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How to Steal Your Family Inheritance

Updated on April 22, 2016
Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom is a keen observer of life. She shares her personal experiences and opinions in helpful and often amusing ways.

Today I received an email asking if I "Want to legally hijack some major cash today?" Sounds intriguing, but as luck would have it, I just this week discovered an ingenious method of hijacking  cash (as well as other assets). Ok, so it's not 100% legal. And it takes a little more than a day. But it's most definitely a hijack.

The idea is brilliant in its simplicity: Steal your own inheritance.

I'd like to take credit for it, I really would. Alas, my brain is not wired for financial intrigue. I don't have a criminal mind.

The beauty of this idea is that even the most diabolically challenged (like me) can pull it off.

Step One: The Trust

You will need the following: Two elderly parents, a lawyer, an unsuspecting sibling, and some patience.

First, set up your FAMILY TRUST. There are two components to the trust: financial and medical. Obviously, your interest is in the financial. So as you are sitting with the family and the attorney, "graciously" allow your unsuspecting sibling (US) to be named as the person in charge of medical decisions for your parents. Since parents always want to be fair, they will naturally assign you to the lead financial role. Everyone will be happy. Especially you.

Now in this initial Trust document, there is a first position and a second position. Make sure you get the first financial position. Your US will be put in second position on the financial and you will be put in second position on the medical. This is all fair and square and makes the whole thing appear legit. Mom and Dad's future needs are now legally in the capable hands of their two devoted children. There are two decision makers for medical, two for financial. Lovely.

Step 2: The Setup

The Trust may sit gathering dust for some time. That's to be expected. The provisions of the Trust do not come into play until one of the parents becomes ill or dies. This may take some patience on your part. But trust me, it will be well worth the wait.

Now let's say the "triggering event" is that one parent becomes very sick. For the sake of argument, we will say it's the father. Suddenly the Trust document comes down off the shelf. Time to double check who is really authorized to make decisions for Dad's healthcare. Chances are very good that by this time, Mom is pretty distraught and probably not in the best mental shape to be authorizing "chemical code" or "DNR" decisions with Dad's doctors.

This is where having your unsuspecting sibling (US) as the primary healthcare decision-maker on the Trust comes into play. He will be so focused on doing the right thing medically, that he will not be paying any attention whatsoever to the financial side of things. After all, Mom and Dad still have healthcare benefits to pay for Dad's expenses. They still have income coming in. There's really nothing happening at this point that affects the financial aspect of the Family Trust.

At least, that's what US thinks...

Step 3: The Old Switcheroo

While Mom and US are dealing with Dad, you'll be busy in your own way. You'll have several clandestine meetings with your attorney. He or she will give you the high sign when it's time to make your move.

Since it's your own family we're talking about, you will know when the perfect moment arrives. It is imperative to wait until both US and Mom are totally distracted with caring for Dad. Hopefully by this time Dad will be really, really ill. It helps if he needs hospice care, as implementing hospice requires Power of Attorney.

Now assuming your US is like most, he is dead serious about his care-taking duties. He knows hospice is needed. When your lawyer suggests that he (US, not the lawyer) should obtain Power of Attorney, he (US, not the laywer) readily agrees.

However, to make this happen, Mom, who is still listed in the Family Trust, and is not sick or dead yet, needs to be disenfranchised from any and all decision-making power.

How do you accomplish this, you ask? The answer is simple. You get Mom declared mentally incompetent!

Step 4: Movin' On Up

If you play this step right you will actually be able to get your US to cooperate as your unwitting accomplice. Have your lawyer tell US that it's a "mere formality" to get Mom declared mentally incompetent. Convince him this formality is necessary for him to get Dad enrolled in hospice.

Your ojbective here is to get US to be the one to obtain the doctor's signature on a form declaring Mom mentally incompetent. Trust me. He will not suspect a thing. He'll do anything/everything he can in the interest of supporting Dad and Mom through this incredibly difficult time.

As soon as you get that signed piece of paper, grab it and run -- don't walk -- to the lawyer's office. You've now got what you need to rewrite the trust in your favor! See how easy that was?

Sing it Queen -- I got a one track mind!

Step 5: Grab those Assets

With Dad now on his deathbed, both Mom and US are 100% distracted. They will have no idea what you're masterminding over at the old attorney's office. It will be months before they find out -- and by then it will be too late. Hehe.

So here's how this works:. Now that Dad is out of the picture (figurately for now, literally in a matter of weeks or days), that leaves only Mom to contend with. Oh wait! Remember, we got Mom declared mentally incompetent. So that means that the original trust document is no longer valid. Mom is officially legally incapable of making financial decisions for herself. Luckily, she has you, her faithful Trust executor, to make them for her!

Oh my! And what a conscientious little trust administrator you are! You are so on top of things and so diligent about managing the Family Trust that you don't waste a second. No sirree. The minute you get get that "mental incompetence" declaration signed, you get the lawyer to rewrite any/all sections of the Trust document that don't suit your needs, and off you go!

Money for Nothing

Step 6: Laugh all the Way to the Bank

De facto, you are now the only person with any legal claim to the Trust. With the mere stroke of a pen, you've obliterated both Mom and US from the document. Instead of the Family Trust, you could just as well title the revised document The Bank of Me.

Now, at some point after Dad kicks, US will probably regain his mental equilibrium. This is not to be confused with Mom -- her mental competency is gone, baby gone. It's signed, sealed and delivered on that scrap of paper her doctor signed. But US will eventually start poking his nose around the finances. You see, being a true caretaker at heart, he's still got a vested interest in making sure Mom's taken care of, now that she's a widow. And that means both physically/emotionally and financially.

No worries, however. US can't touch you or Mom's money. He's been summarily written out of the Trust document. That lawyer the whole family worked with to write the original document? Sorry, brother. That lawyer now represents you and only you. Not Mom and not US. YOU are the Trust. They are -- well, they are toast.

Be a "trust buster" -- that's a GOOD thing!

Step 7: What's Mine is Mine, What's Yours is Mine

Congratulations! You're now in sole control of all the assets in the Trust. You and only you have full access to all of your parents' bank accounts, investment accounts, deeds of trust, credit cards, etc.

Basically, you get the whole enchilada, and brother gets... nada.

You may (or may not) choose to leave a little something in the till for Mom. After all, she did raise you. And it is ... oops, I mean WAS... her money. But she'll never write another check as long as she lives.

 

Step 8: Relax, Retire Early

Still not convinced? Go ahead. Be my guest. You can sit around and wait, and wait, and wait for your inheritance the old fashioned way. But who knows how long your parents might live? And how much of "your" inheritance will even be left by the time they check out?

No, my friends. In these uncertain economic times, we need to think outside the safe deposit box. Mark my words: Hijacking is the estate planning wave of the future.

After all, it's your inheritance. And besides, you know Mom and Dad always liked you best:-).

God, I hope so!
God, I hope so!

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    • profile image

      Lisa Borsella 2 weeks ago

      I of course, thought you were giving advice on how to screw your family, but realized it was the other way around, when you mentioned the Karma message. Thank You for your help in what to look out for. I am the US, but I figured out what was going on for a few reasons. I KNOW my greedy,uncaring, evil,already rich brother.Rich from screwing others. Everything you described has happened to me the US, and is still going down. My mom has all of her wits, but my evil brother, is making her question herself during this terrible time.What my jerkoff evil brother does not know, is I have been educating myself, and have already planted the seed of doubt in moms head about him.He knows I know whats up. I read your post to educate myself as to what my brother is up to, and sure enough, it is all you have said. I am very sorry for your loss, and losses, but you have not lost. You have God, and your sibling will have to face his maker. You also have taken a horrible situation, and tried to help people like me. Write a book. Make your own deserving inheritance, so to speak. Take this closed door and open a new one.I am not just blowing smoke, I am going through this, while suffering the loss of my dad. My only friend.Just as you are. God bless you. HE will take care of you.I Thank You so much. I will fight this tooth and nail. Nothing is officially in total place yet.Any help I can get would be greatly appreciated.It is sickening, and heartbreaking because, my mom can see what is happening, but as a mother, and the evil one being her first born son, she does not want to believe what he is doing.It is all so obvious.I told her that I am not asking her for anything, It is her money etc. but she keeps talking about fairness. Well if she wants fairness, this is not it.In reality, I love her, and am truly concerned for her welfare.I wish you health,love and all the things you need in this short life. You may rest your head at night, and look in the mirror guilt free, your sibling, however can not ever.This life is the test, eternity is the reward.

    • profile image

      Tricked 4 months ago

      JBey - Who are you talking about? This article was written in jest! I think nearly everyone finding this post is in some kind of family estate problem. It is almost unbelievable that family members take the death of a loved one as an opportunity to steal. Hell must surely be holding a special place for people who do.

    • profile image

      Tricked 9 months ago

      Hi me - It is incredible that some of these stories can even happen. My two brothers (two out of nine children) were able to plan and complete a huge Power of Attorney and Change The Will plot and rip-off all the others. At the time I thought I would lose my mind. I wanted to fight but it costs too much to fight. (They planned it well) Now that it has been two years I am better just hoping they both ROT. It wold be hard if it were my child that did this. Tough to wish him well, tough to hope he goes to hell. Man, oh man. My only advice is to remember that life is short. The sooner this stops 'eating you' the better. It will happen, you will get over this...

    • profile image

      me 9 months ago

      my eldest son did this to my mother, he got the house and money in a Trust while her 5 children got to clean up the mess.

      He even got her Ashes.

    • profile image

      Henderson Elizabeth 9 months ago

      James and I were together for 3 years and lived together for two until he was moved to another state for job in March of last year.Sept was the last time we spent time together.We went for a vacation and had a fabulous time,not knowing it would be the last time I would see him.He stopped calling Nov,and just sent me a text saying he did not want to talk.I did not pursue it because I thought he just needed some space.March came rolling in,and I found out he got married.How could it be?I found out,shortly before we started dating,he was communicating with a girl from another country and made a trip there once and proposed to her.He made another trip in 2015.She finally came to the country Jan of this year and I figured the reason he dumped me was when he found out she was approved to come to the US.I made the huge mistake of going to the social media and found the woman’s posts of their wedding and trips,etc.That hurt me more than I could imagine.It has been 8 months since I’ve seen him but just can’t get him out of my head.Honestly,I feel very jealous of his now.I wake up in the morning feeling nonexistent,empty and wishing I don’t wake up so I don’t have to feel the same pain I could never get accustomed to.The deceit and the fact that I was used and hurt so bad that I don’t think I could move past it.I decide to seek the help of a psychologist because I knew I was losing it. As I searched the internet, I found cases similar to mine and some,even worse.But all of them sang praises of a man whom helped them restoring their broken relationships,marriages and family…Dr Kene Dilli. I was supprised and decided to give it a try as I contacted his email I found in those testimonies; kenedillitemples AT yahoo DOT com. Behold,after doing all he instructed,he sent me a parcel plus the steps needed as reguarding the parcel.Now,I have got back my lover…James,and he has filed for a divorce with the other lady he married. #HappyToBeBackWithJames.

