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Dying with Dignity: Choosing to die

Updated on September 29, 2015
ananceleste profile image

Anan Rivera is an online blogger, poet and YouTuber that highlights spiritual, social and health related topics.

The question of ages...

I have been doing a lot of research on Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. A condition that has plagued my life for quite a while. I am trying to prepare myself and my family for the upcoming changes. As I watched numerous videos and documentaries on MS management; a video on you tube caught my attention " Choosing to die" by Terry Pratchett.

I was dumbstruck and heart broken by the story of a young man of 42 years of age named Andrew, that like I was suffering from MS. He looked so full of life, quite handsome man; but tired of the pain that characterizes MS. Against my better judgement, I kept on watching the documentary, just to get to know Andrew's journey. He had traveled to Zurich, Switzerland, to a place called Dignitas. An organization that provides the means to help end the life of terminally ill patients.

Andrew Colgan died on  December  9th, 2010.
Andrew Colgan died on December 9th, 2010.

Who decides...

Andrew had indeed a chronic degenerative illness, that I can vouch for, but in the same token, he sounded very depressed. For the record, this should have never happened. The fact that his mother was supportive of his decision, gave me mixed feelings.

Anger, confusion, and most of all sadness. I wish, that I have had a chance to meet him so we could go on our wheel chairs for a stroll in the Swiss countryside to show him the beauty of life. Maybe, just maybe I could serve as a mirror so he could see things differently. But now is too late.

From this to this.
From this to this.
37 years of pain and suffering
37 years of pain and suffering

The other side of the coin

In that same string of stories, I learned of another beautiful soul named Aruna Shaunbaug. A nurse from India, that has spent 37 years in a vegetative state after being raped and strangled to the point of permanent brain damage. Talk about pain, she was not only stolen her life as it was, but also condemned to a hospital bed to be force fed and to suffer. After a long judicial process to end her suffering, it was denied. Where is justice, where is the compassion?

Euthanasia

When I was in college, it was mandatory to take a course called Legislative Medical Practice. Or in lame terms law and legislation in nursing and in medical practice. We learned about what was our role (as RN's) in the practice of nursing, as to procedures and patients' rights.

Euthanasia was one of the topics explored and discussed in the course. It was very explicit and absolute. It is illegal. And, as caregivers, we were bound to find ourselves in the position; to witness and be asked by patients to help them die. I was put in the spotlight when the professor asked me directly, to give my opinion on the matter. As a Christian woman, the answer was simple, a big NO. Then I remembered being put in that situation before, with my mother.

She was going through her third course of chemotherapy and asked me to help her take an overdose of morphine. To be honest, I was selfish, I wanted her to live, to stay with us. Even though she was in an incredible amount of pain. I was only 15 years old. I just lied to her and gave her another medication to help her sleep and called her doctor. She felt betrayed and angry at me. She went into remission months later, and had the blessing to see her children have children just three years later. And still enjoys life today.

Euthanasia is defined as dying peacefully or the good death. Dying with a sense of dignity. Life is so complicated by itself, then we add a controversy like this one it just makes it ever more intense. To watch a loved one wither away with no hope of relief is horrible enough, but to try to walk in the shoes of those that suffer is worst.

I will never understand how a person can choose to end his life or the life of another. Maybe I am not meant to. But I can relate to holding a person's hand when they are physically and emotionally suffering. As a nurse, I had the privilege to share those last moments of a stranger facing that last walk. The common denominator is the fear for the unknown. Fear to face it alone.

To die on our own terms

Wow. To think that terminating your life, in any situation, is mind boggling. That some organizations profit from this is even worst. But in the same line of fairness, there are so many people suffering in the worst conditions imaginable, is just plain wrong. I feel torn and divided. One thing is to have a D.N.R. (Do not resuscitate order), another is to give in and give up before time runs out.

I can't make up my mind. I have no right to tell another person to do or not do something. I am not even sure if I myself would do such thing. I just can't.

Source

Maybe, as we human beings are not meant to understand the mechanisms of life. Hope can be a fleeing companion to those that suffer. But it can also be a pillar to hold on to. Some may debate the moral aspects of euthanasia, others may say is not fair to be put in that position to think about end your suffering.

