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Five (5) Reasons Why Black People Are Rarely Abducted By Aliens
Alien Abduction - Abduction Racism
Aliens have been abducting people from as far back as when the stupid ass Pharaoh never wanted to free the children of Israel and God had to do what God does best. Punish his Egyptian butt. Since then, thousands of people have come out and have claimed that they have been visited by extraterrestrials and claim to have been abducted. The thing is that the aliens seems to only be abducting a particular race of people in a particular region of the world. Aliens normally target areas in America which is scantily populated and they normally abduct white folks. Do you believe Aliens are racist too? mmmm. Or is it that white people are much easier to deal with when it comes on to abduction than black people. I have had the opportunity to sit and interview a real live Alien from the plant Zzandix and he gave me a pretty dramatic detail as to why they prefer to abduct white folks. Oh, he assured me that aliens are not racist, they are just smart!
1. They'll Bus a Cap In Their Ass
Aliens who know that black people don't like to be beamed up by light in some space shuttle knows that the abduction of black people is off limits! In the last black abduction the Alien greys were left digging caps out of their buts straight across the milky way. They had beamed up this brotha from the hood named Marcus and forgot to pat him down, little did they know he was packing and not lacking and did what gangstas do. He is now located somewhere on planet Nebula running part of the block for himself. The aliens try feverishly to get him to go back to earth but they know what will happen if they retaliate. Marcus so far has over 2000 rebel aliens under is command, all listening Tupac and shouting Fuch Nebula!
2. Aliens will be high as Fuch!
Can you imagine aliens abducting a couple black guys late one night each blazing a joint bigger than their heads? What you will eventually find is a couple weed head aliens navigating to the sun when they should be going back to plant Zzandix. Smoking on those God damn blunts and causing space collision. Aliens know better than to pick up black people, they will be packing weed, which the aliens may smoke and eventually get higher than the sun! And not to mention the effect weed has on the female aliens. Could some one say aphrodisiac! This is one reason that the high council of Alien abductors may even ban abducting black folks, the female aliens are getting so aroused by the weed and too much little big head black grey hybrid aliens are popping up all over their planet.
3. Aliens Hate Baby Mama Dramas
A set of extra terrestrials landed somewhere in the hood and found some beautiful black vixens. They took them to their planet and introduced them to other aliens. The aliens who brought them decided to copulate with them. They produced beautiful hybrid, dark- grey children with big eyes. One day the earth girl and her alien hubby had an argument about her not being faithful and had questions about his six kids not being his, spaz, spiz, spuz, spez spoz spyz. These aliens knew that earth people were always screwing around with each other and the Alien decided he wanted a paternity test. The black earth women said they did not trust the aliens procedure and wanted Maury to do it. The aliens agreed and abducted Maury right in the middle of reading Michelle Obama's DNA results. Maury read the DNA. "In the case of 1 year old spaz, you are NOT the father!" The alien cried and all space heard his buffalo moans across the galaxy. "In the case of the other five sp's, you are not the father." Turns out that the alien's dad was the father of all six. He eventually committed suicide. Poor extraterrestrial, welcome to my world!
Do you believe Aliens Exist?
4. They Are Too God Damn Heavy To Beam Up
When an Alien abducts a white person or any other race for that matter, they normally determine the beam strength by analyzing the persons body weight. Most people are simply abducted carrying just a simple wallet, abducted while sleeping or jogging in a dark lonely serial killer prone park at 1 am, you know, things white folks like to do. Aliens have no problems abducting these people, but when they try to abduct a black man, the beam up ray has to put in over drive. Not only will they be abducting the black man, they will be abducting the 500 lbs of jewelry he has strapped all over his body. A scrawny black man will weigh around 130lbs but his jewellery is like 4 times his weight. Aliens know they have no time to struggle with all that "bling bling" so they simply leave black people alone.
5. Black people don't investigate Shit!
Black people are not that interested into seeing what is ruffling behind the bushes in a dark lonely woods or visiting a haunted house in search of paranormal activities. Many of the abduction traps that have been set by aliens are sprung by white folks who wish to quench their tickling curiosity. My good alien friend even mentioned their underwater alien base where they have abducted over 5000 white folks and not one black man as black people have no interest in what the hell lurks at the bottom of the sea. When ever they spot a boat filled with black men they know its time to hide as those are god damn Somalian pirates who will rob just about anything in or on water! This is the closest that black people have come to deep water investigation and i am pretty sure it will not change any time soon.
If aliens are constantly nagging and abducting you
Once you look black to an alien, he will leave you the hell alone. Why not simply use a fake skin darkener or tanning cream to fool those aliens. Be black, Aliens keep back!