Dealing With Door to Door "After"-Life Insurance Salespeople
Signs usually have no effect
Water Ballooned Early Sunday Morning
Ding Dongs at the door
"Bang! Bang! Bang! on the door, baby! I can't hear you." - Love Shack, The B52s
Ding dong -- the door bell rings in the middle of the day. The dog goes nuts and hope springs eternal as you think it's the FedX guy or UPS gal bringing you some goodies. A quick glance through the window and the heart sinks. It's the bible thumpers!
Be it Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses, dealing with either one is not something anyone looks forward to -- at least I can't imagine someone updating their Facebook account and secretly hoping some religious missionary would ring the doorbell. No one is that lonely - I hope!
I was just thinking about the end of the world and writing about theSecret Mormon cartoon that got banned on YouTube after Mormon church pressured YouTube to take it down, when the door bell rang. Last time it was the Mormons, and talk about coincidence, I had just been reading Richard Dawkin's book "The God Delusion" when they came to the door. They must have gotten a message from the man upstairs that I needed some spiritual help. Anyway, I was in a playful mood so I opened the door and started talking about the book and went on and on for about five minutes and then shut the door. They never got a word in edgewise.
It reminds me of years ago when I was entertaining some friends and some Mormons came to the door (at least they looked like Mormon's - young, clean cut, from out of state). This time I just said, "I am all set, I don't need any, thanks". They got kind of mad and started talking about how they came all the way from Ohio or someplace. I just repeated that I didn't need what they were selling and shut the door. I could hear them cursing (very un-Mormon like) in the doorway until they finally went off to bother someone else.
"Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door." - Bob Dylan
Today, I think my door to door after-life insurance salesmen were Jehovah's Witnesses. I can't confirm it, but I think I saw a copy of the Watchtower in their hands. I didn't open the door -- I just ran and got my new camera and snapped off a few shots.
It's funny, of all the door to door salespeople, the only ones still at it are religion salespeople. I suppose the sales force is cheap and each convert is worth a lot of money. It reminds me of another story. In college I got this letter that said I was specially selected to be invited to attend this presentation concerning a great summer job. Naively I went and it turned out to be this cult-like door to door sales job. They would invade well off neighborhoods each summer and go door to door selling expensive study guides. My well-tuned BS meter was on high alert. No way was I going to spend a summer sweltering in the sun going door to door in a suit and tie. I got out of there as soon as I could and have always looked at any offer that sounds too good to be true with a skeptical eye.
Why do they do it? Because the bible told them so
According to the Jehovah's Witnesses they are compelled to go house to house because of Luke chapter 10, Matthew 10:5-11:1, Mark 6:7-13, and Luke 9:1-6:
- Jesus said: "Go therefore and make disciples of people of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy spirit, teaching them to observe all the things I have commanded you all." (Matthew 28:18-19) He also said: "And this good news of the kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness to all the nations; and then the end will come." (Matthew 24:14) But he did not say these things and then just leave it to us to figure out how to do it. No, we are given very specific instructions and an example of how it is carried out.
- Jesus was the one who gave the command to preach from house to house. Read Luke chapter 10. The Bible says: "After these things the Lord designated seventy others and sent them forth by twos in advance of him into every city and place to which he himself was going to come. Then he began to say to them: '...Go forth...Wherever you all enter into a house say first, "May this house have peace...Do not be transferring from house to house"'" So we go to houses seeking someone to listen to our message and we preach it to them thoroughly, not transferring to another house until we have preached the message thoroughly or we are rejected. If they do not listen, we move on to the next house. Indeed, in two places the Scriptures say that first century Christians did the house to house preaching work. —Luke 10:1-7; Acts 5:42; 20:20
- So Jesus sent seventy disciples (not just the apostles) off to preach "by twos", and he himself said to go into houses to preach the message. Are these "houses of worship"? No, because there is only one person of concern in the house, a "friend of peace." Jesus also said "Do not be transferring from house to house." So while we call it the "house to house work", this does not mean we just move from house to house saying simply "repent, for the kingdom of God is near." But we are to actually enter into the house with the householder's permission. Jesus said: "Wherever you all enter into a house say first, 'May this house have peace.' And if a friend of peace is there, your all's peace will rest upon him. But if there is not, it will turn back to you all. So stay in that house, eating and drinking the things they provide, for the worker is worthy of his wages." He also said, "He that listens to you all listens to me. And he that disregards you all disregards me. Moreover, he that disregards me disregards him that sent me forth." —Luke 10:16
With Mormons, they can choose to go on missions. I live close to the Joseph Smith Birthplace in Vt, so our area is practically overrun with young Mormons on their two year missionary quests. I believe while on these two year missions they are very restricted on what they can do and what contact they have with family. Something like only a ten minute phone call home. It's all part of a greater brainwashing effort by the church.
So what to do about it?
So being preached at in your own home is one of the most annoying thing ever but what can you do about it? Here are some suggestions:
- Have fun with them - see the attached videos for examples of people having fun with the bible thumpers
- Put up anti-bible thumping signs (this most likely will not work)
- Put up an electrified fence (just kidding)
- Dress up as the Devil, hide in the bushes and jump out at them! (sort of kidding)
Oh no! Bible Thumpers on the Door Step
Other cool links
- Teach The Controversy - Creationism and Public Education
Opening the door to all kinds of wacky teachings.
- Pole Dancing for Jesus and other ways to Make Church Services More Interesting
Great ideas for making church less boring.