The religious aspects of this are endless, condemning the already suffering person to spend the eternity in hell. That is not fair. Neither is to spend the remaining of your days asking God to have mercy. It is so wrong. To anyone that has a terminal or degenerative disease, make sure that living one more day is number one in your bucket list.

That laughter is the best medicine. That you are never alone in this battle and that you're stronger that what you think. Three weeks ago, at the end of February, 2015, I received notice of the rapid progression of the degeneration in my brain and spinal cord. My coordination and speech is unstable, and is getting harder and harder to concentrate. I am sad, yes, but that hasn't stopped me from trying to live every day to the fullest.

For years, I have been on the other side of the table. Comforting those that suffer, giving my own two cents on why to keep hoping for the best. Now I have switched places with those that hope is a two edged sword that cuts just the same. Don't get me wrong, I know how my condition is and will keep progressing. But I want to enjoy all that I can from life. Please, look around, there is so much to life than just pain.

Love is enough of a reason to hold on to life. Please, think about those that love you. Please take the time to rediscover the beauty of a sunrise, and the peace of a sunset. Look upon the innocence in a child's eye. Look at nature, listen to the music of nature. Is remarkable. Remembering all along that every moment is gift that needs to be cherished and enjoyed. Blessings...

© 2012 Anan Celeste

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    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 3 years ago from California

      My sincere condolences weeyschannel, There are no words to minimize the grief. Is tragic. But you are right, is a choice we all hope we never have to make.Blessings.

    • weezyschannel profile image

      Lisa 3 years ago from Central USA

      My aunt just passed away and I believe she died with dignity. We did everything we could for her. The hardest part was telling her she had a choice to live basically like a vegeatable with no life or pass away. She chose to pass away.. What a decision one has to make on their deathbed. I only hope I never have to make a decision

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      I feel very blessed Peggy. I just saw my daughters graduate High School this past June and my son organize his first advocacy event in his school to raise funds for a local charity. Al of the sudden, I am not afraid anymore. Life is good. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. Maybe, if I am lucky enough, I will be there for their weddings and my first grand baby! Let time decide, right! Blessings my dear!

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Hi Dana Teresa! It is a hard thing to talk about. At the time I wrote this article, I was looking for information on my condition and this poped up. It takes a lot of courage to be in the position of the person that is asked to do this. I still have no clue what would be the best thing to do. Blessings!

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      Peggy Woods 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Very sorry to hear about all of your medical problems but very happy for you to have been able to watch your children grow up and develop into their teen years and hopefully you will be able to enjoy many more years with them.

      As Gail indicated, a DNR order is quite different from euthanasia. It is allowing nature to take its course. I believe in that. My husband and I both have ours along with our living wills.

      Hospices are wonderful places at the end of life. Those who work in that setting do everything possible to lessen pain and make the patients as comfortable as possible. They also help the friends and relatives of the patient understand the dying process.

      Oftentimes dying can be quite peaceful if allowed to progress in a natural manner. I was holding my mother's hand as she passed into her next life back in January of 2010. She was only in hospice for less than 24 hours after being transferred there from ICU following surgery.

      End of life decisions while not easy should be thought about and discussed ahead of time with family members. It is a part of life, after all.

      May God bless you! This was a thoughtful and well written hub.

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      BEAUTIFUL. You have presented this in a heartfelt, intelligent, and thought-provoking way. Reading this I found myself wavering back and forth on the topic. I think to live or die is a very personal decision that comes down to quality of life. There are times when I think euthanasia is the best option, and times when I think it is just a tired person giving up. It is hard to say where to draw that line. I know it is a decision I hope I never have to make for someone...... You have a lot of courage to write this. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Dear bac2basics;

      The entiendo. I am so sorry for your loss.That was an act of love. I have chills, and feel humbled by your experience. That is why they call it the good death. I'am not brave, I just don't understand why some people like Andrew,the guy from the documentary ,would rushed into it. I have been sick for years, frustrated and sometimes get tired of the ordeal. But in the same token, I got to see my children grow up. To me is worth all the suffering in the world. It gave me time to prepare, to accept, to make amends and to realize how precious life can be. When the time comes, like you said death is inevitable so I think I deserve to go peacefully. Without pain. Is fair; isn't it? Blessings my dear.