    • profile image

      Vivien 12 months ago

      Hello friends, an awesome and amazing testimony about a Great spell caster i really love to share. My name is Rose Verdy from the United States. Getting my Husband back is what i least expected and could never imagine. I and my Husband have been married for four years and we have been living happily but all of a sudden He changed completely and turned away from me and i never knew what was going on, i tried to ask Him but He refused to tell me what the problem is, and as time went on He sought for a divorce. I was so worried and confused, and i did all my possible best to get Him back but it was all in vain and i thought all hope was lost, and during my search for a way out, a friend of mine who had similar problem told me about a great spell caster called Dr papa who helped her to solve her problem. I never use to believe in spell casting in my entire life because i never thought it will work but i tried to give this man a chance and to my greatest surprise, He did his work and it yielded a positive result and i was able to get my Husband back. Even after the spell caster did his work, i discovered that my Husband fell so much in love with me unlike before. This spell casting isn't brain washing but he opened up His eyes to see how much i love and needed Him, and now i am a happy Woman again and do not know what to do for this Great spell caster and so i am using this opportunity to tell anyone having similar problem to visit him on supremetemple(AT)hotmail(DOT)com just tell Him your problems and He will help you because He is so real and powerful. Once again thank you Dr Papa and may your gods always reward you for your good deeds.You can reach Him via His email supremetemple(AT)hotmail(DOT)com or website on www(DOT)supremetemple(DOT)com

    • profile image

      Jane 13 months ago

      wow,I was meant to read this article.....My brother from Albq.just visited 91 yr.old dad in Ohio and printed off a new online DIY will (brother doesn't see any need for lawyer to draw up will) and drove Dad to his bank to sign the new "revised" will, removing myself as executor and naming brother as executor....even tho I recently took Dad to Indy neurologist who tested him and diagnosed memory/cognitive problems......and this was done without my presence (I was aware my brother was going to set Dad's bills up on autopay and wanted authority to pay part-time visiting nurse to try to monitor Dad in his independent living condo,vs encouraging him to consider assisted living within same retiremt community) Brother will not answer messages requesting copy of "new DIY will"-should i get copy from dad and hire a nearby atty specializing in elderly care/wills/trusts to look it over to avoid a catastrophe in future? Or just hope my sib has more integrity than i suspect and keep quiet to keep peace??

    • profile image

      david 13 months ago

      big brother turned schmuck. He some how caught the money grubber desease and made sure he got everything and it was substantial. but he went so far as to remove the collection of antique plates mom had on the wall .I remember sitting in the kitchen looking at these clean circles on the wall and asking what happened to the plates he became veryu aggressive and assured everyone his wife had just put them away for safe keeping. it really is a sickness, and saddens me deeply that our family was a lie a joke

    • profile image

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    • profile image

      smith 20 months ago

      Hello am smith Ryan from Belgium, I want to share my my testimony to you all reading this good news. Me and my wife loved each other so much before and after our marriage, we have been together for 4 years now, but shortly she started behaving in a way i could not even understand, i did not even bother to confront her with the issue hoping that she will come back to her senses again but she refuse to change, not knowing that she had made up her mind to leave the marriage simply because i was down financially, until one day she left and didn’t come back, so i was in pain every day because i didn’t know what to do. But one day when a friend of mine visited me in my house he meet me crying then he was asking me what was going on and i try to calm my self but then i could not because she left me with my 2 years old daughter, then i manage to narrate the whole issue to him. Shortly he open up to me and said there is a man called Dr. Uzor that he is a spell caster and can bring my wife back within 2 days then i quickly said okay i will try my best to contact him, then i truly contacted him after 2 days my wife came back as promise by priest iyare and he also help me to get a good job. Now am living with my wife and kid happily. This is his email address (uzorspelltemple@gmail.com) You can also contact him for the following help.

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    • profile image

      Love 21 months ago

      Where is the conscience, where is the caring and love. All there is where is the conscience, where is the caring and love --gone, you don't have anything but devious self illness and most likely your only route to financial survival , ( be the one in controll ) You are full of complete

      Greed and sickness. Most likely you've lived a secret life being the LEAST LOVED SIBLING! A long path of no control no real love. Your heart is full of ugly contemt, perhaps because you couldn't measure up. Your sneaky pathetic and a sad crook ( maybe never loved anything you did)

      How many years of plotting? Your a sorry soul, have fun with your stolen money, it just might be what eats away at your subconscious, ending in sickness and early death------ think I've seen something similar, the end was sad, perhaps deserved--- Your a textbook looser, most likely never loved much by Mom or DAD! Right!

    • profile image

      OctoberOboe 22 months ago

      I swear this could have been written seriously by my sister who over the last several years has followed this recipe for screwing me, in particular, exactly and in the order you relayed. from the incompetency declaration first on Mom and then on Dad as she gleefully tinkered with the trust to get it the way she wanted. BTW she is a lawyer, turned judge and gives seminars on trusts and wills. My father is now at home with a barely english speaking caretaker who refuses to do much as he "doesn't get paid enough" and I know he gets rock b ottom wages. the person before this was actually a person with criminal background as was her boyfriend, a twice convicted thief. My sister staunchly defended them. She became a close personal friend of the caretaker and I see now they are cut from the same cloth. eventually she got the credit card bills as the caretakers were going wild and loose with dad's credit cards and money. neither had driver's licenses or insurance but drove Dad's care all over. Took Mom home from her very good memory care unit so caretaker could make more money. this resulted in 5 hospital visits for Mom once she got home because the stupid caretaker kept drugging her. Nobody but me and all the doctors every questioned this. The scenario goes on. My sister is still tweaking the trust. I was supposed to get a house that dad had renovated and saved for me once he got a deadbeat tenant out. My sister sold it within 48 hours for a fraction of whaty it was worth. Then she bought dad's house out from underhim claiming it was "to help" and used the money for hios care, but of course he will never be able to go to fulltime care in a nursing home because she must own that house for 5 years or will lose it to the nursing homes if DAd goes in and now he is wandering around at night and needs full time care. SHe doesn't care. and claims money means nothing to her. She says she will get no inheritance. She's already got it. WHen I try to talk to her I get this self righteous crap. Reading your great article it is step by step the plan my sister used to get everytrhing. My brother was given his home and property a few years ago by my dad when my brother knocked up his girlfriend and needed a home for them. He got his inheritance early. MY sister will get her's when dad [passes and I get nothing. My sister is quite well off. She got financial POA and got my brother to have medical POA. both of them have made such a mess of the care for my parents their church even filed a grievance against the caretaker with the county. It's exactly what you said. it has eaten up two years of my life and I have been in therapy the whole time. Until I read your aertical I didn't see that yes, this was a well thought out and dastardly plot from my sister and her nauseating, also rich, husband.

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 23 months ago

      Not enough information to answer your question BrattyBrattyx4. Is the mother still living? If yes, is the property paid or is there an outstanding mortgage? By deeding her property to another she is effectively transferring ownership. What is the purpose for her deeding her property to anyone?

      One other consideration are the laws in the state where you live, or the state the property is in.

      Don't take this as criticism (because everyone on this string knows this) the law does not care about who liked who more. The laws only follow the facts of the law.

    • profile image

      BrattyBrattyx4 23 months ago

      What if the mother deeded the property to one son over the remaining five sons because she like him the most?

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 24 months ago

      doodle, I wish there was an easy answer and MightyMom would tell you this too! Not knowing if your family had a Trust or Will, etc. it is difficult to give you advice but what all of us on this string know, even if you have iron-clad evidence of elder/financial abuse - you still need to retain an attorney - spend years in court and come out in the negative and be counter-sued. What your Mother In Law and Brother are entitled to (by law) as direct heirs are a copy of the trust/will and the distribution of assets. That being said, if it is not provided then you need a lawyer and are back at square 1, paying a lawyer without a guaranty of justice. It will be difficult at best for them to let this go, trust me, every person on Mighty Mom's Therapy Post :-) knows this all to well. If your MIL and her brother want to take the fast way and expose this sibling or (not sure what their relation is to her) to Small Claims court, depending on what state you are in it's approx. $75.00 to file and you get to the judge right away. But again, there are not enough details in your post to give you specific advice. Was there a trust or a will? What is the value of the estate? Who rewrote the will? What is this person's relation to the deceased and your Mother in Law and her Brother?

    • profile image

      doodle 24 months ago

      I seen the last comment was a few months back but I will take any advice anyone has to offer. I mean is it worth it to hire a lawyer and take action after it gets too late? Identical situation to MM except the wench has been leaching and living off her dad for fifteen years, has power of attorney, and wont let anyone get close to any sort of financial information or anything pertaining to the will or estate. She even had her own personal attorney rewrite the will of course in her favor! My mother in law and her brother were unable to do anything since they were never allowed to get close to finding out what was really going on. What can they do? Their father has died and they just found out that their sister squandered all his money before he even died! Is there anything that can be done or is hiring an attorney a waste of money at this point?

    • profile image

      mary 2 years ago

      sooooo true!! my sister fits the profile to a tee!!!!! greed, greed, greed!

      Cared six months for a very wealthy, childless relative 24/7 on demand. so you guessed it, sister got all

      when my father passed, sister went to his house and like a piranha hijacked his belongings while I was on my flight to go over his things with her.

      the only thing I was able to get was my dad's belt. only because it was hanging behind a closed door. thats it

      GREED I never want to speal to her again!

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Eh, it's not about survival. That would only apply to the actual desperate.

    • profile image

      Darkest Hour 2 years ago

      This is the wave of evil treachery and betrayal our society has resorted to for financial control and survival dispicably disregarding the wishes of those who earned saved and invested wisely for decades to most often equally benefit their honorable and honest heirs- read Adamski's Inheritance Hijackers before it is your family's turn to learn the hard way!

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      I am so glad for you dianec2007! Cutting ties/ no contact can not come soon enough but hope to be there soon like you. Take Care! or should I say PEACE!

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      Hello Mighty Mom, Lala and waterlily!

      This has been such a journey and I thank you for letting me vent and sharing your thoughts. I worked hard to get to the bottom of everything, served the religious neighbor and their slimeball atty snd have decided to leave them hanging. Like Walter White and the Beautiful people in the last episode of breaking bad. My life is so peaceful now.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Yea, pretty much what Lala said. Also, a lot of it is hard to prove and the authorities can't do anything without proof.

      Lala, I hope things get better for you and I hope that you'll be able to leave this all behind and "begin again" or something. Go somewhere she can't touch you or find you.

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      OH cc where do we start on what the laws protect and what these people do to get what they want.

      The laws are ment to be broken and the those protecting the integrity of the law either don't care to be bothered by the victims (which is their job to do), bow to the threats of the abusers, or jump in to inflict their own greedy needs to profit from a cruel situation. Which include DHS workers, medical staff hospital & nursing home, social workers, judges, and lawyers just to name a few who should have helped right away but did not. (Some listed agencies later after my parents were beyond help in the control of the abusing sister or deceased questioned why someone else did not handle the elder abuse issue. EX: Nursing home after parent was knowingly manipulated for months while in nursing home care then called DHS. (I repeatedly felt like Chicken Little with both DHS who I called before and the nursing home stating my father was being manipulated and abused.) This was when the parent was being pulled from their facility to the home of the abusers (my sister & her husband) 4 hours away. DHS never followed through to protect both parents living with my sister and her husband by their own design.

      Yes and for just $800 you too can hire a lawyer to undeem an incompotent parent (3 doctors confirming this diagnosis). Become their new legal POA and do whatever you want to senile dementia parent's bank accounts, trusts, or manipulate the persons whole world to fit their own agenda. In my case, my sister did it twice over a 5 year stretch. Why because the very people there to to protect and uphold the laws for the elderly won't do it for various reason I listed above.

      Is it right cc...hell no but the people we are dealing with are getting away due to a broken system and loopholes they find. They want the money and control and be darned the laws, people, and the loving family and friends who get in their way.

    • profile image

      cc 2 years ago

      whom ever wrote dosen't know a dame thing about trusts you can not rewright a trust onecs the person is incompacitated or deceased.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      If you don't have to pay your sibling anything, then don't, but if he treats you badly, then you can bet he'll use the same arguments you are now.

