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CBS Big Brother 2012 - The Republican Allstars
Small Brother/ Big Brother
Big Brother 2012 Spoilers
Big Brother is a reality tv game show where house guests compete for half a million dollars by living out a confined existence in a house full of cameras. The name was taken from George Orwell's book 1984 which, along with Animal Farm, was a masterpiece of predictive fiction that is becoming more reality every day. CBS Big Brother 14 is not scheduled to air until July, so I thought I would share some inside information on a special Big Brother television series that took place recently. While waiting on CBS Big Brother 14, the studio (and the GOP) decided to gather the 2012 Republican presidential candidates and let them compete in classic Big Brother style for the nomination. It seemed a far more interesting and entertaining way to choose the 2012 Republican party presidential nominee than boring debates, primaries and caucuses. Warning: Big Brother 2012 Spoilers ahead.
10 house guests entered the Big Brother 2012 house with eyes on the nomination. Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Ron Paul all entered the house first and shared the same Big Brother room for the season. Together, the 4 formed an alliance named "The Constitutionalists" by Ron Paul, and although the other 3 did not really like the name, they went with it anyway. Santorum pointed out that in Big Brother 2012, "sometimes you have to take one for the team." The Constitutionalists were challenged by the other 6 Big Brother competitors. Michele Bachmann, Jon Huntsman, Herman Cain, and Gary Johnson formed an alliance of their own called the 9-9-9 team and they were able to outlast Rick Perry and Donald Trump who were stuck as floaters.
Unfortunately, for Rick Perry, the first HoH competition was a mental challenge and he wasn't able to remember 3 departments of the US government. The 9-9-9 team put up a good fight against the Constitutionalists when it got down to just the alliances. Herman Cain continued to lead the others to victory in HoH competitions and Immunity challenges. Unfortunately, things began to fall apart for 9-9-9 when Cain won the HoH and was given the key to the HoH room. Michele Bachmann went up to talk to him about their alliance and strategy. She had found the Mitt Romney was a Big Brother flip-flopper and was willing to join their team. However, she came away distraught and accused Cain of sexual harassment in the Big Brother HoH room, and from there it was only a few days before he suspended his campaign as part of the Big Brother 2012 cast. The stress of the allegations in the face of what had seemed to be an early Big Brother shomance between Bachmann and Cain, and being a have-not with only Godfather's pizza to eat, eventually derailed Cain. It was easy pickings for the Constitutionalists after that. Gary Johnson left to do his own Libertarian reality tv show and Huntsman decided he might have more luck on Big Brother China.
Ron Paul won the first HoH competition as part of the final 4 house guests. It was an emotional moment as he entered the HoH room and received a touching letter from his wife Carol and son Rand Paul. The letter talked about how everyone back in Texas, including Judge Nap, was watching the Big Brother 2012 season and cheering for Paul to win. Nothing much going on back at the ranch, Rand was groped by a few TSA agents but nothing out of the ordinary. He also received a special HoH basket with Viagra, Polident, and other goodies. Unfortunately, none of Ron Paul's HoH win was broadcast on television as Big Brother After Dark and the mainstream media blacked out his victory citing polls showing Romney as the projected winner instead.
The rest of the season was quite eventful as well. Ron Paul won an endurance competition where the house guests had to ride a stationary bicycle as long as possible in the simulated Texas heat. That week Santorum was voted off because, in Ron Paul's words, he was "fake" and was always complaining that the house coffee was not frothy enough. Paul made one misstep when he pressed the button on Pandora's Box and was locked in a room while constitutions fell from the sky. This gave Romney and Gingrich an advantage in the next mental competition concerning proper legislative process, but Paul needed no cheat sheet when it came to liberty and freedom. He was able to quickly dispose of his remaining two competitors and take the Republican party nomination prize. Due to Ron Paul's win, the GOP has announced that the entire party will be withdrawing from the 2012 presidential race and CBS has cancelled all contracts with network brass deciding not to air the Big Brother Republican Edition after all, deciding to go with live coverage of war with Iran instead.