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Andrea Peyser Can Kiss My Fat Ass

Updated on September 26, 2012
Photo: David Shankbone
Photo: David Shankbone

Andrea Peyser hates me. She doesn't know me but if she did, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't approve. Because I'm fat. I'm definitely fatter than Len Dunham (who isn't fat at all, by the way). I was skinny at one time, long ago before two children and countless tubs of delicious hummus expanded my ass to proportions that would cause Ms. Peyser to run for the toilet, hand over her mouth. I'm also not really all that pretty and as I write this, I have a zit on my cheek that I can literally see out of the corner of my eye. I also have bad hair and every shirt I own has a weird grimy area right at two year reach level. I'm not worthy. Sigh.

Or maybe all this is okay because I'm not on tv. Maybe It's okay to be fat, frizzy, zitty and grimy as long as I keep it to myself. You know like it's okay to be gay as long as you don't kiss your boyfriend in public.


Source

Ms. Peyser, who back in April wrote disparagingly about Girls star Lena Dunham's rear end, has a new target: new SNL cast member Aidy Bryant. And she disapproves of course. Not because Aidy Bryant is unfunny or can't remember her lines or spends her free time making necklaces from the eyeballs of chimpanzees or any other good reason, but because she has a "monstrously dimpled caboose".


What really gets me about this latest diatribe from Ms. Peyser is this weird idea that women have some obligation to be thin and pretty, as if not looking like Barbie or Beyonce is a kind of betrayal of society's code of ethics. According to Ms. Peyser, my big butt and asymmetrical face are some sort of lifestyle choice I've made, not the cards I was dealt.

Don't misunderstand me, I would be a liar if I said I wouldn't like to be a perky-breasted, glossy-haired, five foot seven, size 2, but I'm not. I'm an intelligent, funny, happy, five foot, size 16, funny looking ACTUAL WOMAN!! And I'm okay with that. And if I'm not good enough for Andrea Peyser because of my size or height or unconventional looks, well that's just too bad for her, because I'm pretty awesome. And so are Lena Dunham and Aidy Bryant. So Ms. Peyser, you can go ahead and kiss my fat ass.

Do you think less of a woman if she isn't pretty?

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    • profile image

      Sanxuary 

      5 years ago

      It sounds like this woman has no material and needs some help. I would like to see a cat fight and the loser has to kiss the others bottom, that would be pretty good on SNL. Perhaps she could be greeted by an intervention where we discuss her strange fascination in other women's butts. In the end she leaves with a good size girl named Butch. Unfortunately, the more I dig into comedy the harder it gets to not offend someone. I guess she would help herself out if she did not use other peoples names. What comes around eventually goes around. Perhaps, we might see her large butt someday. If she does not die from all this fame and high celebrity life style.

    • profile image

      Anthony Rupert 

      6 years ago

      Preach it, Meg. And that isn't even the only trash Andrea Peyser (or the Post as a whole) ever spouts out of her mouth.

    • DayLeeWriter profile image

      Debra Cornelius 

      6 years ago from Georgia

      As a 'fluffy' gal nearing 60....I say hoorah for we who are 'actual women'...love your grit, sass, and style and glad JustSilvie pointed me in this direction! Do keep writing because I want to keep reading more of your writing!!!! :)

    • Meg Davis profile imageAUTHOR

      Meg Davis 

      6 years ago from Saint Louis, Missouri

      Thanks Angie! I see you are from Cornwall. Such a beautiful country! I'm jealous! ;)

    • Angie Jardine profile image

      Angie Jardine 

      6 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

      Bravo, Meg! Like bac2basics I don’t know the women that you talk of either.

      Which simply goes to show they’re not as famous as they think they are and their opinions simply don’t matter to anyone other than the shallow.

      And only the vain and stupid think that being that shallow is in any way worthy.

      Voted this hub up!

    • bac2basics profile image

      Anne 

      6 years ago from Spain

      Hi Meg. Actually I think today's super models are unattractively thin, and it´s not even as thought that´s their natural or former modelling size and weight. Look at the gorgeous super models who have had to starve themselves even more to get the heroin chic/ anorexic look, in order to carry on with their careers in the last few years. The fashion industry keep saying that they are going to ban that look from the catwalks, my question is WHEN !! I´m not saying that naturally thin women aren´t attractive, if it´s their natural body size and shape, but I do so strongly object to the media and fashionistas slating anyone who doesn´t fit their " Ideals"

    • Meg Davis profile imageAUTHOR

      Meg Davis 

      6 years ago from Saint Louis, Missouri

      Woman come in all shapes and sizes and that is okay! We don't have to be supermodels to have value.

    • bac2basics profile image

      Anne 

      6 years ago from Spain

      Hi Meg. I don´t know any of the woman you refer to as I´m not American, but I don´t need to in order to get your message. What the hell is it with society these days, why is everyone in the media and fashion industry so hell bent on slagging anyone one off who is just a regular woman, with a regular womans size, shape and appearance. Great article and that woman you referred to , Andrea Payser, can kiss my fat arse too. Great hub and voted right up and awesome.

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 

      6 years ago

      This Hub made me write my own about meanness. Your a spunky lady. I think your Hubs will strike a chord with many people. Keep writing.

    • Meg Davis profile imageAUTHOR

      Meg Davis 

      6 years ago from Saint Louis, Missouri

      Thanks Amy!

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Great writing, Meg. Sight unseen, I love your attitude, spunk and intellect. And I know if Peyser asked your children what they thought of you, it would be more love than her superficial ass could understand. Bravo, Meg!

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