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Five (5) Reasons Why Black People Are Rarely Abducted By Aliens

Updated on January 23, 2017

Alien Abduction - Abduction Racism

Aliens have been abducting people from as far back as when the stupid ass Pharaoh never wanted to free the children of Israel and God had to do what God does best. Punish his Egyptian butt. Since then, thousands of people have come out and have claimed that they have been visited by extraterrestrials and claim to have been abducted. The thing is that the aliens seems to only be abducting a particular race of people in a particular region of the world. Aliens normally target areas in America which is scantily populated and they normally abduct white folks. Do you believe Aliens are racist too? mmmm. Or is it that white people are much easier to deal with when it comes on to abduction than black people. I have had the opportunity to sit and interview a real live Alien from the plant Zzandix and he gave me a pretty dramatic detail as to why they prefer to abduct white folks. Oh, he assured me that aliens are not racist, they are just smart!

Hey...where yah running to boy
Hey...where yah running to boy

1. They'll Bus a Cap In Their Ass

Aliens who know that black people don't like to be beamed up by light in some space shuttle knows that the abduction of black people is off limits! In the last black abduction the Alien greys were left digging caps out of their buts straight across the milky way. They had beamed up this brotha from the hood named Marcus and forgot to pat him down, little did they know he was packing and not lacking and did what gangstas do. He is now located somewhere on planet Nebula running part of the block for himself. The aliens try feverishly to get him to go back to earth but they know what will happen if they retaliate. Marcus so far has over 2000 rebel aliens under is command, all listening Tupac and shouting Fuch Nebula!

Hey...
Hey...

2. Aliens will be high as Fuch!

Can you imagine aliens abducting a couple black guys late one night each blazing a joint bigger than their heads? What you will eventually find is a couple weed head aliens navigating to the sun when they should be going back to plant Zzandix. Smoking on those God damn blunts and causing space collision. Aliens know better than to pick up black people, they will be packing weed, which the aliens may smoke and eventually get higher than the sun! And not to mention the effect weed has on the female aliens. Could some one say aphrodisiac! This is one reason that the high council of Alien abductors may even ban abducting black folks, the female aliens are getting so aroused by the weed and too much little big head black grey hybrid aliens are popping up all over their planet.

3. Aliens Hate Baby Mama Dramas

A set of extra terrestrials landed somewhere in the hood and found some beautiful black vixens. They took them to their planet and introduced them to other aliens. The aliens who brought them decided to copulate with them. They produced beautiful hybrid, dark- grey children with big eyes. One day the earth girl and her alien hubby had an argument about her not being faithful and had questions about his six kids not being his, spaz, spiz, spuz, spez spoz spyz. These aliens knew that earth people were always screwing around with each other and the Alien decided he wanted a paternity test. The black earth women said they did not trust the aliens procedure and wanted Maury to do it. The aliens agreed and abducted Maury right in the middle of reading Michelle Obama's DNA results. Maury read the DNA. "In the case of 1 year old spaz, you are NOT the father!" The alien cried and all space heard his buffalo moans across the galaxy. "In the case of the other five sp's, you are not the father." Turns out that the alien's dad was the father of all six. He eventually committed suicide. Poor extraterrestrial, welcome to my world!

Do you believe Aliens Exist?

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Bling Bling Motha Lucker!
Bling Bling Motha Lucker!

4. They Are Too God Damn Heavy To Beam Up

When an Alien abducts a white person or any other race for that matter, they normally determine the beam strength by analyzing the persons body weight. Most people are simply abducted carrying just a simple wallet, abducted while sleeping or jogging in a dark lonely serial killer prone park at 1 am, you know, things white folks like to do. Aliens have no problems abducting these people, but when they try to abduct a black man, the beam up ray has to put in over drive. Not only will they be abducting the black man, they will be abducting the 500 lbs of jewelry he has strapped all over his body. A scrawny black man will weigh around 130lbs but his jewellery is like 4 times his weight. Aliens know they have no time to struggle with all that "bling bling" so they simply leave black people alone.

Somali Pirates
Somali Pirates

5. Black people don't investigate Shit!

Black people are not that interested into seeing what is ruffling behind the bushes in a dark lonely woods or visiting a haunted house in search of paranormal activities. Many of the abduction traps that have been set by aliens are sprung by white folks who wish to quench their tickling curiosity. My good alien friend even mentioned their underwater alien base where they have abducted over 5000 white folks and not one black man as black people have no interest in what the hell lurks at the bottom of the sea. When ever they spot a boat filled with black men they know its time to hide as those are god damn Somalian pirates who will rob just about anything in or on water! This is the closest that black people have come to deep water investigation and i am pretty sure it will not change any time soon.

If aliens are constantly nagging and abducting you

Once you look black to an alien, he will leave you the hell alone. Why not simply use a fake skin darkener or tanning cream to fool those aliens. Be black, Aliens keep back!

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    • clivewilliams profile image
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      Clive Williams 13 months ago from Nibiru

      @ew black aliens! i see millions of people like you everyday. taking bits and pieces of the Bible and twisting it. Tell me about melons and egypt. You have no idea do you.

    • clivewilliams profile image
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      Clive Williams 13 months ago from Nibiru

      Well, it only works for aliens.....but watch out for those cops!

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 13 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Ha ha ha a funny hub for a change. I was drawn to the title and had to read it. I never even thought about that all abductees are white. Is that true? I must get myself a bottle of fake skin darkener cream.

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 14 months ago from Nibiru

      @OhTheeIrony. true

    • profile image

      OhTheeIrony 14 months ago

      The funny part is, you're trying to be funny, but you are actually correct. Except, aliens have no need to abduct black people because the aliens are black themselves. They don't need to study who they are. Whites, on the other hand, are foreign to them and this planet, and they need to make sure they have all of their calculations right.

    • profile image

      Big E 20 months ago

      Black skin will protect you from a lot more than aliens!

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      LOL@jonnycomelately

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 2 years ago from Tasmania

      Of coarse Aliens exist. I'm personally related to them, not just in terms of DNA.....but in name also. They wanted to make an example of me so they substituted "ie" for the "a" in Alan.

      Ever since they did that I've been way out left of field and hooked up on Cloud Nine.

      Just so you know, like......

      Oh, and they removes my jeans and made me white where it matters most.

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      You are most welcome, Catherine Jameson

    • Catherine Jameson profile image

      Catherine Jameson 2 years ago

      Cheers Clive, made my afternoon. Very amusing!

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      Couldn't agree more @bradmasterOCcal

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      bradmasterOCcal 2 years ago from Orange County California

      Clive

      It sounds like the Aliens are highly intelligent in that respect.

      Compared to our voters who just reelect politicians when they open their mouth.

      In which case the Aliens would kill the voters for their stupidity. :)

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      bradmasterOCcal....Aliens have a death penalty rule about lying and stupidity. If they abduct politicians it would be a waste for as soon as they open their mouth they receive the death penalty!!!

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      bradmasterOCcal 2 years ago from Orange County California

      So why don't Aliens abduct politicians?

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      Thanks for reading my alien hub Frank

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      maybe two Clive.. I'll give you that much..TWO! LOL

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      lol. i am glad to be of assistant billy.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I was howling at the title....feared I would pee my pants as the article unfolded. Thanks for clearing up this mystery for us all.

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      hey always exploring, always nice to hear from you

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Too Funny! It would have been much more effective if God's name had not been used. You are a riot!

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      thanks jonny

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 2 years ago from Tasmania

      Great hub, Clive, it's all absolutely true, of course......

      But I can't make out why you bought fuch-a-shima into the discussion.