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Dumbest Criminals

Updated on December 11, 2011

Over the years the bail business has produced some interesting and humorous stories. We won’t be mentioning any names here to shield the dumb, not too smart and humiliated. Privacy although paramount in bail can be found in part from the public records at the clerk of courts. The bail business can provide you some funny stories.

I’m the first to admit to the occasional scratch off ticket purchase. If by chance my credit card is having issues and I’m prompted to go inside to pay for my gas, I glance at the glass counter holding the various bright and enticing scratch offs. My mind immediately translates thoughts into dollar signs, swirling in my head and up for grabs. I have played them all at one time or another without much success. That says something about my psychic and intuitive abilities. I have none. However, I have broken even a few times with my scratch offs cards. No serious money, yet. Although I sympathize with the desire to purchase a card or two I cannot justify the crime below or for that matter any of the others.

Unlucky Criminals

And the Scratch Off Crime

Working the midnight shift and bored at work this dumb criminal decides to play a scratch off ticket without paying for it. She doesn’t win and so scratches off another one. Someone has to win these things! No scratch off winner there so she scratches another hoping to win enough to pay for the scratched ones plus maybe even make a little money. She scratches and scratches until she’s in way over her head. She counts the ticket values and realizes she owes the till over $300.

The next morning brings in the manager and upon the bank shortage, the video camera is reviewed. We all know what happens next, a theft report is filed, a warrant issued and the dumb criminal promptly arrested at her residence for theft. If it wasn’t for bad luck!

And the Fishing Pole Crime

A fisherman calls up his buddy to go fishing. The day is beautiful, the ocean flat as glass. The fisherman can sense a big catch for the day. His buddy agrees to meet him at the dock with beer and sandwiches in hand where together they will launch the center console 17 foot boat. As the first fisherman is heading out the door he encounters his not so happy wife with her own vision of the day and a lengthy “Honey Do List”. They argue back and forth and before he heads out the door he hits her with the fishing pole on the back of her head.

The irate but uninjured wife calls the sheriffs office and files her complaint. The sheriff heads out to the dock to find the fisherman just cranking up the boats motor. They call him out and he a bit bewildered immediately shuts off the motor to listen to the officer. They ask him what happened at the house and he proceeds to tell the truth. He wanted to go fishing, his wife got mad, he hit her with the fishing rod, end of story. His friend upon listening to the story asks the officer “and what’s wrong with that?” Only in the Keys! They arrest the first fisherman for domestic battery.

And the Marijuana Shipping Crime

A Florida Keys man was arrested after detectives delivered a package to him containing a large amount of marijuana.

 Detectives received information that a packaged arriving at the local FedEx office contained illegal drugs. They went to the Fedex office with a Sheriff’s Office K9 team to further investigate the tip. K-9 alerts on a box addressed to a residence. A search warrant was obtained for the box that contained 10 vacuum packed bags of marijuana for a total weight of 13 lbs.

Detectives delivered the box to its intended destination. After the delivery, a search warrant was served at the residence and the marijuana was recovered, along with a scale with drug residue on it.

The home resident was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. A check on his name revealed he was also on probation for second degree murder out of a different county. Possession of the marijuana now violates that probation. Genius criminal!

And the Porn Watching Burglar

A 19 year who broke into a business overnight was caught inside watching porn on one of the business’s computers. Deputies responded to an evening alarm call at the Appliance and Air Conditioning business. When they arrived, they could see a light on inside. They found a door on the side of the business that was unlocked and opened it. The 19 year old inside immediately pulled up his pants.

On a computer screen in front of them was a pornographic movie still playing. Upon questioning, the defendant said he was in the closed and locked business “looking for a job”. He also said he went inside the business to investigate because he saw a light on. A broken window was found where he most likely entered the building. His shoes were found on the ground just outside the window. He was charged with burglary, criminal mischief and theft and was taken to jail not passing go, not collecting two hundred dollars.


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    • merchantdoctor profile image


      7 years ago from Reno

      Thanks for the humorous post! Really appreciated the stories!

    • platinumOwl4 profile image


      7 years ago

      I came to read your hubs this one is awesome, I will return. Often I cannot believe criminals.

    • Bail Up ! profile imageAUTHOR

      Bail Up ! 

      7 years ago

      KoffeeKlatch Gals

      Glad to provide you with a little bit of humor. When I hear about cases like these I give thanks I never got interested in drugs, its helped retain the brain cells.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Hazelton 

      7 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Love the stories about dumb criminals. Before they try to commit crimes they need to add a few brain cells. I laughed all the way through.

    • Bail Up ! profile imageAUTHOR

      Bail Up ! 

      7 years ago

      James A Watkins

      There are plenty more of these stories. Unfortunately there is no shortage of dumb criminals. As soon as I can get back to writing I'll post some new ones. Always good seeing you :)Thanks.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      7 years ago from Chicago

      Very interesting stories. The Porn Burglar is my favorite but the scratch-off girl takes a close second. Funny stuff!!

    • Bail Up ! profile imageAUTHOR

      Bail Up ! 

      7 years ago


      Pleasure to have you as a reader. I'm happy you got a laugh from these accounts and Thank you for stopping by.

    • prasetio30 profile image


      7 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Very funny stories. Thanks for writing this and share this with us. Well done, my friend. Rated up! have a nice weekend.


    • Bail Up ! profile imageAUTHOR

      Bail Up ! 

      7 years ago


      Even if dumb criminals thought through their crimes , there is hardly a perfect one. Sooner or later they are bound to be caught!

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      wow...great stories...I guess some people just do not think through their crimes :)

    • Bail Up ! profile imageAUTHOR

      Bail Up ! 

      7 years ago


      I think you might get a kick out of the video as one is from your neck of the woods. But believe me we got plenty dumb ones here. Good hearing from you and thanks for reading.

    • Bail Up ! profile imageAUTHOR

      Bail Up ! 

      7 years ago


      LOL I'll be your personal baill agent if you are ever in need but I doubt that. Merely being at a low point in our lifes does not make one a criminal. Many of us have been there , with patience you just dig yourself out. I appreaciate your loyal following. Thanks for liking on FB :)

    • fastfreta profile image

      Alfreta Sailor 

      7 years ago from Southern California

      Funny, funny, dumb, but funny, especially the dumb marijuana crook. I can't wait to go over to see the YouTube dumb criminals. Voted up/funny!

    • NateSean profile image


      7 years ago from Salem, MA

      I have a friend on my FB page who is law enforcement. I hit the like button on this, so hopefully he gives it a gander and has the same laugh I did.


      Criminals make me feel better about the low points in my life. As rock bottom as I am right now, I'm not as stupid as any of the ones mentioned here.

      " His friend upon listening to the story asks the officer “and what’s wrong with that?” "

      Office: Well sir, if you'd like to hand me the fishing pole there I'd be glad to demonstrate it for you. You know what, don't bother, I have a baton right here.

      Oh and if you ever want a psychic reading, you know where to find me. Just promise me if I'm ever in Florida and I forget how smart I am, you'll bail me out. ;)

    • Bail Up ! profile imageAUTHOR

      Bail Up ! 

      7 years ago


      It sure makes finding them much easier!

    • breakfastpop profile image


      7 years ago

      It is so much easier when criminals are really, really dumb...

    • ejazahmed2609 profile image


      7 years ago from Abu Dahbi, UAE

      nice hub. you have highlighted the interesting crime dumb stories relating to the bail business. thanks


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