ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Five (5) Reasons Why Black People Are Rarely Abducted By Aliens

Updated on August 19, 2018
clivewilliams profile image

I have been writing poetry, fiction and short stories for many years and have completed a book of poems. I also enjoy comedy writing.

Alien Abduction - Abduction Racism

Aliens have been abducting people from as far back as when the stupid ass Pharaoh never wanted to free the children of Israel and God had to do what God does best. Punish his Egyptian butt. Since then, thousands of people have come out and have claimed that they have been visited by extraterrestrials and claim to have been abducted. The thing is that the aliens seems to only be abducting a particular race of people in a particular region of the world. Aliens normally target areas in America which is scantily populated and they normally abduct white folks. Do you believe Aliens are racist too? Mmmm. Or is it that white people are much easier to deal with when it comes on to abduction than black people. I have had the opportunity to sit and interview a real live Alien from the planet Zzandix and he gave me a pretty dramatic detail as to why they prefer to abduct white folks. Oh, he assured me that aliens are not racist, they are just smart!

Hey...where yah running to boy
Hey...where yah running to boy

1. They'll Bus a Cap In Their Ass

Aliens who know that black people don't like to be beamed up by light in some space shuttle knows that the abduction of black people is off limits! In the last black abduction the Alien greys were left digging caps out of their butts straight across the milky way. They had beamed up this 'brotha' from the hood named Marcus and forgot to pat him down, little did they know he was packing and not lacking and did what gangstas do. He is now located somewhere on planet Nebula running part of the block for himself. The aliens try feverishly to get him to go back to earth but they know what will happen if they retaliate. Marcus so far has over 2000 rebel aliens under is command, all listening Tupac and shouting Fuch Nebula!

Hey...
Hey...

2. Aliens will be high as Fuch!

Can you imagine aliens abducting a couple black guys late one night each blazing a joint bigger than their heads? What you will eventually find is a couple weed head aliens navigating to the sun when they should be going back to planet Zzandix. Smoking on those God damn blunts and causing space collision. Aliens know better than to pick up black people, they will be packing weed, which the aliens may smoke and eventually get higher than the sun! And not to mention the effect weed has on the female aliens. Could some one say aphrodisiac! This is one reason why the high council of Alien abductors may even ban abducting black folks. The female aliens are getting so aroused by the weed and too much little big head black grey hybrid aliens are popping up all over their planet.

3. Aliens Hate Baby Mama Dramas

A set of extra terrestrials landed somewhere in the hood and found some beautiful black vixens. They took them to their planet and introduced them to other aliens. The aliens who brought them decided to copulate with them. They produced beautiful hybrid, dark- grey children with big eyes. One day the earth girl and her alien hubby had an argument about her not being faithful and had questions about his six kids not being his, spaz, spiz, spuz, spez spoz spyz. These aliens knew that earth people were always screwing around with each other and the Alien decided he wanted a paternity test. The black earth women said they did not trust the aliens procedure and wanted Maury to do it. The aliens agreed and abducted Maury right in the middle of reading Michelle Obama's DNA results. Maury read the DNA. "In the case of 1 year old spaz, you are NOT the father!" The alien cried and all space heard his buffalo moans across the galaxy. "In the case of the other five sp's, you are not the father." Turns out that the alien's dad was the father of all six. He eventually committed suicide. Poor extraterrestrial, welcome to my world!

Do you believe Aliens Exist?

See results
Bling Bling Motha Lucker!
Bling Bling Motha Lucker!

4. They Are Too God Damn Heavy To Beam Up

When an Alien abducts a white person or any other race for that matter, they normally determine the beam strength by analyzing the persons body weight. Most people are simply abducted carrying just a simple wallet, abducted while sleeping or jogging in a dark lonely serial killer prone park at 1 am, you know, things white folks like to do. Aliens have no problems abducting these people, but when they try to abduct a black man, the beam up ray has to put in over drive. Not only will they be abducting the black man, they will be abducting the 500 lbs of jewelry he has strapped all over his body. A scrawny black man will weigh around 130lbs but his jewellery is like 4 times his weight. Aliens know they have no time to struggle with all that "bling bling" so they simply leave black people alone.

