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Black Men Do Cry In The Dark

Updated on April 9, 2016

The issues that plague a man

There are so many issues that are part of the everyday make up of many African American men. What do you feel when you are alone, quiet, and in your silent state? Is the pressure too much or the hurt too painful?

The situations

Family-To grow up without your father in your life. To grow up without a positive influence like reflects you and teach you what it is to be an honorable, capable, intelligent, spiritual young man. To grow up without your father to show you how to tie a tie, love a woman, change a tire, or set the example of how important it is to provide for the family the man created, leaves one lost. To be this little boy insecure or unsure of who he is while pretending everything is ok.

Negative Imagery -The world around you through negative media images has done a great job of programming you to believe that being a man means being promiscuous. That ultra-bravo facade of being a player. Let’s be honest, the image of intelligence self-disciplined financially successful men rarely is the message projected when it comes to black men. If you fail to govern your body (self-discipline) you increase the probability of obtaining diseases and creating children that you are not prepared to support financially or mentally. It is difficult to build wealth when you have child-support deductions taken from your paycheck by multiple people.

The law-with the massacre of black men left and right. One move and you are dead. It must be a weight to constantly walk around and know that you are a hunted target and there is no differentiation made between true criminals and upstanding professionals or decent members of society. The same officers that were nice to you in the community when you were 5, now look at you differently at the age of 15-16 years old. How can you be a man when you are threatened with death on a daily basis? How can you be a man when often in corporate America you must appear docile in order not to upset the masses and keep the job you need to put food on the table? How can you be a man when people, without justification, believe you might rob or harm them just when interacting with others in any professional or social setting? There are different laws that vary depending on your ethnicity. George Stiney Jr’s fate can literally be your fate as well at any given moment.

“Do you go anywhere else and ask someone where they are going? Do you stop to ask anyone else in this society, why do you exist? What do you think does to me psychologically?”-Bloods and Crips, Made in America documentary.

Education, skills, and trades - They are out there but how likely are you to take advantage of the options and opportunities available. It is a choice to win or lose in life. Career field is not level. How many upper management minorities do you see in major companies? Within your heart you have to want more but how do you get there in lower class socio-economic environments where everyone is drinking the kool-aid? (Jim Jones)

Those of you that must get by romancing women in order to live or having a woman to support you can't possibly feel that you are a man. Little boys rely on others as children should do, but with a disparaging amount of men living off the accomplishments and finances of the women can't make you feel good.

As a black man are you secretly in pain due to your childhood leaving lasting scars?

See results

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

The Kool-aid

The kool-aid: Thug imagery, fast money, fast lifestyle with a crash and burn outcome. You might as well not go to school because you can get in all that debt and not even get a job. Who do you think you are trying to read and have thought provoking conversation? Saving for a rainy day, don’t you know to get a dollar –spend a dollar? All you have to do is look good and sleep with as many people as possible and you’re the man. Keep yourself up in the gym looking like a million dollars and keep women rotating in your bed. You might as well stay around the people you have known all your life-people doing nothing to prepare for their future-content to lose in life laughing about it like the situation is acceptable. Marriage, what’s that? Intelligence and knowledge has nothing to do with the black man.

Parenting: Instinct says love your children and your mouth professes the same. What is parenting when many children raised themselves? Parenting means fulfilling and shaping this young person’s life which means setting examples, putting their needs first, placing yourself in a position to allow your children to grow up in a non-threatening (poverty) situation. Parenting means you shape their directions in life, ENFORCE rules, and raise children with the tools to be successful and expect them to succeed. You will never be able to buy enough materials to replace the absence of a little boy’s father. You cannot buy enough materials to mend a broken heart. This behavior only teaches children to worship material wealth and possessions to cover their pain. Time with your children is so valuable. Good parenting doesn’t mean having 2-3 jobs so you can buy an expensive vehicle and leave your children without your presence. (Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs)

Love/Music. Media has programmed through the mass marketing of disrespectful songs to act as a siren luring you to your destruction. Be careful what you program into your psyche. Repetition imbeds thoughts that awaken your mind or seal your destruction. Money, ho’s, and clothes. Strippers make great wives and mothers. Objectification of women placing value on physical features and nothing placed on intelligence, loyalty, honesty, kindness, or having a loving spirit. Loud mouthed, never read a book other than trashy romance, unable to provide for themselves, disrespectful towards men, always ready to fight, no education/trade is sexy. Women that at the sight of the right car will go home with you in a minute and sleep with you.

Love are two souls that unite in purpose with the desire to enrich each other’s life. It is caring, sharing, loving another, putting someone else’s needs above your own, it’s about being there during difficult times, and it’s accommodating someone else’s shortcomings for the benefit of the unit. Love is not I buy x,y,z, to have you around. It is not cheating with everyone left and right, expecting your woman to “put up with it” and accept bad treatment while she continues to love you.

Men that grew up without their father or a strong male role-model have insecurity and often lack belief in themselves. (Not all men but many experience this.) They may be able to execute the gift of gap but underneath all that is a scared little boy with no depth, guidance, or direction. A man with the spirit of a child. Excess drinking, excess marijuana consumption, excessive sexual promiscuity is a distraction of internal situations that still haunt your mind. You can’t drown out your pressures and frustrations without at some point crying out and be willing to address any demons and make different choices.

Picking women that use you for money-low self worth

When you don't feel you deserve better you seek those that validate your feelings of worthlessness
When you don't feel you deserve better you seek those that validate your feelings of worthlessness

The questions

What frustrations do you have?

What can you not address?

Have you been molested?

Have you analyzed your relationship with your father?

Do you know WHY you do what you do?

Do you know your history?

Are you willing to deprogram, look deep within that person in the mirror and have the life you deserve?

Do you research the lives of people you admire in history?

Do you know your purpose and the meaning of your life?

Have you researched your heritage to find out who you are?

Men and Self Esteem


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