ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Politics and Social Issues»
  • Politics & Political Science

A Humorous Look at Creationism

Updated on February 27, 2011

In the Beginning

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. Everyone is familiar with this biblical account. But, here’s another version you haven’t heard.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth and then proceeded to create a man. He named him Adam. Adam was a fine upstanding Republican and an all around good American. God looked down and saw this was good. However, the creator said it was not good for the man to be alone, so he created Eve. Eve was neither Republican nor Democrat since women had not gotten the right to vote yet.

God gave Adam and Eve only one rule…to not eat out of one of the many pork barrels. They could eat out of all the others. But Eve, founder of the first women’s liberation movement, decided this was in violation of her civil rights. Therefore, in protest, she did and seduced Adam into partaking also. God became angry and confronted Adam, who knew by now he was going to be impeached.

A Fine Upstanding Republican

“Why did you eat from the forbidden pork barrel,” God asked. As a fine upstanding Republican and all around good American, Adam told him the truth. “It was the woman Eve’s fault, who you gave me” Adam replied. “She decided, she should be in charge and said I would be a male chauvinist if I didn’t join her.”

God still considered Adam in charge, despite the Women’s Liberation Movement and both were banned from ever participating in any future Tea Party rallies and tossed out of the Garden of Eden. And they were ordered to work by the sweat of their brow for the upcoming Republican Party nomination campaign.


Adam and Eve soon after had two children. They were Cain and Able. Able followed in his father’s steps as a fine upstanding Republican and all around good American. Cain, on the other hand became an unreliable, unstable Independent.

Able, in order to pay homage to his creator, gathered up all the best pork in the land and sacrificed it to the Lord. God was pleased with the fine upstanding Republican. Cain, not to be outdone, purchased all remaining stock options in GM, (before the bailout) and presented them to the Lord. God was not pleased and Cain became jealous of his brother.


The Pharisees, an offshoot of the Democratic Party, saw a way to manipulate the situation to their advantage. A dozen or more Pharisees took a fact finding tour, at taxpayer expense, to speak with Cain…who was vacationing on the Riviera. After weeks of intense, strenuous negations, while staying in the most expensive hotels, the Pharisees were able to coerce Cain to assassinate his brother. Convincing Cain it was in everybody’s best interest he quickly agreed as he was getting pretty fed up of with fine upstanding Republicans by now.

So Cain did the unspeakable deed and promptly found himself in disfavor with God who saw this to be a detestable act, even for an Independent. God banished Cain from the land marking him on his forehead so everyone would know he was to be a dark horse in the next presidential election. The Democrats, who had been considering him as their nominee, quickly distanced themselves by moving a little more to the right. It is thought Cain eventually became a radical Muslim, fitting in quite nicely with those misunderstood idealists.

You figure out the moral to this story…there has to be one in there somewhere.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • JY3502 profile image
      Author

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      I stand corrected Martie. He He.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Metaphor = A figure of speech in which an expression is used to refer to something that it does not literally denote in order to suggest a similarity...

      Tralalalalala......

      You are a sTaR :)

    • JY3502 profile image
      Author

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      It was meant to have a grain of truth Gin. Sometimes the only way you can handle the truth is by laughing at it. The truth is sometimes so ridiculous, as I pointed out in not so subtle ways, if you don't laugh, you will cry.

      And Martie...do you even know what a metaphor is? LOL

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Metaphors, metaphors, metaphors, all faces of the truth :))

    • Ginn Navarre profile image

      Ginn Navarre 7 years ago

      Thanks, this started my day with a laughter and we all could use some. Yet that being said it has a lot of TRUTH spilling over its cup.

    • JY3502 profile image
      Author

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      I'm glad you all enjoyed this. I had as much fun writing it as you did reading it.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 7 years ago from South Africa

      Very funny! I really enjoyed this clever piece. Thank you.

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • arthurchappell profile image

      arthurchappell 7 years ago from Manchester, England

      very funny and more credible than the official versions of either the Bible or any Tea Party manifesto

    • JY3502 profile image
      Author

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      LOL...Ya might be on to something there!

    • TeaPartyCrasher profile image

      TeaPartyCrasher 7 years ago from Camp Hill, PA

      Clever. But I've always seen the Pharisees as a bit like the "Religious Right" myself. . .

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)