      The only thing I can say here is cut them out of your life. It doesn't look like anything could hold you back from doing so since it looks like you can take care of yourself just fine.

    • profile image

      tnt 2 years ago

      Wow....i can't believe how much has been written here. Thanks tho for getting a smirk outta me. I am sorry to all who hsd injustices made to them. I was one of those that swore that nothing like that would hsppen to my family. We were raised with morals & values. I don't want to go into all the dunbass details but basically a couple maybe 3 but def 2 siblings of my mom chose to knowingly disregard her death wish. She wanted ti die with the peace of mind that her children would be taken care of when she was no longer here on earth. Well I guess I at least know that she died with some sort of peace of mind cuz the dirty deed did not happen til she was long gone by then. A couple funny things tho.....the 2 surviving siblings have been fighting over 20k miniscule to what is at stake) for EIGHT YEARS! One wanted to hurry to settle b4 they died cuz they weren't sure their kids would be taken care of if anything happened. Chuckle chuckle....not sure if they hadn't been so darn greedy that they could have died with the same false sense that Mom did. It appeared that me being upset about the way things turned out & that it's obvious my mom's life was not worth a red cent came as a surprise bcuz i was told it's legal that they cut mom out. I was also advised by the one that's still alivr to stop paying my sibling half of benefits that my parents left to us bcuz legally it's in my name & since he treats me bad I shouldn't give it to him! I am only human and make many mistakes and say or do wrong things. I am not perfect but I do try to do the ethical & moral thing. Thanks for writing this. I have a chance to share with peeps who understand it's not all about the money. But that their unwillingness to share says alot about how they felt about my mom & us & it just shows how worthless they think we are. Of course they didn't understand that logic.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
      Author

      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      We live to vent. When someone comes here or we meet them in outside life and hear our story they are aghast that the system did not do its job.

      Do its job? What job might that be, when the Greatest GEneration socked away billions of dollars intended to be handed down to their kids and grandkids. Money is hard to resist...

      Don't want to get myself worked up into a coughing fit today.

      Just glad my hubby and I are at the point of no contact with our resident narcissist. What goes around comes around and she'll get hers, if not in this life, in the next!

      Good to see you as always, LalaJo!

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      Mitzy-

      I state that I could write a book on elder abuse and how many, many systems in place to stop elder abuse did not do their job to protect my parents from my sibling and her husband. They even used some of those things to protect the elderly as abuses toward me and those that love and cared for our parents wellbelling.

      I feel like Chicken Little sometimes telling people to beware the unbelievable things my sister and her husband did to my parents and myself. (even today) This only plays into the excuses my sister and her husband used that it is just a sibling rivalry. Now a few believe but my sister and her husband were able get away with it and people still can't believe nobody stopped them. My comeback is they are still at it because the very system to tell them "no" have yet to follow through and do their jobs. I know I would sound crazy to list out all of the services I went to protect my parents and still cry at times because they did not do their jobs when my parent were alive and needed them.

      Now, I am still the target of my sister and brother-in-law's narcissism and I am still getting beat up by the broken system. I continue to try to do the right thing to finish my parents' estates, sell our childhood home with her as a controlling, unequal, partner and end this as forgiving as possible with no contact when I can finally be free. I do wish to pay it forward though if ever possible because I do not wish this on anyone else to have to go through. But there is so much to fix and where to start?

      Sorry MM venting again....Again Thanks

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi Mitzy,

      If you are not already aware of this group, you might want to check out NASGA -- National Association Against Guardian Abuse. If you think the stories here are heartbreaking, you should read some of theirs. Which go into minute detail of how the legal systems in state after state turns the other way (think they might just be in on the game -- I sure do!).

      When the so-called enforcers are in the shark tank it's criminal.

      In my family's case the laws on the books were written, I believe, to keep a family member trust administrator from being sued by the other beneficiaries. The law is being abused every day by professional sharks.

      I don't mean to sound hopeless.

      I do encourage everyone who has the stamina left after their family (or neighbor) fight to try to get the attention of the authorities.

      Thanks again for your post, Mitzy

      MM

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      Mitzy 2 years ago

      Everyone is overlooking on point; this IS the description of ELDER ABUSE.

      Since we cant change greed and murder in our siblings ( supposed to be illegal on so many points but who stoPS either?) We must demand enforcement of the laws on the books. OR GO BACK TO SIMPLE TESTATE/INTESTATE LAWS

      I have so much to say on this subject..and how evil ones are able to accomplish this but the important gist of these posts overall is the ABUSE OF THE ELDERLY AND SOME EVEN MURDER THESES POOR FOLkS WITH DEATH COCKTAILS ADMINISTERED BY HOSPICE WITH THE EVIL ONES "BLESSINGS" as medical POA.

      We must get this stopped. Please send the entire hub ( with consent of posters obtained) to the authorities, police , elder abuse, government entities, attorney general, suprene court and the president asap.

      The greatest generation is being robbed and killed for illgotten gains, families are being damaged beyond repair, that is the least fallout from all this sicko hurt and theivery.

      National disgrace to humanity. Abuses of our most vulnerable. Shame on all of us.

      "ALL IT TAKES FIR EVIL TO PREVAIL IS THAT GOID MEN ( AND WOMEN) DO NOTHING".

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      Mitzy 2 years ago

      Everyone is overlooking on point; this IS the description of ELDER ABUSE.

      Since we cant change greed and murder in our siblings ( supposed to be illegal on so many points but who stoPS either?) We must demand enforcement of the laws on the books. OR GO BACK TO SIMPLE TESTATE/INTESTATE LAWS

      I have so much to say on this subject..and how evil ones are able to accomplish this but the important gist of these posts overall is the ABUSE OF THE ELDERLY AND SOME EVEN MURDER THESES POOR FOLkS WITH DEATH COCKTAILS ADMINISTERED BY HOSPICE WITH THE EVIL ONES "BLESSINGS" as medical POA.

      We must get this stopped. Please send the entire hub ( with consent of posters obtained) to the authorities, police , elder abuse, government entities, attorney general, suprene court and the president asap.

      The greatest generation is being robbed and killed for illgotten gains, families are being damaged beyond repair, that is the least fallout from all this sicko hurt and theivery.

      National disgrace to humanity. Abuses of our most vulnerable. Shame on all of us.

      "ALL IT TAKES FIR EVIL TO PREVAIL IS THAT GOID MEN ( AND WOMEN) DO NOTHING".

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Ditto! You go girl! Karma comes around!

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      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      dianec2007 Happy for yah!!! :)

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      dianec2007 2 years ago

      Hello to all of you! Hoping the New Year is off to a good start for you!

      I've learned so much and while it may not work for everyone it has worked for me and I am now AT PEACE!

      1. Do what you have to do to fight back. I couldn't let my mom's neighbors destroy my family, insult and disparage me so I wouldn't have the strength to fight back) and leave a wake of pain and sorrow. Oh no, that won't work for me.

      After finding the facts, (aka the truth), utilizing the services of a private investigator and meeting a compassionate attorney who did not charge me a dime - we composed a "demand" letter and best of all - They were SERVED in person the day before Thanksgiving (mom's neighbor and their attorney). It was the happiest Thanksgiving (for me) EVER!

      If anyone would like to see this demand letter I'd be happy to share, send me your email address and I'll let you see how the laws are supposed to work to protect us from predators, inside or outside of the family.

      As you all know it takes an enormous amount of time (your life's currency) and money (the green currency you spend your life's currency earning)

      When there is larceny involved in a Trust, the 120 day limit to contest is converted to 3 years. So for now I'm letting them sit with this "Demand Letter" and leaving them hanging - just like they left me. It's a beautiful thing.

      Here's what I know for sure and words I live by:

      "Though the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail. ~ Helen Keller

      That it may prevail!

      We never know when or where the universe will serve up a little justice - but rest assured, and let it give you peace - That day will come. :-)

      Your life is a gift, your fortune, don't let anyone steal your "life fortune" that is priceless.

      xoxox

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      You said it, girl!

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      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      Yet Another Screwed Over by Evil Rich Sociopathic Brother-

      I think what hurts the most is that it is the nearest relative to you and they are the evilest. You wish for that sibling that you can trust and help you through your loss but instead kicks you when your down. Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you had one more sibling in your family to have on your side that might have helped whip the out of control sibling into shape or be a supportive to you through this? But take this from someone in your situation but a sister/brother-in-law narcassists that would rather hurt you in any way than treat you in a sane loving sibling relationship. We want to still hold on that they can change into that ideal sibling relationship we want. Your sibling and mine will not.

      I can only hope for you, Yet Another Screwed Over by Evil Rich Sociopathic Brother have some in your great extended friends, family (aunts, uncles, cousins) or your Mom's friend who are supportive and not sucked into all the drama of believing your brother using psychological lies, gaslighting, and accusations about you. (My sister convinced many for years "I am in a sibling rivalry with her " when I tried to stand up to her and her husband. This was while she and her husband did a book's worth of unthinkable things to both our parents and me.) If you are like me too, family is important but if you can get and stay away from your brother the better for you. But you stated he has lots of money to use against you to torment you and these types of people will not stop. I wish you the best to break away from your tormentor and do not mourn a lost brother because he never was the caring brother you wanted him to be in the beginning. Caring sibling would not do that to another sibling. I also know it is easier said than done when you have to remain in a partnership with them getting things wrapped up from your Mother estate. I am still in that **LL (3+ years and running- 8 with the abuses) even when the court settled the case but my sister is still keeping the estates open all the same. But more and more people are seeing my sister/brother-in-law's true colors and that I am trying to do the right thing through all of this. I believe this in you too with your brother.

      Hang in there....You are still the great you (don't let your brother make you believe otherwise).....Wishing you the best!

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      *enters with a giant GROAN and SIGH*

      Oh nooooooo. Not another one.

      It pains me beyond belief to log in and see yet another new post of someone who has suffered what we have.

      But -- a big thank you to loyal and wise contributors like Diane and Waterlily who always seem to show up with words of comfort.

      I am assuming there is a reason you can't cut ties yet -- or until the estate s fully settled and all the furniture, etc. is out of the house?

      We got into the same situation. No one lifted a finger to help with the closeout of my mother-in-law's home. We did it all in rapid time because we didn't want the estate (what little was left) t0 have to pay another month's rent.

      Skeezy memories coming up of those days.

      But let me add my voice to Waterlily's.

      As quickly as you can, cut off ALL TIES with your brother.

      What have you got to lose? Sounds like you are not going to be getting

      any $ anyway. Why do you need to communicate or answer to him?

      It also sounds like you don't have much or any money of your own.

      However, if at all possible, I highly recommend getting some therapy to get through the grief of your mom's death compounded by the abuse of your evil brother (who sounds like a classic sociopath).

      My husband has found the therapy to be helpful. Should have started it years ago when this nightmare all started. But better late than let it completely obliterate his spirit (which it was quickly doing).

      I'm very, very sorry.

      Please feel free to come back any time and VENT. That is what we are here for!

      MM

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      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Is it possible to just let it all go and cut off all contact? Sometimes you have to chew your leg off to get out of a trap. If he's that bad, then you may have to cut all losses and "disappear" as a woman I "know" did.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Is it possible to just let it all go and cut off all contact? Sometimes you have to chew your leg off to get out of a trap. If he's that bad, then you may have to cut all losses and "disappear" as a woman I "know" did.