    • bac2basics profile image

      Anne 4 years ago from Spain

      Dear ananceleste.

      Your bravery and optimism shines through in this hub, and your compassion for others too.

      I strongly feel that Euthanasia should be an option for those who wish to end their suffering. My husband died from cancer 9 years ago now. Right at the very end when death was imminent anyway I was asked to give permission to put him on a morphine pump. He had already slipped into a coma and death was only hours away. A young doctor took me into an office and I had to sign a document to give my permission for this to happen ( we live in Spain so maybe it´s normal practice here) The doctor explained very kindly and gently what would happen, the drugs would eventually stop his heart, but at this point in time it would make his last hours more comfortable and easier for him and it was not being done just to free up a bed etc, death was coming and this would make it easier for my loved one. I had promised my Hearty that I would not let him suffer as his own Mother had done when she died from cancer , it was one of his greatest fears, and so I gave my consent. If this isn´t classed as euthanasia I don´t know how else it can be classified, and it happens all the time in hospitals and hospices, my point is why leave it until the person is actually dying ? If that person requests it sooner to end his or her suffering and pain it should be theirs by right.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Hi JamiJay!

      This was a very uncomfortable subject for me. But is there and we all have to address it sooner or later. Might as well do it. Thank you for stopping by.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      My dearest Leslie;

      In 1994,I had a stroke and a heart attack while giving birth, due to a massive seizure ans complications. ( I was 18 years old) Since then, 2 more cardiac episodes along with full blown epilepsy. I was clinically dead for 2 minutes the first time and 5 the second. All of this before my 20th birthday. As I got worse, an endless list of "possible" conditions were paraded in front of me by doctors. I never had good health care,so this has been a blind journey. Until two years ago, when my current doctor saw a pattern and there was nothing she or I,could do. My MS is so advanced that had damaged my heart,kidneys, motor function, speech even mobility. I have my moments free of pain. But my hands,sometimes, can't stop shaking.

      Believe me, I have considered taking my life at some point. Not caring for the consequences spiritually speaking. Faith can be VERY hard to maintain, when (in my case) I could not even hold my newborn daughter when I had the stroke. Death can be a very comforting thought when you know for a fact that things are only going to progress for the worst. I was a nurse, it would be a matter of opportunity and decision. Then I remember what the doctors told me years ago:

      -by 25 you'll be in a wheelchair

      -by 30 you'll bedridden

      -at any moment you're lungs will stop functioning

      -at any moment you're kidneys will afil for good

      -at any moment you 'll have another stroke

      (the latest one)-make arrangements, put your affairs in order because your memory and brain function is decreasing due to the seizures that can't be controlled.

      I am 36, and today I am talking to you my dear friend. Which I just met awhile ago. Isn't that amazing! They don't know crap! Technically have not experienced life to any extent. But, I got to see so many things. When I had my second cardiac infarction, my kids were 9,8 and 7 years old. I was conscious the whole time and was afraid for them. Now they are 16,17 and 18, so I was lucky enough to be there for them. They are so used to see mom sick that I think,when the time comes they will be ready. That gives me peace. I am not afraid of dying, I have died twice! LOL!

      And I agree with you. People should have the choice to die on their own terms. And is ridiculous that the government is involved in such a personal decision. To have true freedom, is to make an informed decision without a third party involvement. Some day, some day people could decide how and when their story will end. Thank you for being who you are. Never change!

    • JamiJay profile image

      Jami Johnson 4 years ago from Somewhere amongst the trees in Vermont.

