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Alex's Stalking Story
Alex's Stalking Story
I found this story and decided to share it. It is in the victims own words.
This story shows just how stalking is taken for granted by many law enforcement officials. How they don't put as much effort into the crime as they should and most importantly how the laws need to be changed. They need to be changed for all the people that have already died at the hands of their stalker and for all those that will die because of their stalker. But maybe if some of the laws were changed now some people wouldn't have to die.
In my first stalking case the police told me the restraining order really isn't worth the paper it is written on(I guess that's the reason one was never issued) and honestly it isn't. My second stalker still drove by and harassed me. It didn't stop him from calling my workplace. His calling made it so I had to quit. Unfortunately, the assistant manager was young and ill equipped to handle the situation and often times people want to know what you did to the guy to make him do what he's doing. Unfortunately, this is still the case in many places. Law enforcement wants to know what you did and the people around you want to know what you did. As if you made some man/woman start stalking you. That you somehow did something that made him angry enough to stalk, that it is somehow your fault.
When I had to go to law enforcement the second time around they really didn't take me that seriously because I had already been through it once with David, my first stalker, he did everything in his power to get me arrested for threats, harassment, etc. when he was the one doing the stalking. He was driving by sometimes as many as six times a day, had threatened to kill and torture my parents and make me watch, had threatened to kill me, had slashed my tires, etc. Everything he was doing he was running to the police and saying I was doing to him.
Unfortunately, this is something that many stalkers will do. They will stalk, threaten, harass you then go to the police and say this is what you, the victim, is doing to them. MY stalker was very convincing and a very good actor. He would go to them and say he was in fear for his life.
Eventually, a detective called me in to talk to me and I was treated like I was the criminal. BY the time it was over, when I told them that my Mother had witnessed alot of his stalking behavior and heard him make threats that was enough to make the detective back off but he still didn't take it as seriously as he should have. It wasn't until my stalker decided he would take charges against me when I wouldn't talk to him on the phone(yes he said he would take charges on me if I didn't pick up the phone and talk to him, I thought there was no way he could do such a thing but found out the hard way he could) that things changed. That was when I hired a criminal attorney and my attorney got much more done than I ever could have. I was told by my attorney that it was best if I moved out of state which I was fortunate to be able to do. After a year, I felt that enough time had passed and I wanted to see my family that I could come back. As soon as I got back my stalker had me arrested again. He said I had come to his house and threatened him and his property even though I was over 700 miles away. It made no difference. I still had to go to court. I went back to the same attorney.
It was this time when I went to the magistrate's office that I was informed they would take stalking charges. This was the first time anyone had said what was going on was stalking. I didn't even know what it was. This was before the advent of the internet. I know this probably sounds stupid but I had no idea there was a criminal name for what he was doing. I had no idea that someone could be sent to jail for this behavior. I thought it was just something a woman had to put up with when a relationship went sour. I was wrong.
What he did was stalking. I was fortunate that he never made good on his threats. Even after everything that happened there still was no restraining order. Back then I don't think the law knew much about stalking or how to handle it. Fortunately, my stalker pretty much left me alone after we went to court. When I say pretty much, he didn't try to call or anything like that. I think he drove by maybe once or twice. Instead he would sit down the road from my house and when I went out with someone he would follow them and threaten them. As you can well imagine no man I dated ever went out with me more than once or twice. I can understand. In one case he threatened the man's children and elderly grandmother that he cared for. Most people want no part of something like that. They are afraid they may become the targets and they very well could. The internet is ripe with stories of how both men and women become the target of a stalker when someone new enters the life of the person they consider theirs.
There are alot of sick people out there. My second stalker tried to fight the restraining order and the order didn't mean a thing. He continued to call me only he would call through skype(phone calling through the internet and is untraceable). He continued to cause trouble at my church, continued to slander me, continued to email me, blog about me, steal my mail and trash, just whatever he wanted to do. Unfortunately, my attorney said emails from a free email account didn't add up to proof, blogs that didn't have his name on them weren't proof and of course I can't prove who stole my mail and trash and couldn't prove he made the skype calls.
This is the one downside of the internet. A stalker can send emails and regardless of the fact you know it's him, if he sends it from a free email account from a public library there is no way for you to prove he did it. My attorney told me that if I went forth with any of the emails, blog posts, etc. I could risk being jailed because the judge would not see that as proof and would call it a waste of court time. All my stalker had to do was turn around and say I had done it to get him in trouble. This is absurd but I see his point. Without firm, can't deny proof you can't prove who's sending threatening emails or making blog posts or posting on message boards.
My stalker even went so far as to post my personal information(SSN, DOB, address, one of credit card account numbers and bank account information). Yet I couldn't prove he was doing it.
Because of this I have went to some rather lengthy measures to protect myself and although they may not all be legal I have to do what I have to do.
Not too long ago I discovered that anyone can get a copy of a driving record. All they have to do is say they have a permissible purpose. It's all done online. This may depend on your state. I got a copy of my driving record and was surprised at just how much information is contained in one. All my tickets, accidents which tells someone where I was on a given date and of course my home address and my mailing address, what kind of car was being driven when the ticket, accident occurred.
If one wants to look up tax records he can find all the vehicles and property a person owns and the mailing address.
This is why I don't have my home address on my drivers license. My safety and privacy is more important than a law that says you must put down where you actually live. And no property is in my name. This is all legal. If you want to know more about how you can own property without having it in your name consult an attorney, an asset management attorney is best.