    • profile image

      Yet Another Screwed Over by Evil Rich Sociopathic Brother 2 years ago

      Dear MM - I just wanted to thank you for writing this page and all of your follow-up comments. It's one of the only things that has brought me comfort in these last two years of hell since my mother died. I'm too upset right now to write out all of the convoluted details, but in a nutshell: I'm a freelance researcher living on next to nothing before mom died. Brother is a multimillionaire several times over made in the worst of the worst parts of Wall Street - literally caused/profited off of everything that has caused the economic collapse from mortgages to foreclosures, abusive debt collection etc. Just a complete and utter sociopath whose only ethic seems to be whatever he can get away with. Long story short he pulled some con on mom a few years ago getting her to sign over a $200k piece of land to him as if he was protecting it from estate taxes - her beloved land where we spread her ashes - and then told the estate lawyer that he had bought it himself and that I had psychiatric problems for even raising it. Spent months (while I was in the shock of losing my mom) burying me in abusive, hostile correspondence that i was then accused of being negligent if I didn't have a reply sent to him by morning. Just months of trauma. Didn't lift a finger to help me with cleaning out the house or pets and dealing with closing down mom's professional affairs which took months of my time (not to mention I had to move back home from another city to take care of it all) and after refusing in writing to help me deal with anything there or take any items from the house which i told him to take whatever he wanted - now accusing me of "illegally" stealing everything. I can't even write about it coherently because it has been two years of the worst kinds of psychological abuse, gaslighting, accusations, while portraying himself as the poor victim in all of this. When my mom's partner of 30 years told the estate lawyer that he (brother) was lying about a bunch of things, brother attempted to portray the man as a con artist who had never had a relationship with our mother. I paid all of the estate's/house bills for a year because he refused to help and I was too upset to fight and I've now spent 6 months just trying to get him to sign estate checks to give me back my personal money spent on all of these bills. It goes on and on. He's a multimillionaire several times over and this is all so he can fight like a sick animal for far, far more than half of our mom's estate.

      But as you've all said, the worst part isn't the money. It's the living hell of your own blood - in this case my only sibling and family member left in the world - lying and saying anything to hurt you and "win." I've begged just to end this, but of course the rich person is the one with the power to torment legally indefinitely while I'd see my whole inheritance go up in legal fees if I do it his way. It has utterly wrecked my peace of mind, ability to focus on work, my happy carefree spirit is being/has been sucked away and I fear that this is changing me on some fundamental level I will never get back. We live in a world full of sociopaths and to see this in the person most closely related to you is terrifying, the stuff of nightmares (which I have about him often).

      Anyway I'm sorry for the disjointed comment but clearly you all know how upsetting this is.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Peachpurple,

      Bingo. It's a formula for disrespecting our parents and being greedy, awful sons and daughters.

      I'm sorry it's happening in you family, too.

      MM

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      my sister in law and brother in law are good at these. First, they buy over my mother in law trust, Treat her with vacation, food, special treatment. Then, they requested her to put their name into her bank account, properties and invest in shares. Now, she has only a handful of cash, the rest are in their pockets

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!

      Especially MM, dianec2007, and all the others who have been so kind and gave me such good advice. Score one for the USs out there. I have been delayed going into courtroom for just this case to finish this since Aug. 2013. The last continuance was when I vented on here and got such good advice from everyone. I really took dianec2007 advice to heart. As suggested, I was going to write SU all over my notes to stay calm as my sister attacked. Even the thought of how to stay calm in the courtroom was very comforting as this time court day finally happened.

      I was the plaintiff of the trial and the judge stated he read through the trial brief for court (presented by my lawyer)and came out to start the case chewing out the attorneys for delaying this whole estate from getting closed in a timely manner. The judge stated this case was not going to be done in two days but by the end of the day. (Hallelujah after 3 years getting this estate done with delays from my sisters side mostly. ) We were not going to have a second lawsuit that my sister filed on me (Set for March) because all was going to be taken care of by the end of the day today. I knew I was going to like this judge. The judge strongly suggested that a settlement be attempted before he started the proceeding because he read the trial brief or all of the items of the estate down to family pictures would be brought back and sold after the court trial started.

      My sister who spent most of the time yelling at her lawyer when my 1st offer of settlement was rejected. The main points of that offer was that a lump sum of 1/2 the money from my sister for items already admitted or known to be taken from the property be awarded to me. Then sell the rest of the items in the house (not much was left that is worth any major value that she had not already claimed as her own or taken without approval. ) at auction as the will states with the proceed split in half for each of us. She would have to pay a $1,000 bill she owed Department of Human Services. (That was sweet KARMA even though some money is still missing. SEE BELOW)

      (My sister tried to hide $77,000 my mother inherited from her brother at the time of death her own death in her joint account made the day our mother died. Department of Human Services (DHS) upon Mom's death had sued both our parents' estates for $73,000. My lawyer pointed out the Inheritance to DHS to settle that account or they would have taken it out of my father's estate only. My sister would have walked away with the $77,000 ment to settle Mom's DHS Bill as requested by my uncle's estate (To sum it up I would be out$35,000 inheritance and my sister $35,000 extra cash for herself out the deal.). My sister paid the bill 6 months later but was $1,000 short (Accounting wise she has $5,000 somewhere if not already spent.) and wanted us both to pay it off with the estate monies. The judge also had proof of this in the trial brief. This was on top of all the other financial abuse done to our parents when they were alive living with her.)

      Court then began when sister would not accept the settlement. The judge asking his own questions and when asked about items from the estate I stated the 3 thing I had in safe keeping. But my sister had so many items (I don't think she could list off all she had) her lawyer instead of responding about any items she had requested a conference with my sister. My lawyer later told me my sister's lawyer knew they were screwed by all of their dirty dealings when the judge in chambers saw all of the evidence (at least 12 points) before court and did not know how to present it to his clients who were hard to deal with. (That I guess was all the yelling from the judges chamber we heard even in the courtroom as we waited for the trial to start. ) Her lawyer came back to my lawyer with my first proposal to my sister + getting all items left in the house.

      I knew I could have pushed for more at that point and they were asking for more but not that much when you add in all sister's time and trouble to clean the house to sell it. My sister and her husband appeared barely keeping their anger in check. I know they did not want me to have much of anything from the estates and later found out they were mad to have to pay off the DHS bill that was their responsibility to begin with. (Almost pitied my sister's lawyer getting yelled at by both the judge and his client. But for how this lawyer treated me in past court hearings..KARMA) I could have have made it more equal for my share (this money offer was reasonable but not half amount I assumed is taken but was unprovable for court) and my lawyer confirmed this the next day. But it would have been more time in court and the decision was there to get this settled as it was to be done with dealing directly with my sister (and her husband) with this except selling the home and the realtor would be in charge of getting that done.

      It was at this point, I paused to think about this was really about... our parents...what would they want me to do? I took the settlement + all items in the house. It felt good even if it is not a totally equal share and most of all it was what I felt my parent would want me to do to satisfy their final wishes. I also do not think my sister or her husband will mess with me or my family anymore in the future because they know I have very incriminating evidence on them.

      For those USs going through the court process, hang in there even though these victories few and far between, we can get some justice among some major disappointments. We also have a responsibility that I still have not forgotten to try and fix a very broken system so this does not happen to other families or vulnerable adults who being abused by neighbors, so called friends, or family members. I know I was very lucky but this is a hollow victory because I had to live through helplessly my parents abuse that still tortures me, deal with our protective systems that is broken to protect both my parents and myself against this kind of predator, and even though I wanted a victory...This was still my sister (family) that was dealt with and that is the deepest kind of hurt. But I am free to not have to be in her or husband's control or drama because this estate should be done by the end of the month!

      Thank you again for your encouragement and help!

      Happiest of Holidays to all!

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      @ Roxy, LOL, you are full of you know what... You must be one of the ones who weaseled yourself in a trust OR you are just plain old heartless. I'm thinking both.

      I will send anyone who is interested the demand letter my attorney sent the "neighbor" who violated all probate laws. And to your point of "Executors have a fiduciary responsibility to uphold the law, and look out for the best interests of the deceased and the beneficiaries" that made me laugh out loud!

      While our mother's neighbor took 100% of our family's inheritance and was the Executors he: A. "out of the kindness of his heart" wrote my sister and I a check for 1% of the estate without consulting anyone but himself and I've yet to see anyone prosecute him for violating his alleged "fiduciary" responsibility.

      And of course it would cost years of my life, $$$$, etc. to prove he is scum of the earth in a court room. But here's the thing, he proved to everyone he is/was and has always been scum of the earth for what he did "to honor our mother's wishes" and keep 98% of the estate. A neighbor, not related in anyway to our family. He just lived on the same block....

      Be careful out there - there are cowardly sharks roaming the corridors of the elderly waiting for their chance to strike, it could be family members, lawyers and neighbors - if someone excludes someone who at one time was a child, and caused no harm but had only good intentions - then that Executor is scum of the earth.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Tricked, Norman Bates is actually pretty sympathetic despite being a sociopath. Your weasel brother is just something to be squashed. Good luck.

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi Tricked,

      Boot a trustee, eh?

      The short answer is court, or litigation. Which means expensive on your end out of your pocket while the trustee pays his/her legal costs OUT OF THE TRUST!! Arrgh. Ultimately, it will come down to a mediation and the "magic number" of what it will take for the trustee to go away.

      From what I know, this sh$t goes on in every state. So don't expect your probate court to be of any help in getting justice. I'm sorry.

      None.

      Yes. It most definitely is awful.

      Criminal. Shameful. The worst of human beings.

    • profile image

      None 2 years ago

      This is awful!

    • profile image

      Tricked 2 years ago

      Thank you for making me laugh, Mighty Mom! I loved reading your blog.

      Also your recent restrained reply to Roxy was spot on. I found your page while looking for information on how I can boot a Trustee. You are so right with your earlier comments that sometimes it is more about control than it is about money. I have told my weasel brother he is not my boss, but... he keeps acting like he is. I only have two words 'Norman Bates!'

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      Hidrologo best of luck and hope you get a favorable outcome. Hang in there!

      Also back at you waterlily13 for Thanksgiving wishes...Wishing Happy Holidays to you all on here. Take care and thanks again for what you have done here MM and all of the support from you and others too.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving in spite of the awful people around you.

    • profile image

      Hidrologo 2 years ago

      My guess is that the person that wrote this was the "US". My sister and I are the equivalent of the US in my father's death. In our case, his personal papers were stolen by our stepmother's children. We found that in a community property state, wills can be worthless. Our father put her as sole beneficiary on accounts, we saw that he had an executed quit claim deed in his files, but it was stolen along with other papers. He remembered the name of his lawyer, so we have a will but all assets were transferred to her after his death. She is terminally ill so our stepchildren will inherit his estate. I have taken the case to court pro-se, but with only a claim of having seen an executed quit claim deed as tenants in common that was not recorded, so we have no chance I think. Still, I will sleep better at night if I at least go down fighting, and maybe we can get a few bucks for the possessions in the home. Just hope we dont get stuck with her lawyer's bill!

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

      Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

      Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

      MM

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

      Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

      Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

      MM

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

      Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

      Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

      MM

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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Roxy -- I don't know where you live but that has clearly NOT bee reality for those of us who write here. Yes, we only wish those LAWS and FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITIES would hold these people accountable to the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The underground must be more lucrative and DS family turncoats are everywhere.

      Shot? Yes. There are definitely times I thought about shooting the parties involved in our scenario.

      Until you have been on the hoodwinked "good sibling" side you simply cannot imagine how evil feels within one's only family. Positively Shakespearean.

      MM

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      Roxy 2 years ago

      This is a recipe to be shot. I would not recommend this sleazy legal advice to anyone. Executors have a fiduciary responsibility to uphold the law, and look out for the best interests of the deceased and the beneficiaries. Not doing so can mean that they will be punished by the legal system and of course their "good" name ruined.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      "This is just a warning if your planning on burning blood by Sibling Rivalry because It will come back to haunt you..."

