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This is how we Roll

Updated on June 19, 2012

Uncirculated Bank Roll

Coins fit together nicely into rolls. Banks accumulate rolls of coins and often desire to be rid of them. Rolls are often sorted and packed by machine, meaning that rare coins intermingle with average coins.

Bankers cannot make time in between turning down small business loans to sort through the individual pieces. Their loss could be your gain. Order rolls of coins in sealed paper containers unaudited by human hands. You might just find a college education or a delicious mocha latte buried in there.

Your risk is low. The face value of the coins is usually 1/2 to 1/3 of the purchase price. It's like your birthday except you can't get cake at a bank.

Rock n Roll Shirts

Tuxedos tend to get ruined at rock concerts. Plan to wear expendable T-shirts emblazoned with images of your favorite rockers. Black is a great color because it doesn't show dirt when you get trampled in the mosh pit. Led Zeppelin still sells big, but most people under 50 with discretionary income prefer rock bands not yet qualified for AARP membership.

Is Justin Bieber a rock star? We're not here to judge. A cool hip trendy shirt broadcasting young Justin's face sells like hot cakes at an IHOP. We're here to say we're happy for him. As long as you're buying something, buy this: our economy needs a bump.

Toilet Paper Rolls

Perhaps the most significant application of roll-based technology, this product provides many squares of potential relief. Stock up on it. Should you be sufficiently unfortunate to run out, order larger quantities from online auction sites such as eBay. We're here to help.

You simply cannot have too much. No one ever said to himself "I need to cut back on this incredibly convenient and reliable product." No family ever shattered due an overstock. No friendship has sundered as a result of hoarding it.

Califonia Roll figure FN25A

We have no earthly clue what this is. We watch TV, we listen to NPR, we read online blogs across a wide variety of subjects. Somehow this pop culture contraption has eluded us. Possibly it represents a character originating from a Pokemon episode or an Obama recess appointee.

It looks like fun. it must be fun because it has the word 'Disney' in the title. If we had a few, we'd play with them. We'd give them as gifts and people would like us more. Possibly someone would recognize the thing and tell us what it is. You should order a few and get back to us.

Fishing Line

Without the roll, fishing line would be a rather problematic knot. The fish would have migrated for the Winter before you loaded it into your fishing reel, threaded it through the rod eyelets, tied on a hook, and squished on a nightcrawler.

Truly, the roll plays a huge part in the usefulness of the product. However, once the line has been wrapped around the fishing reel, the original roll has very little to do. It can be recycled or tucked into the bottom of the tackle box, but prospects are bleak moving forward.

Travel Jewelry Roll

Unless you're Kim Kardashian, you can't wear all your jewelry and still expect to be taken seriously. Some of your jewelry needs to be secured in a roll-up travel carrier. This handy device consumes mass quantities of any type of jewelry including costume jewelry and Sears jewelry. No one will know what you're got in there until you unroll it. You are in total control of your inventory.

Jelly Roll

A Jelly Roll makes a perfect desert for any occasion. Ordering deserts online from an auction site such as eBay might at first blush seem hinky, but millions of such products are shipped every day. Probably.

Order extra jelly just in case your rolls arrive deficient. Adding extra filling is always a good thing and will endear you to your dinner guests. A yummy turkey or luscious ham dinner should be topped off by rolled-up jelly. There's always a holiday just around the corner.

Plumber's Teflon Tape Roll

If you don't know what this is, you're not a plumber or you're a plumber in serious denial. Enthusiastic plumbers pack rolls of this stuff into their overalls and hide spare rolls in the glove compartment of their diesel F350. Running out may result in job slowdowns and extra trips to Home Depot.

After reading this composition, you'll probably want to wash your hands. Upon doing so, you will be making use of this product. Don't ask us how: we're not plumbers.

Roll Tide

Living in Alabama and planning to go outside? Wear an Alabama University Roll Tide shirt or hoodie or parka. Everyone will like you. You just might get elected governor.

Alabama Crimson Tide gear comprises about 14.5% of the entire inventory on eBay at any given moment in time. Enthusiastic bidders buy and sell this stuff with the enthusiasm of fans that dislike every other team in the SEC. Look for game-worn football jerseys, Sugar Bowl rings, and used Heisman Trophies up for sale as well.


Roll with it.


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    • profile image

      Curious 5 years ago

      Why are the other links on this page pointing to toilet paper articles/hubs? Creepy.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      drbj? Hello?

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Robwrite: indeed i am.

    • Robwrite profile image

      Rob 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

      You're on a roll, Nicomp.