      You have some very beautiful and great insights on this subject. It reminds me of the man Jack Kevorkian (aka Dr. Death) who created a lethal remedy to aid people with terminal illness to commit suicide. His machine with his death remedy was built so that the person would make the decision and push the button on their own, the patient contacted him on their own, and he aided them by bringing this machine to their house, set it up, and leave them with the button. He did not sway their decision one way or the other, but he did give them the option. In some ways I feel allowing a human to suffer beyond our basic comprehension is inhumane, because if our pet (a dog or cat) became so ill and was in a terrible amount of pain we would make the decision to "put them down", but when it comes to humans and even if a person begs to end the misery and pain we force them to endure it and die in agony. No one should have to die in agony, everyone should be able to die in peace and walk into the light with a sense of comfort and security. This is a topic that is very controversial and it brings up a lot of emotions, thoughts, and reactions. This is a very beautifully written and unbiased standpoint mixed with a lot of personal emotion, I am very glad to have read it, and thank you for sharing your experience, thoughts, and emotions with us all.

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      Wow, Anan...talk about mirror hubs - and, ALMOST - mirror lives...

      My story: When i was pregnant with my first child (31 years ago) - i went blind in one eye..

      almost immediately i was referred to a neurologist - who made me stand on one foot, shut my eyes - and touch my fingers to my nose (that's how it was diagnosed back then...)

      he then suggested i get an abortion and start cortison treatments for MS..

      OMG!

      we went for a second opinion and i did not get an abortion - and many years later i was given the definitive test for MS - which came back negative..

      soooo...i understand MS - i invested it thoroughly while awaiting the 2nd opine..

      i see your indecision - and your valid points, dear..

      i still believe in freedom of choice - and quality of life!

      i'm not afraid to die - i'm afraid of not living..

      it's just my opinion, and - besides this 'incident' - i've had 2 VERY near death experiences..

      to each their own, but - only where there are options..

      there are 2 states where it's already legal - and 6 more pushing for it..

      it has to be VERY carefully worded - to keep the f***ing STATE out of any decision making processes..

      awesome hub

      voting/sharing

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      bravewarrior;

      Is very hard indeed to think about it. I prefer to concentrate in the present and smile at life.Thanks for stopping by.

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      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Anaceleste, I too am torn on the subject. I have a DNR clause in my living will, but as you say, that is a different scenario than choosing to end your life while still basically 'alive'. I think the last paragraph of this hub may have swayed me. The beauty of nature and the music of nature should be revelled in as long as we can do so!

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Brenda anytime sweetie.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Thanks mary615;

      My son asked me once, why do people kill animals when they are suffering? And I ( as an animal lover) I said because we love them so much, that we want them to stop suffering. Then I stopped and realized, that I could never do that to a person. Double standard? Is very confusing. Thanks for stopping by.

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      Brenda Durham 4 years ago

      Thank you ananceleste, so very much.

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      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      This Hub should serve as an inspiration for readers going through an experience similar to yours. I don't think any of us really know what we would do in a situation like this until we are faced with it.

      I was married to a Veterinarian for many years and helped him in his practice. Sometimes I would think: I wish we could just go to sleep and never wake up if we were in a terminal state and wanted to leave this world. But I might feel differently if I were in that position.

      Great Hub on the subject. I voted it UP, etc.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      My dear sweet Brenda;

      I know you have the strength and the courage to pull through. As you may know, sometimes we tend to feel trapped by our own body. But your spirit has no boundaries. Live, smile, dance today! Forget about yesterday, that is over. Tomorrow is not here yet. Take in each day as gift and look around you my dear. You are here,now. Laugh, love and touch someone's life today. What defines our existence is the ability to appreciate the simple things in life; a flower, another sunset. I know you are scared, maybe angry, but don't let those feelings rob you of the blessing to enjoy life today. If you ever, ever need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. You are not alone. :)

    • profile image

      Brenda Durham 4 years ago

      Having seen a sister and my Mom in the situation, I can understand a bit of your dilemma. And actually, I have a debilitating disease that may lead to that situation someday. I'm not emotionally strong enough to talk much about this right now, but I'm so very glad you've written this hub; strange, but you in your situation have a strength that I lack at this time! Awesome thing you've done!

      God Bless you, ananceleste.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Hi Debbie!