      Yup and it doesn't necessarily have to be through the courts either.

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      I am sorry CF/US you are not only dealing with one DS and her husband like me but three siblings and the court/legal system that seems to be anything but just. For no better terms it sucks when your siblings turn on you (sibling rivalry or jealousy) when you just want to do what was right for your elderly parents and you believe your siblings do too. Then you realize you are an US (unsuspecting sibling) with your circle of trust messed up because those who you thought would not do something that horrible does. I hope you have at least some family(immediate or otherwise) that do not see the dollar signs and you can talk too?

      Are you still dealing with the court system? It sounds like you are you are taking on a lonely battle but know that it is very admirable you are trying do the right thing. But like I am learning on here and through my court fight right now is to know if it is worth the battle and you need to think of you and your immediate family first. Also do not give up if you need to see this through for your peace of mind or you are forced into having to follow through the court due to responsibilities like executorship. But know it is not a cop out if you tried and need to bow out to keep your own personal life separated from the crazy drama. Whatever the end results, you will have done your best to respect the true wishes of your passed loved one and have peace of mind that you did everything you possibly could to be justice.

      Best wishes to you!

    • profile image

      CF/US 2 years ago

      Brilliant Chicken Soup Ingredients to the Authors Cookbook Recipe on How to Hijack Your Family's Inheritance. What he fails to Clarify regarding Re-Writing the Trust is that He's Referring to are "Revocable Living Trusts" which are Changeable during the Principle Trustees Lifetime. Since the former Beneficiary is the New Trustee over the Assets, the old Estate Plan was Revocable, from a Legal standpoint the New Trustee can Pull all the Dispersed Assets into and under one umbrella Trust Account and he can "Weed Out" his "US" Brother under a New Revocable Trust. as it sounds legally. There's Just one Word of Warning though with Testamentary Trusts that are Irrevocable attached to a Will. If "DS" Diabolical Sibling works with his Attorney to change that Trust by Forgery "Calling it a Revocable Living Trust and Coaches DB to Steal & Throw out the Will, then DB and the Attorney & DS attempt to Sucker US to make False Claim there is a Problem with the Trust to Straighten out the Problem Requesting US to sign "Consent Waiver to a Probate - Construction of Trust so the Attorney can then convert over the Irrevocable Trust to Revocable, then underhandedly DS and the Attorney Pay off the Judge to make it Revocable, then Secretly have the Former and now Mentally Incompetent Trustee to Revoke it, and do not Give US Notice of the Revocation of Trust, Then the Attorney Writes up a New Revocable Trust, saying the former Trustee Rewrote a new Trust ten years ago... That's Total Fraud and Undue Influence!

      Reason I'm saying that is, now US can Sue for Three Times the Assets Stolen by DS, his Attorney and the Disqualify the Judge and force the Judge to pay all his Litigation Expenses. The Judge that readily sees that the language is Testamentary and deems it Revocable, knowing its Forged is setting himself or herself for Prison time. There's a New tactic going on also when Siblings Rip off their own Blood its Exploiting the Demented Trustee to add their names to their Accounts in Joint Tenancy which is "Exempt" from Sharing "All the Assets Equally" its known as "Non Judicial Settlement Agreements" for "DS" That's also known as, "Sweetheart Contracting" That's how the Judges get their Slice of the Pie to the Estate its called Accepting "Bribery" and getting "Kickbacks" If the Judge sets up a De-facto Conservatorship Secretly of the Court Dockets with the Attorney controlling the Estate Assets and withholding the Annual inventory...

      That's called "Racketeering" then it goes Federal Court against the lower court. How do I know all that? Because I am "US" in that Second Scenario... And that's what happened to me and I still haven't seen the inventory but little do they know when I got wise to them, I found and grabbed the Finance records from the former principle Trustee on suspicion of my Elder Three "DS"s and boy did I find a spending spree with what I call a "RICO Probate Network" and Yes this "US" will battle it out in Federal Court, even if I have to do it all by myself.

      This is just a warning if your planning on burning blood by Sibling Rivalry because It will come back to haunt you...

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      waterlily13 and MM- When you grow up in a family you always know is weird dysfunctional but yet you know nothing else you think your family is normal.

      After reading some of your suggestions on narcissistic people, I would not doubt that my sister (and her husband for that matter) but my parents were not without suspicion too in my crazy world of life. My tough lifelong battle has been and will always be finding normalcy so this crazy drama end with me and is not passed along to my daughter. I am not sure even now that I am not an unintentional narcissist and try very hard to make the changes when I can to not follow that path like my family growing up. We (my family Husband, Daughter and I)do have a less dramatic life and enjoy life when we are not invaded by the constant tragedies that is my sister and her family especially when knew when my family was on a vacation, holiday, or other special events when our parents would be taken to the hospital or suddenly sick ETC An example of another ploy was to convince a family friend to call one Memorial Day Weekend to tell me how horrible I was treating my parents by not calling them when they were in my sister's care. I started randomly calling because my parents were being manipulated by my sister and her husband what to say to me. If I randomly called the nursing home and not Mom's cell phone (which they controlled and monitored) my sister and her husband would not know when I would be talking to Mom. I also know they could not keep track of me and my family to control if they had no information including from my parents.

      We also are worried since our daughter is a minor waterlily13 that they would try to get control of our daughter if something happened to us. My husband and myself are writing wills as we speak. We wrote down my sister and her family can not take control of our daughter in any manner. We also have talked to my husband side of the family (great people and supportive) to protect our daughter no matter what from my sister and her family. Doesn't it sound sad to say this about your own sister? But it is a necessity. My daughter and husband are the only way they can hurt me. My husband can take care of himself and we can take care of our daughter to not be one of their next victims. Thank goodness too my sister and her family live over 300 miles in another state.

      Sorry I am getting into my book writing again but I want to send a big thanks too to dianec2007. Your response is so spot on. I will be using S.U. alot. I laughed and shared your response with my husband. We have been preparing for civil trial for over a year now and the last two times within a day of the trial court date before being canceled and postponed to a new dates. K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple stupid) and S.U. (Shut up) will be my motto. I know I have to keep my emotions in check and present the facts as you have expressed and my husband and I have talked about for when we finally make it to court.

      I do not envy your deposition though I have not had to do that yet. It does not sound like fun at all?! My sister had to do the discovery questions for this civil trial and she is suing me in a second court hearing for some of the same issues we have not been able to resolve yet in the first civil trial. I believe it was a tit for tat to show in court and try to intimidate me. This might mean discovery trial questions me if they are not addressed in the first court case. But I am hoping to learn more about agreed settlement if we do not getting into the courtroom soon or movement in the direction of officially closing out my parents' estates by the end of the court case. This is now over 3 years and ongoing. Just praying maybe something concrete will get done before the end of the year.

      Thanks to you all for everything!

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      LaIa Jo, it doesn't matter what your sister says or does, don't let her get the best of you. She knows what buttons to push - remember that. When you go to trial bring a notepad and pen.

      On the top of that notepad write the following: S.U.

      My downfall were my emotions. DO NOT let your emotions get the best of you. Present only the facts. S.U. written on your notepad will remind you to SHUT UP. I do not mean to offend you, this is good advice.

      Remember, your sister knows what buttons to push and she won't know what to do when those buttons don't work anymore. Silence is GOLDEN.

      Square your shoulders, be short and concise with your answers. Don't give any more information than required.

      If you have to be deposed I will share what I've learned about that lovely journey.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Thank you for that link, Waterlily. I also recommend this blog and the book if on my bedside table still -- although we've had strict no contact since 2009.

      http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/

      This blog might explain your sister's behavior, LaIaJo. Now that your parents are gone, she has nothing over you. At least I hope not. Maybe find a way to prevent her from having any rights over your/your own? I wouldn't put it past her to go after loved ones or still try to go after you. I've seen/heard it happening. :/

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      dianec2007, my sister and her husband got both my parents (while in my sister and brother in law's control and when my parents were in poor mental status. For this I do not fault my parents.) to verbally tell a good friend what a horrible person I was. The family friend said it was like my sister and her husband programmed our parents like toddlers and they looked on proudly as my parents were badmouthing me. Then after she shared this with me on the phone, the family friend, who is one of the strongest willed person I know, broke down and said , "Stay away from your whole family. Those people are evil(referring to my sister and her husband)."

      My take on this situation is my sister and her husband have jealousy issues with me. My parents love me (and my sister as well) but for whatever reason my sister could not and does not stand that our parents loved us both. Why I still do not understand? The real tragedy is that things did not have to be that way between us and I would have loved to have a great relationship with my sister if it were a "perfect world".

      I think one thing as I now have a new trial date in December coming up is that my sister wants to show the court and say in court that my parents do not love me and they gave all of their things to her family only. Her reasons because my parents did not want to give me anything, I was the one who treated them badly, and I did not care as much for our parents as my sister and brother-in-law did. Some examples of this jealousy are shown in court documents from my sister's side of the case (all written by my sister in guardianship response court paperwork)that state things like "I am letting my Mom get a lawyer to change her will so the same thing will not happen as in our father's will." Surprisingly her will was never changed and both wills say both my sister and I get equal shares in their estate. Another court guardianship response by my sister, " Mom does not want LaIa Jo to be her legal guardian but me to continued. Because LaIa Jo want to be her guardian." ( I never attempted to go for guardianship of my mom because it was done before I knew what was going on. Our Mom was so manipulated, I knew it was a losing battle. For my Dad I attempted to get guardianship when asked by his POAs, so my sister would not do to Dad what she did to Mom. He told all of us (POAs and myself) this when he did new POAs (all outside of immediate family) in 2009. ) Also when asked discovery questions for the civil trial to explain why my sister and family were given a certain property and has taken the estate property from the house her responses was as follows, "The lawnmower was given to us by Dad and besides Dad took Linda out on his 80th Birthday and give her money to gamble with at the casino." A- This does not explain how or why the lawnmower should belong to their family. B -I took Dad out and gave him $80 to spend at the casino. He gave me nothing to spend that day. I believe it was her way of saying I am mad you had a great day with our Dad for his birthday. There were many responses like this throughout this and other court documents. I am hoping this will show the court motive to why they have taken so much property and money from the estate even now as the estate has not been distributed yet.

      dianec2007 It does not hurt any less though knowing that for sure your loved ones were made to believe lies about you. But like me, you have to believe that your mom truly knew you loved her even though manipulated otherwise by your holier than thou neighbors (Makes me mad for ya, too!). I just feel badly because I believe my parents were treated that way because of my sister's hatred of me. I can take them on but like bullies do they take it out on someone they can overpower and my parents were also my kryptonite.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hello Paul.

      Thank you for the comment. Signing over POA is the beginning of the end unless you know for certain the person you are giving it to is completely trustworthy. Unfortunately, once POA has been assigned to someone else it is very, very difficult to get it back.

      Sorry if I sound a little jaded -- I am:-).

      MM

    • profile image

      Paul Davidson 2 years ago

      Great article. This is an interesting post to read. I really enjoyed it. BTW, if anyone needs to fill out a Power of Attorney, I found a blank template here http://goo.gl/8T29nh. This site PDFfiller also has some tutorials on how to fill it out and several blank power of attorney form that you might find useful.

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      Darn it, I did it again, left a comment and wasn't signed in...

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      Hello MM and LaIa Jo, fighting family is not easier - I did not mean it in terms of the trust, etc. In terms of being told my mother hated me and their family was who our mom loved not her 2 daughters was the first shock. Not knowing anything about probate laws, etc. and in my case the only one who could contest this situation (my twin sister is in another state and has disabilities that limit her from traveling to California) I was alone.

