Farding With A Flair
Farding With A Flair
A recent Rush Limbaugh broadcast made mention of the fact that some 60 percent of auto accidents were attributable to women drivers. Not too startling a statistic; jokes for years have cited women drivers’ questionable road skills. But prompting surprise was the added tidbit that at least half of these mishaps could have been avoided, if only women would stop farding in the car!
Now, of course, radio is a sound medium, and sound alike words usually have different meanings. So the farding sound instantly raised female eyebrows and male snickers among the audience. According to Rush, who wished to quickly clear the air, farding springs from the French word “fard,” meaning to apply makeup. Thus explained, farding immediately produced welcome relief to all his listeners.
Soon after turning off the radio, I began reflecting on the subject. Certainly, women doubtless fard a great deal, not only in the car, but in myriad other locations. For example, women frequently fard in restaurants, often several times during a meal, with multiple trips to the Ladies Room before and even after dessert. Another favored venue is in the theater, at intermission time. Movies, though they feature no official break times, afford an additional chance right after the film ends.
Airplanes present ample farding opportunities for women, especially on long, tiring flights. Then, too, at air terminals, changing flights provide a not-to-be-missed occasion for a quick fard between gates.
Both office and house parties are veritable gold mines for the gals. They can slip away from unwanted or boring conversations on the excuse that they have to freshen up. And off they traipse for a much needed fard in the rest room. But too many visits to public Ladies Rooms, where pushy attendants lurk seeking tips, can really backfire on women.
If farding females seem to be unfairly targeted, attention can also be turned to some of the men folk. Witness the early years in Hollywood that generated numerous farding fellows whose fame spawned fabulous movie careers. Notable farders like Perc Westmore, Jack Pierce and Dean Jones guided their talent into making incredibly large amounts of money. But, in all fairness, these were exceptions, most average men who comb their hair, shave and brush their teeth, cannot be classified as genuine farders.
So, it would seem that we must leave the world’s mainstream farding to the females of the species. If they would but take up the cudgels and purge car fards, we could all breathe easier on safer roads.