I hope you have been doing well. You see, I have been meaning to write this to you in very long time. And today I decided I would.
Every time I have tried to write about you, your misguided ideals - your power-tripping, bra-burning, man-hating, man-molesting, most arduous, most definitely misbegotten hardliner agenda; I have felt like a smallish person who is being asked to convince his aged grandmother about inter-religion marriage with a muslim girl when all she was fed on was bigoted stereotypes breakfast, lunch and dinner, all throughout her life.
It is most important that I accept it loud and clear that you and I have no sweet love to make. We're just NOT one of a kind. We're different. And Thank God for that.
So at the risk of being labeled and tagged and branded (anti-feminist?), let me put some things in perspective for you.
1. Being pro-women does not mean being anti-men
Sure. Men are weird. Sometimes when you watch them in their act you sigh and wonder out aloud if a jelly fish has more spine, and if a 14 year old has more guts. And to think their dazzling double standards can put grand old patriarchs to shame. And that they pimp on their emotions and that most of the times their minds function out of their groins. True. Men are hypocrites. And men are emotionally lazy. And men ration their feelings. And that most of them get wet dreams just thinking about objectifying women. That their chauvinist streaks are blighting and somewhere down the line, Men really did start believing that in the matters of Eden, post-the-evil-deadly-apple-biting-episode, when Eve and Adam did it, Adam was actually ON THE TOP. Wishful dreamers!
So I get it if you would like to put on your best sneer and ask them to grow a pair, if not you could probably lend them yours - but here's some more truth, an angle you forgot to look at. Women are annoying too. And that in the Great Gender War of this century, greatest harm is perpetrated on women - by women. And that women are big ass manipulators and that they can raise furies of hell upon anyone they single out if they wish to. Women have double standards too. Women lie, cheat, cozen, brand, label, objectify too. Women do greed in equal measure and women are nasty when it comes to compromising for personal benefits. Where men ration their feelings, women pimp with them. Women also douse other women with petrol and set them to fire; women molest other women too. Women teach their daughters unnecessary shame too. Women - perpetrate mental, physical, emotional and psychological violence/abuse/damage too.
So - I'm all OK with support groups and pro-women laws and fast track verdicts against rapists and girl-child molesters. But, I am SO NOT Ok with ignoring the evil-wicked-snarling-witch of a mother who sits back content like a Sicilian Godmother while her son beats up his wife black and blue. Because how I'm seeing this, she is as much guilty as the son.
Women have the potential to raise monsters. Let's just get this straight. And no - being pro women does not mean being anti-men.
2. Equality is a Myth
It really is. But you, cheerleader supreme of the cause of women wear it like a badge of honor - this whole idiotic notion of equality. So who wants to be equaled with a man? Does wearing pants and working in the same office as a man make woman a man's equal? I think not. Because as fancy it is to tote around this faux luxurious illusion of equality, some of us actually think it is a dumb idea for women to be a part of the fighting forces of the armed forces. And that a woman's body is just too beautiful to do back breaking labor sow landmines, and dig up coal. Any emotionally charged baggage vis a vis equality past getting rightful representation in governance and employment is just - noise. And nonsense.
Underlying idea is - who wants to step down to being an equal with a man? Cummon now. Seriously. Esteem thyself a little higher Voila.
3. You're RUINING men for others!
Trust me. You are. Because all your hollering-chanting-murderous-clarion calls outside their windows is turning men so nervous and insecure that they are fighting for survival - to fit in - by turning into these pansy-assed, almost-feminine, curve-conscious, metro sexual, ubersexual, fairness cream applying, lean waisted, shaven chested, unassertive, timid, effeminate, hair-blow drying, pedicuring, manicuring, hair-straightening, facial wearing, body waxing emasculated sissy-daises ---- that it’s just plain fucking obscene!
