2012 My Survival Checklist for the End of Days
Wear Your Mayan Calendar Right To The End!
Fun Home Project for the Whole Family
Are YOU a Conspiracy Theorist?
How Will it All End?
Will the World End on December 21
If it Does I Will be Ready
We are now in the final months until life on planet Earth as we know it ends. The Mayan Calendar literally runs out on December 21st 2012. The actual event leading to our annihilation is still being disputed in the blogosphere, websites, chat rooms and message boards. Some claim solar flares will fry us like aunts under a magnifying glass, others say the planets pole will shift causing massive destruction, one group is sure a comet will crash into earth destroying us all like the Dinosaurs. Some guy out west is convinced we are all just computer programs living our lives like Neo in the Matrix, on December 21 2012 the program is set to end, and so are we.
Now I don't know about you, but I'm a planner. I have a busy life as a mom, business owner and blogger. I need to stay organized and on top of my to do lists, grocery lists, laundry and car repairs. The whole armageddon is quite an inconvenience to my social and family life. I have enough to do in a day, now I need to add survive the end of the world to the list?
I was very ill prepared for Y2k. Back then if all the computers would have shut the grid down indefinitely I would have survived on a case of water and four cans of tuna. I didn't even have a gun to defend myself against the looters and my underground bunker was just a dark laundry room in the corner of my basement. Screwed indeed.
2012 is going to be a whole different story I will have to start now because I already pissed away the first few months of 2011 going to beer festivals and girl's nights. So starting today here is what I will do to prepare for the end of days, in no specific order.
Underground Bunker-This time when the planet implodes I will be taking cover in style! Target had a sale on dorm accessories and I bought up some red and white foe fur throw rugs. Shelving in my bunker will be from Ikea's dent and ding section and I plan to paint my bunker in bright hues to simulate natural light. Since I will be underground for an unknown length of time I picked up some scented candles from Pier One for that homey shelter feel. Nate Barkis will be proud because not only will my bunker rise up to greet me when I enter it but the anti radioactive shower will be infused with lavender and patchouli. If I am going to live like a dirty hippie I might as well smell like one. Finally my bunker will have all the comforts of home with my custom gun rack/ makeup stand. Yes I plan on keeping up with my post apocalyptic beauty routine, I need to look good when the government takes me to the quarantine camp.
Nuke Suit- I saw a news special the other night with a guy that would not identify himself for fear of ruining his career. He was designing a bunker in the woods and told reporters he had 3 nuke suits. Each was more ugly then the last! My Nuke suit is going to be in a neutral color maybe a light sage or cone-flower blue. The gas mask will compliment my suit and make use of silver and bead work. I will not be above bedazzling on judgement day.
Food- Why is it that every depiction of nuclear holocaust the food looks like Alpo on crackers? It is the end of the world people, now is the time to eat fat and carbs! My food stores will consist of nutella, Skippy peanut butter, biscotti, dark beer, sourdough pretzels and Twinkies. Twinkies have been tested by NASA for years and were found to be just as resistant to nuclear bombs as cockroaches! I may even throw in some Star crunch in case we want to have a meteor shower themed party!
Looter/Zombie protection- This is the easiest. Zombies and Looters alike cannot stand the voice of reason so I have converted back episodes of Oprah to vinyl. I also found an old phonograph on craigslist. I will play Oprah's voice as loud as I can to ensure all evildoers stay a safe distance from my very hip very chic survival bunker.
I am actually kind of miffed that the apocalypse is in December one month earlier and I could have missed my 20 yr. high school reunion! Dang Myans! Like I said it is never to early to have a plan in place. Start small and get the essentials in place (like high thread count sheets and evian water) Just because you won't have long to live doesn't mean you can't live your final days in comfort and style!
Cheers to the end of the world as we know it!
Will you prepare yourself for 2012
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