leaves dirty dishes in her room until it smells. When I take them out, she yells and screams about me being in her room. Her boyfriend came and cleaned her room (seriously) and she tore it back to its original squalor in less than a week. When she was sneaking out of the house at night, she was going out the window, leaving me vulnerable with an unlocked window, and she has threatened me. I'm afraid of her. When she is 18, I will have to evict her? She refuses to go back to her parents, and I can't get them to come get her. I wonder why? For the people who would criticize me, you haven't really walked in my shoes.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      What kind of income does he have? How dependent on the pain meds is he? Is his income sufficient that if he found a roommate, could he afford to live on his own? Alot of factors come into play here.

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      Jerry 4 years ago

      wife son (my step) hurt his back in a car accident 6 yr. ago has been on pain meds .for all that time. works on computers. came over to store his things in our loft including himself, 4 yrs ago,says he can not afford to live on his

      own. his living here is causing a BIG strain on our marriage what can we do?

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      sscheibner 4 years ago

      I want to thank you so much for this hub. I am very thankful I found it & now know that I am not alone. I have a 21 year old son who has put me through the ringer the last 2 years. My heart feels shattered, my hope feels gone. NOONE can understand fully unless they are in the situation., so please don't judge. He likes zanax. He drinks. He gets into trouble with the law, has even spent 62 days in county jail & 30 in a rehab because of it. He has his ups & downs, which leaves me with such hope...then crushed. I have for 2 years continually been a support to him, encourage him, let him know he is loved & pray for him. He is still in the same spot if not worsening. I have 3 other children, his sister is 20 & very respectful. She is quite wonderful. Also 2 small children & ofcourse my husband. I can no longer allow the disrespect, sneaking girls in the mid night, being violent, cussing at us & stealing from his lil sisters $ & electronics. I called the police & I was quite taken back when they said they cannot do anything about it one night when he was high screaming at us. They said file for an eviction. Im sorry but the slaps on the wrists of these kids & my son knowing an officer will not do a single thing to him, wont even send a car out, enables these kids to become bullies to their parents! We are victims in our own homes while these kids are allowed by law to take us over! unbelievable! We are starting the eviction process now, my son says he will not leave (& I believe him, he wont) so this is all very heart wrenching. He has a suspended license & warrant for tickets he never bothered to show up for (which I was going to pay if he went to court) now my car insurance is increased. I want to cancel him from our policy but I am afraid he will get hurt or hurt someone while driving drunk or something & I will be sued. What a position we are all left in. I'm sorry we are all going through this but I am thankful I am not alone. (((HUGS)))) to all the broken hearted mothers, try to not lose hope!

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      I'm right there with you, Tdaffy. We've kind of slipped back into some of our our old ways at my house, so I'm thinking a December eviction notice may be order!

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      Tdaffy 4 years ago

      I will have to start the process next week--They are 29 with a 8 yr old & 23 with a 3 month old. The bills are almost a $1,000 now. The grass is up to my butt with a working lawnmower in the yard. This has been the hardest thing to do in my WHOLE life--but my 85 yr old father lives across the road--& is sick to death at looking at it.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Why is it that two children that are raised in the same household can be so different, Roysei? You're lucky that she would actually leave when you put her out. We live in an "I know my rights!" world and adult children are getting smart. Many of them are smart enough to research eviction laws, but not smart enough to look at themselves, improve, get a job, and move out!

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      Royseisagirl 4 years ago from Owasso, Oklahoma

      My husband and I had been asking our daughter to save her money since last August. She is a thief (stealing from us and her sister), she refused to follow the rules. I'm very ill and I cant clean up after her. Nor could I deal with the stress. My husband and I did kick her out. We didn't give her any "official notice". I didn't realize we had too. She kept her room so nasty that for two years we had to battle mice who left droppings all over the floor, where she kept clothes, blankets and bedding. She is very angry at me. We were just at each others throats and I wanted peace! My other daughter is a joy.