      I know how finite this life is. Many of us struggle with trials and wonder if it is all worth it. After all i can testify that it is indeed a gift that few can really appreciate. That is why we have to embrace the good and the bad as an opportunity to go beyond our own expectations. Blessings my friend.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Anan you are so right Life is a gift. I am torn too. I feel like you do.. I am a christian and I hate to see anyone suffer but I couldn't bring myself to help them die. My tears are flowing for you and then I am so proud to know you through hub. You are a wonderful and brave person. God Bless you for your faith and for writing this hub

      Debbie

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Thanks Gail, you are indeed an angel.

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 4 years ago from South Carolina

      Hi Ananceleste,

      I can totally relate to what you said.

      One of the down sides of being a nurse is the tendency to be flooded with images of what may lie ahead for ourselves/ and/or loved ones when we, or they, are faced with a chronic progressive disease and acute changes in health.

      Another is that those medical professionals taking care of us may assume we need less emotional and practical support because we know what to expect, when in reality we may need additional support.

      After years of taking care of others, it can be very difficult to accept support and help for our own care.

      My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope you receive all the love, compassion and support that you have always given others in your care.

      Sending a Hub Bouquet of Hugs & Love Your Way,

      Gail

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Dear Laurel;

      I am humbled by your encouraging massage. It takes time to accept certain things, but I know that everything happens for a reason. Even if we don't understand at the moment. Believe it or not, I have found peace and purpose. Is amaizing how clear life becomes when you realize the beauty of love. I am looking forward to read your book. I would never burden anyone with such thing. And I promise you, that I will cherish every minute I have left. Blessings.

      Ann

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      My dear Happyboomernurse;

      As I read your comment I could not help but to cry. I just came back from the hospital, it was a mess. My doctors thought that I had another stroke. The thing about being an ex ER nurse is that you have an idea of what is going to happen. Without going to technical, I know what is in store for me. That is why I consider this a blessing in disguise.To be conscious of how finite life is gives it more color. I get to live to the fullest, not taking anything for granted.

      I don't have time to dwell in pity or anger. I have just enough to enjoy each moment. "Que sera, sera" " What ever will be, will be". :) Thanks.

    • Laurel Brunvoll profile image

      Laurel Brunvoll 4 years ago

      Dear Anaceleste, Thank you for sharing your heart and your thoughts. I am very sorry to hear about your journey with serious illness. You are on a road that not everyone travels, but yet because of that road, you do have a special perspective to share with others. I appreciate your honesty as you wrestle with this difficult topic in light of your faith. Euthanasia is a painless death BUT one that is hastened by another person; it is an intentional act or decision. My mom fought ovarian cancer for 5 long years with horrible chemo treatments--I was with her when she died. Even though it was extremely difficult to watch her in pain, I witnessed the amazing effect of God's peace and strength in her final days and never ever wished to have her death initiated prematurely. I have beautiful memories of our all last moments together. May you feel God's peace and strength every day! You might be encouraged by my mom's journal entries that I included in the book I wrote, "Life on Hold" Finding Hope in the Face of Serious Illness." It is written by my dad and I from a Christian perspective.

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 4 years ago from South Carolina

      Your compassion for yourself and those faced with similar progressive chronic conditions shines through in this thought-provoking and loving hub.

      I admire your faith and determination to enjoy all that you can despite whatever challenges you are faced with.

      I do not believe in Euthanasia or the intentional withholding of potentially curative or comfort providing treatments, but I do believe in assisting all patients to live out their days with dignity, respect, support and comfort measures.

      I do believe that the choice of Do Not Resuscitate, when carried through as the patient's wishes under circumstances of an imminent terminal prognosis is different than actively assisting someone to commit suicide.

      As you pointed out, often a patient in pain or who is severely depressed may respond quite positively to medications to alleviate the pain and depression so that they are able to make decisions that are not distorted through fear, pain and severe depression.

      In today's complicated world of high tech medicine the distinctions between the above can be blurred and decisions are never easy. Nurses and physicians have an ethical duty to keep the lines of communication open and ensure that patient's concerns, fears and medical needs are fully addressed.

