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Guns Beat Popcorn Every Time

Updated on October 14, 2015

Shooting Scene

The NRA should be proud. Curtis Reeves, a retired police captain thwarted a popcorn attack by a young father who was texting his daughter's baby sitter by shooting 43 year old Chad Olson and wounded Olson’s wife who tried to protect her husband from the gunshot. On January 23, Reeves pleaded innocent under Florida's "stand your ground" law.which apparently considers a loaded gun the equal of a box of popcorn. It was not clear whether the popcorn was buttered or not

To add even more to the controversy, because Reeves is 71 years old, the law allows him to do stupid things with his gun, especially when confronted by younger men armed with popcorn,

The cause

Thank goodness Reeves brought his pistol with him to a Tampa area movie theater. Thank goodness he was well trained in the use of firearms. He was responsible for instituting a Tactical Force Unit for the Tampa Police department during his years on the force. Had it not been for his quick reaction to Chad Olson's aggressive texting during the movie previews, the entire theater audience could have been harmed or annoyed by Mr. Olson’s unseemly actions. There is apparent justification for the shooting as the victim had had been forewarned on the giant screen, to turn off his cell phone. However in an unforgivable act of defiance, before the movie started, he had the audacity to text his young daughter's sitter who was home with the young girl .

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Adding more fuel to the fire, a witness claimed that during the brief exchange of words between the killer and his victim, popcorn was tossed. That alone may have given Reeves due cause to discharge his weapon in self defense according to Florida’s idiotic “stand your ground” legislation and kill the assumed popcorn tosser and texter.

What is even more remarkable is that only one shot was fired. The shooter, Mr. Reeves was able to claim a twofer, as he also bagged Chad Olson’s wife with that one shot when she foolishly tried to block the bullet. When Reeves took his shot he followed safe gun use procedures and did not endanger anyone else in the theater. He simply fired point blank directly into the victim’s chest from the row directly in front of him, insuring a kill.

Pictures, video and recordings from the scene indicated that the Reeves told his wife that he probably made a mistake, which qualifies him for the "biggest understatement of the decade" award. Well done asshole.

Could there be a lesson to this story? People today have three options.

1. Avoid Theaters as they have proved to be targets for gun crazies

2. Always bring your weapons or extra popcorn with you to the theater for self defense

3, Never text in a theater unless you are wearing a bullet proof vest

Victims: The Chad Olsen Family. Dad dead at 43

The Battle Continues

Sadly for those opposed to the “guns for all” philosophy being touted by gun sellers, manufacturers and NRA lobbyists, the onslaught will continue until this country comes to its senses about guns. Don’t hold your breath and be careful who you sit next to.

Expected Response

The expected response from an NRA spokesman will undoubtedly be that if Olson had been armed and carrying a weapon, either openly of concealed, the battle would have been fairer. On the other hand, one never knows what kind of weaponry, the victim might have hidden among the popcorn kernels or in the cell phone for that matter.

The 2015 Democratic presidential contenders have vowed to target the NRA for the first time in decades. Expect a big push to reduce the power and influenc of the organization

NRA Spokesman and Leader

The Second Amendment was meant to protect us from the abuse of Texting and Popcorn tossing. Before you head off to the movies, even if it's for a PG 13 movie, arm yourself

Bring a gun or popcorn for protection.


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    • junkseller profile image


      4 years ago from Michigan

      I'm glad there are guys like Reeves who are willing to step up in defense of an Assault by Deadly Popcorn, but what an idiot. You're not supposed to shoot white people, or leave survivors.

    • peoplepower73 profile image

      Mike Russo 

      4 years ago from Placentia California

      Great tongue-in-cheek article that does a fine job of getting the point across. This is what happens with a knee-jerk-reaction when someone is highly trained to deal with an assault of any type including popcorn. (the "jerk" has two meanings.)

      Is this guy mentally ill? I don't think so. I do think he snapped for a moment and really believed that there was the possibility of him and everybody in the theater being attacked by the cell phone light. Then when the popcorn was thrown, it was too late, he knew the attack was on. So he did what he was trained to do, take out the attacker and protect the audience before the main feature started...Voting up, useful, and sharing. If there was a sad button, I would press it.


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