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A White House discussion viewed by the New World Realists

Updated on April 7, 2017

BREAKING NEWS!
A Dialogue of Stooges LIVE from the White House...

The President:

“I illegally ordered to bomb the future US colony of Sirya because I was deeply affected by the sad image of a wounded child. Very sad. I know I’ve seen some last month too but they weren’t as sad. Plus I was at the club.
But it’s going to be tremendous for the military contractors’ workforce who can now get their toolbox out and sell the US taxpayers a bunch of our very great, freshly baked Tomahawk missiles at $1 million each. It’s all about creating jobs. I’m the job creator.
That Tomahawk thing, it’s like a baker pulling out a baguette from his oven and feeding it to his community. It’s gonna be huge!”

The White House Advisor:

“Daddy, I wish we had discussed this before you tweeted the launch; you misspelled Syria again! Oh, and also, I will work on your speech to explain why you feel sorry for these kids but threw their parent refugee back out in the water. Don’t worry, I will find the right words and bring Visine to support the emotional moment.
Oh, dad, when you have moment, like between the re-runs of the Apprentice with Schwarzenegger you watch secretly, and the meeting with some president, can you tweet Kmart… they won’t take my boots back.”

The Secretary of All:

“That’s interesting. Does it mean, I should wear my personalized bulletproof vest over my Harvard-crossed jacket again – like, back in my war days when my father-in-law’s bald bodyguard and I were negotiating the freedom of Iraq at the Generals’ table last week….
Hope I can get a matching vest that reduces the folds.

The Secretary of State (no, you cannot blame Hillary again):

“Does it mean I must fly into Muslim territory, or somewhere in one of those ‘axis of evil’ area, as we used to call them back in the good old days of peace…and then I have to talk about it too…
Wow, that’s intense! HEY STEVE ?!?! Are you busy this week?
Man….I hope I don’t have to sell my Exxon stocks.”

The National Security Webvisor:

“You guys want to know why we dropped the bomb, don’t you? Check the official National Security website, it’s updated after each tweet we get from the KKK Real News Network – it’s very practical, like Wikipedia, you can make your own edits.
Go ahead, I’m the webvisor”

The President’s Wife:

“This better not affect the wave pattern of my layered hair…I’m tired of putting it in a bun… this is bullshit! I want to go back to my condo! (Finger snap) Get me the People’s Helicopter! What do you mean I have to pay !?!? Send the bill to the Department of The People at Maree of Hell Lagoon.”

The (undocumented) People’s Shuttle Reservation Agent:

“You mean Mar-el-lago? “

The President’s Wife:

“You’re fired!”

The (undocumented) People’s Shuttle Reservation Agent:

“Today, no entiendo Ingles”


The very blind rest of the world:

(Rightfully known as the New World Idiots):
“What the fuck is going on here? I don’t get it.”

The less blind rest of the world:

(Vulgarly known as the Sad World Realists):
“The US elected a B-series reality show stooge for president who put a conspiracy theory webmaster as head of the country’s National Security, his shoe-making daughter as White House advisor, and, in the footsteps of Jefferson and Madison, an oil company manager as Secretary of State; that’s all.”

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