Andrea Peyser Can Kiss My Fat Ass
Andrea Peyser hates me. She doesn't know me but if she did, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't approve. Because I'm fat. I'm definitely fatter than Len Dunham (who isn't fat at all, by the way). I was skinny at one time, long ago before two children and countless tubs of delicious hummus expanded my ass to proportions that would cause Ms. Peyser to run for the toilet, hand over her mouth. I'm also not really all that pretty and as I write this, I have a zit on my cheek that I can literally see out of the corner of my eye. I also have bad hair and every shirt I own has a weird grimy area right at two year reach level. I'm not worthy. Sigh.
Or maybe all this is okay because I'm not on tv. Maybe It's okay to be fat, frizzy, zitty and grimy as long as I keep it to myself. You know like it's okay to be gay as long as you don't kiss your boyfriend in public.
Ms. Peyser, who back in April wrote disparagingly about Girls star Lena Dunham's rear end, has a new target: new SNL cast member Aidy Bryant. And she disapproves of course. Not because Aidy Bryant is unfunny or can't remember her lines or spends her free time making necklaces from the eyeballs of chimpanzees or any other good reason, but because she has a "monstrously dimpled caboose".
What really gets me about this latest diatribe from Ms. Peyser is this weird idea that women have some obligation to be thin and pretty, as if not looking like Barbie or Beyonce is a kind of betrayal of society's code of ethics. According to Ms. Peyser, my big butt and asymmetrical face are some sort of lifestyle choice I've made, not the cards I was dealt.
Don't misunderstand me, I would be a liar if I said I wouldn't like to be a perky-breasted, glossy-haired, five foot seven, size 2, but I'm not. I'm an intelligent, funny, happy, five foot, size 16, funny looking ACTUAL WOMAN!! And I'm okay with that. And if I'm not good enough for Andrea Peyser because of my size or height or unconventional looks, well that's just too bad for her, because I'm pretty awesome. And so are Lena Dunham and Aidy Bryant. So Ms. Peyser, you can go ahead and kiss my fat ass.