What's even scarier is a few months ago I found a website that will tell someone who the owner of a vehicle is just by plugging in their tag number or VIN(vehicle identification number). I was stunned but wanted to know just how accurate the website really was so I plugged in my VIN numbers and a couple of tag numbers and believe it or not brought up my full registered name and address as it appears in DMV records.
Many people don't realize just how much their privacy is compromised offline and online. Try putting your name into various search engines and all in one search engines(the ones that pull up social networking site membership, blog posts, message board posts, phone numbers, addresses, etc.) and see what you find. You might be very surprised at what you find. And remember every place(credit card companies, banks, surveys, especially surveys, catalogs, magazine and newspaper subscriptions, virtually anywhere that you're asked for your phone number, address and name) sells your personal information unless they specifically say they don't but most do.
One other note to remember, I just discovered this a few months back and I can't remember the website I found it on, there are sites out there where someone can plug in your email address and whatever information you entered when you signed up for the email will be visible to anyone looking for it. So remember when signing up for free email accounts(I never use my ISP email) never use the correct information. You don't have to it's free. Just use information you can remember if you ever forget your password.
I understand that for some of you, this may seem paranoid or overstepping the boundaries but if you've ever been stalked or the subject of a snooper then you will understand the need to keep your privacy and your personal information to yourself.
Here is Alex's story in her own words.
"For the past two years this lunatic has been disrupting my life. Or, the life that I used to have. He started with threatening phone calls, escalated to slashing car tires and cutting brakelines, and then to top it off, paying me a visit early last Christmas morning by pounding on my front door, drunk (and drugged?) with a gun. The sheriff deputies asked me if he had THREATENED me. I replied that I consider a gun a threat. They persisted and I honestly answered them. There were no VERBAL threats, that he was here (there) to kill me. No police report, they just left and I finally got it through my sweet soul that something was really seriously wrong. I have no family so this was hard to comprehend. My neighbors refused to get involved. They were afraid he would come after them. "We don't want to be in the line of fire." Swell. My friends for four years. I innocently/stupidly thought he was just obsessed. My "expert" therapist said he had an infantile obsession and would never physically harm me. Two months later he caught me all right. Nearly severed my spinal chord. I pretended to faint after he snapped my neck. He loosened his grip, preparing to commit necrophilia (rape a dead woman)--barf barf barf. This is when I jolted up and got loose. The police took nearly 20 minutes, despite 13 911 calls. "If the police don't arrive soon, the woman [upstairs] will be dead." "Hi. I live three blocks away and a woman is being murdered. I can hear her screaming for help."
"The cops only charged him with misdemeanor simple battery. I was bruised, scratched, had my clothes shredded off me, and my left eye was nearly scratched shut. I still don't remember all of it except that he dragged me around the house by my neck and didn't say a word the entire time. I still can't get those images out of my mind. I screamed my lungs out and only managed to escape because I faked dead and ran away while he prepared to rape me --the police found condoms beside the crime scene. The deputies further humiliated me with the might-as-well have been naked photos, trampling on my belonging, and then five male officers leaving me there alone. "He's going to jail," was their only reply.
"Well soon after, I began to grow paralyzed on my left side. My doctor, the MRIs, and the neurosurgeon all determined that he had nearly severed my spinal chord. I had neurosurgery, cervical spine fusion. I never in my life imagined such pain. I have been athletic all of my life, but those days are over. I am now partially permanently disabled. I moved, with the rescue of my 69-year old mom, 60 miles away, just before the surgery. I spent the entire summer in a body brace, went from 5'5 and 118 to 91 lbs. My mom obviously had to go "home" and resume her life. She filled my place with enough food for a normal person to survive for at least three months, bless her. What honestly got me through it are my self-esteem, my pets, and my gratitude that at least I had survived an extremely dangerous operation. Life support, intensive care. I was, and still am, incensed that he was only being charged with misdemeanor simple battery rather than attempted murder or at least aggravated assault. But I went through the depositions and just before trial I had to be hospitalized because my heartbeat wouldn't slow lower than 170 beat a minute. This for an athlete? Stress.
"I bailed and decided that my life meant more than his probation or court-ordered anger counseling. As soon as I did this, he had me beat up by a couple of guys, and then five days later came after me himself. I had moved to a new neighborhood with very responsive local police. They were there in 90 seconds after my 911 call. He is now is jail, no chance of getting out. I have lost so much, yet I am proud of myself that this hasn't literally driven me crazy. He is finally in really big FELONY trouble. Aggravated stalking (penitentiary), probably attempted murder or at least aggravated stalking, and then an assortment of other crimes like violations or restraining order, contempt of court. I make a good living, am self-employed. Of course, this year, my life and money went straight to Hell. But for all of you, I am so full of hope. He spent Christmas, now New Year's, [and will spend his next] birthday, my birthday, in jail. I am only embarrassed that this is all true. But I am getting some decent counseling, medical and psychiatric help. I am moving again. I will be working again in a few weeks, making good money again too. I have so much faith and self-esteem. No one else seems to understand where this inner strength comes from. All I can answer is, HE has the problem. Not me. I am a survivor of a violent crime. Not all men are creeps. I don't consider him human. I actually want to meet a great guy and settle down soon. Right now, not a good time. But soon.
"I count my blessings. The paralysis isn't noticeable to others, the scars aren't very obvious, and I am an Academy Award Winner pretending that nothing is wrong. I am perfectly normal and happy. My entire family has deserted me. My pets are always here. But I am starting a whole new life. I hate crying alone."