Crazy Canuck Laws And Bylaws
Ridiculous Canadian Bylaws
Here are some interesting and crazy bylaws that exist across Canada:
1. In Guelph, Ontario, the entire city public space is classified as a no pee zone. Better make sure you don't have any bladder problems. Also, you may want to keep the infants at home. Seeing that Canadian hospitals and nursing homes are classified as public property, this law could prove rather messy to enforce.
2. In Toronto, Ontario, it's illegal to drag a dead horse down Younge St on a Sunday. Well, thank goodness. Sunday is God's day after all. I'll be sure to have my fun dragging the dead horse every Monday though.
3. In Ottawa, Ontario you are not allowed to eat ice cream on Bank St. on a Sunday. Ok, now this time they're going too far! No ice cream on Sunday's? What sort of heartless souls live on this street? Oh, never mind, Bank St. . .
4. In Uxbridge, Ontario it's illegal to have an internet connection faster than 56k. Basically, Uxbridge, Ontario has become a 3rd world country.
5. In Kanata, Ontario, it's illegal to have a clothing line in your back yard. I'm certain he meant the town? The village? No, it means nation and Ka-na-ta is its name. Or maybe he was talking about this ridiculous bylaw?!
6. In Oshawa, Ontario it's illegal to climb trees. Interestingly enough, there are no specifications in the law that it only applies to humans. Better keep the cats inside.
7. In Montreal, Quebec, you're not allowed to wash your car in the street or park your car in a way that it blocks your own driveway. The squeegee kids need to form a worker’s union.
8. In Beaconsfield, Quebec, it's considered an offense to have more than two colours on your house. You’re not allowed to own a log cabin. They should plant a Soviet flag in the town centre of Beaconsfield. People have no property rights. Maybe include a subtitle "Bienvenue a Petite Russie" on their welcoming sign. Out of amusement, I may just drop by and add a small splash of beige paint (nobody paints their house beige) on every house in Beaconsfield. Speaking of which, in Beaconsfield if you want a change in colour, you're going to have a buy or build a new house completely. Hmm, maybe Beaconsfield is onto something after all? Had America inserted a similar law, the housing bubble may have never gone pop.
9. In Cobourg, Ontario if you have a water trough in your front yard, it must be filled by 5:00am. Better move it to your backyard then.
10. In Fort Qu'Appelle, Quebec, it's illegal for a teen to walk downtown Main Street with his shoes untied. Why, why, why didn't they extend this law to adults as well? And what happens if you're wearing Velcro, sandals, or walking in your bare feet for that matter?
11. In London, Ontario it's against the city bylaw to allow your grass in your front yard to grow any taller then an inch and a half. There is a fine for $200. I could retire richly off enforcing this law.
12. In Etobicoke, Ontario there is a bylaw that states no more than 3.5 inches of water is allowed in a bathtub. Take a shower in Etobicoke, never a bath.
13. Wawa, Ontario, it's illegal to show public affection on Sunday. I reminisce still this day to my wonderful time in Wawa. It was a beautiful Sunday morning as we sat next to each other on a public bench. I gently stroked her hair and brushed my right hand along her soft cheeks. I could feel her gasping breath against the tip of my nose. She is blushing, yet I could sense her anxiety being expressed towards our forbidden love. . .
14. Outremont, Quebec, all exterior painting jobs require a permit. I would normally consider this law excessive, but that was before we entered the 21st century and need a Master's degree to become a secretary.
15. It's illegal anywhere in Canada to pay for a 26 cent item in all pennies. The limit is 25 cents. If you are paying for your item in nickels, it's illegal to pay for it in nickels if its more than $5. It's also illegal to pay for something more than $10 dollars in all dimes. Barring an extreme great depression, finding an item in Canada less than 25 cents in order to see the penny law in action could prove difficult. As for the nickels and dimes, now I know why the cashier scoffs and sighs at me when I try to pay for an item with an enormous amount of change. People may complain how it's lousy customer service, but I certainly wouldn't risk having my ass hauled in jail for minimum wages.
16. Canadian law states that every 5th song on the radio must be by a Canadian born citizen. Maybe there is hope for my music career after all!
17. No one in Canada is allowed by Canadian law to watch or listen to encrypted broadcast which is not licensed by the Canadian Government. Quite sure I violated this law, I don't know, one million times every time I log onto YouTube. Ridiculous!
18. Quebec law states that all business signs must be in French. If the owner wants English on the sign then the French print has to be twice as large as the English print.
Where is my Home Province?
So far, I'm a bit disappointed. I can't seem to find a ridiculous Nova Scotian law. This makes little sense. We're a province with the highest taxes in the nation. Our government pays billions for oversized parking garages in the belief it will create jobs. Our government pays billions in subsidies to teleport every call centre around the world to our location, all but to have them leave to the Philippines once the corporate welfare runs dry. We have 11 major universities and 13 community colleges that are manufacturing useless book and paper pushing bureaucrats by the second! More than 30% of our labour force is in the government. We have one lawyer per every eleven persons. So why on Earth can we not beat out all these hapless provinces for the title of the most ridiculous law? We never win anything! For hours upon hours, I searched in vain. Our law book was certainly the thickest, but most of our laws were on the redundant end. Until finally, I came across this gem:
19. In Nova Scotia a person is not allowed to water their grass when it's raining.
When it rains, I'll be sure to hold a glass of water in each hand and pour accordingly over my lawn. C'est la revolution!
-Donovan D. Westhaver
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