That it should come to this! You see. Some of you still like men old-world-style. Gruff ,rough and tough. Brusque, surly and forbidding. Tough and hairy chested (not too much!). Lacking poise and delicious hand movements. With their dead pan(s) in place and their emotions controlled. Their pinstripes neatly pressed. Or their jeans decently frayed and NOT studded with rhinestones for crying out loud! Some of you like men who have ass. And some of you actually like it when they sometimes twist your wrists so tight it hurts. Some of you actually like strong-manly touches so what if it comes with a little chauvinist pride peppered with an impassioned delinquent male ego?
Some of you are OK, you see. When men show less of crap emotion and more of oh-my-god-its-the-turn-on-of-the-century-intensity. Some of you still like men who SWEAT! And who don’t start coughing and getting all red-bleary eyed with dust because they’re too *sensitive*; men whose skin can handle ultraviolet, men who when they talk sound a little hoarse and angry and not like thirteen year old choir boys! And, most importantly - men who don’t go in a tizzy, but are calm and amused when a woman acts up.
You see, some of you still like men who can tame wild women and are not looking to be tamed, petted and potty trained. And believe it or not – YOU ARE SO RUINING MEN FOR OTHERS!
4. Objectification of women is a two way road
So we’ve heard all these horror stories about women getting objectified. It blows. Agreed. But as told earlier in my articles and repeating it yet again, I really don’t understand how women don’t equally contribute to this massively advertised iniquity --- this objectification of women by men. I mean there is Sheila, and her jawani, then there Munni with her delicious cleavage, and Jalebi bai with here curvilicious figure for whom men drool and leer. Check. But who’s forcing these women to gyrate and thrust their pelvises at men? I mean it’s not like ANYONE can force a woman to openly flaunt her sexuality in the face of men/other women/strangers. It’s a personal choice. And honestly. Seriously. What’s so bad about being lusted after and being appreciated for physical beauty as long as the line is drawn there? It’s like how this really sub primal song by Himesh the-worst-possible Reshamaiyya goes ---No touching, No touching! Only Seeing, Only Seeing! ---
Point is as long as no slobbering bastard aims his hands at you by way of touching, if you’re flaunting it, he might as well watch! Checkmate, right?
5. Some of YOU – and here it comes - *a long deep breath* - ACTUALLY LIKE MEN.
You do. Sorry. And like – really like men. And are attracted to men and love it when they look at you in that strange breathless way --- at the sight of run down kajal and mascara and thigh high slits and awkward smiles and latent chemistry.
Some of you actually like men as friends, as fathers, as brothers, as sons, and lovers. As people who protect you, watch out for you, boss over you, don’t let you drive alone after dark or hold the door for you or pull out the chair for you before dinner in a posh restaurant on weekends.
And indulge you. And accept you - zits, warts and acne and all. And in return, you turn a blind eye to their cellular, insanely basic level insincerities and insensitivities. Period.
6. Bra burning is OK. I get that. But unshaved armpits? Seriously. There is no poetry in that. I mean it’s just ugly. I don’t get feminazi women sashaying around unshaved armpits and hairy legs. And no I am not selling faux societal bludgeoning beauty standards here – but not shaving for the sake of asserting personal freedom? Shoddy ain’t no freedom pill. I’m going to take a rain check on this ideal.
7. And stop already about beating up that old dead dog – men don’t have to go through childbirth! Ok. Yeah. We know. Childbirth is a bitch. So cool. Don’t do it. But anatomy isn’t male subterfuge. And I think it’s a whole new level of twisted when a woman cannot celebrate childbirth in its own right and starts to use it as black mail, weapon-of-male-annihilation in the face of asserting her victimhood! That’s just unpleasant.
Just to put it in perspective once more – some of you are in love with the fact that you have this rare gift called a uterus! And you can’t just stop looking forward to the day when it’s going to do its thing and generously pop out a slime covered piece of flesh and bones that will actual wail when its botty is spanked.
So dear Feminazi, I know I have put myself directly in the line of fire of your wrath. But honestly, I can’t care anymore. Truth just is.