      The "devoted" Mormon neighbors had every advantage because it was planned that way. There is a lot of pain in families when there are divorces, remarriages, etc... and our mother's neighbor didn't do what I believe their religion teaches "Mother and Child" reunion, so to speak, but instead seized this opportunity as a financial gain.

      I had all the proof I needed, I just didn't know it at the time. This included probate laws they did not comply with which made their "new" trust of our families heritage invalid. But again, I'm still in shock that my mother's dead and no one contacted me to say my good byes- she may have asked for us - and they may have told her NO they don't want to see you. I will never know.

      I thank you both for listening (reading) and I'm happy to have found MM's hub, it's helped me tremendously.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Yes, we did do our best. But it hurts to know your best was not enough to truly protect your beloved parents from those who would harm them.

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      dianec2007- I just can not understand why your "holier than thou"neighbor would not have been busted easier than being able to use the excuse it is just a family bickering over the money. My sister uses the sibling rivalry excuse all the time because people do not want to get into a family affair. Most people also can not believe or allow themselves to believe my sister and her husband were that horrible to our own parent/s. Even when the truth is staring frinds and family in the face.

      But dianec2007 it does not make it any easier because we both have people attacking our parents emotionally, financially, and in some cases physically. The question really is how far would you go for your parents when you feel they are endangered? Family or neighbor....I know we all did our best for our parents. We love our parents and want their memory/wishes honored and will not let the victimizers continue to beat us up or if we can help it to other people as well. The sad fact is that they will continue to victimize because it is out of our control to stop it. But as stated by both MM and waterlily13 when they meet their maker they can not hide their wrongs. We can meet our loved ones on the other side knowing we did our best for them.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Amen (and that has NOTHING to do with the so-called pillar of the community "religious" neighbor). Just right on.

      I imagine it would be easier to fight someone not in the family. The family -- no matter what -- will just want the fighting to stop and for harmony to prevail. They will not take sides.

      But if it's an outsider, at least you have a shot at the entire family banding together. Fat lot of good that does when fighting a real scam artist. Waterlily is right. These people knew exactly what they were doing. And will be judged at their precious pearly gates if not by the law here and now.

      Also have to agree that whether you are fighting this with the estate's money (bully for you if so) or with your own money, as we were, the LAWYERS are the real winners. They play on the fighting and make money on it. Don't even get me started on them. Especially the "mediators" and "guardian ad litems" who serve n o useful purpose on earth. SCUM.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      I've never been in this situation myself, but I think it's easier to fight non family as it's easier to consider them frauds and scam artists. You also won't likely deal with problems from your own family/circle. There simply isn't as much stigma fighting a neighbor as it is family.

      However, if he was a real pillar of the community, it would be difficult for people to believe you unless they were already friends/ close family of yours. If you have no proof, then there's not a whole lot you can do. You could try suing for libel/slander.

      You were basically taken advantage of by scam artists and you can bet they've done this before and will do it again.

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      LalaJo, waterlily13 and MM, question, is it easier to fight your own family, or as in my case, battle a religious neighbor , a real pillar in the community, who excluded our entire family?

      Had I known then what I know now, the outcome would be completely different. But really how many times do you lose a parent? And no one calls you? And everything is kept secret from you....

      When I first learned of my mother's death and read the neighbors blog "there was no family" I thought OMG, did they forget I live 30 miles away? Did they forget they knew me? (I have photos of me with THEM)

      I seriously thought this was an oversight. And their attorney, seemed so nice. Ha! So how could it be? Oh, it be....

      They were so prepared and so good, to this day I still have not seen the trust they restated after our mother's stroke. Let me write that one more time AFTER HER STROKE and without the proper legal docs required to validate the restating. I was so naïve, and in shock, and afraid. I don't know what I was afraid of but these people were caustic. Took advantage of me during my grieving and my lack of knowledge of probate law.

      But who could I turn to? I was alone and they banked on that - no pun intended... but they did, literally and figuratively.

      If you are fighting this with the $$ from the estate then more power to you. Just know the lawyers will be the biggest winners - but the good news is it will diminish your sister's inheritance.

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      MM- Totally get it. I would love to be able to connect with my nephews (sister's sons) but what do you say to them. Your parents are A###oles? They, I believe think I am the one victimizing their parents. One nephew also has some learning disabilities that leave me to fear he may be a future victim of his own parents but that it out of my control to help.

      On the other hand, I do believe my sister and her husband have trained their sons well and some day when they are elderly will be taken care of by the sons they trained. Karma is a ......

      MM are smart to not even entertain friending the daughter on social media. I saw that when it happen in my situation that my sister and husband were probing because they could not stand to not know what was going on with my family (I truly believe they are jealous when things would go well for my family because their family doesn't know what peace and normality means.) and to my sister/BIL having information was /is control. They even went as far as having their minor son friend me on FB which opened my FB account for them to see through his account for a day until I made sure to block her whole family on FB.

      I totally am LOL because people think your husband MM will physically fight his victimizer. Many think I will physically fight my sister if we are in the same place. I know better first because I am a teacher and I promote settling things in a peaceful manner to my students. I practice what I preach but not to say I would not physically confront someone if my life or the life of someone was physically threatened. (I have broken up enough fist fights in the school setting in my teaching career. Too many and it is not my thrill to do so.) I just say which I believe to be true...”I do not need to fight my sister physically. I know I can take her and I don't need to prove it."

      I believe your husband could be feeling the same with his victimizer and in my case my sister/BIL want to see me lose it especially with court cases pending. So I say in both situations let them provoke but with no effect, "We know we can take 'em" but let them look foolish and I (we) are not the ones who hurt our loved ones. That holds power in itself. I (we) can hold our head high at a family event and enjoy the event.

      Besides at my Dad's funeral preparations, I already stood up to them when I had to when they lost it on me and I did not back down. I had my sister/BIL get in my face calling me names and trying to rip up paperwork just because I was asked to some sign paperwork by the funeral home director. BIL (AKA Robo- Cop) stood in my way to walk out of the room in an arm folding guard stance. I believe he was doing his puffer fish move to look intimidating. I looked him in the eye and said, "Move!" To which he did and continued to name call me. I responded with “Your nothing but a Big, Bully!" and walked away as he continued to try to provoke. I could take him too if I wanted. (wink)

      MM just remember too if they have no information they cannot use it against your family. Your judgment to not open up information to the daughter might be wise or use with caution. My tricky part is that I may talk to my family but I will have to be guarded with some family members if I think that information will get back to my sister and her family too.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      "Terrible, isn't it?"

      Not really. It's not worse than what Isabeau did in Ladyhawke. She had nothing but icy contempt for the Bishop who almost ruined her utterly. Too bad it almost got her killed. Thank god her lover was there.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      I so relate to what you say about other family members knowing all about what's going on, not approving of it, but still not wanting to get involved in the drama or take sides. That's exactly like our family. But my husband is such an idealist he cannot accept that others would do nothing or say nothing. In his mind that is the same as condoning it.

      But it's all past now. We have gotten used to having no interaction with that whole side of the family.

      What is really unfortunate is there was another sibling, a middle sister. She died prematurely in 2000. If she had been alive, trust me, NONE of this nonsense would have gone on. She would have protected her parents and not allowed the other sister to pull her crap trying to take the money and toss her mom in a home against her will (and the trust).

      I commend you for being able to attend family events and hold your head up high. If we were to go to a family event I am afraid my husband would end up with an assault charge or maybe even murder.

      For me, I know I would walk right up to her and spit in her face.

      Terrible, isn't it?

      Just when I think I'm done and have "forgiven" I know I really never will.

      Here is a funny thing that happened today. I got a request from the daughter of the evil fiduciary that she wants to connect with me on LinkedIn. Is she nuts? I'm not connecting with her on LinkedIn! I don't want her having access to anyone I know so she and her corrupt family can try to steal their money and hurt their families. When I saw the request I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

      But had to share with my buddies here. I knew you all would get a laugh out ouf it.

      MM

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      waterlily 13 and Mighty Mom-

      I do anticipate my sister and her family not going away quietly either when all is done. But after the estates are finally taken care of I am thankful to be living 4 + hours away in another state and should be able to not have many more direct contact except at family events.

      My relatives know exactly what type of people my sister and her family are but steer clear of the situations between us to avoid being brought into the drama. It is frustrating how one minute the relatives ask me why my sister and family acted that way toward Mom and Dad (their brother or sister) and get away with it. I asked them to join together to stop what was going on they would respond, "We do not want to take sides." I have to respect though they are trying to getting sucked into the drama between us but I do not have to like that they did not step up for their brother or sister when they could have. I do believe though they would not promote getting my sister and I into any warm fuzzy reunions in the future. So I do not have to worry about encountering her at most family events. Even so my sister and her husband have a right to be at the family event too but I will not have a problem holding my head up high there having nothing to do with them directly.

      I just wished to hear your family circle Mighty Mom was a bit more reasonable so your husband had at least one sibling to bond with. But if that bond is toxic or feeds information to the family member who victimizes, scorched earth policy as waterlily13 stated is probably the best policy. Your husband and your family can live a normal life away from the drama or having not to worry your SIL is looking for more control and drama involving you. It sounds like you have found that out already though. Hopefully living the good life of normalcy (or more reasonable life drama).

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Yea, a scorched earth policy is what it takes sometimes.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      I just love the spirit and resilience on here. I sure wish I had written this or found a blog like it when were were in the midst of our battle.

      The damage is done. The relationships can never, ever be repaired. It's not us that caused it to be so.

      But at least we know one thing -- our hearts are pure and our hands are clean.

      That is sooooo much more than having someone else's money we have stolen to go through like water. Or to pretend, like my SIL did, that you're only doing "What Mommy and Daddy wanted" (which was the polar opposite of what was written in their trust).

      Anyway, I don't want to get myself riled up again today.

      It -- they -- are not worth it.

      My word of the day is FORGIVE. It's not for THEM, it is for ME.

      My holding toxins inside because ot them does not hurt them but does hurt me. They hurt themselves enough because they are miserable, despicable people. They can NEVER, EVER be happy even if they could steal all the money in the world. On some level they MUST know they are dishonorable. They dishonored their own parents. What worse betrayal is there in the world? None.

      waterlily -- My SIL went away quietly but only because WE cut OURSELVES of from the entire family. It is painful, but that was my husband's decision. Which we still live with.

      I live with because I love him.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      "Don't #### with me or my family now or in the future. I will not give up and I am not a vulnerable adult so bring it on. You will not bully me or my family anymore. No matter how long it takes."

      Personally, I think you're doing the right thing and you know your enemy quite well. That helps a great deal.

      "I know it will not be me or my family."

      Make sure it stays that way. People like your sister don't go quietly after being cut off.

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      Thanks everyone for the responses..since blogging a couple days ago. I have pulled myself together and lived by my motto of late "Fall seven times, stand up eight.-Japanese Proverb". You might say what for...

      waterlily13 showed a thread from a blog that read...

      "Later I realized heritage is something everyone deserves. The fight wasn't really about money, I spent more then half of what I got in the fight. I do not regret fighting for it, I think the minute you let someone walk over you like this, family or not, you lose respect for yourself. I think it's an easy temptation to let family screw you over versus a stranger."