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      ohmo 4 years ago

      KenSCH,

      It seems to me you at least know that you should have done things differently, which is really half the battle. It also sounds like you want to make sure Mom is protected, but don't want that misinterpreted to look like you are just doing that to serve your own needs. I am not sure of your age but it is NEVER too late to start over regarding employment. When I was in my 50s I left a marriage with nothing but my children and the clothes on my back, and eventually created a new home and much better life. If you aren't working now you could walk dogs, house-sit, etc. and then from there see what you are capable of... you may be pleasantly surprised. It sounds as if your brother is a bit bossy, and your independence from both him and your mother should be your main concern now. To protect your Mom though see someone about Power of Attorney, get your Mom to the attorney's office where they can explain things to her with you, and get it done! Please don't delay, and hope all goes well.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      KenSCH, I don't know Canadian law, but I would think a legal document like that would still need to be filed in the courts somewhere to be legal. Your mom's ambivalence and basically "checking out" of the processis kind of an indication that you need to be ready for the time when she no longer is capable of making ANY kind of decisions for herself.

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      KenSch 4 years ago

      I appreciate your response. My brother brought up the issue of power of attorney maybe a day or two after he told me that his "girlfriend" was coming to stay and I had told her I didn't want her in the house. He said that it was a form that can be downloaded from the Internet, no lawyer necessary. I dismissed the idea, although it's clear that my mom isn't getting any better. I have asked her several times what she wants to do in terms of the house and living arrangement, but she's so ambivalent now that she just shrugs her shoulders and says something like "I don't know". I have thought of going to her lawyer, or to a lawyer nearby who is in family law, but I hate to say it I'm a bit concerned about what could happen. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I should have done years ago, and how since then I've really dug myself into a hole and I'm embarrassed that I've allowed myself to get into this position thus be in part responsible for the predicament.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      KenSch,

      If you have the resources, look into getting yourself an attorney dealing with famly law at once. If your mother's health is declining, someone is going to end up having to have power of attorney and if your brother hasn't already beat you to the punch, I would strongly advise you to consider talking with your mother and getting a legal power of attorney at once. I'm not sure what the laws are concerning your situation in Canada, but I can see this heading toward nothing good if this situation continues.

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      KenSch 4 years ago

      My brother and I still live at home with my widowed mother; I'm in my late 30s and my brother is 42. About 12 years ago my mother (at the time about 65 years old) began having physical and psychological issues, and because of my brother's work I had remained at home. At the time it seemed that this was the best option for taking care of my mother, but as the years passed the arrangement has become increasingly frustrating. Not only has my brother's work always taken priority, he has had a long-term, long-distance relationship with someone from Asia who has been - they claim - "studying for her PhD" at a university in Asia. So over the years this has meant lengthy visits (usually my brother traveling to Europe) from time to time. To make a long story short, in late October of 2012 the "girlfriend" came to "visit" - my brother claimed that it was to be "for a month or two" but come Christmas-time she was still here. When I confronted my brother about this he stated that she was staying until the end of March; I reminded him what he had said about "a month or two" and his exact words in response were "no I didn't". End of March rolls around and I was informed by my mother that the "girlfriend" was staying for another month. When I again confronted my brother about this he said that she was staying for another "month plus a month". (Why he put it this way instead of just "two months" is beyond me.) I'm skeptical as to whether she will ever really be leaving - I suspect that there will be future excuses to extend her stay. During all this time they have been trying to live a certain lifestyle, one that means daily cooking lavish meals and imbibing wine and other alcoholic beverages. All this despite claims by my brother that things are not going good with employment and that he can't afford to move out (yet they can afford regular international flights and had been paying her rent in Europe). Over the years I have always had to acquiesce, I've held my tongue in order to avoid conflict; the last thing that my mother needs in her declining years is an outright power struggle between her two sons, although the current arrangement has hardly been ideal and has caused her a certain amount of grief. As a result of my acquiescence, I have had to try to earn money through a home-based business, but now that's not going well, and given my limited work experience, I now find myself in a particular bind. I do not expect my future to be all that great, but nevertheless things need to change soon - the current arrangement is simply not in my mother's best interest anymore, and if I want to salvage anything of my life I need to get on with it. But I want my brother to leave first - he's 42 years old, has been in a relationship for about 15 years with his "girlfriend" and he apparently has no (and never did have) any intention of moving out. It appears that somewhere along the line he designated himself sole heir and 'patriarch' of the family and thinks that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I have told him to move out, and is response has always been "if you don't like it, then why don't you?" I certainly don't like the situation, but I don't see why I should slink out of the house simply to accommodate him and now his "girlfriend". I am not sure what legal options there are (I'm from Ontario, Canada) in this case - whether I can actually force the issue on my mother's behalf (she's still with it to a certain degree, although usually quite depressed) or not.

