ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Personal Finance»
  • Frugal Living

Jersey Sure

Updated on March 3, 2012

Jersey? Sure!

At the risk of being flagged as substandard, we present the compendium of crucial Jersey gear. Don't risk being spotted in Asbury Park without these products. We're here to help.

New Jersey Devils ProToast Toaster

No self-respecting Jersey Girl steps out to another day of toiling at the hair salon without several slices of toast as part of a nutritious breakfast. Toast emblazoned with the New Jersey Devils logo tastes even better. Add a quart of tomato juice and a pint of cottage cheese: you'll be satisfied until lunchtime rolls around.

New Jersey State Decal Sticker

Every New Jersey denizen boasts at least one vehicle, and it may even be registered in their name. This adorable decal announces to the world that you're a proud member of the Jersey population. Don't drive into Manhattan without representing. From Cape May to Patterson, everyone is included.

It peels off easily in case your windshield is smashed by concrete falling from an overpass on the 295. Better order several.

Jersey Milk Chocolate Bars

Every self-respecting Jersey citizen loves chocolate. It's a handy snack while stuck somewhere in the swamps of Jersey or waiting in line at the DMV. This example of chocolaty goodness is actually made in Canada, which is like Jersey but without the efficient waste management companies.

Walden Farms Jersey Sweet Onion Dressing

It's fat-free, calorie-free, sugar-free, and carb-free. You'd expect this to be a bottle of Jersey air, but there's actually some salad dressing there. Sure, it's jersey tastiness with none of the pesky food-based annoyances that you expect in most edible concoctions.

Jersey Gloves

Gloves keep your hands warm and prevent annoying fingerprints. Order these Jersey gloves by the dozen so you can discard them when necessary. Comfortably work on your car, someone elses car, or an abandoned car somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. Order a size that fits your big meaty longshoreman hands or your delicate pink hairdresser hands.

New Jersey Tie Oxford

Strolling into the strip mall to pickup a lottery ticket or collect the 'rent' money is always more comfortable when wearing a pair of Jersey Tie Oxfords. Your crew will look upon you with great respect. Keep them shined to a mirror finish. The sole is rubber: no one will hear you coming.

New Jersey Flag

Your Jersey swag should include a Jersey flag. Hang it proudly from the front porch. Use it as a landmark so you can find your vehicle in the Meadowlands parking lot. This durable flag is 100% polyester, just like those hip leisure suits you see at the New Brunswick mall.

Jersey Cow

Jersey bovine are fine. This exemplary example of ruminant pays tribute to the historic working farms from Hammonton to Glassboro. It's hand-painted and would look perfect on your mantle or bedside table.

Club Steering Wheel Lock

We don't understand why cars don't have this as standard equipment. Sure, they can smash the windows and steal your 8-track player, but they won't have time to hacksaw off this steering wheel lock before the police arrive, usually.

Affix this device to your favorite vehicle. Unless you have an insurance scam running, go ahead and lock it as well. It will discourage thieves and relatives from absconding with your wheels. Well, they may actually steal the exterior wheels anyway.

Jersey? Sure!
Jersey? Sure!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      You probably should not encourage me.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Now that you have written about Jersey Sure, nicomp, do you plan to follow up with Oklahoma City, O.K.?


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)