      I have let go over guardianship of our father battling my sister in the past. I was requested by his POAs, requested by him to be outside of the immediate family so he would not be subject to my sister and her family's care (like she was doing with our mother at the time too), to get guardianship of my father when he was deemed incompetent. My sister and her husband were manipulating our Dad by constant phone calls and visiting in the nursing home that in a 3 week period only 5 days they did not make a physical appearance. Those 5 days they were on the phone with him more than 20 times. (Later the nursing home filed abuse charges on my sister and her husband to DHS about them coming into their facility and manipulating/verbal abusing our father but DHS did not follow though.). Add that my sister and her husband paid a lawyer $800 for his time to undeem my father to change POAs to them and they dragged our Mother (out of her nursing home near my sister and her husband's ) several times for days at a time, the 3+ hours one way. I knew I had to drop the guardianship hearing because I knew I was in a losing battle and my parents' were caught in the middle. I loved them too much to continue without the help from the proper authorities... I felt I needed to fall on the sword so to speak. I knew I did my best for them both but I dropped the guardianship case. My sister and brother-in-law took full control of both parents.

      My sister and her husband saw this as a win in control not only of my parents but of me as well. They believe to just keep it going and I will give up or anyone there to help will give up as well. (I am finding out that this strategy actually does work for them in many situations. I am hoping this is not one of them.) But they forget this time they do not have my parents to blackmail me with. They also are procrastinators and although I have some evidence that they tried to change at least our Mother's will, both official wills left things split the estates equally between my sister and I.

      I had one other positive in the estates in that I was assigned executor of our father's estate. That is what I meant by "being in too deep". If I quit the money for all of this may come out of my own pocket (like my lawyer for guardianship hearings) rather than retribution from my sister who could still be held accountable at least for her estate dealing. (that is my hope still as of yet.) This is the case trying to get resolve at the civil trial stage because my sister and her family openly admit almost all stuff was gifted to them by Mom or Dad to the tune of over $10,000.

      I see this as a win if I can close this estate without quitting which is what my sister expects me to do. She has been putting up roadblock every step of the way before and after my becoming executor. Her lawyer even went as far as saying " Your sister let you become executor." even though I know she and her husband were visibly in disbelief that they were not put in charge and continued to try to exert their control several times since.

      Closing this estate out (happy with the result or not) will not get justice for the abuses done to my parents but it will be a clear "Don't #### with me or my family now or in the future. I will not give up and I am not a vulnerable adult so bring it on. You will not bully me or my family anymore. No matter how long it takes." When the estate closes many strings will be cut that I do not have to encounter or be associated with them and their crazy actions as is well know in my outer family and my small hometown who are watching this like a mini soap opera. I can then forgive my sister and brother-in-law for this conduct too. I will have pity because people that warped will punish themselves far worse than anything I could dish out to them. I , thank goodness live in another state too and should not have to worry about being in any of their fallout in the future that I am sure will come. A leopard doesn't lose their spots when they get cleaned up. They show up again. My sister and her husband have been living on the money taken from our parents and spending it like water. Who are they going to get it from when this money is gone? I know it will not be me or my family. I do fear for some other vulnerable person get in their crosshairs though.

      As alway thanks again Mighty Mom , dianec2007, waterlily13 for listening. :)

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      LaIa Jo and all who are still battling it out - I KNOW what you are going through and in the beginning thought this would be the hill I would die on.... fight the good fight. Your comment " I am in too deep now to let it drop and that is what my sister wants" Please ask yourself this question, Am I willing to give up 3 more years of my peace of mind and happiness? I KNOW that is hard to hear/read. We are all here on this planet for such a short time - no one gets out of this alive! And while it's terrible what your sister is doing, how amazing would it be for you to just walk away and not look back?

      Is this issue the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Is it the last thing you think of at the end of every day? PLEASE consider this, TIME is your life's currency and you are spending it on a negative horrible situation, even when you have all the PROOF you need - you still have to go through the gauntlet of the legal system and then what? Collect on a judgment? Another year of ????

      Are you really in too deep to get out? Or are you sacrificing your life?

      Take the bull by the horns, get your life (aka your fortune) back in the only way you can - walk away. If you mean it's how much $$$ you've invested that prevents you from walking, how much more are you willing to spend? Both in terms of $$ and your life's currency?

      http://positivepause.com/index.html

      If you do decide to continue, do it with style and grace.....

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      This is the part of the thread in question: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?th...

      You need an archive account to see it, but if you ever decide to buy one, there's where ZoSoZodiac's story begins. I'll go ahead and quote it here(He's talking to the OP of the thread. Her own father stole her identity with student loans):

      "Just read this thread from the beginning and had several memories of my own case like this. Mine was more complicated due to fraud regarding a Will and theft. It's too long to explain what happened but it took 4 years and about 4 lawyers and $20K in fees to resolve. I don't think your case will be this long or expensive but I can mention a few pieces of advice I learned.

      1. If you think it's important, then save it. Don't ask your lawyer if it is, if you think it's important, send it to him with context. If he dismisses it, fine, but you'll be surprised when they later connect it with another dot later. As you are finding it probably twice as bad as what you already know.

      2. I think you already figured this out, but lawyers can't be expected to tell you what needs to be done. It took me two years of frustration before I learned to do things on my own and use my lawyer as a hammer when I encountered resistance. I learned to come up with my own angles of attack and then ask my lawyer for advice on how to do it. If I got resistance, I'd call the lawyer and tell him to make it happen. This will save you money doing what you can on your own and also stress from not fighting battles that will be easier handled by your hired gun. My relationship with my lawyers improved immensely once I took this angle they I felt I was getting what I paid for.

      3. When family is involved, shit gets intense and personal. I was devestated and confused many times by the shit family would say. You got fucked, take back what is yours. People have said it multiple times to you in this thread and I know I heard it a lot too during my fight but I still kept waffling sometimes until something shitty was done to me. When I look back at my fight my only regret is the times I did waffle or didn't pull the trigger on doing something wondering if I shouldn't do a "mean" thing to a family member.

      4. If they did it once, they'll do it again. It seems more likely with your case but I learned when they do it once because they don't care, they'll do it again out of malice.

      You seem to be excellent at being pro-active and determined to fight. What you keep calling anal is me wishing I was that pro-active and organized at the start of my fight. Maybe it wouldn't have been 4 years and 20K.

      My lawsuit utterly destroyed my relationship with most of my family. Basically what happened was the circumstance of my grandparents Will was conducted fraudulently to try to avoid paying my Mother, sister and me a significant portion of money because an Aunt of mine felt we didn't deserve it, she did.

      My Mother started the lawsuit and made me swear if anything ever happened to her, I'd see it through. Well, she died about a year into it so I did as promised with my own money.

      All my Dad's family is dead and my Mom side was huge. They all cut me off. I don't know your family but I was seriously unprepared for who took which side and the nasty shit that would be done to me as a consequence.

      If you see this through when you finally get to the other side, you won't want to have a relationship anymore with your Dad, probably ever. It took a few years for it to sink in for me what exactly happened. It wasn't a fight I wanted, I just felt I had to do the one thing my Mom asked me to do.

      Later I realized heritage is something everyone deserves. The fight wasn't really about money, I spent more then half of what I got in the fight. I do not regret fighting for it, I think the minute you let someone walk over you like this, family or not, you lose respect for yourself. I think it's an easy temptation to let family screw you over versus a stranger.

      If you are anything like me, you'll waffle a lot more and this will stress you out more then you realize. If I was in your shoes, besides protecting myself and undoing all the damage I could, I would sue your Dad with a civil suit. You are obviously spending a lot of time fighting this and your time is worth money.

      I remember at the end of my suit, I had to sit a mediation table across from my Aunt to finalize a settlement. I never saw someone so scared, visibly terrified and unable to speak with out stammering. This was someone paying for a crime. It was the moment that made it all worth it.

      If you sue your Dad, you'll have to face that same thing and while it's horrible maybe you'll feel like me and that will be the defining moment on why you fought for yourself. He's not family anymore, he's a person that used his relationship to screw you over for his own benefit."

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Thanks, waterlily.

      It might be good to have some humor around the subject.

      God knows the topic is not "family-friendly" -- quite the opposite. LOL

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Something Awful is a comedy site that has a large, and very diverse message board. Every once in awhile one there'll be some great threads. He posted in one about identity theft and he started out giving advice about how to handle lawsuits("If it seems important, it is"). He helped out a great deal and then told his story about inheritance hijacking.

      I wouldn't recommend liking the board here since it's not a family-friendly site, but I can find the thread/comment and link it for you, if you want.

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      What is Something Awful? Is it something we should be linking to here?

      Glad to hear of a WIN for someone, at least.

      Thanks, waterlily.

      MM

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Well, try not to give up. One case I read on Something Awful took four years, but he managed to win against a toxic aunt.

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      @#$$%%^^&&****())! AAAARGGGGH...so ticked off! I put trust in the system again and got what I should have expected, another delay and let down.

      I have been trying to close my parents' estates fairly with my sister and her family still taking their time pillaging because the court are delaying and the sheriff's department told us both they do not want to be involved with this family matter, " take it to court" (even though I am sole executor of the estate and responsible). The house has been setting vacant with probate items (Except when my sister and her husband are there going through things they want and to taking it to their house.) until the items and house are allowed by court to be sold. Closing these estates will end any ties with those people so I can forgive and move on in a positive way far away their control.

      We are on over 3+ years now in probate court, 1 1/2 years trying to hold a Civil Trial, and years before of their bullying abuse with and without my parents involved. This is the second delay in this past year on the court system (not even my sister's fault)...June no judge available to hear the case and tomorrow's hearing due to too many court cases schedule for the space so I was bumped again. My husband and I lost work days for the days in court and getting our mountain of stuff organized to present in court.

      The biggest punch is that now we wait another couple of months to do this again?! I am in too deep now to let it drop and that is what my sister wants. Also, I have to get my few witnesses (most family and friends have a tendency to ask me why my sister gets away with it...really like I know why and you don't step up?) to reschedule yet again not knowing if once again we will be bumped from the schedule or my sister will again start her delay tactics.

      One bright light is I have 3 people who care enough about my parents and me to stand up and share what they know of my sister and her husband in court but for how long with the delays is the question.

      Mighty Mom you did say I could vent but you did not know you opening a door to a very frustrated sole. But that being said I thank you all for being such good commiserators.

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      Mighty Mom, you have your head on straight and I'm happy to be a part of this club.

      Here is what I know for sure - if relatives in your family/friends don't drop what they are doing to help you (either by talking it out or helping paint the murals), then they don't get to be in your amazing presence. Period. There is power in knowing who you can rely on and who you cannot. You no longer have to listen to their boring stories or jibber jabber about their life - you have more time to focus on your beautiful life. Personally, I have had so much weight lifted off of my shoulders as I know longer care about the fringe people. I have started a fun hobby (other than working, raising a family, taking my dogs to the beach, etc...) and I LOVE IT! I also retrieved family ancestry items that include my grandmother's journals from the early 30's into the 40's and these are priceless. I read about her life almost everyday - I'm so selective about who I give my time to - Time is our life's currency and unless someone is in the circle of trust - Buh Bye! LOL! I love this therapy group, you make a great ring leader! Note, you may want to check to see if the house has camera's and here's a thought, how about paying a group of high school kids to TP it and use Mustard as glue! LOL. I'm In!

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Our strategy has been to completely ice out the entire family. The immediate perp and any/all she spread lies to. No one bothered to question her ridiculous story at the time. No one stopped to think of the moral fibre of my husband and go "Of course he would never be in this for the money, hes simply a dutiful son." They turned their back and stuck their heads in the sand.

      There is no way we could ever get the Evil Witch to admit her actions. DEnial is part of her disease. And that's the way it is.

