15 Things to Never Say to a Driving Instructor
Driving instructors have the eyes of an eagle
Driving instructors teach students how to react to dangerous situations
Some background on driving instructors
God bless all of the driving instructors across America, even the world. You guys and girls, seemingly to no one’s knowledge, have daunting tasks to perform every workday that comes. Truth be told, I would not do your job for less than $2,400.00 per week and company-paid health insurance.
I am not kidding. What you driving instructors do should be applauded hard, loud, and often. I cannot imagine crawling into a driving instructor’s car equipped with two steering wheels and two sets of brakes, with a complete-stranger and not be praying the Lord’s Prayer underneath my breath.
Your job takes courage, grit, and lots of faith. Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Your job also requires that you be able to trust that person sitting across from you who had dreamed of this day for years.
"Dad, I passed! I need the car tonight."
I guess my readers are wondering what it is that makes a driving instructor’s job so nerve-racking? Allow me, please. I know that most-certainly, these things might be on the minds of any driving instructor:
- What if this guy goes nuts and drives us both into that interstate down the wrong lane? (I hate the thought of being filmed screaming for my life by the evening news crew).
- What will I do if this woman suddenly, without notice, faints before I can get the brakes on?
- How do I know that this person is not a “Closet Daredevil?”
Driving student in mid 1950s in England learns to look before starting into a road
Driving instructors have to endure asinine questions
These are but three things I suppose that driving instructors have on their minds while doling-out a great amount of patience to the person hoping to pass this road test to get a driver’s license, but keep riddling the poor driving instructor with asinine questions like:
- “Will it hurt if I put the car in “Park” while doing 60 miles an hour?”
- “That trucker flipped me off, may I go back and kick his butt?” (the driving instructor would reply, “No, little elderly woman. You will be arrested).
- “Hey, mister driving instructor, why is there white smoke pouring out from underneath the car hood?”
This is a good driving student. See how she keeps her eyes on the road
The patient driving instructor teaches this student the correct way to park
Classic photo of driving instructor checking the student's vehicle
How most drivers think
Do not do this to your driving instructor
Now that I have you thinking about driving instructors, I will reveal to you at this time . . .
“15 Things to Never Say to a Driving Instructor”
- “Do I have to keep my eyes open while driving down the road?”
- “Mister instructor, I am prone to unexpected fainting episodes.”
- “Please, mister driving teacher, would you sit in the backseat—you make me nervous.”
- “I love fast women and fast cars—listen to that engine roar!”
- “Was it okay to have a drink before I came to take this test?”
- “Did you grade “off,” for me zooming to get on the interstate instead of waiting?”
- “Do you mind if I wear a Lone Ranger mask while I take my driving test?”
- “Mister driving teacher, why are you holding your stomach? Oh, was I to shower before I got here?”
- “You want to see me drive with my feet? My girlfriend says I am pretty good.”
- “That guy ahead of us is going too slow—I will hang my head out of the window and curse him out!”
- “People drive me nuts, mister driving teacher. The light is green and these fools just sit there. Watch me lay-down on the horn!”
- “What’s the lowest passing grade I can make and still get my driver’s license?”
- “Parallel parking? Please explain that term to me.”
- “That girl looks so hot. I’m slowing down to get her attention.”
- “My psychiatrist says I have three personalities. I was just preparing you, mister driving instructor.”
And one more “for the road,” . . .
“Do you have to go with me on this test, mister driving teacher?”
Coming soon . . .”Having Fun with Hospital Security Guards”
Important Things to Remember
before taking your driving test:
- Do not wear loud cologne or perfume. This will cloud the driving instructor's judgment
- Do not wear or carry firearms on the road test or you will fail automatically
- (Girls) Dressing seductively will not get you a passing grade on the road test
- (Boys) Tight shorts and open-shirts will not work on female driving instructors
- Try to keep small talk to a minimum--devote all of your focus on your driving
- Do not be afraid to ask the driving instructor sensible questions
Remember, driving instructors are human too. They deserve the same respect as any of our fine policemen, firemen and other professional people.