10 Ways To Know If You Are Being Left Out
Do Someone A Favor: Include Them In Your Circle Of Friends
We’re born. We grow. We learn. Pretty basic, huh? Along the pathway of our life journey, we encounter numerous things. Some bad. Some good. And some we really cannot explain. I don’t think that we, as the mere mortal beings that we are, are intended to know all the secrets of the universe overnight. Life and learning are like teammates. They go together.
God, I believe, is the Creator. I believe that He created everything and everyone different. There are no two people in the entire universe just alike. From our DNA to our fingerprints, we are all different just like snowflakes, raindrops and rose petals. No two are ever alike.
Before this gets too deep to be interesting, I want to plant my flag here, by presenting this story for all people who feel, at one time or another, left out of life, school friends, work friends, and society in general. Did you know that loneliness and depression take as many lives and (can cause one to take their own life) as illegal drugs, guns, and highway accidents?
I wanted this piece to be light-hearted, but I cannot present the comical plank of my platform unless I present the serious side of being left out. That would be immaturely-unfair and selfish. To say nothing about narrow-minded.
Let’s take the basic areas where people feel they are left out the most. Home, school, work, church, and society’s invisible club called ‘friendships.’ These are the places inhabited by some mysterious and lethal spirit that causes the best of people to suddenly turn on certain people for some unknown reason and plainly display a coldness to them making them appear as outcasts to their particular sect of friends or colleagues. It’s akin to the “new kid on the block” syndrome, except this dark presence creates lasting wounds on the afflicted souls who are shunned, ignored, and even cast down simply because one or more ‘superior’ people can’t or won’t accept them.
Although I’m no psychologist or sociologist, I do know that all human beings have one basic instinct: to be needed. Or wanted. We have this unseen drive that attracts us to other human beings. When we do that, two things will happen: one, we make a healthy connection and two, we are shunned and left out in the cold. I want to talk about the latter: “How To Know If You Are Being Left Out!”
1. When you are only trying to be friendly by walking up to a group and try to make friends, they suddenly look at you, halfway smile an insincere smile and continue their conversation. This may be the coldest signal to you that you are definitely left out. Move on.
2. When you DO finally find acknowledgement from a group and they ask your name and you begin to talk, the group, without any sign of courtesy, interrupts you without apology and only talks to members of their group making you look awkward and embarrassed. Again. Move on.
3. The person or persons you are trying desperately to make friends with sneer at your accent and lack of correct pronunciation. If that doesn't hurt your feelings enough, this “nice” person or persons then attack your style of wardrobe. Listen people. Don’t let it get to the second stage. If a person or persons laughs at your way of talking, cut your losses. Bail.
4. You get the eyeball up and down treatment and no acknowledgement that you fit in to this person’s life. God gave you two legs. Use them. Walk away.
5. A worse way to make you feel left out and unwanted is a group of people are talking. This group DOES see you walk up. They cease talking and then out of the blue, start laughing like jungle hyenas for no reason. You humbly ask if they are laughing at you. They smirk at one another, then wink and start falling down laughing again. Can’t you take a hint. You are NOT a clown. You are a valuable person. You do NOT need these people.
6. Let’s say that you DO make a “friend.” You chat, laugh, and share ideas with him or her. You propose that you and your new friend meet at a local eatery for lunch. You both agree. You arrive first. He or she does not. You wait. And wait. No new friend. You go home and call them. They act shocked. The start an “act” of contrition that would make the Pope weep. You forgive them and this time, your new ‘friend’ sets a date for you to meet them at a restaurant or some other decent place. You, excited at this event, arrive first. You wait. And wait. No new friend. Twice this has happened. You go home. Call the tardy person and talk about a flurry of excuses, you will hear them. Now the Three Time Rules kicks in. You set up a meeting with your new friend at a movie theater to catch the latest film. They agree. You arrive first. And wait. Yes, wait. No new friend. You can go home, but do NOT call this jerk. They are obviously shunning you. But you can live with the fact that YOU did the right thing by making the appointment not once, but thrice. Find other friends or buy a dog.
7. On dates, if the girl you are taking out continues talking about her former boyfriend and she never stops--giving you a chance to let her get to know you, don’t ask her out again. You made a mistake in character. She is still hung-up on her old guy. Leave her alone and please do NOT send her any flowers, candy or cards. Let her vanish into oblivion as you live your life to the fullest.
8. In offices or factories where there are circles of various friends, and in the department where you work, your colleagues NEVER invite you to eat lunch with them, much less talk to you, forget it. Do your job to your best ability. Do you actually need a group of self-absorbed, self-important, and shallow people as “friends”? Do the math, mister. No, you don’t. And do NOT invite yourself to their lunch breaks. Nothing is more pathetic than someone pushing themselves on someone else.
9. Another date tip to know if you are left out. You ask this pretty girl for a date. She agrees. Obviously you two have hit it off. You call her an hour before you leave to pick her up. You arrive at her house or apartment. You knock on the door. No date. No girl. But here is the rub: You can hear her walking around in the house or apartment. And you do know that she lives alone. And keeps no pets. I suggest you stand for about fifteen minutes, knock on the door a few more times and then leave. When you see the girl again, hopefully never, do not act upset. Just be cool, speak to her, and keep walking. Isn't it time that you loved yourself and respected the person that you are?
10. This is a common occurrence. You and a so-called friend are chatting via phone. He or she just so happens to keep putting you on hold to take other calls. This is a mystery for you know for a fact that your phone pal isn't that popular or the president of some lonely hearts club. After about an hour of being put on hold, hang up. You are not wanted and neither is your conversation. This is a complete slap in the face to your dignity and an insult to your self-respect. If you must talk to someone, find a rabbi or priest in the book. They will be glad to chat with you. And seriously, they make great friends too.
In my final comments, you have been given 10 Ways to Know if You are Left Out or not. Please use these as markers, guidelines and red flags if you are about to try to gain a new group of friends or make just one friend.
And when you DO make a REAL friend or friends who DO NOT make you feel left out . . .you will know by these signs:
1. A true friend always tries to respect you and your opinions no matter how off-base they are.
2. A true friend could care less about your fashion sense.
3. A true friend is as talented to listen to you as they are talking to you.
4. A true friend can be depended on day or night. And in any situation. They put their own affairs aside to see if YOU are okay.
5. A true friend or friends will not laugh at your ideas unless you intend your ideas to be comical.
6. A true friend sometimes has the opportunity to say, “told you so,” when you mess up, but they don’t.
7. A true friend encourages you no matter what odds are stacked against you. A true (or best) friend is your best and most-dedicated cheerleader.
8. A true friend will talk with you or stay with you until your problem is solved and you are feeling better. They do not complain about how late it is or what movie they are missing by staying with you.
9. A true friend is consistent. They care for you all the time no matter if you have the occasional falling-out with them. You are still good friends.
10. A true friend can give you ‘tough love’ by telling you the TRUTH. A true friend will NOT just tell you what you want to hear. A self-centered, self-promoting person can do that anytime.
Now you have it. My tips on how you can tell if you are being left out and how to know if the friend or friends you have are true or not.
Read, apply, and life a full, happy life.