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A List of Things You'll Never Hear in Any Office of The DMV

Updated on April 28, 2015
Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.
Waiting, waiting, and more waiting.
Calm before the storm.
Calm before the storm.
Then the storm hits.
Then the storm hits.

History of DMV.

In 1945 The Dept. of Motor Vehicles began serving all licensed-drivers who owned automobiles. Sounds much like a fairytale with a rosy background. It was in the beginning, but sadly, things changed for this much-needed agency. Changes that people hated. What is even more mysterious is where these changes came from and why they were instilled.

The changes was more like daylight and dark, to wax philosophical. Scary might be the appropriate word. One day you walked into the DMV and a clerk was handling customers so quickly you thought you were dreaming. The next time you were in this office the tension in the air was so thick that you almost suffocated. To make matters worse, employees and customers were at each other's throats almost as if they were being on a payroll somewhere for doing this. You were amazed.

The lines of people never stop.
The lines of people never stop.
Some customers have to wait most of the day to take care of their business.
Some customers have to wait most of the day to take care of their business.

People dread having to go to the DMV.

But with all of the various things the DMV is responsible for, bill of sales for those who sell their vehicles, registering vehicles to be in compliance with state law, and making sure all vehicles in their designated district has a current tag in plain sight, giving legal-age people written and road tests to get their driver's license, plus all of the paperwork filled out and kept on file and in computer data bases and filed in triplicate.

If I were to work for the DMV, I would probaby cave-in to all of the daily pressure. But to make things lighter, and maybe a bit comical, I would love to share at this time . . .

A List of Things You'll Never Hear in Any Office of The DMV

DMV logo.
DMV logo.
You could bring a picnic lunch to make waiting easier.
You could bring a picnic lunch to make waiting easier.
This cartoon says a lot.
This cartoon says a lot.
Once in the DMV, customers cannot wait to get home.
Once in the DMV, customers cannot wait to get home.
Can you imagine the strain and boredom these people are enduring?
Can you imagine the strain and boredom these people are enduring?
What a line! But this is a normal day at the DMV.
What a line! But this is a normal day at the DMV.
The DMV also gives written and on-the-road driver's tests for licences.
The DMV also gives written and on-the-road driver's tests for licences.

Ready for a shock?

"Next customer and please, you who are waiting, help yourself to the free doughnuts and fresh coffee."

"Sir, you misspelled the word, "Yes," but do not worry. I will fix that for you."

"My, my. You sure have lovely hair, miss."

"I know you are upset, and I encourage you to rant and rave as much as you like."

"Are any of you customers parked at a meter? Oh, do not worry. I will go out there and put extra change in it for you. We do not want you to get a parking ticket."

"Hey, who let that dog in here? But that's fine. We love dogs at the DMV."

"If any of you are still here during our lunch hour, we will buy your lunch!"

"Everyone before you leave, put the date of your birthday here on this list for we are going to start sending out birthday cards to our valued customers."

"If it is too hot or cool in here, let me know and I will personally set the thermostat. No use in you being uncomfortable."

"Here are some handy comment cards. If we are not fast enough or performing our jobs to your satisfaction, feel free, please, to fill these out and we promise to comply to your requests."

"Did anyone ever tell you, sir, that you bear a strong resemblance to George Clooney?"

"I'm so sorry, ma'am. I used ten minutes of your time to get all of this paperwork finished. I should have been professional enough to have it done in half that time."

"Sir, you look like you have a headache. May I get you an aspirin?"

"Attention, everyone. We have soft cots in the office to your left if you would like a nap."

"Ma'am, no disrespect intended, but since you are a senior citizen, I would be glad to escort you back to your vehicle promptly."

"Anyone like to have lunch with me at Pizza Hut on me?"

"Does anyone today have any suggestions on how we at the DMV can do a better job?"

"Hey, we just want you to know that we love all of you."

More interesting links you might enjoy:

wikipedia.org/wiki/Department_of_Motor_Vehicles

revenue.alabama.gov/motorvehicle/

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Jennifer,

      Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I would sure love to hear a DMV employee say this to a mom or dad with six kids. Hilarious.

      Thanks, my friend, for your great comment. Please stay in touch with me.

      And as a Warning:

      watch your hubs. A gang of low-lifes have hacked my hubs and left some bogus comments. Senseless people doing senseless things.

      God bless you.

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago

      Hi, Marie,

      Thank you for the input on the DMV. I like your suggestion a lot. One thing is wrong with it: It is too sensible.

      But making roads safe is serious task for any division of the Highway Dept.

      Come back and visit anytime.

    • Marie Flint profile image

      Marie Flint 

      3 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida USA

      You're right, Kenneth--I've never heard any of those suggested quotes from the lips of any DMV worker.

      One suggestion I would have for the DMV which would probably cause them more work would be to make it mandatory for a driver to retake driver's education, the written test and road test maybe every six years. I think this would weed out some of the bad drivers out there and make our roads a little safer. Just a thought.

      Voted Funny.

    • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

      Jennifer Mugrage 

      3 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      You forgot, "Sure, let those kids run and make all the noise they like. We realize that we have already kept you waiting with them for 80 minutes."

      Actually, though, I must agree with Kathleen ... considering the stressful conditions and unreasonable people that DMV employees must deal with, I've found that most of them are so calm and reasonable that they put me to shame. Thanks for nothing, DMV, but thanks for everything, patient DMV employees!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Genna,

      LOL. You have such a razor-sharp sense of humor.

      You do just that and I will await your comment telling me your results.

      I cannot wait. But hold a straight face.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Well, Ken, I have to go to the DMV next week, so I couldn't resist this title. I remember the olden days when one had to take a lawn chair and a copy of “War and Peace.” I loved the quotes, and will think of these when I brave the halls, lines and tortuously hard seat benches of the DMV in a few days. Especially, "Does anyone today have any suggestions on how we at the DMV can do a better job?" Lol.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Kathleen,

      You are very welcome for the "adventure" at the DMV. Jeannieinabottle was right. This job is stressful and some of their customers do not bring proper paperwork and other needed-items--knowing that they need to do their part in order to get in and out.

      Thank you for you sweet comment. Have a great day and come back again.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Jeannieinabottle,

      Now maybe I could be wrong. You might be so charming that the DMV people admire you. And I am not jiving you. All things are possible in life. But speaking from experience, well, I will not speak of the experience I had with DMV and Unemployment Agency years ago. Horrible is all I can say.

      Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate you.

    • profile image

      Kathleen Kerswig 

      3 years ago

      Thank you for putting a smile on my face today. I'm from NYC and I still remember the days spent in line when I lived up there. I will admit that some of the workers were pleasant to deal with and even had a smile for me from time to time. It is a stressful position - there are so many requirements that people miss. Thanks for sharing. Blessings!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 

      3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me isn't fun to go to the DMV? This is news to me. I was planning on paying them a friendly visit tomorrow. Guess I will just go to the dentist or something instead... unless that isn't supposed to be fun either.

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