      Thank you for sharing this important, beautifully written and illustrated hub about an issue that needs to be discussed in our society and in our families.

      Voted up, useful, awesome, beautiful and interesting. Also shared.

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Thanks Sueswan;

      Huge blessings my friend.

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      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Anan

      I admire your strength and courage and I am glad that you choose life. With life there is always hope.

      I do believe a person should be allowed to die with dignity.

      I pray that there will be a cure in our lifetime for MS.

      God bless

      Voted up

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Thanks Ann1Az2;

      I always will choose life. What worries me is the quality of life that I will have to lead. But that does not mean I am giving up. Blessings my dear.

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Hi teaches!

      Thank you for your words of comfort. I will be OK. Is the transition from one state of being to another that is difficult. Once acceptance kicks in,the rest will be easier.

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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Hi kartika damon;

      You are right. Also you would be surprised of how belief systems go out the window when facing these situations. I do too have a living will and a DNR. Blessings.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Thanks btrbell;

      Thanks for reading my dear. In the end, in this situation, I would have no choice. And I would never ask someone to do it for me. blessings.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Hi Immigrant Women's Stories;

      I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. That is exactly the very thing that makes me wonder, is not just me that will endure this. But also my children, my family. Still, the best to you my dear, and find comfort in knowing that she is no longer suffering. Blessings.

    • Ann1Az2 profile image

      Ann1Az2 4 years ago from Orange, Texas

      I greatly admire your courage and am inspired by this hub. It is not an easy decision, I'm sure. I for one am glad to chose life!

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      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      So sorry for the journey you are traveling at this moment. Trust in God for the direction and you will discover peace.

    • kartika damon profile image

      kartika damon 4 years ago from Fairfield, Iowa

      People should have the right to decide how to deal with these situations - we all have different belief systems that influence our decisions. I have a living will and a DNR in place - I do not want to be kept alive on a machine or feeding tube. To me, that is not living...

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 4 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      A beautiful hub! Well written and incredibly sad. We never know what is coming tomorrow and I agree with your sentiments "I can't make up my mind. I have no right to tell another person to do or not do something" Good luck to you. Thank you for sharing this important, intimate hub.

    • profile image

      Immigrant Women's Stories 4 years ago

      Painfully true story; wonderfully written. I'm sorry for your suffering!

      I lost my beloved mother over two years ago. She was partly paralyzed from stroke. Watching her condition worsening for 17 long days was hard. Since then the thought of 'death' is always in my mind and the question of 'how I would like to die' is bugging me. "I can't make up my mind. I have no right to tell another person to do or not do something. I am not even sure if I myself would do such thing. I just can't... " These are your lines, but I understand perfectly. I hope you can find some peace within your heart whatever you decide to do.

    • ananceleste profile image
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      Anan Celeste 4 years ago from California

      Thanks rcrumple;

      That is the best message of hope that I could receive. The only thing I want is to have the time and energy to go through my bucket list. Then, is in God's hands. Blessings, a hug and a smile.

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      There are so many things that I want to say, yet, there is nothing to say that can help. You're going through some tough times, and the hopes that a magical cure can take place need to be there, still realistically, currently they're not. I can only hope that God gives you the strength to enjoy life for the greatest amount of time possible, and is merciful when it's time. There aren't many hubs that hit me this way. Most of the time I joke and laugh with the writers. Here, I can only say "God Bless" and mean it from the bottom of my heart.

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      Anan Celeste 5 years ago from California

      Hi homestead!

      I am so glad to hear from you! Thanks for dropping by. I believe that every day is a blessings that I don't deserve. In that sense, I can't do something like this. But at the same time, I can't condemn those that do. It would be wrong on my part. Blessings.

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      Cindy Murdoch 5 years ago from Texas

      What a wonderfully written hub. I am so sorry to hear that you are having to go though this ... that anyone has to go through something like this. But I am glad to know that you have the courage to put this decision into God's hands. Our finite minds cannot always understand the ways of God, or the whys... we can only trust that it is best. May God bless you and your family with much joy and peace, especially peace, as you go through this time in your life. And we can always pray for a miracle ....