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      DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Good luck, Scott. I know it's a hard decision, but many times you're left with no choice.

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      Scott Krumland 4 years ago

      I am grateful for any and every little bit of advice I can get on this subject. I have a son living with my wife and I, who feels it is his right to insult and demean us however he deems is OK. This has gotten so bad, I am going to evict him, and thanks again....

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      FrayedGrandma 4 years ago

      My 36yo son is a raging alcoholic but won't even say the word "alcohol". He passes out smoking almost every night, and I'm worried about fires. He hasn't bathed for 4 weeks, sleeps in his clothes, and trudges to a part-time job where his boss doesn't care. Thank God for that at least! If I am not up-beat, smiling, and super-complimentary to him, he turns in one second from a "great guy" into a spitting fiend, calling me a f* b* and saying I'm a horrible person. There is no talking to him. I had a clean house when he moved in 4 years ago, and now it is completely trashed. He lives on the couch in the basement, and is always drunk. I am a disabled grandma, and am afraid of him. He started following me around the house all night screaming at me, torturing me psychologically, and sometimes physically. I have managed to start a business in my bedroom, but the checks go into his account, and he uses my food stamps card. I am really worried because he hasn't eaten in like 2 weeks, and his short term memory is starting to go. I can't get him help--can't force him to do anything. I've asked him to leave over and over. I finally got him to leave me alone and stop following me around yelling at me by taking off my clothes. It was the only way I could get him to leave me alone. All I want is peace. I know he can't live on his own. He spends all night every night on the computer with friends and drinking like he's a bad teenager, but he's almost 40. I'm getting old, and just want peace, but I'm frightened. Believe it or not, I love him dearly. I know he won't last much longer like this, but he won't even admit anything is wrong. He lies as easily as h breathes, and now he's added pot to his drinking and smoking tobacco. I am not perfect, and never have been. I just want peace, but am too weak to know even where to start. I get up my courage when he's really bad, and then he's nice to me for a day and I sigh and give him everything. I know he's really sick, and can't live on his own, but I had him when I was just 18, and he's been a problem literally since he was born. I've lost everything that meant anything to me in my life partly because of his behavior. I just want some years in my life where I can have peace. If I don't detach now, I'll be taking care of him in the hospital soon, and he'll have stolen my whole life. Just want some peace.

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      rich 4 years ago

      My ex-wifes 37 y/o daughter came to live in my house 6 yrs ago when she divorced her 2 nd husband. She has two children 6 & 11, one from each. My Ex-wife moved out 3 years ago leaving her daughter and grand-daughters behind. I , thinking i was helping her save money to get on with her life let her stay. She has spent the better part of the last 6 years in bed sleeping, possible perscription drug use. I 've asked her to move many times but she always has one excuse or another, nomoney, not feeling well, kids school, ect...

      Her temper id explosive and at any conversation will blow up at me to the point where we have not spoken to one another for over 2 months. in her last episode she screamed at me how she doesn't care about me at all and the threatened to punch the lights out of my lady friend. It scared us so bad that we both vacated the house for over 6 weeks. I asked her to get out via email, she's refussed.

      I called the district court, Stoughton Ma for the eviction process and was told that as far as they were concerned she is a guest in my house and I could lock her out. when she kicks the door in, which she will, I can have her arrested for willful destruction of property. I'll be doing that this weekend...I'll let you all know how that turns out.

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      tammycat1 4 years ago

      Hi haven't been on here for a while! not going to goon about my situation because it will take up to much space! anyway i have to say that i totally agree with you ohmo especially what you wrote on your last paragraph! and as for you osmondheart, writing that you think the article is disgusting well there seems to be a hell of a lot of people/parents that are going through these scenarios! and im one of many so you need to come off of this site and jog on!!