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Black Men and White Women

Updated on April 11, 2016
Lilith Fair profile image

Lilith Fair is a freelance writer living in the Southwest. Her articles often address issues of race and the nature of politics.


All Black Women Are Not Created Like Madea

Progress is a wonderful thing, especially when it leads to the end of old taboos. Interracial dating at one time was one of those taboos. There was a time when a black man with a white woman on his arm would have found himself beaten, jailed or worse. But changes over the years suggest that many of us have evolved, discarding our prejudices and accepting that love can be color blind. So with that said, is it wrong to ask the question, "Why do so many black men appear to choose white women?"

There are those who believe it's not always about love, at least not initially. Sometimes it's about status. Some black men seek out women outside of their race to prove to the world that they're now on an even playing field. They may feel that they no longer have to settle for hamburger when filet mignon is accessible. They see the white woman as the final reward for all of their suffering. In defiance they may say "Look at me, I've arrived." Some black men argue that is the stereotypical black woman herself who has driven them away. They accuse her of being loud, confrontational and difficult to manage. The strong black woman is not necessarily appealing in the eyes of these men.

Black celebrities are notoriouslay known for seeking relationships outside of their own race. Kanye West, Ice T, Taye Diggs, Tiger Woods, all have been married to and had relationships exclusively with white women. Surely, these men can have any woman they want. They have accumulated wealth and fame so they have already achieved status. So why do they appear to reject black women? Perhaps, deep down they still don't feel good enough. After all, self-loathing can run awfully deep.

I don't honestly believe that black men seek out white women solely out of attraction. People generally seek out what's familiar. Women are said to seek out men like their father, and men often seek out women that may possess the qualities of their mother. Our desires are more often borne out of our experiences and what we have been exposed to in our youth. Eddie Murphy once stated that he would never date a white women because it would be an insult to his mother. That statement might seem a bit extreme to some, but Murphy has chosen to go in the opposition direction, compared to some of his peers. He has shut the door on possibilities for better or worse. While I do not believe that there is anything wrong with having a relationship outside of one's own race, I do believe that there is something terribly wrong when it's done to the conscious exclusion of your own.



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