      I'm at the point now -- 5 years past the beginning 5-- that they don't cross my mind hardly ever. When their name does come up instead of a pang of hatred I just move on to the next thought.

      I do make sure we have no actual contact.

      It's not easy to have given up an entire family. But on the other hand,

      to have to "fake nice" on holidays, etc. is not worth it.

      I would rather spend those holidays with my family who didn't stab us in the back.

      As to the professional sharks -- we now have learned our lesson.Thre erally is no good lawyer to help u. No honest judge. No APS or social services org that is not going to see this is as a "the siblings are fighting and we don't know which one is the good one or the bad so our best option is is to remove Mom or Dad and put her/him under the care of a profesional shark. Don't even get me started on guardians and fiduciaries... Arrggghh.

      Meanwhile, we have our lovely little FREE therapy group here.

      It works for me and I feel like I have gotten to know many of you like sisters!

      MM

      P.S. Painting the house to make it unsellable -- brilliant!

    • Mighty Mom profile image
      Author

      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Our strategy has been to completely ice out the entire family. The immediate perp and any/all she spread lies to. No one bothered to question her ridiculous story at the time. No one stopped to think of the moral fibre of my husband and go "Of course he would never be in this for the money, hes simply a dutiful son." They turned their back and stuck their heads in the sand.

      There is no way we could ever get the Evil Witch to admit her actions. DEnial is part of her disease. And that's the way it is.

      I'm at the point now -- 5 years past the beginning 5-- that they don't cross my mind hardly ever. When their name does come up instead of a pang of hatred I just move on to the next thought.

      I do make sure we have no actual contact.

      It's not easy to have given up an entire family. But on the other hand,

      to have to "fake nice" on holidays, etc. is not worth it.

      I would rather spend those holidays with my family who didn't stab us in the back.

      As to the professional sharks -- we now have learned our lesson.Thre erally is no good lawyer to help u. No honest judge. No APS or social services org that is not going to see this is as a "the siblings are fighting and we don't know which one is the good one or the bad so our best option is is to remove Mom or Dad and put her/him under the care of a profesional shark. Don't even get me started on guardians and fiduciaries... Arrggghh.

      Meanwhile, we have our lovely little FREE therapy group here.

      It works for me and I feel like I have gotten to know many of you like sisters!

      MM

      P.S. Painting the house to make it unsellable -- brilliant!

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      well, some say that the best revenge is living well and treating those who've wrong you with nothing but icy contempt like they're just dirt.

      Painting murals on the house is also an option. ;) I knew someone who did that to make the house unsellable.

    • dianec2007 profile image

      dianec2007 2 years ago

      Sorry, I forgot to log in to respond - now I'm logged in. LOL!

    • profile image

      Dianec2007 2 years ago

      Dear LaIa Jo, I really appreciate you taking the time to write about your experience (Mighty Mom you know how much I appreciate you!) and yes, this system is so broken! People who tell me to let it go are telling me this because:

      A. Are in the legal profession and know I don't have a chance or that it will consume years of my time away from my family, golden retriever :-) and my work.

      B. They really don't care and that's all they have to say to shut me up.

      C. They are people who do care about me, know how much I care for everyone around me and don't want to see me hurting any longer. And they too know I don't have a chance at justice.

      Justice to me isn't about the money, it's about they way they treated me and my 2 children, which of course had a negative impact on my husband, father of my 2 children. Horrible people is all those neighbors were - they told so many lies to cover their tracks that other neighbors were all told different things about why the house is now theirs.

      My mom's neighbor who did this works for the City of San Diego (H.U.D.) and KNOWS the laws and loop holes of our terrible system. He was armed with information and strategically played me like a fiddle. In other words, he knew how to execute his plan so that I would be in shock at hearing the news of my mother's death, aka blindsided, and their attorney lied and misled me to believe she was going to help ME. Ha! Was I a sucker or what? And because I didn't find out for 30+ days, had no information on what was real and what wasn't - the clock had started ticking - in terms of legal action. Not only was I "not protected" by Probate laws, but beat up mentally with my first experience EVER with the legal system. And so sad that my mother was dead. Ugh.

      So I'm hoping I can forget this, I know it's been easier, 10 months ago I couldn't leave my house and used up a lot of vacation time from work for what was not really a vacation :-)

      My biggest complaint to mom's neighbor, was regardless of what y0u tell me my mother said, or what you tell me her wishes were, (after a debilitating stroke) why didn't you call me so I could usher her into her next phase with the love that only a daughter can provide (I'd been working for her love and approval all my life). Well, we all know why they didn't call... and that's what irritates me the most. They robbed me of saying my good byes... That to me is also a crime.

      I have searched for over a year and I have yet to find a single photo of this neighbor with my mom, not 1.

      The fact that all 3 entities in this Bermuda legal triangle (Police/D.A. Elder Abuse/Probate Attorneys) aren't connected - it what makes this crime so easy and possible for her neighbor, to take advantage of this situation. That is what is criminal and frankly, typical of government agencies (who gladly take my tax dollars) and at Profit Law Offices aka Lawyers.

      LaIa Jo, I'm lucky, I have friends who are ex-CEO's of companies, my boss (an amazing human being) who is in the legal profession and others who I respect and they all helped me through this with advice and what my next step should be, etc. But the bottom line is - unless you want to give up YEARS of your life and money, lots of money, you have to let it go (in terms of the legal recourse) because the only people who win in this are the lawyers. And of course my mother's neighbor, but see above for resolution. I can't give them anymore of my time. Life is too short.

      MightyMom, you wrote this to me in a previous post:

      First thing that popped into my head is, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Do you value potential vindication through a very imperfect "justice" system more than you value your sanity?

      I didn't fully understand this as much as I do now, you're more experienced at this and I should have trusted you then, I get it NOW. And I choose HAPPY! xoxoxox

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      :) Thank you!

    • Mighty Mom profile image
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      Susan Reid 2 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      LaLaJo -- You are welcome to come here and vent anytime you feel the need. That is what it is really for. I hope in my heart the our collective experience may help some poor sibling (or simply dutiful family member as sometimes it is NEIGHBORS who betray) to avoid the misery.

      Problem is, we did not see this coming. And no one knows how the laws do NOT work (they don't -- simply put) until we are emroiled in the legal battle of our lives.

      I am just glad your parents are out of pain and suffering at the hands of their ungrateful, greedy kids.

      That gives us peace in the end as well.

      But I say "in the end" because time does heal -- slowly. Very slowly.

      Anyone who tells you to get over it does not get it.

      Tell them thanks for the advice you will take it under advisement.

      LOL

      God help all of us.

      At least we have each other. And that's really something!

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      dianec2007 -

      You brought up is people saying get over it and the system letting your family and you down.

      I can relate a to trying to get over it but it is so hard in my case that my sister and her husband continue to bring up more court issues and drama to discourage and control me even after both my parent have passed. I go to court again this week with probate court 3 + years in the running due to legal delays and roadblocks mainly produce by my sister and husband's lawyers. In the meantime, my sister and her family are taking their time cleaning out my parent's house of items they want to pillage out of our parents' estates the past 3+ years and still do it at their leisure (few more items to go). My sister and her family have taken enough to go to Civil Trial Court ($30,000 + estimated items gone) even though the estates are not very big and was to be auctioned or sold split equally between us siblings by both parents' wills. Court has not officially distributed any property to anyone or have I as executor. That is what this trial is for this week. It is hard when they are showing blatant disrespect for the law and our parents to " let it go" as several tell me to do and not hold them accountable. But yet nobody in the system (courts or law enforcement) prevent my sister and her husband from stealing from the estate so they continued as it is their right to have it all. In a slow in your face manner not just take it all and run. Hopefully, this court trial will be a "no" to them but I am not holding my breath. I will try once more to hold them accountable though for their actions in the courtroom. Fall seven times, stand up eight.-Japanese Proverb.

      dianec2007 I can imagine how you have to deal with someone outside of your family taking control and the system allowing it to happen to your love one. You almost want to say to the people who tell you to give up on it already...How far would you go or feel if it was your parents involved? or telling them "Walk in my shoes... can you just let it go so simply as people suggest you to do?"

      It does not hurt any less family or not hurting your loved one but we have a very broken system that is allowing this to happen through lawsuits and "hot potato". ( Pass the issue to someone else or do nothing and hope it goes away from my case load.) Complacency is the word I have for many protective agencies out to protect the elderly and their family. Complacency hurts a lot of people though when you are suppose to a person's advocate.

      Had someone said "No" to the people mistreating our loved ones as was their job I wonder how different things could have been? A question that will never be answered for me and I hope not asked by many more in the future.

      Sorry about another long venting...

      Take care Mighty Mom, dianec2007, waterlily13 (thanks for the wishes) and others on here! Sorry to all again another venting by me.

    • waterlily13 profile image

      A Secret 2 years ago from Somewhere

      Hello, Mighty Mom.

      Wow...LaIa, I feel for you. I hope things get better for you and the sooner you get rid of your sister and brother-in-law, the better. I wish there can be a way to throw money/boons at people who have been victims of this shit.

    • LaIa Jo profile image

      LaIa Jo 2 years ago

      Mighty Mom thank you thank you thank you for putting into words what seems to be a big portion of my life the past 5 years or longer to know the truth. I just read your article today and it resonates with my situation.

      My sister and her husband had been laying the groundwork with my parents longer than I wanted to admit to gain financial and physical control of my parents. Abusing me like in your article using my love for my parents and my sense of justice/fairness to do what my parents wanted for both my sister and I against me. They not only gained control of my Mother first. Our father in his fear of having the same fate as Mother who was living in their home (later nursing home)three hours from most friends and family changed his POAs to 4 people outside of our immediate family. This still did not stop my sister and her husband to gain control of our father as his POAs medically and our father retained one of his POAs financially that was intimidated by my sister and husband when they did come to her home 3 hours away with our father in tow. (Usually they spent Father or Mom's credit cards and the Financial POA paid month bills left by my Father and cash on demand when they brought my father to her home.) At the time of the POA change to my sister and her husband, our father was deemed incompetent by 2 or more doctors. $800 for a lawyer to play doctor and undeem is cheap don't you think?

      I had called for both of my parents' protections from DHS to which my sister and her law enforcement officer husband told them I was creating sibling rivalry and DHS brushed it off. Our mother did get placed in a nursing home and out of their home (Through financial intimidation they got our mother to agree to stay in a nursing home near them away from family and friends.) after she called my father and I begging to get out of their care and back to her hometown area. But my sister and brother-in-law used HIPPA laws and guardianship/POA laws to deny me any information of first my Mother's health and later doing the same with our father. The list goes on and on even now as both parents have passed and I am executor of my father's estate (One of few positive of my story except my sister is using the legal system to keep the probate court going for 3 years now) . I suggested to others about writing a book on the subject if I have not already on this blog.

      I will not find justice for my parents abuse at the hands of my own sister and brother-in-law. My parents are in a better place free of abuses and manipulation. I have two more things to finish for them and that is to go to court to follow through both wills that both my sister and I get a fair inheritance as they wished and to pay my experience forward so others do not have to go through the same things my immediate family and I have. I go to court trial in a few weeks so I am hoping after 3 year one part will move toward some closure finally. Maybe this share might be count as part two of pay it forward.

      I take courage by knowing other fine people are going through the same struggles with their loved ones but too wish there were not so many of you out there that understand. This is not a club you want to belong to but I am glad Mighty Mom that you open your heart to share and blog about this ugly crime that still gets swept under the rug.

      I have posted your article again on Facebook but I still fear that many of my friends and family still do not understand this is not a sibling rivalry and can happen in anyone's family. Hopefully this helps someone?! Thanks for letting me share my long winded story.