31 Legal, Fun Things for You to Do in Most Malls in America
You have to have a huge amount of cash or super-credit to fly to this place and even to shop here.
EARLY MALLS WERE GREAT PASTIMES
Please permit me to share a vintage memory with you. The memory is shopping malls. Do you recall walking inside your first shopping mall? I do. And what a breath-taking experience it was. My mom, dad, sister and husband, the typical country rubes with wide eyes taking-in America’s newest vehicle to provide everything a shopper needed in one place and with a huge selection of stores.
I remember that distinct aroma that only could emanate from such a new place as a shopping mall. And the helpful mall employees—security guards, uniformed clerk-looking people with painted-on smiles to make you feel relaxed while forking-out money at every store you dared to enter. What a time I had.
CURSING CAN GET YOU THROWN-OUT
But there was this one event that I witnessed that almost put a dark cloud over my first visit to a mall. There was this man who looked in his early 20’s, clean-shaven, dressed nice, and with a loudmouth. I might add a nasty mouth. Seemingly, something nasty came out of his nasty mouth that the security guards found offensive for they were physically-escorting him to the outside away as to not give the mall a vulgar image.
To make things worse for the man, all shoppers, including my family and me, were stopped gawking at the embarrassed man and acting as if we were shopping. Yeah, we were cool. All four of us gathered-together in one place, hardly moving, waiting for things to settle down in our own “mind-our-own-country-rube-style.”
Witnessing that one ugly event taught me quickly that this or any other shopping mall would not tolerate any profanities, rebellious high-jinks, comical- shenanigans, or any form of “monkey business” that might give the shopping mall a vulgar image. Yes, I was on my best behavior from that moment on. Little did I realize that years later (most) shopping malls became nests for skateboarding punks with nothing to contribute to society, con artists selling fake credit cards and other assorted criminal types.
But one day, a revelation hit me like a ray of clean sunshine. I found out by observation that “there are” literally truckloads of “legal” things, fun things, that one can do in most shopping malls that do not spark the ire of the security guards. Would you like to see them? Okay. Here they are . . .
31 Legal, Fun Things For You to Do in Most Shopping Malls
Men or Women, tell the truth, if pressed for the truth, do you really like to go to the mall if not for yourself, but with someone else?
- Read paperback detective novels.
- View movies, photos on your iPad or Smart Phone.
- Discuss (cleanly) with friends, politics, sports, or even the economy.
- Softly sing the hits of Peter, Paul, and Mary. Sorry, no hits for Woody Gutherie.
- Walking alone or with someone, around the outer perimeter of the mall for great exercise.
- Just sit and do some thinking.
- Eating peanuts, raw or parched and DO place the shells in a nearby trash receptacle.
- Watching pretty women walk by and DO NOT ogle or make moves on them.
- Teaching a grandchild math problems.
- Doing a one-person hand-puppet show for your grandchild.
- Writing. Yes, you can take your laptop and write ‘til your heart is content.
- Napping is fine just as long as you d not fall over on some unsuspecting shopper.
- Handing out ten-dollar bills to strangers and call them Christmas gifts. No worries. If the security guard asks you to go with him, go. If your breath is checked for alcohol, no worries. You haven’t drank in years. “I just wanted to give someone something for Christmas,” you explain to dumbfounded security guards.
- If you see friends, speak to them in German.
- Talk Norwegian to a helpful American shopper when you ask him or her where the Radio Shack is located.
- Dress like a Spanish man and give strangers delicious Spanish snacks.
- Walk hurriedly around and around the mall while breathing hard until someone asks you, “Is something wrong, dude?”
- “People Counting,” is a silent mall-based game you can play by yourself or with others. The game is so simple. Just sit and silently count as many people you can count in a named time limit.
- Drawing with pen or pencil is a popular thing to do in a mall. And if some pretty girl asks for you to draw her characture, do it. If she offers you cash. Take it.
- Listening to music on your earphones.
- Playing the “Litter Game,” is a lot of fun. Like the game, “People Counting,” it can also be played alone or with others. The object of the game is simple. Scan with your eyes to spot litter that non-caring shoppers have dropped on the floor and then scramble (in an orderly way) to grab it and insert it in the trash receptacle. The one with the most litter-grabs, wins.
- Sit and project a humble manner, a warm smile.
- Spot a sign placed on a storefront and see how many words you can make out of (a) word on the sign. This game is better played alone for when others play, it causes confusion.
- Walk into several mall stores that deal in women’s clothing and introduce yourself to the manager. If the manager asks you, “Why are you doing this? Are you selling something?” “No,” you reply. “I just wanted to be nice to someone.” And leave.
- “Slow Walking” is a great game for one or four players. But do NOT get in the hectic shoppers way. All you do is pair-up and see just how slow you can walk around the mall. As young as you are, others might be entertained who are watching you.
- Sit and admire the water fountain if the mall has one to admire.
- Close your eyes and do some serious meditation.
- Walk up to random shoppers and say, “I am so sorry. I am not William Shatner.”
- If you get into a conversation with someone else sitting on a bench, and they ask what you do for a living. Reply with a stone-face, “Oh, I sell hot cocoa. Been at it for 22 years.” If the curious conversationalist asks, “Oh, you sell hot cocoa at sporting events?” You answer quickly, “Are you kidding me? That is not much of a market.”
- If someone sits down by you, just look scared and say, “I didn’t do it.” And then hide your face from them.
- Have your left shirt pocketful of No. 2 pencils and ask people to “Please buy one,” and when they do buy one for the ridiculous price of Five-Cents, you thank them and add, “I am sending myself through college,” but you have to keep a straight face.
Note: it might be a good idea to duck into a store and buy something before you leave. It will give you a good image.