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Topmost financial mistake in marriage relationship!

Updated on March 3, 2014

'When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.'- Oscar Wilde

Did you see something which you had always craved for when you were shopping? Are you able to buy it because you have your own personal money? It gives you a great sense of satisfaction when you buy whatever you want without having to ask your spouse, doesn’t it?

How will you feel when you have to allocate all your hard money to family expenditure and have nothing for yourself? You do feel rather deprived, don’t you? ‘What is the use of earning so much money if I cannot have something for my personal desires’? You feel your mind clamoring in resentment when your spouse does not understand your inner cravings.

  • Do you know that money is one of the top conflicting aspects of marriage?

It is strange how you and your spouse do not discuss your money matters mutually and take arbitrary decisions. You do not understand that your spouse is an individual who has his\her own independent desires. It is also sad that he\she doesn’t understand your needs.

It is a fact that though you are married, you do not forgo all your desires and inclinations due to the financial commitments of your family. Your marriage is a success only when both understand this intricate aspect of your relationship which can snowball into a big issue if left neglected.

Marriage responsibilities should not take away your special buying capacity by accounting for all the money you earn. When your spouse intrudes into your personal liberty to certain small desires you have, you feel claustrophobic and oppressed in your relationship.

When you spouse time and again cites some urgent family commitments and denies you the basic need for personal money, you often wonder why you have to work so hard and earn so much.

It is true that after marriage there are lots of financial commitments you have to share with your spouse. You cannot deviate from your responsibility and let your spouse handle all the issues by himself\herself. The financial security of the family is the mutual responsibility of both, isn’t it?

  • Having frank discussion about the financial issues of the family is a must!

But when you do not discuss money matters frankly, you never know what your spouse thinks. ‘My money’, ‘your money’ are the common warring words of modern marriages. The best way is to sit together and discuss with friendliness as to what should be done for the betterment of the family. Do not be selfish and think that your spouse should be the main contributor to family expenditure.

When you hold on to the money you earn it makes your spouse angry and frustrated that you still haven’t got into the groove of total involvement in the financial issues of your family. The best way to manage the money is to take into account the earnings of both and then equally divide the family commitments between you.

You should treat having personal money as an important issue as any other financial commitments and allocate money for your individual needs. You should make sure that you do not question your spouse about his\her money and he\she should not question yours. When both make such a decision it takes away loads of tension from your relationship.

  • Why has money become a debated topic in married?

You earn money out of your hard work and intelligence and it is only natural that you claim your right over it. But when your marriage changes everything and you have to account for every single penny you earn, it makes you fret and fume that you cannot enjoy even a small portion of your hard earned money. Your spouse should understand that you are an individual and you should understand that your spouse is an individual and that every individual has his\her own wishes.

If you analyze successful marriages, you see the freedom, beautiful spacing, tolerance and adjustability being the top scorer. But along with these aspects the ability to spend money for your innocuous wishes has equal importance. It feels incredibly satisfying to have some personal money which is all yours and your spouse has no rights to interfere into it.

It feels satisfying when you earn well and contribute your share for the financial betterment of the family. It also feels good when you take time away from your work related stress and do some shopping. But you feel incredibly light hearted when you have the liberty to buy whatever you craved for with your own money without the disapproval look from your spouse.

© 2014 mathira


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    • profile image

      mackyi 3 years ago

      Mathira, This is one of the reasons, I think each partner should have their own discretionary "money" to spend so as to avoid problems where "money" is concerned.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      mackyi, basically we are all individual with our own world.When there is too much of intrusion into your private world, it causes conflicts between couples.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      daydreamer, thank you for the visit.

    • mackyi profile image

      I.W. McFarlane 3 years ago from Philadelphia

      I couldn't agree with you more that money is one of the top reasons for conflicts in marriages. For this reason, I always advice couples that they should each have their own discretionary spending money/account, separate from a joint saying account.

    • daydreamer13 profile image

      daydreamer13 3 years ago

      This is excellent advice. You are very wise about marriage.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      Money related issues sometimes become so big that couples find it very difficult to handle . billy, as you said open communication is the only way to solve them.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Money can be a marriage-breaker for sure. Open communication is the only way to avoid problems. Good information here, Mathira.