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Foolish But Feasible Ways for You to Deal With an Armed-Robbery, Mugging

Updated on April 19, 2015
Robber, on right, frisks an innocent citizen for his wallet.
Robber, on right, frisks an innocent citizen for his wallet. | Source
This criminal is living in the past.
This criminal is living in the past.

Time for action, America

Just think for a moment ever since the entrance of robbers, burglars, muggers and thugs and their counterparts, the local police, state police and F.B.I just how many billions of dollars have been spent on investigating and solving the seemingly-endless of crimes committed by this elite group of criminals. I admit it. I cannot count that high, but I can say this: The amount is mind-blowing.

I know that our local, state, and federal authorities are doing their very best to keep the crime rate low, but friends, this is a daunting task. Especially when the authorities have so much going against them. Things like loopholes found by a thug's defense attorney and other knit-picking items that set the guilty free to rob and mug again.

Thugs can look scary.
Thugs can look scary.
Daniel Stern, left, and Joe Pesci, of Hone Alone films. The most-famous robbers of film history.
Daniel Stern, left, and Joe Pesci, of Hone Alone films. The most-famous robbers of film history.
Mugger chases scared girl.
Mugger chases scared girl.
Mugger gets man off-guard.
Mugger gets man off-guard.
Cop apprehends robber.
Cop apprehends robber.
Mugger robbing girl.
Mugger robbing girl.
Street thugs.
Street thugs.
Criminal icon of olden days.
Criminal icon of olden days.
Old-fashioned cop and thug.
Old-fashioned cop and thug.
Cat burglar.
Cat burglar.

Pen, pencils ready?

It's a terrible shame. That's all I can say about this travesty of justice.

Now, on the subject of mugging, and armed-robbery in broad-open daylight, I have some tips below that are not only feasible, but if you think about them from a criminal's standpoint, sensible.

This piece is called . . .

Foolish But Feasible Ways for You to Deal With an Armed-Robbery, Mugging

These tips are for the men:

  • Never carry cash, credit cards or spare change. Pay everything ahead of time. If you are going out of town, pay for tickets if flying, or gasoline if driving, and other things so you will not carry a pocketful of tempting cash or credit cards to cause thieves to go astray from the law.
  • And if you follow this first tip, when an armed-robber or mugger hits you up for your cash, just say, "you can have all of my cash and credit cards you find, so get to searching . . .now!" And the mindless-criminal will search you good and if he fails to find any money, he will get angry. Then stay calm and say, "I am sorry. Do you want me to run back in that store and rob it for you to have money?"
  • When approached by a mugger or robber, start singing any song that you know all the way through. But sing it off-key and do your best to ignore the threats of the criminal. He will think you nuts and possibly run away.
  • Ask the criminal trying to rob you, "Hey, wanna hear my alligator impression? Why not? I take that as an insult! You do not want me to do my alligator impression?" When you start opening your mouth wide, wiggling your butt (talking to men here) and rolling your eyes around, this thug will leave quickly.
  • If a thug attempts to take your cash and credit cards, act like you have fainted and hit the ground. But remember, you are not carrying any cash or credit cards, so take a nap while you are on the ground.
  • Beat your chest as in the style of Tarzan or Superman and bellow, "Hey, Mr. Thug. You are breaking the law, so start running. I have just been released from that mental facility down there."
  • When you are threatened by a robber or mugger by this statement, "Hey! Gimme your cash now!" You act upset and yell back, "Sure, friend, but you give me your cash first." This argument will rage on and on until the criminal gets scared he might get caught and flee.

These tips are for the women:

  • Take as many dangerous self-defense classes as you can afford. Get a Navy SEAL to motivate you when he is not on duty. Then if approached by a thug, do not let him get his threat out of his mouth before you unload every punch and kick you have learned.
  • Carry a Doberman or German Shepherd with you on leash and when a shady criminal tries to rob you, just turn your guard dog loose, stand and watch the thug get bitten and chewed-up.
  • Along with whipping-out your MACE and spraying the thief's eyes, also spray a generous amount of your favorite perfume on him. His thug pals will have a ball when he runs to them to allow him to hide from the law with them.
  • Act terrified, shake all over, and as if you are going to have a melt-down. Then as the robber gets concerned about you, take your sharp nails and insert them into his eyes and rake downward. You will get away with no injury.
  • Instantly fall to the ground or sidewalk as if you are shot when asked to turn-over your cash to a stupid criminal. And if you can make the sound of a gun firing, that will help you.
  • If you have a background in track and field, tell the thug, "Hey, look! An armored truck with the back door open!" When the thug looks, slip-off your shoes and run like the wind. I do not know of any thug who exercises or stays in shape like you do.
  • "Act" like you are attracted to the thug by hugging him. He will, if a normal thug male, enjoy this a lot. Then clamp-down on his ear as hard as possible. He will yell and his face will grimace, but you will get away free.

I wish you success, "Mr. and Mrs. Prepared Citizen."

Clyde Barrow, half of the robbery-team of Bonnie and Clyde, poses with guns and fancy auto.
Clyde Barrow, half of the robbery-team of Bonnie and Clyde, poses with guns and fancy auto. | Source

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