Somali Pirates
Somali Pirates

5. Black people don't investigate Shit!

Black people are not that interested into seeing what is ruffling behind the bushes in a dark lonely woods or visiting a haunted house in search of paranormal activities. Many of the abduction traps that have been set by aliens are sprung by white folks who wish to quench their tickling curiosity. My good alien friend even mentioned their underwater alien base where they have abducted over 5000 white folks and not one black man as black people have no interest in what the hell lurks at the bottom of the sea. When ever they spot a boat filled with black men they know its time to hide as those are god damn Somalian pirates who will rob just about anything in or on water! This is the closest that black people have come to deep water investigation and i am pretty sure it will not change any time soon.

If aliens are constantly nagging and abducting you

Once you look black to an alien, he will leave you the hell alone. Why not simply use a fake skin darkener or tanning cream to fool those aliens. Be black, Aliens keep back!

© 2015 Clive Williams

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      5 weeks ago from Jamaica

      Hey Ken...I understand. but it is just humor. I know race is a touchy subject anywhere in the world today since trump won. But hey, You can't deny the truth in some of these points man.

    • Ken Burgess profile image

      Ken Burgess 

      5 weeks ago from Florida

      Great article, got a heck of a laugh out of it.

      Not sure it will stand the test of time though, this type of humor no longer passes the PC and SJW standards I am fairly certain.

      I can imagine the tears falling and the blood vessels popping if this happened to hit the Berkley Campus.

    • profile image

      Josh 

      4 months ago

      LMAO

    • profile image

      Smh 

      8 months ago

      An article written by a white person pretending to be black, hee-larious!

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      23 months ago from Jamaica

      @ew black aliens! i see millions of people like you everyday. taking bits and pieces of the Bible and twisting it. Tell me about melons and egypt. You have no idea do you.

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      24 months ago from Jamaica

      Well, it only works for aliens.....but watch out for those cops!

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 

      24 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Ha ha ha a funny hub for a change. I was drawn to the title and had to read it. I never even thought about that all abductees are white. Is that true? I must get myself a bottle of fake skin darkener cream.

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      2 years ago from Jamaica

      @OhTheeIrony. true

    • profile image

      OhTheeIrony 

      2 years ago

      The funny part is, you're trying to be funny, but you are actually correct. Except, aliens have no need to abduct black people because the aliens are black themselves. They don't need to study who they are. Whites, on the other hand, are foreign to them and this planet, and they need to make sure they have all of their calculations right.

    • profile image

      Big E 

      2 years ago

      Black skin will protect you from a lot more than aliens!

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      2 years ago from Jamaica

      LOL@jonnycomelately

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 

      2 years ago from Tasmania

      Of coarse Aliens exist. I'm personally related to them, not just in terms of DNA.....but in name also. They wanted to make an example of me so they substituted "ie" for the "a" in Alan.

      Ever since they did that I've been way out left of field and hooked up on Cloud Nine.

      Just so you know, like......

      Oh, and they removes my jeans and made me white where it matters most.

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      2 years ago from Jamaica

      You are most welcome, Catherine Jameson

    • Catherine Jameson profile image

      Catherine Jameson 

      2 years ago

      Cheers Clive, made my afternoon. Very amusing!

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      3 years ago from Jamaica

      Couldn't agree more @bradmasterOCcal

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      bradmasterOCcal 

      3 years ago from Orange County California

      Clive

      It sounds like the Aliens are highly intelligent in that respect.

      Compared to our voters who just reelect politicians when they open their mouth.

      In which case the Aliens would kill the voters for their stupidity. :)

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      3 years ago from Jamaica

      bradmasterOCcal....Aliens have a death penalty rule about lying and stupidity. If they abduct politicians it would be a waste for as soon as they open their mouth they receive the death penalty!!!

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      bradmasterOCcal 

      3 years ago from Orange County California

      So why don't Aliens abduct politicians?

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      3 years ago from Jamaica

      Thanks for reading my alien hub Frank

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      3 years ago from Shelton

      maybe two Clive.. I'll give you that much..TWO! LOL

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      3 years ago from Jamaica

      lol. i am glad to be of assistant billy.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I was howling at the title....feared I would pee my pants as the article unfolded. Thanks for clearing up this mystery for us all.

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      3 years ago from Jamaica

      hey always exploring, always nice to hear from you

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Too Funny! It would have been much more effective if God's name had not been used. You are a riot!

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      3 years ago from Jamaica

      thanks jonny

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 

      3 years ago from Tasmania

      Great hub, Clive, it's all absolutely true, of course......

      But I can't make out why you bought fuch-a-shima into the discussion.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)